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 We're masters at hype, apparently


Try taking a journey by covered wagon across 2000 miles of plains, rivers, and mountains. Try! On the plains, you will slosh your oxen through mud and disease-filled ruts. Or will you plod through litter six inches deep? It's all up to you!

How will you cross the rivers? If you have money, you may take a ferry. (if there is a ferry) Or, you can ford the river and pray to Jesus that you and your wagon aren't swallowed alive by the water!

What about supplies? Well, if you're low on food, you can hunt. You just might get a buffalo... you might. Oh yeah, and there are bears in the mountains, so you're pretty much screwed if you're out of food there.

At the Dalles, you can try navigating the Columbia River. But if running the rapids with a makeshift (Read: Bullshit) raft makes you piss yourself, better take the Barlow Road.

If for some reason you don't survive -- your wagon burns, or thieves steal your porn, or you huff to many kittens, or you die of AIDS -- don't give up! Try again... and again until you've completely lost your life you win!

You May:

1. Go Back


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