Game:Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle/xwoman
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
You look the woman up and down, working your eyebrows as you do so;
"Hey baby" you say, "I was 'examining' you from over there... Wanna go get a drink?"
The woman, who is improbably good-looking, replies "Umm, I have a lot of shopping to do..."
As she moves away, your wife comes into view, standing just behind her-
"You bastard, Jerry!" She says "You always used to come onto me, not other women!"
The guilt rising in your chest, you clumsily try to explain "It was a slip Sharon... it didn't mean anything, I swear!"
"Ha!" She says derisively, "Yeah, well it didn't mean anything when I slept with your father either!"
"...What?", you whisper, quivering-
"He's Deckland's father, Jerry, not you!"
"Noooo!" you scream, rending your hair, "And to think," you yell, "I believed he was just giving you a gynaecological examination that time I found you in bed together!"
Your voice strengthening, you resolve yourself: "I'm going to kill that bastard!" you scream, and tear off to his house.
Moments later, you arrive at your parents' condo and burst through the doorway, your wife running down the road after you. You see your father looking up guiltily from an open suitcase. You stride over to him, malice gleaming in your eyes and punch him with all your strength in the face. The suitcase falls to the floor and spills wedges of money all over the floor.
Your surprise masters your anger for a moment, and you turn slowly to face your father, his bleeding nose soaking the thick shag carpet:
"You... It was you who sold out the company!"
Blubbering through the blood covering his face he whispers "Jerry, I did it all for you!"
"Too late dad", you reply, "You didn't sleep with my wife for my sake, I'm sure of that!", and with that you pull out your trusty police-issue pistol and shoot him square in the forehead.
In the gruesome aftermath, you take a moment to catch your breath, and as you do so you hear what sounds like a muffled screaming coming from the cupboard beside you. You turn around, realising your wife is stood behind you, and see she is smiling. With the horrible realisation that something is wrong you race over to the cupboard and open it: To your infinite horror, it is your wife, gagged and bound- she has seen the whole thing through the slits in the door, and is screaming through her gag at the sight of your dead father.
You turn to the woman who looks like your wife behind you, and see she is pointing your gun at you.
"My God..." you say, "You're not Desdemona at all... you're her evil twin brother!"
"That's right!" Tom says, hurling his wig to the floor, and with your father out the way, as his brother I am free to inherit the diamond mine!"
"You mean..." you whisper,
"That's right" Tom says, smirking, "Desdemona is your aunt!"
"But... little Deckland?"
"Oh, he's yours" Tom replies, "But he's as inbred as they come, if you remember that your mother is... my daughter!"
"NOOOOOOO!" you scream, "Why must it always be like this?!"
Tom just laughs maniacally.
"But, but why did dad sell the company?"
You hear your wife trying to speak through her gag- tearing it off you allow her to say
"It was to pay for your medicine Jerry... you only have 8 days to live!"
"NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" You roar, "What will happen to all my frequent flier miles?! Why didn't you tell me before?!"
"I would have done" she replies, "But I had... amnesia!"
The cumulative shock of all these terrible revelations gives you a massive heart attack, and you die in an undignified position on the floor, sobbing to yourself that you've had such a pointlessly over-dramatic life.
- *** The backing music goes Dun-Dun-DUUUUUN! And the credits start to roll ***
You feel a tremendous wrench – the hand of God coming down to wipe clean the temporal chalkboard. The world dissolves, and then quickly floods back into existence, restoring its state as it was before you made your move.
But somehow, things aren't set up exactly the same as last time....Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle/xwomanleft
Late Thursday night. You've had a hard day and the last thing you need is this: shopping. Luckily, the place is pretty empty and you're progressing rapidly.
On to the next aisle.
The aisle stretches to the north, and back to the south. The shelves on either side of you block your view of the rest of the supermarket, with only the brightly colored aisle markers visible.
You have stopped your trolley next to the pasta section, bright plastic bags full of pale skin-tone shapes.
There is a brunette woman a few meters ahead, filling her trolley with sauces.A shiny metal phone booth sits in the center of the aisle.
- Pick up phone booth
- Pick up aisle
- Pick up phone booth and aisle
- Pick up aisle and phone booth
- Use the phone booth
- Examine phone booth
- Examine aisle
- Examine me
- Examine woman
- talk to woman
- talk to me
- talk to phone booth
- go to the magazine aisle
- look north
- look south
- look east
- look west
- look left
- look right
- look up
- look down
- look out
- look away
- go north
- go south
- go east
- go west
- go left
- go right
- go forward
- go backward
- jump back
- fly up
- tunnel down
- travel to past
- travel to present
- travel to future
- fall asleep
- wake up
- eat food
- eat the phone booth
- push booth
- fill booth
- draw booth
- dig around booth
- dig booth
- your mom
- pinch me
- cast Frotz
- cast Meteo
- cast Ultima
- cast Tom
- cast Magyck Myssile
- get the hell outta here
- enter shadow
- explode with the energy of a thousand suns
- win game
- let the dogs out
- get eaten by Domo-kun
- attempt to pronounce "xyzzy"
- say it again
- go north, north, south, south, west, east, west, east, B, A, start
- remove cockroaches from mouth
- rm -rf *
- close this window
- vandalize the page
- Grawp vandalize
- dial "666-666-6666" on the phone booth
- see my vest
- decline Latin verbs
- swear very loudly
- push buttons, push buttons like you just don't care
- Oscar Wilde on Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle
- become a professional screenwriter
- How do I stop the Grue from eating me?
- Leave aisle
- Buy pasta
- open PUTPBAA version 2.0
- do something
- play RuneScape
- look at pants
- look in pants
- Do absolutely nothing
- change clothes
- Ask the brunette out to a date in Atlantis.
- opt for the fetal position
- Huff kittens
- Pinch the brunette's buttocks
- talk to grue
- Flip the buggy over and crawl under it and ask the lady for a bottle of sauce so that you can survive for another day
- learn to speak every single language known to man (and several known to monkeys!)
- spontaneously combust
- Try to fight a Grue, and lose badly
- Leave this site and watch YouTube videos
- come to a horrible existential realization