> Play in dirt
That's a stupid idea. However, it is safer that most of the things you've done so far. It's just too bad that the "dirt" in question happens to be quicksand.
> What?! call my lawyer, man. I'm suing for every....last...glub glub glub
I suppose it's too late to mention that shouting at the narrator means you sink fourteen times as fast. Look it up, fucktard.