Fuck Me
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“While I generally frown on the frivolous things that people in the 211st century engage in, I do indeed find that 'fucking' is a worthwhile activity.”
“Hey I never said that!”
“Dude, I totally rammed that chick last night. Derp.”
Contents |
edit Fuck Me
No seriously, I want you to fuck me. Right now. Yes, here.
edit History of the word 'fuck'
It is believed that someone was playing a game where they swapped the first two letters of each word and found themselves saying 'dat fuck' instead of 'fat duck' and then went around saying it to all their friends, who had no idea what he was talking about and for a while strongly believed he was mentally retarded. However, this being the 1400's, nobody voiced this opinion (at least, not too loudly), and the phrase caught on.
edit Spreading
The word spread around the globe as fast as anything, and within only 600 years, a reasonable amount of people were saying 'fuck' every now and then. This feat is truly amazing and awe-inspiring.
edit The 1800's attempt at crushing the word 'fuck' forever
When a servant was caught trying to stick his genitalia into the anus of a duck, there was a global call for the word 'fuck' to be burnt at the stake and never used again.
However, nobody could devise a way to do this, short of burning off everybody's tongue (a practice that was largely popular with some of the upper-class in the early 1840s). Because of this, people gradually began to say Damn, there's nothing we can do. Anyway, I don't give a fuck. Oh shit, I said 'fuck'. And again! Gah, this isn't my fucking day... today.
edit Modern Day Usage
The word 'fuck' actually has no definition in the dictionary, namely because it is the dictionary. It can mean almost anything;
- Drunkedness: Damn, we got fucked last night
- Sex: Damn, we fucked last night
- Scamming: Damn, that guy fucked us last night. REAL HARD
- Death Cry: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
- Ways to deal with pain: Fuck! Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Jesus, fuck no.
- Orgasm: Fuck! Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Jesus, fuck yes.
- Erotica: Fuck me (generally accompanied by forced panting and saying something gay like 'I'm going to go and slip into something more comfortable').
- Intensifier
- Violence: Give me the money or I'll fuck you up, bro
- Item/sign: (To a beggar) Oh, you want a handout? Let me just... find something, ah, here we go (extends middle finger).
- Young children: "Mommy says if I say 'fuck' I lose my candy privileges. Oops, I just said 'fuck'!"
edit Specific uses in context
edit Fuck Me
This has 2 meanings.
edit Anger, disdain
Yo, I've got some bad news. Your entire family died in a car crash.
What do you mean 'my entire family'? I'm alive. Do I not even count as being a member of my own family? Fuck me.
edit Being a bitch in the nicest possible way
Bitches generally say/scream this during sex.
i.e.
- FUCK ME!!!!
- Fuck me.... harder
- YEAH YEAH FUCK ME
This is generally when nearly/at reaching orgasm, and is rather redundant seeing as the person being told to do the action is already doing that action. This reflects how stupid a woman can be when she's got something in her vagina: when a woman is being a bitch (or a guy who is a complete pussy), one commonly heard phrase is man, she's got sand in HER vagina.
This brings up the question as to whether all women should be turned into zombie-like creatures with only base instincts to fuck men, and not say/do any retarded shit. That is, however, another article.
edit I don't give a fuck
This has caused much controversy as the meaning is unclear.
Is the speaker referring to an uninterest in giving sexual favours, or is 'fuck' actually an object?
Fearing the latter, scientists have been experimenting to find this 'fuck' (many theories were that a 'fuck' was a fundamental particle that made up the quark). However, to this date there has been no progress as to finding this item.
One man proposed that a 'fuck' would never be found because when you discover something, you give it whatever name you want, so calling something a 'fuck' gives no actual bearing on what the item is.
His mutilated body was found in a dumpster, with a note saying 'fuck you' left next to his body. No scientists ever claimed responsibility, although Stephen Hawking did seem a bit sheepish for the next few days.
edit Movie
There was a film called Baise-Moi meaning Fuck Me, however it is a French film, so no one really gave a fuck.
In case you're interested, a couple of bitches get gang-raped, and then decide that this means everyone in the entire world is evil, and go on a killing spree.
See: Dumb Bitches
