Gabon

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{{title|Grab On}}
 
 
[[Image:Flag of Gabon.JPG|right|thumb|The flag of Gabon. The trashcan has NO BAG in it, and it's represented upside down, so we have GABON.]]
 
 
[[Image:Geography of Gabon.JPG|right|thumb|250px|Gabon's borders and cities.]]
 
[[Image:Geography of Gabon.JPG|right|thumb|250px|Gabon's borders and cities.]]
{{Wilde|With the quoting system, I don't have TO GAB ON & ON & ON... It's very usefull!|Gabon}}
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{{Q|Travail, travail, travail!|(Work, work, work!) The national motto}}
'''Gabon''' is a big north American country, located north of [[Canada]] and south of [[Mexico]]. The country's name is derived from the national moto, "Gab On!", witch the first Gabonese [[king]], Armeggabbon, invented. Most of the gabonese people are part of an ancient mute tribe, and when they gaind their independency, Armeggabbon decided that the name Gabon is the more suitable than the other offer, TalkTalkTalk.
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'''Gabon''' (/ɡəˈbɒn/; French pronunciation: ​[ɡabɔ̃]; officially the '''Republic of Gabon''') is a desolate country in the [[Wild West]] of central [[Africa]]. Philosophically, it is located right next to [[Kazakhstan]] and [[Somalia]]. As shown, the principal cities of Gab-on are Talk-on, Discuss-on, and Chatter-on on the "Left Coast" (shown at right, at right).
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==History==
 
==History==
After the nameless mute tribe was gone in [[1665]], the [[French]] founded Gabon as [[ham|Jambon]]. Armeggabbon was the first king, and he declared independency on [[January]] [[7]], [[1700]]. Nowdays, Gabon is the most talkedabout country in [[America]], and its national [[sport]], Talking, was adapted by American [[rap|rappers]]. Surprisingly, not that many people realize that the sovereign of Gabon happens to be Yonghyun, Song. Yonghyun is the true masterpiece of 21st century. (carried on in the article below)
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Gabon traces its roots to [[Bible|Biblical]] times, as [[Genesis]] says that, when Eve drew the apple from the tree in the Garden of Eden and ate it, God laid the land to waste (a clear reference to Gabon).
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For many years, Gabon remained a wasteland until Derbyshire explorer Olip Easterry discovered the land in [[1670]] and transformed it into a modern, progressive wasteland. It became a mighty merchant empire, exporting sand and prostitutes. But water supplies soon dwindled. Olip Easterry had a brilliant plan to draw moisture from the clouds and refill the reservoirs. Unfortunately, he never found a ladder long enough to prove the concept.
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===French colonial era===
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[[France]] colonized Gabon and its surroundings, as everyone was doing it, and as [[America]] was not inclined to accept status as a French colony, apart from the staff of several cooking shows on [[Television|PBS-TV]]. Thus, in 1910, Gabon became a charter member of '''French Equatorial Africa''', the words "French" and "Equatorial" being more attractive than alternatives such as "Sweltering" and "Dusty."
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===Independence===
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[[Image:Clash of the Tytans.JPG|left|thumb|300px|King Omar Bongo I (left), not unlike [[America]]'s King [[Barack Obama]] I (no relation), is hypersensitive about comments regarding the size of his [[ear]]s.]]
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In the wink of an eye, holding entire nations as offshore bracelet-charms became unfashionable, and thus, on August 17, 1960, France granted Gabon its unconditional independence, and went to work stage-managing its democratic elections. In 1961, Léon M'ba became the first elected [[president]], running on the French Logging Industry Party. Omar Bongo was his vice president. M'ba put into effect an ambitious program of closing newspapers, banning demonstrations, excluding other political parties, and vesting all power in the Presidency, that is, himself.
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In 1964, M'ba announced an efficiency campaign involving the closure of unnecessary organizations, notably including the entire National Assembly. The [[Army]] was startled and sought to remove him from power. Luckily, the French flew in troops within 24 hours, as military dictatorships are so undemocratic. Within days, order was restored and M'ba propped back up into power, where he remained until his death in 1967. Bongo took the reins of the nation, which by then had only one governing tradition: ''The guy what has power never gives it up.''
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Bongo faithfully continued his predecessor's policies by establishing the ''Parti Democratique Gabonais'' (Democratic Gabby Party) as Gabon's single legal political party. He invited all Gabon citizens to join this party and continue gabbing on. What could be more democratic? Bongo was elected in 1975, and re-elected in 1979 and 1986. His vote count on all three occasions was 100%, not counting "spoiled" ballots.
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===Escalating challenges to Bongo's rule===
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Demonstrations in 1990 were temporarily bought off by the government granting various industries 20% pay increases, which neatly covered the 20% price increases that occurred at the same time. Nevertheless, in 1991, a new [[constitution]] took effect with more than one political party (all of them known as the PDG) and an actual Bill of Rights, a bill that even the new, fatter paychecks could not begin to pay.
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{{Wikipedia}}
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Bongo was re-elected again in 1993, but his vote total was down to 51%, and opponents refused to concede his election. Happily, the French once again rushed to the rescue, and by 1994, the "Paris Accords" installed a Unity Government that included all of Bongo's opponents. They were united, soon afterward, in adjacent shallow graves, and Bongo coasted to re-election in 1998, and again in 2005. Each event was the keynote address for seven years of speeches about "voting irregularities."
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In 2009, a much more serious obstacle to Bongo's Presidency-for-life would occur; to-wit, [[Heart attack|cardiac arrest]]. All factions of the bureaucracy sought to maintain Bongo in power despite this disturbing setback. He was removed from the Presidency-for-life and declared Gabon's [[King]]-for-afterlife. Regent and son Ali Bongo Ondimba announces the rulings of King Bongo I who, through virtuoso foreign [[robotics]], still waves to visitors from his throne, a smile spreading over the left side of his face. A legislative by-election was held in 2010, in which both parties claimed victory, as though it mattered.
   
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==Geography==
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Being near the equator, Gabon's climate is mostly equatorial. [[Rain forest]]s cover most of the country. They used to be [[jungle]]s until a massive renaming project undertaken by King Bongo I. In 2002, King Bongo I established Gabon as a prime target for foreign ecotourism (by swells who spend their time editing [[Wikipedia]]) by designating 10% of the national territory as parkland, one of the highest percentages in the world. The land's foreign owners did not register complaints due to the excellent new soundproofing of the detention center at Libreville, which translates to Free Town. There was no partisan opposition to the move either, for reasons made evident above.
   
== YongHyun, Song ==
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==Economy==
Yonghyun was born on May 6th, 1990. The moment he set foot on this earth, he was dubbed a Jungle man. He spent his youth in the jungle eating nothing but bananas. After getting an epiphany one day, he went to a seemingly interesting country he knew: South Korea.
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[[File:Pie a la mode.jpg|thumb|right|Gabon's overreliance on oil revenues is illustrated by this official government [[Pie|pie chart]].]]
Yonghyun Song had been the ruler of Gabon until he got into KMLA, the most restrictive school in Korea. There, he learned that Koreans are generally a batch of midgets up to no good, except constantly engaging in a series of cosmetic surgeries to decrease the sizes of their faces. He learned to eat kimchi without barfing, he learned to keep his head down whenever old, smelly elders passed him by, burping and picking their teeth with plastic toothpicks. Yonghyun is one of the most influential figures in South Korea as of now, engaging in a spectacular debate with a master of Korean Debate (known as D-Baek) and winning over a crucial topic of whether to continue a topic of General Paper or not. General Paper is a farce created by some students in Singapore in the 1990s.
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Gabon's economy is 46% dependent on [[oil]]. (There is ample [[sand]], but it is much less effective when poured into gas tanks.) By some estimates, the oil will run out by 2025 (much as, by some estimates, the developed world's oil will run out by 1985). Despite this, planning is only now beginning for a future after oil.
   
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Oil revenues were not spent efficiently. Happily, post-oil revenues will be spent much better; for example, no time will be wasted on squabbles between multiple political parties. The [[IMF]] criticized the government for its budget management in 2005, just before shoveling in more [[cash]], and again in 2007, just before approving a so-called Stand-by Arrangement. Gabon has been surprisingly unable to meet its commitments under this Arrangement, due to the change in King Bongo I's health and the resulting [[Bat Fuck Insane|social upheaval]]. Therefore, negotiations are continuing regarding the next batch of loot.
   
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A touchy issue is repayment of previous rounds of foreign aid, to which the Gabby Party's official response has been: "With what, good looks?" The IMF's response is that [[There Isn't Any|there isn't any]].
   
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==Culture==
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<!-- RED LINKS ARE DELIBERATE -->
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The genre of Gabonese music is relatively unknown on the world stage, despite famous performers such as [[Patience Dabany]], [[Annie Flore Batchiellilys]], [[Georges Oyendze]], [[La Rose Mbadou]], [[Sylvain Avara]], and [[Oliver N'Goma]]. They all work Gabon's one nightclub, there being no subway stations. Music popular with the Gabonese themselves, as opposed to visiting foreign lenders, includes [[rock]] and [[hip hop]] imported from the [[United States]]. The message in its [[lyrics]], that listeners are exploited by [[The Man]], has local appeal even though the last of the [[white folks]] who might serve as oppressors have been killed and eaten.
   
==Talking==
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Efficient communication is achieved by the government-owned [[newspaper]], ''Le Gab,'' by the government-owned [[television]] channel, and by two government-owned [[Talk radio|radio stations]]. They compete vigorously to promulgate the official line. A [[telephone]] network extends to all parts of the nation where [[Dixie]] cups and string can be found.
The sport of talking was invented by [[Will Smith|Wills "Mith" "the rapper"]], a Gabonese former talkshow host. The rules are very simple and yet demanding:
 
*One [[user]] is wrighting a message in the talkpage of an Uncyclopedian article.
 
*A second user (that could as well be the same one) answers him, or wrights a different message with no relation to the first one.
 
   
[[Image:Clash of the Tytans.JPG|left|thumb|500px|The famous talking match between Wilss "Mith" and J Lennon.]]
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Gabon is rich in folklore and mythology, typically spread with a primarily oral tradition, or made up entirely. A popular pidgin myth spread orally is that prosperity is right around the corner. "Raconteurs" are currently working to keep traditions alive, more frantically than foreign [[Taxidermy|taxidermists]] work on King Bongo I.
   
 
{{Africa}}
 
{{Africa}}
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[[pl:Gabon]]
 
[[pl:Gabon]]
 
[[pt:Gabão]]
 
[[pt:Gabão]]
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[[zh:加蓬]]

Latest revision as of 17:47, October 4, 2014

Geography of Gabon

Gabon's borders and cities.

“Travail, travail, travail!”
~ (Work, work, work!) The national motto

Gabon (/ɡəˈbɒn/; French pronunciation: ​[ɡabɔ̃]; officially the Republic of Gabon) is a desolate country in the Wild West of central Africa. Philosophically, it is located right next to Kazakhstan and Somalia. As shown, the principal cities of Gab-on are Talk-on, Discuss-on, and Chatter-on on the "Left Coast" (shown at right, at right).

edit History

Gabon traces its roots to Biblical times, as Genesis says that, when Eve drew the apple from the tree in the Garden of Eden and ate it, God laid the land to waste (a clear reference to Gabon).

For many years, Gabon remained a wasteland until Derbyshire explorer Olip Easterry discovered the land in 1670 and transformed it into a modern, progressive wasteland. It became a mighty merchant empire, exporting sand and prostitutes. But water supplies soon dwindled. Olip Easterry had a brilliant plan to draw moisture from the clouds and refill the reservoirs. Unfortunately, he never found a ladder long enough to prove the concept.

edit French colonial era

France colonized Gabon and its surroundings, as everyone was doing it, and as America was not inclined to accept status as a French colony, apart from the staff of several cooking shows on PBS-TV. Thus, in 1910, Gabon became a charter member of French Equatorial Africa, the words "French" and "Equatorial" being more attractive than alternatives such as "Sweltering" and "Dusty."

edit Independence

Clash of the Tytans

King Omar Bongo I (left), not unlike America's King Barack Obama I (no relation), is hypersensitive about comments regarding the size of his ears.

In the wink of an eye, holding entire nations as offshore bracelet-charms became unfashionable, and thus, on August 17, 1960, France granted Gabon its unconditional independence, and went to work stage-managing its democratic elections. In 1961, Léon M'ba became the first elected president, running on the French Logging Industry Party. Omar Bongo was his vice president. M'ba put into effect an ambitious program of closing newspapers, banning demonstrations, excluding other political parties, and vesting all power in the Presidency, that is, himself.

In 1964, M'ba announced an efficiency campaign involving the closure of unnecessary organizations, notably including the entire National Assembly. The Army was startled and sought to remove him from power. Luckily, the French flew in troops within 24 hours, as military dictatorships are so undemocratic. Within days, order was restored and M'ba propped back up into power, where he remained until his death in 1967. Bongo took the reins of the nation, which by then had only one governing tradition: The guy what has power never gives it up.

Bongo faithfully continued his predecessor's policies by establishing the Parti Democratique Gabonais (Democratic Gabby Party) as Gabon's single legal political party. He invited all Gabon citizens to join this party and continue gabbing on. What could be more democratic? Bongo was elected in 1975, and re-elected in 1979 and 1986. His vote count on all three occasions was 100%, not counting "spoiled" ballots.

edit Escalating challenges to Bongo's rule

Demonstrations in 1990 were temporarily bought off by the government granting various industries 20% pay increases, which neatly covered the 20% price increases that occurred at the same time. Nevertheless, in 1991, a new constitution took effect with more than one political party (all of them known as the PDG) and an actual Bill of Rights, a bill that even the new, fatter paychecks could not begin to pay.

Bouncywikilogo10
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Gabon.

Bongo was re-elected again in 1993, but his vote total was down to 51%, and opponents refused to concede his election. Happily, the French once again rushed to the rescue, and by 1994, the "Paris Accords" installed a Unity Government that included all of Bongo's opponents. They were united, soon afterward, in adjacent shallow graves, and Bongo coasted to re-election in 1998, and again in 2005. Each event was the keynote address for seven years of speeches about "voting irregularities."

In 2009, a much more serious obstacle to Bongo's Presidency-for-life would occur; to-wit, cardiac arrest. All factions of the bureaucracy sought to maintain Bongo in power despite this disturbing setback. He was removed from the Presidency-for-life and declared Gabon's King-for-afterlife. Regent and son Ali Bongo Ondimba announces the rulings of King Bongo I who, through virtuoso foreign robotics, still waves to visitors from his throne, a smile spreading over the left side of his face. A legislative by-election was held in 2010, in which both parties claimed victory, as though it mattered.

edit Geography

Being near the equator, Gabon's climate is mostly equatorial. Rain forests cover most of the country. They used to be jungles until a massive renaming project undertaken by King Bongo I. In 2002, King Bongo I established Gabon as a prime target for foreign ecotourism (by swells who spend their time editing Wikipedia) by designating 10% of the national territory as parkland, one of the highest percentages in the world. The land's foreign owners did not register complaints due to the excellent new soundproofing of the detention center at Libreville, which translates to Free Town. There was no partisan opposition to the move either, for reasons made evident above.

edit Economy

Pie a la mode

Gabon's overreliance on oil revenues is illustrated by this official government pie chart.

Gabon's economy is 46% dependent on oil. (There is ample sand, but it is much less effective when poured into gas tanks.) By some estimates, the oil will run out by 2025 (much as, by some estimates, the developed world's oil will run out by 1985). Despite this, planning is only now beginning for a future after oil.

Oil revenues were not spent efficiently. Happily, post-oil revenues will be spent much better; for example, no time will be wasted on squabbles between multiple political parties. The IMF criticized the government for its budget management in 2005, just before shoveling in more cash, and again in 2007, just before approving a so-called Stand-by Arrangement. Gabon has been surprisingly unable to meet its commitments under this Arrangement, due to the change in King Bongo I's health and the resulting social upheaval. Therefore, negotiations are continuing regarding the next batch of loot.

A touchy issue is repayment of previous rounds of foreign aid, to which the Gabby Party's official response has been: "With what, good looks?" The IMF's response is that there isn't any.

edit Culture

The genre of Gabonese music is relatively unknown on the world stage, despite famous performers such as Patience Dabany, Annie Flore Batchiellilys, Georges Oyendze, La Rose Mbadou, Sylvain Avara, and Oliver N'Goma. They all work Gabon's one nightclub, there being no subway stations. Music popular with the Gabonese themselves, as opposed to visiting foreign lenders, includes rock and hip hop imported from the United States. The message in its lyrics, that listeners are exploited by The Man, has local appeal even though the last of the white folks who might serve as oppressors have been killed and eaten.

Efficient communication is achieved by the government-owned newspaper, Le Gab, by the government-owned television channel, and by two government-owned radio stations. They compete vigorously to promulgate the official line. A telephone network extends to all parts of the nation where Dixie cups and string can be found.

Gabon is rich in folklore and mythology, typically spread with a primarily oral tradition, or made up entirely. A popular pidgin myth spread orally is that prosperity is right around the corner. "Raconteurs" are currently working to keep traditions alive, more frantically than foreign taxidermists work on King Bongo I.

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