Furry

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The furry are a cult who seek to establish a New World Order where humans are replaced with animals who walk, talk and act like them.

Most members — called furries, or just furs — seek converts through peaceful means; their ultimate goals are unknown to all but a few.

[edit] Teachings and practices

A typical converted Lapist

The public face of furry is the Church of Lapism; its followers are called Lapists. Those seeking to join must first wear the ears and tail of a rabbit for a year before their "conversion" into a higher (or at least fuzzier) form of life, and are encouraged to spend much of that year hugging one another.

Lapism is based upon the teachings of the Book of Peace, which the faithful believe was handed down from the Church's founder, Aaron "Sweetgrass" Geusz.^[1] Only three of the Book's twelve chapters are public; the rest are reserved for higher levels of the converted, and contain increasingly disturbing information about aliens, time travel, and the destruction of humanity. Unfortunately, unlike Scientology, much of it true.

Members of some unorthodox denominations interpret the Book to require full-body fursuits mimicking their desired form; they can be distinguished from the truly converted by a lack of shorts. Many participate in the fursuit games, a savage contest of pugil stick bouts and musical chairs.

Lapism's preachers fight against "fursecution", conveying a message of tolerance. Some assume - or even hope - Lapism's goal is to unite the world in a benign theocracy. However, even those deemed high in the inner circles of the Church would be surprised to know their true leaders . . .

The Lapists do not discriminate based on sex; however, to protect society from uncontrolled human-animal hybridization, all converts are required to take a strict vow of homosexuality. There have been reports of lapses as the movement has grown.^[2]

[edit] History

Many^[who?] believe the furry were initially a radical sect of the Illuminati, as evidenced by their gathering on the newsgroup alt.fan.albedo.^[3] However, they are in fact a product of the Furcadia Research Facility, established in 1977 as part of what became the Department of Homeland Security. By 1985, experimental models were being introduced into science fiction fandom. Although denounced as "skunkfuckers" after an unfortunate imprinting error, the gatherings of such groups soon grew to number in the hundreds - and, by the late 1990s, the thousands. What the Furcadians planned may never be known, for another group stepped in to control the furries for their own purposes.

Goldfur's offspring look to a brighter, furrier future

[edit] Secret Masters of Furry

Lapists worship the rabbit as the highest form of life. But, as always, it is the centauroid cats who have the last laugh. The Chakats emerged as genetically engineered prostitutes in the late 21th century, and were perfected in the era of Enlightenment after the Third World War,^[4] pioneering the exploration of outer space and discovering many new worlds. They found they were not the first to do so.

[edit] The Flame Wars

Outer patrols began to encounter the forces of the Centauri/Fomalhaut Overwatch (C/FO), a group led by the dread Skiltaire, an otter-like species with the ability to read and control minds from afar. The new arrivals treated humanity and their offspring with contempt. In a demonstration of raw power, the entire population of Chakona-9 was obliterated by a solar flare. The outer worlds fell one by one to the C/FO, and soon Earth itself was laid waste, a mere cinder floating in space. In desperation, the lone Chakat Goldfur managed to escape the destruction of hir species by travelling back in time to the late 20th century.

Normally, being the last of your species would be a problem, but given the Chakats' hermaphroditic nature and legendary fertility, Goldfur soon had a host of clones to found Lapism and counter the threat posed by Skiltaire scouts and their brainwashed minions.

[edit] Present day

Today, the Chakats and the Skiltaire wage an unceasing war, each attempting to alter the timeline in their favour. Neither wish to alert the public to their presence — the few Skiltaire on Earth would be swiftly overrun, while the Chakats fear destruction at the hands of xenophobic Republicans — thus humans, converted and otherwise, remain blissfully unaware. Goldfur hirself is said to reside in a secret bunker beneath the Cathedral of the Sacred Tails, though few among the faithful are aware of its purpose.

[edit] Splinter groups

The Skiltaire's goal is genocide; Chakats would keep humans around as pets

The Reptiloids have their own agenda: Having learned of time travel from the Chakats, they seek to reverse the course of history itself, reverting to the Cretaceous where their kind ruled the Earth.
The Burned Furs: former Lapists who have rejected the teachings of Goldfur. Some collaborate with the Skiltaire, while others seek to expose the inner workings of the Church. Fortunately for the Lapists, the group suffers from bitter in-fighting.
The Nazi Furs have taken the Lapist creed to its illogical conclusion: the forced euthanasia of all non-believers. Disowned by Goldfur's offspring — who rather like humans as pets and casual sex partners — members of this group tend to dress up in World War II-era garb, only to participate in mass orgies.
The Sparkledogs have taken the Lapist "fursona" and added arm warmers. And glowsticks. And wings. And jewelry. And collars. And neon lamps. And mesh. And black lights. And electronics. And mittens. And glow-in-the-dark stickers . . .