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 Cheater Score: -0 Moves: You just made your last move, fella

You have discovered the secret winning zone of Zork! The prize, the true Zorkian sword, lies right in front of you, just ten metres away. You break into a slow walk, reliving your greatest moments through Zork, mainly from being eaten by too many Grue's and other things like going to Jamaica and discovering Narnia in the back of a wardrobe.

Eight metres.

You throw your hands into the air, and celebrate with a relieved sigh of joy, not believing that after all these years of playing Uncyclopedia's Zork game, you've finally made it. Unbelievable.

Five metres.

> run

You start running to your prize. Sweating nervously, you outstretch your hands in glory towards the magnificent prize in front of you. Maybe the sword will give you a better ranking and extra points throughout the game.

One metre.

You stop to catch your breath, and break into an ecstatic grin and proclaim your victory like there are millions of people in the room, begging to listen or something. You are now twenty centimetres from your sword. You reach out and snatch the handle of the sword. After all these times, after all the eating, the pain, the courage....


You really thought you won? WELL THINK AGAIN, CHEATER! You're supposed to PLAY the game, not look in the Zork category! Punk-ass bitch, you're gonna get screwed now!

> look

Out of the shadows, stalking towards you, are an infinite amount of Grues from an infinite amount of subspecies of Grue. There are Water Grues, Road Grues, Mountain Grues, Anti-Grues, Eurgs, Tropical Grues, Koala Grues, Elephant Grues, Ubergrues, Apocolypse Grues, Kenny Grues, Mother Grues, Eurgrues, Grueurgs, Killer Grues, Not-so-much-Killer Grues, Supergrues, Wonder Grues, McDonalds Grues, Mr Winkler Grues, Mario Grues, Annoying Grues, ABC Grues, Ostrich Grues, The Game Grues, Chuck Norris Grues, Trouser Grues, Zork Grues, Normal Grues, Not So Normal Grues, Chicken Grues, Rooster Grues, Emo Grues, School Grues, Fairy Grues, Demon Grues, Satan Grues and just plain old Grues. They all drool and eyeball you with pleasure.

> use sword to kill Grue's

You haven't got ye sword!

> examine sword

You have ye sword-shaped Grue.

> oh....shit....

You attempt to fight your way through the Grues, but they stand there. Suddenly, two eurg's find a dusty old cloning machine from a nearby closet, turn it on, and the electromagnetic powers of the thermodynamic cloning ions clone you 69105 times.

> what?

The cloning machine is put back, and the Grue's growl and advance on you and your other 69104 clones. They waste no time ripping each clone up into millions of pieces, sending chunks of blood and gore everywhere. Four ubergrues collect every piece of you and put it into a meat mixture in a bowl over 50 metres tall and 100 metres wide. The meat is mixed and some of it is poured on top of a pasta sheet in a rectangular bowl. Then another pasta sheet is placed on top of that. Then more meat mixture is placed on the new pasta sheet, and the pattern goes on. As soon as the last pasta sheet has been put on the top, the giant rectangular bowl is put in a huge oven for six hours, and after that, the Grue's spend 49 years enjoying the world's biggest lasagne.

Learned anything, bitch?



> not so loud, goddamnit

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