Frying

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Latest revision as of 04:18, April 26, 2011

“No taste on Earth—not the savoriness of the best meat nor the sweetness of the best wine—can beat the flavor of fried.”
~ Oscar Wilde on frying

“It's cold”
~ Devon O'Reilly on KFC

Frying is a chemical process by which any substance is catalyzed into an edible and tasty snack. The process of frying was initially discovered by scientists under the Nazi regime. It was later perfected by the United States government in the 1950s as a possible method of creating food supplies in a post-atomic war scenario. Should an apocalypse occur in the near future, frying will be useful method for rendering rubble, dirt, and corpses into edible (and tasty) food.

edit Description of the Chemical Process

The frying process begins with any type of matter: i.e. protein, bone, cellulose, styrofoam, plastic, rubber, or prions. The matter is immersed in a catalyst made from lipids. Once heat is applied, frying converts all matter into mostly edible and completely tasty food by infusing the molecules within with tastyons, elementary particles which transmit tastiness. The table below shows the versatility of the frying process.

edit Examples

Effects of Frying on Different Materials
PRE-FRYING POST-FRYING
Potatoes FrenchFries
Starchy and tasteless tuber Delicious side dish
Onions OnionRings
Malodorous bulbs Delicious and fun side
Zucchini FriedZucchini
Icky bland awful vegetable Tasty appetizer
Mushroom FriedMushrooms
Bland fungal growth Delicious appetizer
Batter Funnel cake
Disgusting ground grain goo Yummy artery clogger
Chicken FriedChicken
Disease-carrying fowl Yummy picnic entrée
Catfish FriedCatfish
Filthy bottom-feeder Fine dinner entrée
Frog FrogLegs
Icky slimy amphibian Finger-licking finger food
Squid Calamari
Disgusting slimy sea creature Yummy appetizer
Medusa Falafel
Pompous blowhard Scrumptious meze/sex toy

edit Supertastitivity

When the frying process is applied to a substance that is already tasty, the tastyon density reaches a critical density, resulting in unusual quantum effects. The tastyons form virtual pairs which travel freely without any loss of energy. At this stage, a unique phenomenon called supertastitivity occurs. Supertastitivity represents a new frontier in frying physics, and many of the properties of a supertastitive substance are poorly understood. However, usually, when a substance achieves supertastitivity, it becomes too much of a good thing.

edit Examples

Effects of Supertastitivity
PRE-FRYING POST-FRYING
MBar Marsbig
Gooey brown bar Overly good gooey brown bar
Icecream Fried icecream
Tasty lactose and sugar Overly delicious treat

edit See Also

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