Frankly Disappointing Telescope
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Frankly Disappointing Telescope can be found in the South East region of the United Kingdom. Its creator, Trevor McClaverty (a.k.a. Flaky Trevor), was inspired by both the Overwhemingly Large Telescope and the Very Large Telescope. Unfortunately, McClaverty did not have the tools, scientific know-how, or monetary capability to create such an impressive instrument. Hence the Frankly Disappointing Telescope.
As the photo shows, the telescope was constructed using a single empty toilet roll tube. Any household has the raw material necessary for in-home production of the telescope, but Trevor had the innovative idea before others could jump on the boat and sail it away. He also has played with the idea of sticking multiple tubes together, however he found that this technology did not increase the power of the telescope. In fact, the more tubes that were used, the more difficult it became to see out the other end, and, due to substandard sticky-tape, the telescope had a tendency to droop as its size increased.
The Frankly Disappointing Telescope was tried out by a number of Trevor's friends and relatives, all of whom declared it "A bloody complicated contraption". But family friend and gardener Virgil Ecatomy said it was "Delightfully light in comparison to the Hubble one".
His resolve raised by Mr. Ecatomy's comment, Trevor was determined to send his invention to the Astronomer Royal for peer review and laurels. Regrettably, his ambition was thwarted as time-after-time his kid sister squashed the prototype he'd placed into a jiffy bag for postage purposes.
As of July 2014, there is only one operational prototype in existence (as before, see photograph). Visitors can see the telescope in Trevor's basement laboratory, but have to ask his mum first. Thus far he has not actually been able to use it to spy on the neighbours daughters, or discover any new planets, stars, or asteroids, or even gotten a close look at that thing that looks like a cuddly toy in Miss ManTackel's bedroom window. Visitors and Trevor's mum have been known to mistake the telescope for an empty toilet roll, resulting in unintentional discarding of previous prototypes.
While other inventors might be discouraged by the relative failure of their inventions, McClaverty sees his endeavor as one giant leap on the road to scientific greatness. He is currently thinking of working with those long kitchen-napkin tubes in the hope of inventing a Slightly Less Disappointing Telescope, which may be able to explore the ultraviolet range of astronomical wavelengths. He hopes to have a prototype ready by the end of 2012.
Always the visionary, Trevor has also contemplated inventing a telescope using Christmas wrapping-paper rolls. But as devout Orthodox Atheists - except for his sister, who celebrates Festivus - his family does not observe this December holiday, thus once again limiting his access to more sophisticated and advanced technology.