GNOME

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{{Q|What the fuck!? A [[Windows]] desktop clone with more functionality? I can do it better. I go to do a Mac OS desktop clone with less functionality!|Richard Stallman|[[KDE]] 1.0 (about the future GNOME, of course)}}
 
{{Q|What the fuck!? A [[Windows]] desktop clone with more functionality? I can do it better. I go to do a Mac OS desktop clone with less functionality!|Richard Stallman|[[KDE]] 1.0 (about the future GNOME, of course)}}
 
{{Q|GNOME is a disease.|Linus Torvalds|printing at GNOME}}<ref>[https://lists.linux-foundation.org/pipermail/desktop_architects/2005-December/000390.html Desktop_architects - Printing dialog and GNOME]</ref>
 
 
{{Q|Can you put it in the garden?|Killer Gardener|GNOME}}
 
   
 
{{Q|If the user can't do anything, he can be pissed; but never confused. So we decided to eliminate (also) the option of running programs (remember, programs have options). An angry user is always better than a confused user!|GNOME developers|explaining to pissed users why they removed the "Run application..." option.}}
 
{{Q|If the user can't do anything, he can be pissed; but never confused. So we decided to eliminate (also) the option of running programs (remember, programs have options). An angry user is always better than a confused user!|GNOME developers|explaining to pissed users why they removed the "Run application..." option.}}
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As time went by, Icaza's disease became worse, making him realise the Gnew color for the 1.0 release, after a bad Gnight on the curry leaving him 130 kilograms lighter. Eventually, after much development, Jeff Waugh joined the team and, after several weeks, the idea and design were spat onto a paving slab and copied over to a Gnapkin some weeks later, which became the GNOME storage engine.
 
As time went by, Icaza's disease became worse, making him realise the Gnew color for the 1.0 release, after a bad Gnight on the curry leaving him 130 kilograms lighter. Eventually, after much development, Jeff Waugh joined the team and, after several weeks, the idea and design were spat onto a paving slab and copied over to a Gnapkin some weeks later, which became the GNOME storage engine.
 
However, Icaza died after removing his heart from his body as he thought it was a useless component. A young Bill o reilly found the corpse of Icaza after he had been sodomizing the door handle, and was later arrested. To this day, Icaza still has a grave in the middle of the Redmond campus toilet facilities, in which, [[Steve Ballmer]] regularly uses as arse gravel.
 
   
 
==De-evolution==
 
==De-evolution==
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[[Image:Gnome-hig.png|right|thumb|250px|GNOME's HIG usability concept: ''Control panels sucks, menus are more user friendly'' (a.k.a. ''Uninstall a software before you install another one if you don't want to see something like this'').]]
 
[[Image:Gnome-hig.png|right|thumb|250px|GNOME's HIG usability concept: ''Control panels sucks, menus are more user friendly'' (a.k.a. ''Uninstall a software before you install another one if you don't want to see something like this'').]]
   
[[Image:Next-gnome.png|right|thumb|250px|A leaked screenshot of the GNOME 3.0 alpha used to dispel myths of feature removal and bland-ness. Gnovell may sue over this image.]]
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[[Image:Next-gnome.png|right|thumb|250px|A leaked screenshot of the GNOME 3.0 alpha - it was decided to remove all text from the user interface as it might confuse the user.]]
   
Whereas [[KDE]] policy is "If you disKover some empty spaKe, add an useless feature or somethinK very very irritatinK. The iKon must be shiny, rotatinK, and Kontain at least one K.", the GNOME policy is the opposite: "If you find a feature, it might confuse a user, so remove it." [http://mail.gnome.org/archives/usability/2005-December/msg00022.html]
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Whereas [[KDE]] policy is "If you disKover some empty spaKe, add an useless feature or somethinK very very irritatinK. The iKon must be shiny, rotatinK, and Kontain at least one K.", the GNOME policy is the opposite: "If you find a feature, it might confuse a user, so remove it."
   
 
Following this policy, GNOME is the only piece of software with fewer features every release.
 
Following this policy, GNOME is the only piece of software with fewer features every release.
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* The 2.12 release is known as the "[[George W. Bush|W]]" release
 
* The 2.12 release is known as the "[[George W. Bush|W]]" release
 
* The 2.20 release is known as the "Topaz Will Gnever Happen" release.
 
* The 2.20 release is known as the "Topaz Will Gnever Happen" release.
* The [[alpha]] 3.0 release, ''Project Topaz'', will be the perfect GNOME's desktop, as it will have absolutely Gno features at all. It will simply use excessive amounts of system resources, and do Gnothing but sit there. This final version will contain only a single button. When the user pushes it, it pops up a beautifully anti-aliased text box on a white screen telling the user to use a pen and a piece of paper to do their work and to shut their computer off. As of the early alpha version, the keyboard interface and serial port are still active for debugging purposes; an [http://cogscanthink.blogsome.com/2005/09/27/29/ HIG-compliant dialog] ([http://web.archive.org/web/20051125075300/http://www.denux.org/thom/blog/images/zip_error.png archived version]) is also kept for testing storage.
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* The [[alpha]] 3.0 release, ''Project Topaz'', will be the perfect GNOME's desktop, as it will have absolutely Gno features at all. It will simply use excessive amounts of system resources, and do Gnothing but sit there. This final version will contain only a single button. When the user pushes it, it pops up a beautifully anti-aliased text box on a white screen telling the user to use a pen and a piece of paper to do their work and to shut their computer off.
   
GNOME 2.30 will be renamed to 3.0 because it will require 3GB of RAM and a modern graphics card with OpenGL 3.0 support; the graphical debugger requires a 128-bit processor, which has Gnot yet been invented, and a 3GB video card with optional [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_5th_Dimension 5-D] rendering capability.
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GNOME 2.30 will be renamed to 3.0 because it will require 3GB of RAM and a modern graphics card with OpenGL 3.0 support; the graphical debugger requires a 128-bit processor, which has Gnot yet been invented, and a 3GB video card with optional [[WP:The_5th_Dimension|5-D]] rendering capability.
* The [[theta]] release is Gnow scheduled for June 2098, where it will contain the ability to view pictures of richard stallman in a bathing suit with different colors of brown backgrounds.
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* A leaked preview of the 4.23 release has been found [http://grep.be/blog//en/computer/ui/gnome_4.23?show_comments=yes here].
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Gnome 5.0 will be like the previous release, but it will be integrated to the [[Linux]] kernel and [[X.org]], so it cannot be easily removed.
* Gnome 5.0 will be like the previous release, but it will be integrated to the [[Linux]] kernel and [[X.org]], so it cannot be easily removed.
 
   
 
==Acronym and Logo==
 
==Acronym and Logo==
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==Goal==
 
==Goal==
The ultimate GNoal for the GNOME desktop is to completely make users obsolete by eventually removing support for user input devices, instead, opting for simply allowing the user to view several pixels at random. As the founder of Gnome, Miguel de icaza says;
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The ultimate GNoal for the GNOME desktop is to completely make users obsolete by eventually removing support for user input devices, instead, opting for simply allowing the user to view several pixels at random. This stance was influenced by the [[Scientology|Scientologist]] principles de Icaza has, believing that humans originally could only see in brown and white, but eventually developed the reflexes to see the forbidden realms of color which were given to humans in buddy thetans which were expelled from L Ron Hubbard's arse, the much upheld thinking organ of scientologist principles.
 
:''I'll bury those fucking users. They are always whining saying that they want support for their languages and want Gnew colors."
 
::'''Miguel di Icaza'''
 
 
This stance was influenced by the [[Scientology|Scientologist]] principles de Icaza has, believing that humans originally could only see in brown and white, but eventually developed the reflexes to see the forbidden realms of color which were given to humans in buddy thetans which were expelled from L Ron Hubbard's arse, the much upheld thinking organ of scientologist principles.
 
   
 
=== GNOME human interface guidelines ===
 
=== GNOME human interface guidelines ===
 
The developers of GNOME have set up the following guidelines for themselves to ensure that Gnothing exciting happens:
 
The developers of GNOME have set up the following guidelines for themselves to ensure that Gnothing exciting happens:
<ol>
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*Users are stupid, keep it basic. We 1337s use the command line anyway.
<li>Users are stupid, keep it basic. We 1337s use the commandline anyway.</li>
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*Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Gnot in the looks.
<li>Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Gnot in the looks.</li>
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*Successful preference systems, such as the [[regedit|windows registry]] should be emulated wherever possible (a.k.a. gconf), but mostly via the command line, so as to pretend its Gnot there. To make it more unlikely that anyone will use it, preferences should be encrypted in Morse Code.
<li>Successful preference systems, such as the [[regedit|windows registry]] should be emulated wherever possible (a.k.a. gconf), but mostly via the command line, so as to pretend its Gnot there. To make it more unlikely that anyone will use it, preferences should be encrypted and encoded in morse code.</li>
 
</ol>
 
 
=== Outreach to Women ===
 
After one of the GNOME lead developers saw an elusive real-life woman using a computer in a backwater bank, he concluded that as he had suspected from a portfolio of evidence gathered by watching repeats of Trisha, that women love bastards so it was the next logical step that they would love mistreatment and neglect when using their computer.
 
 
After heavily researching women on bangbus.com, GNOME developers decided to take their crack team of 3 men posing as women, and one man who had a woman in his closet. At the press conference attended by over 5 people, the lead women outreach developers, Stephanie "Fatts" McChub (AKA SuparKytuteGURL^_^ or "Brian") and Jill "creepy witch-looking twiglet" Chumbawumba (AKA SupurTempressofSecks<3<3^_LOVEXXXXxxXXX or "Frank") commented on the outreach saying:
 
 
:"''Outreach is a mementous occasion, as GNOME has finally decided to outreach to us, it's women audience. Just as Denis Rader, Peter Sutcliffe and Harold Shipman all reached out to females, GNOME will too. Despite the fact they havent listened to us, we feel we're making great improvements. Why, i myself have changed the color of my desktop to light brown"
 
 
Their recent slogans are:
 
* "Brown, you ladies love it"
 
* "Bitches can't be choosy"
 
* "Brown is the new summer color."
 
* "Find more, innovative uses for your contact lenses!"
 
 
=== 10x10 ===
 
 
Because the ultimate GNoal is still far from achievable, the gnomies has defined a sub-GNoal as a starting point, which is dubbed '''10x10''', which means, they Gneed to get 10 users to try it by 2010. According to an unnamed magazine, OS X has 2.7 users on average, and '''Linux's share is 2.6 users'''. [[Microsoft]] holds the rest of market.
 
   
 
==Maintainer requirements==
 
==Maintainer requirements==
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GNOME has the strictest requirements of any open source software project for people wanting to become developers:
 
GNOME has the strictest requirements of any open source software project for people wanting to become developers:
   
* a severe personality disorder is absolutely Gnecessary and must be verified by a qualified physician
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*A severe personality disorder is absolutely Gnecessary and must be verified by a qualified physician.
* all interface designers must be [[Left-handed People|left-handed]]
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*All interface designers must be [[Left-handed People|left-handed]].
* all coders must understand the beauty of long unwrapped lines and huge function Gnames, such as <tt>gtk_window_widget_at_random_position_add(GTK_WINDOW(G_OBJECT((void*)gtk_line_editor_widget_with_label_but_without_frame_or_huge_borders_new())));</tt>
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*[[Tourette's Syndrome]] is a bonus, especially for those replying to the FUCKING IDIOTS on the user's mailing list
* [[Tourette's Syndrome]] is a bonus, especially for those replying to the FUCKING IDIOTS on the user's mailing list
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*Deep understanding of the soul of the [[GNOME Localisation|GNOME localiser]].
* deep understanding of the soul of the [[GNOME Localisation|GNOME localiser]].
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*Expertise in minimalist art, or kitchen appliance manufacture are mandatory.
* Expertise in minimalist art, or kitchen appliance manufacture are mandatory.
 
   
 
GNOME awards the [[Larry McVoy]] prize annually for exceptional embodiment of the spirit of GNOME.
 
GNOME awards the [[Larry McVoy]] prize annually for exceptional embodiment of the spirit of GNOME.
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==Other Software==
 
==Other Software==
   
*[[Lawn Gnome]] Runs John Deere tractors.
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*[[Lawn Gnome]] runs John Deere tractors.
   
 
==References==
 
==References==
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[[Category:Open Source]]
 
[[Category:Open Source]]
   
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[[hu:GNOME]]
 
[[ko:그놈]]
 
[[ko:그놈]]
 
[[ru:Гном]]
 
[[ru:Гном]]

Latest revision as of 16:48, December 20, 2014

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