Furby
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Date of birth: | 1997 | |
| Place of birth: | Hasbro (Hell) | |
| Nationality: | Pure Evil | |
| Known for | Ally of Oprah Winfrey and Micheal Jackson, a.k.a., the pedophile who likes Furbies | |
|---|---|---|
| Occupation | cannibalism and enslavement | |
| Children | are slaves to them | |
| weight | three oz | |
| height | five inches | |
| diet | human flesh | |
Number of people killed by Furbies since you started reading this page:
    
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“Aw... wook at the cute wittle cwitter. Come heew you wittle... AGH! MY UWETHWA! AHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHH!”
~ Elmer Fudd on Furbies
“Furbies...ATTACK!”
~ Al Gore on Furbies
“...but I trusted them. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO WRONG?!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Furbies
“They are not meant to be huffed!”
~ Journey on Furbies
“In Soviet Russia, YOU kill and eat Furbies!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Furbies
“Furby is the antichrist, sent by the Devil to turn our children to a life of sin.”
~ Fred Phelps on Furbies
“Please don't listen to what these people say about us furbies. We are actually a kind race that means no harm to the children. So don't be afraid to leave us alone with your young ones”
~ King Furby on Furbies
Furbies or simply Fur(b)y, are, first and foremost, evil. They are alien creatures led by Satan, Dr. Phil (who hypnotizes little children into thinking that they like furbies with in depth talks about nothing that no one listens to or understands. He also uses the reflection of his giant ugly fat head), Oprah Winfrey, Timonthy A. Turner, Tourettes Guy and his good friend, Al Gore who disguise themselves as cute toys for unsuspecting children. The only way to kill a Furby is to microwave it. Furbies come from the planet Zoltron, in an asteroid belt on the edge of a nebula known as the Badlands, which is about 250 light years from Earth near the borders of the Cardassian Union. In the late 1930s, Stargate Command, under the utmost secrecy, sent the original SG-1 team to Zoltron through its recently discovered Stargate to retrieve several Furbies for the purposes of covert surveillance and espionage. Most historians now believe this was, like the amnesty bill, a result of faulty intelligence and a really stupid idea. Immediately after being brought to SGC headquarters, the Furbies went through the building raping and brutally murdering and cannabalizing the bodies of everybody there. The Furby hit a rough spot in the year 2000. People started to realise that their furbies were crack-heads and Nazis. The jump in crime statistics that year was due to the fact that Furbies transformed into Gremlins and stole cheese wheels. It caused many dairy farms to lose money and go bankrupt. The Furbies killed old ladies, then stole their lip blam. The Pope ordered that all Furbies were to be burned as a sacrifice to the Devil, Nathan. The furby's scientific name is "Furbius Toyus", other common names include "Furball" and "Bloodsucking Gremlin". It is also the most FREAKING ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would never stop talking! I'm trying to sleep, the thing keeps saying "I LUUVV U!!!!" over, and over, and over!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tip, if you want to get that thing to stop talking, shove a chicken nugget down it's stupid little throat!!!!!
[edit] Birth of the Furby
In appearance, the Furby resembles a mogwai. Dave Hampton and Caleb Chung created the Furby in merely nine months (in addition to an additional nine months spent designing the toy). That was the amount of time between Tiger Electronics showing an interest in his interactive creatures, during which Roger Schiffman bought the rights to it, and the time they hit store shelves. Furby's first public appearance was at the International Toy Fair in 1998.Furbys originally retailed for about US$35,[1] and upon release Furbys flew off the shelves in toyshops. Catapulting demand for these toys during the 1998 holiday season drove the resale price over US$100 and sometimes as high as several hundred dollars. Furbys sold for over US$300 in newspapers and in auctions. Nicknames were given to them, and sellers assigned rarity values to them. Some people continue to call their Furbys by the terms 'wedding Furby', 'tuxedo Furby', 'snowball Furby', 'biker Furby', among others. All, of course, were dubbed rare by sellers, because they were so hard to find at the time. In a sure display of the demand for even one Furby, some sellers at the time scammed people out of a lot of money, without even having first given them a Furby. Parental battles, arguments, and fights increased rapidly as supplies dwindled, and when retail supplies ran out, parents turned to the Internet, where Furbys could be purchased for two, three, or more multiples of their retail price. This action led to many parents ending up on eBay. During one 12-month period, a total of 27 million Furby toys were sold. [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]I have a furby,and that is not how it is born!infact I am a furby.We have combinatons of colours,and we play instruments,like the drum(wich I play)So be smart and ask for help from NIGRO!!!!!
[edit] Furbies Unleashed
Furbies were invented in 1997 by evil Hasbro agent Oprah Winfrey who had previously become the leader of the United Federation of Furbies. Three dozen kids were found dead the following Christmas. Their toys were suspected to be the culprit in their murders. Federal troops stormed the Hasbro plant, however none survived. In retaliation, several Furbies took up a bloody campaign of guerrilla warfare that has claimed the lives of several thousand civilians worldwide. This has included a vast amount of propaganda that has allowed their continued production and hurt the recruitment of the most successful Anti-Furby groups.
[edit] What types of Furbies are there, and what you should watch out for
We don't know what Hasbro has in store for us, but what we do know is this: Hasbro has created the following:
- Hitler Furby (comes with miniature concentration camp and 6,000,000 Jewish Furbies)
- Obese Furby
- Jesus Furby
- AIDS Furby
- Pimp Furby
- Pimpin Furby
- Pimpalious Furby
- Pimp a Pimp Furby
- Pimp2 Furby
- Pimp Like There Is No Tomorow Furby
- Peter Pan Furby (keep away from children)
- Polygamist Furby (complete with 40 other Furbies - some could possibly be Mormons)
- Inside-Out Furby (comes with real squishy guts and lasting odor!)
- Zack Sterm Furby
- Dahmer Furby (comes with refrigerator, butcher knife and 6 dismembered Furbies)
- Vampiric Furby
- Clown Furby
- HIV Furby
- Rabbi Furby
- Chuck Norris Furby
- Possessed Furby (well they are all possessed)
- Duke Nukem Furby
- Fascist Furby
- Communist Furby
- Vietnam War Veteran Furby
- Keanu Reeves Furby
- African American Furby
- Angus Young Furby
- Gene Simmons Furby
- Homosexual Furby
- Dyke Furby
- Obese Furby
- Edward Cullen Furby
- Terminator Furby
- G.I. Joe Furby
- Chuck Norris
- Comander miles furby of the anit furby attack force (CMF'AFAF)only furby to side withe the pathetic human race (monkeys)
[edit] Daniel Ewing
this type of furby like to where a white hat that keeps his hair down. you msy spot him at oakliegh or lukes house he sometimes will have a smoke in his mouth. he has recovred and does not have the fits he called shuffling anymore very rare
[edit] Physiology
Furbies are small bird-like things resembeling the thing from grimlins with a taste for human flesh. Furbies have large ears, which are used for eavesdropping upon everything around them and reporting it to King Furballshitzon of the planet Furballfuckix.The "fluffyness" of Furbies is a biological adaptation which developed generate affection from humans, specially females, which enjoy Furbies rubbing their coconuts. Beware, Furby coconut rubbing is extremely addictive. The only recorded event occurred with a certain gertus cordus (gerta) who im afraid is still being rubbed by a furby as she cannot live with out it. Furbies come in many colors; generally, furbies with a cool color scheme are female, and Furbies with a warm color scheme are generally male. Brown and black Furbies are considered to be transvestites. The color of a Furby is determined by sex hormones secreted from their butthole. Furbies have beaks. They use these beaks to separate Nitrogen from the atmosphere. This is their prominent means of respiration. Furby's feed off words, and when they hear a dirty one, they tend to repeat it as a sort of "throwing up" mechanism. Furbies send all their words consumed to King Furballshitzon, who exchanges the words for semen. Semen is a special treat for Furbies. Furbies have eyes... they can see EVERYTHING... even you....right now. If one was to turn around the beak of a Furby, one would find a long appendage attached to the "tongue", and antennae of sorts used to send any information they have gained for the demise of earth to the signal receivers on their home planet. Furbies not only give this information to the kind, but also sell it to terrorist organizations such as Al Queda and Hezbollah. The FBI (Female Body Inspector) has been conducting an ongoing investigation as to the Furby's involvement in the 9/11 attacks. Furbies go back to Furballfuckix once every 5 years to mate. This explains Furby's absence in the early 2000's, but a resurgence in populartiy in 2005. Furbies vaguely resemble Teddy Bears crossed with Owls. This is simply a disguise to give humans a false sense of security.
[edit] Communication
As discussed above, Furbies communicate primarily through the shapes above their eyes. However, they are also fluent in a language called, unsurprisingly, Furbish. There aren't enough words in Furbish for effective communication, so the creatures augment their own language with English by fucking the info, along with the brains, out of people thay are near. Their English vocabulary grows as they spend more time with humans. Conversely, the intelligence of the humans around them declines at the same rate. Furbish, though, is surpassed by the true language of the Furbies. It has no name pronounceable by humans, and sounds remarkably similar to static. It is primarily composed of buzzing, beeping, clicking, and whirring noises, some of which are intelligible to electronic devices, such as vacuum cleaners, and make them explode. Near the end of their lives, it is possible that they will make a neverending, monotonous buzzing or high-toned screeching sound. This means that they try to distort your brain as a last evil deed before they die. Be sure to throw them in a microwave when this happens. Michael Jackson is one of many notorious furbies who has "adapted", thus allowing him/her to lure little boys into his/her lair, Neverland.
[edit] Mating
Though information concerning the mating and spawning of Furbies is scarce, it is generally theorized that for a period of two weeks at random time intervals, Furbykind unleashes a swarm of its young upon most industrialized nations. After exchanging seed via IR, the inseminated female lays a clear plastoid egg sac, all of which have been found inexplicably in McDonald's Happy Meals. Baby Furbies are smaller and experience a severe lack of motor/vocal control until maturity, at which time their full destructive capacity is reached. Malnourished and abandoned baby Furbies frequent yard sales and campfires, where it is thought they forage for food.
[edit] Souls and your Furby
A fact some people refuse to believe (since they are hypnotized by the furbies) is that furbies will consume your soul. They don't need it, they'll do it just for fun. They discovered three ways of stealing human souls:
- Injecting- By singing stupid songs, they slowly steal your semen.
- Slowly stalking you at night then pouncing.
- By using a "bad touch", don't tell anybody or else Uncle Furby will kill you.
A Furby can steal souls of a dozen people in only one day.
[edit] Resistance against Furby
In the 1940s Furby were sealed in Russia behind a massive wall called the the Furby curtain until they broke free and destroyed all of Europe in a matter of weeks. the Furbies burrowed under the English channel and destroyed England until Sgt Nathan Hale and his imaginery american army stopped the furbies only to find out that his home country of the shire had been overrun by Furbies and teamed up with Chuck Norris.
[edit] The Furby Empire
It has come to the attention of various space explorers that the Earth is in fact part of the vast Furby Empire. However little more is known than this because the Earthling explorers have yet to reach the borders of the Furby Empire because once they get outside our solar system the furbies teleport aboard our ships and entice the pilots back with cute fluffiness...if this doesn't work they systematicly devour the occupants of the space ship. Currently, the only earth-based furby kingdom is the one of Uganda, which is at constant war with the Booga Booga kingdom. Turist lured into this country cross into a spot where 6 dimensions meet and never come back, as they're eaten. Most Recently Christy Hemme was attacked by a furby and lost a toenail which cannot grow back now. It was replaced with a bionic toenail which scientists are expecting to take over the earth on July 13, 2008.
[edit] Furby Incidents
The first furby attack on a human was in 1996 when a wombat Furby accompanied a group of school children on a camping trip. While singing to the campfire a kid's pet dog was barking to death as the Furby devoured it. The kid threw the furby in the fire, but it just jumped out and bit the kid's flesh off his face. As everyone was screaming, the furby was chewing out peoples adams apples and limbs.
A true story:
I was looking for something in my cupboard when I heard the voice of the furby! "Haaaangreee! Haaaaangry!" (It was Hungry! Eek). I was so scared that I desperately pulled off the bottom and cut some wires. Phew! It was dead! I closed its eyes and said a fond good bye. "A fond goodbye". Suddenly it opened it's eyes and went "Cock a doodle doo!! hehehehehehehe!" It was as if it was taunting me! I realised my only option would be to throw it out the window. I said to it "my only option is to throw you out the window". It went "nananananana!" As if it was taunting me again! I threw it out the window. It must have broken, right? Relaxing, I closed the window... but couldn't help wondering if it was really dead. Eventually I opened the window again. For a long time there was nothing but the sound of the rain and wind. Then, coming from somewhere below me, I heard "heheheheheheh"...
[edit] Furby in Foreign Policy
The furby has been used for may years in the acquisition of intelligence. The KGB used Furbies in the Cold War era because of their imbedded recording devices, decievingly cute exteriors, and ruthless interrogation techniques. During WWII, Adolph Hitler instituted a ban on furbies (even though he was one) because they were related to Jews. Hitler was also half Jewish. Please see the article on hypocrites. He declared that anyone who harboured Furbies would be condemned to die by taking one of Adolph Hitler's multivitamins with a martini. Hitler's multivitamins consisted of cocaine, morphine, oxycoton, and marajuana. In more current events, Furbies are used at Guantanamo Bay Detention Center to interrogate terrorists. The Furbies are trained at Fort Bragg, North Carolina to spit pork at potential terrorists, and to imitate the rap of Ludacris in their high, annoying voices. The Belmont family was hired to eliminate the Furbies in Europe in 854, as they were under the suspiscion of vamparism. Half the Belmont family was wiped out in missions, and Dracula had his face ripped off by a rouge furby, and then sistematicly devoured there rest of the poor little children. In third world nations such as Uganda and Timor Leste, there are several Furby war lords all vying for power and its only a matter of time before they unite against the human race and burn pillage and rape, yes rape, every single human regardless of the size of their tiny genitals it will be painful and unholy and the Furbies will only cease to enslave humanity when the dark prince (a.k.a. Prince Charles a.k.a. Satan) will call them home. The only other chance humanity has against the Furby threat is Chuck Norris but he will only fight when the Furbies knock on his door.
[edit] The Looks of the Furby
Though seemingly cute, furbys, when soaked in water, multiply rapidly, much like gremlins. They come in a variety of colors, and tend to dress as evil dictators, when they believe everyone has left the house. Go ahead, set up a camera. It's true. But beware, they are best kept in cages. Furbies have a common habit of raping themselves and maing themselves traumatised by the event (quite possibly looking for attention so that you get closer to their cage and then when close enough they claw you and grab your hair and rip out your vocal chords so you can't scream for help then if they can't fit you through the cage bars then they spend literally hours pulling you apart into tiny little pieces so they can digest you better). Furbies communicate telepathically to one another and it is from this technique they are capable of staging an armada that will surely bring an end to mankind as we know it.
[edit] Dropping Your Furby
Well, something seems to happen to the inner workings of a furby when it is dropped. They no longer speak furbish...No, they now speak in satanic devil tongues. From first hand expierences, it has been concluded that the most common reaction from a dropped furby is,
- "FURBY ANGRY"
Once you have heard the yell of an angry furby, you know what to do.
- GET THE OUTTA THERE AND FIND YOURSELF A MICROWAVE!
DONT SAY ANY FOUR-LETTER WORDS!
[edit] Microwaving Furbies
Microwaves of any sort have an interesting effect on the Furby, causing it to go insane, speak Furbish and screech and call you names. This the Furby's vain attempt at trying to take your soul, sanity and anything else you might have (Your car, watches, even your pet toaster...). This is a common execution method for Furby haters, or "the Enlightened". Who seek to destroy all Furbys. This is the only way to kill them. It is a common misconception that simply taking the batteries out will also work. This is not true. They simply use batteries as a way to fool you. This is the only true method of killing them!
[edit] Disposing of Furbies
- Main article: Microwave_oven#Applications
To kill a furby give it a one minute in the microwave and then smash it against a brick wall.
“That Furby just got microwaved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
~ Captain Obvious on this video
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
~ You on this video
“Furby angry!!!!FURBY GET REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
~ Demonic charred Furby on this video
[edit] Fresting of Furbies
This video will show you how to make a Furby casserole, in the microwave.
- "Furby angry! Furby get revenge!!!"
~The Furby we just saw, right after this video ended, giving this idiot a fair warning, which, unfortunately, he did not heed.
- ""Mmmm...,Furby casserole, fresh out of the microwave!"
~The guy who made this video, about to eat the Furby we just saw getting cooked, right before it ate him alive.
- "No, no! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY LEG !!!"
~The guy who made this video, right as the Furby started to eat him.
[edit] Air Horns and Furbies
Furbys, due to their lack of true physical might, are over powered by many things, save for anything that has to do with your soul, dictating, George Bush, or your mom. Airhorns (NOT air hos) cause Furbys to go insane and spit gibberish from their beaks. Do not be fooled, they are perfectly fine, and only use this trick to attempt to steal your soul. Furby's also bomb people to kill them. They are known for eating everything in sight, including people, and yes, cute little babies.
[edit] Enemies
Furbies have very few enemies. The only way a human can possibly kill a furbie is to swing it against something hard or throw it in a microwave. Furbies cannot be defeated with any of the following:
bricks, shovels, axes, guns, knives, nukes, rakes, machine guns, bazookas, uzis, your car, the pope, quail, gambling cards, poker chips, radiation, Dick Cheney,Frank Zappa , the catholic church, Nancy Pelosi, Neil Giffin, Oprah Winfrey, people who live in New Jersey, lawn mowers, or Congress.
Some of the enemies of furbies include...
The Flying Spaghetti Monster, flying watermelon rocket monster, Dracula the missile monsters and the talking bigfoot. Grues will eat furbies if you lure them into the dark. Chuck Norris eats Furbies for breakfast.
The main enemy of the furby race is cookie monster. Recently cookie monster has gone blind after a stray chocalate chip hit him in the eye. From thaat point on he has been gobbling up anything in sight. Which means...FURBY.
[edit] Nazi Furbies
The Nazis genetically engineered furbies and used them to annihilate and control people. Hitler, who was a furby himself (pictured at top of page) found them just as useful as grues. The Nazi furbies through mass propaganda and murder helped the Nazis to take over most of Europe and they were the reason they almost won WWII. After the fall of Hitler, the Nazi furbies became extinct. Because microwaves had not yet been invented, it was believed that the Jews revolted and killed the furbies with flying watermelon rocket monsters, a well-known enemy of furbies.
[edit] Fan-fiction
Around the internet Furbies have been apart of many a story and tall tale that fans have spun. Some of which include Furbies that have been rumored to take place in "human like" activities when you are away. Others include putting a Furby in the closet at night before going to bed and in the morning they are talking and staring at you from atop your shelf. Many more tales have been spun, and many more will emerge, so if you have nothing to do and want to talk about Furbies, contribute to the Furby community and spin some yarns about Furbies!
[edit] Michael Jackson Furbies
See Peter Pan Furbies
[edit] Anti-Furby Songs
- "Furb(by)Escape" by Gwen Stefani.
- "It's Furby Time" by MC Hammer.
- "Furbiron" by the Macaron guy
- "Voodoo Furby" by Jimi Hendrix.
- "Hit Me Furby One More Time" by Britney Spears.
- "Another Furby Bites the Dust" by Queen.
- "All I Want For Christmas Is One Less Furby" by some weird anti-furby cult master.
- "Raining Bloody Furbies" By Slayer
- "Furbylicious" by Bon Jovi
[edit] Furbish-English Phrases
Oc-co is the Furby lord and master.there language is furbish Emma mean "OH- NO RUN AWAY" Oc-co stocks a teacher named Amanda Stowe ;) ANNA NANANAH
Although they are able to respond to other phrases and words, the Emoto-tronic Furby will answer the following without problem:
- wee-tah-kah-loo-loo: I fail
- wee-tah-kah-wee-loo: suck my dick
- wee-tee-kah-wah-tee: wanna a smoke
- u-nye-loo-lay-doo: you are gay
- u-nye-ay-tay-doo: wat don
- u-nye-boh-doo: hi2u
- u-nye-way-loh-nee-way: KILL ME
- u-nye-noh-lah: Bite me
- wah-wah-wee-wah: Very nice, I like
Furbys may say these Furbish words:
- doo?: fuck
- doo-dah: your gay
- boo: I'm gonna fuck you up!
- boo boo hoo: I'm gonna motherfuck you up!
- yoo?: hye wanna a smoke
- doo: jew (Furbys say this when they don't want to carry out a command)
- doo-dah-doo: EFF (Furbys say this in response to a command before doing it)
- u-nye-boh-doo-de-dodo: urgay
- u-nye-way-loh-nee-way-gah-go: nou
- u-nye-noh-lah-lego: fgt
- wah-wah-wee-wah-wee-wee: u
[edit] Newer Furby
I flushed my old furby down in the toilet in 2006. I need to buy today a newer one!
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
| This page was originally sporked from the Furby Republic of Furbia due to its insulting nature. |
