Freenode

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Naked-fat-guy

Your typical funnyman on any Freenode channel.

Freenode is an IRC network dedicated to open-source projects. It is a popular hangout for Linux users, spammers, and opinionated anti-socialites. Uncyclopedia, Wikia, Wikipedia, reddit, and NAMBLA all have channels on Freenode. As of today, Freenode has approximately 70,000 users and 500,000 spambots.

Origin

Nobody is quite sure of when Freenode started. Most people agree that it was sometime between the invention of the internet and present. This creates a problem, because as the present becomes the past, the accuracy of any proposed dates for its creation becomes less. Most people see its date of birth as irrelevant since it should have been aborted in the first place.

But we do know that when Freenode was created its ethos consisted of two distinctions: places for banter, and places for basement dwellers to answer the idiotic questions of noobs. Thus #defocus and #freenode were born. Everything else has since evolved out of this dichotomy.

Prominent channels

Uncyclopediairccabal

The Coat of Arms of #uncyclopedia.

##politics

Despite its title, ##politics has more to do with pseudointellectual crackpottery and conspiracy theories than it does politics. It's a lot like a Yahoo! politics chatroom, in that it's full of ultraliberals and ultralibertarians, conspiracy theorists, 14-year-olds who have just read The Communist Manifesto, and people who are in the midst of taking a few semesters of political science at their local community college. Users in ##politics are notorious for their wonderfully perfect ideas about how to fix everything that's wrong in the world. It's difficult to tell trolls apart from regular users as everyone is equally annoying and stupid. Much like attempting to troll other places on the internet, it would be fruitless to troll ##politics as it's like pissing in an ocean of piss. It's also a great place to see Godwin's law in action. The channel is also home to lovers of gay robot porn. No, really.

#uncyclopedia

The best channel on Freenode, as it's comprised of 80% lurkers, 1% sentient beings, 15% bots, and 4% Lyrithya. Everyone sits around, waiting for something to happen, but nothing ever does. #uncyclopedia has often been described as a game of soggy biscuit played solely by eunuchs. There is no climax, and the biscuit is a lie. But somebody eats it anyway.

Regular activities include bombarding sannse with greetings upon her arrival, harassing admins to do things, complaining about Uncyclopedia and life (the same thing for some people), pornflakes, and talking bad about people when they /quit. You can also play trivia with a bot that asks the most esoteric and stupid questions in an insulting butchery of the English language.

The rules on #uncyclopedia are reminiscent of schoolyard ethics. If a handful of users or a single admin decide that you suck, then you will be banished to the land of #unops until you love Big Brother. There are a few unspoken rules of #uncyclopedia, which include:

  1. Users shall avoid making personal attacks, but sweeping generalisations are encouraged as long as you annoy everyone.
  2. No conversation relating to the wiki shall be constructive for more than two minutes at a time.
  3. Do not cyber with Olipro. If Olipro approaches you and asks you to cyber, DO NOT CYBER WITH HIM. If you cyber with him, you do so at your own risk.
  4. Make more coffee if you finish the pot.
  5. No fun.
  6. No girls, since girls just want to have fun.

#wrongplanet

The official IRC channel for reddit.

#reddit

A support and social channel for people with Asperger's syndrome.

#freenode

"Don't comment on spam" is a common utterance in Freenode's eponymous channel, #freenode. It is also the channel's official motto. The channel's slogan is "Take it to #defocus, this channel is for support/help." The slogan is repeated whenever a conversation not relating to cloaks, spam, or how to register one's nickname comes about. A common game on the Freenode network is to see who can carry on an off-topic conversation the longest in #freenode before somebody inevitably says "take it to #defocus." The record, set in 2003, is 30 seconds. Another game is to log exactly 24 hours of conversation in the channel and then count how many times the phrase is uttered. The highest score on this game is 18,629.

#music

A channel for discussing music. Since this is an independent network run by pothead nerds you should expect to find here fans of indie rock, reggae, industrial metal and other shit. Secretly, they all listen to Justin Bieber.

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