Frank West

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 14:17, September 14, 2011 by 70.60.36.165 (talk)

Jump to: navigation, search
Frank West Wars
He's Covered Wars Y'know. Doesn't bother with blood stains either.

Frank West is a multi-billionaire photographer who has an array of skills and hobbies similar to that of Bruce Wayne. Picture the manliest and most charming man you can imagine, then multiply that by 10 and you have just half of what makes up Frank West. He's filthy rich, but he doesn't show off his wealth, instead he uses it to entertain himself, and I don't mean two chicks at the same time. The biggest scandal shown off by tabloids have Frank West wasting his time and money by visiting a zombie infested mall in Willamette, Colorado to take some pictures. This is just one example out of many that shows what this rugged bad boy does with his spare time. Rumor has it, that Frank was the man responsible for creating the virus, which caused the zombie outbreak in the mall, as well as spreading it. To cover up his tracks he blamed the incident on two Spanish individuals. On top of all that, he not only threatened and killed the survivors at the mall but sexually harassed a lot of the women.

Early life & History of Success

Frank West grew up with two fathers, Richard West (often called Dick West) and Sandra West (previously known as Bill Jetson before marriage). Sandra West is a very popular drag-queen, leading a lot of the festivals during parades and gatherings. Dick West on the other hand works for the Umbrella Corporation, leading research in cosmetics. Early on in Franks childhood, he would run around taking pictures of virtually everything. His fascination of photography became out of control when he raided a nearby cemetery and dug up some corpses. Finding the motionless bodies of the dead amusing, Frank would set up the corpses in sexual positions and take pictures. His parents saw this as "artistic expressionism" and bought out the cemetery so he can play.


Frank's fathers often pampered him with anything he wanted, later leaving him large sums of their fortune and company stocks which started his success. Growing up with two fathers didn’t affect Frank negatively although it gave him a strong desire to try on women’s clothing. (He was often seen doing this at the Willamette Mall). This lead Frank into a strange obsession with clothing apparel as he soon started wearing various types of childrens clothing as well as toy masks and helmets. His child like behaviors and secret obsessions were masked by his popular scandals with women that he liked to publicize. After receiving rights and access to his father’s company in Umbrella, Frank obtained a steady income which provided him with the time to do as he pleased.

Frank's Umbrella
Proof that Frank has ties with Umbrella.

Recorded Scandals

1998 - (That was Fantastic):

Thinking it would be cool to enlist into the military, Frank West signed up in order to do what he does best...to take pictures. He planned this ahead of time so no matter what situation arises, especially that which includes using firearms, he would claim experience from war duty. The scandal occurred when he was found in bed with some Middle Eastern women who were wives of Saddam Hussein. The US military tried to hide what happened so they would not further anger Iraq. But unfortunately right after the scandal had occurred, Frank West already uploaded the orgy that took place to the internet on a folder named "Fantastic!!!" Saddam happened to be on ForeignSluts.com the day Frank had uploaded the orgy and found the scandalous pictures of his wives. Frank was hunted down and captured being held prisoner in a cave with a hidden underground complex. The execution of Frank West would be publicized for the world to see, but while the camera crew set up, Frank had managed to mine for Iron and build a suit of armor, bashing his way to freedom.

2000 – (He’s Covered Wars Y’know):

Drunken West
Frank West getting shit faced.

After raiding a supermarket and drinking most of the wine there, Frank West happened to get completely wasted; he took off his pants, as well as his shirt, and starting walking around the supermarket in his boxers with the red little heart shapes on them. Frank stumbled his way to the speaker system as most of the women ran away from his pinching fingers. He proceeded to mumble into the loudspeaker "I'm Frank West, photojournalist." As one of the managers tried to get him away from the loudspeaker Frank shouted "I'VE COVERED WARS Y’KNOW," as he proceeded to upchuck vomit and fall unconscious.

2001 – (Sausage Pizza…Oh wait *Grumble*):

Frank West decided to get a job as a pizza man for shits and giggles. The first customer ordered 2 pizza pies and a gallon of orange juice. He proceeded to eat the 2 pies himself and chug down the orange juice in a manner of seconds without ever visiting the customer. That same day, a different customer requested a large sausage pizza, an opportunity Frank West could not resist. Equip with his trusty camera, he delivered the pizza to the door, prepared to prank the customer with a porn cliche. A couple answered asking how much they owe. "It's on the house" Frank replied with a smirk on his face. Overjoyed by this, the couple didn’t seem fazed by the fact that Frank would not give them the pizza and held the box bellow waist level. He proceeded to open the box for them and took a picture of their reaction along with his cock sticking out of the pizza box. Unfortunately the pizza he ate previously wasn’t very good and during this moment his stomach started to grumble. Frank fell to the floor holding his stomach in pain as diarrhea shot from his anus, all over the couple’s carpet. Frank West quit the job before he was fired.

2006- (Dead Rising):

Always looking for a challenging photo shoot, Frank West wanted to take some excellent shots that few managed to ever achieve. That of Zombies! Now that Frank has dipped his toes in the same business his father Dick works for, he decided to get the employees of Umbrella to work on a different strand of the zombie virus. Frank obtained the virus after it was created and spread it himself in a bum fuck town no one cared much about. Containing a fairly small population the world would know the incident to take place in the Willamette Mall located in Colorado. As soon as the masses were infected he took a private helicopter to the scene at the mall, and had everyone believe it was a couple of Spaniards that started the outbreak, one of which happened to have gone postal at the time, making the story believable. Every day for about 3 days he uploaded new pictures online for everyone to see the shenanigans he got into with the zombies. Flip kicking the heads off of the zombies, pulling intestines out, teabagging them, pulling down the skirts of the undead, etc. Eventually he found some survivors he had to take care of and offered to take them to the Security Room where they would be safe. Little did they know, Frank was just getting lonely...The case had gone on trial for sexual harassment and several counts of murder. Frank West denied being guilty for the counts of “I killed the stupid survivors in self defense” and “yeah I slept with the women, but they were coming on to me.”

Things Frank West can do with excellence

  • Photograph
  • Cross Dress
  • Cover Wars
  • Fight with Extreme Martial Arts
  • Lift up a bench, a lawnmower, and a barbell over his head
  • Spit bullets
  • Eat and drink as much as he wants (Black hole in his stomach)
  • Run a marathon and win 1st place
  • Climb Mt. Everest with his bare hands
  • Charm any woman on the planet
  • Kill a zombie with a teddy bear
  • Charm any man on the planet (Don’t kid yourself, you know you love Frank West)
  • Be covered in blood and not give a damn. His mom will be pretty pissed, though
Beach West
Frank West reflecting on his thoughts on a warm relaxing beach in Hawaii. He had Mt. Rushmore flown in from Washington to help him meditate.

What Actually Happened

After the Dead Rising incident in Willamette and Frank stupidly getting infected in a lapse of judgement and not really caring whether he lives or dies for about five seconds before passing out from the multiple pies and pizzas he had ingested a while before, had been bitten after watching his, as he puts it, "his ride" crash to the ground and be surrounded by zombies a few moments prior. After Frank is done having his stupid fun, he awakes to a Spaniard survivor who explains to him that he had become infected. He then went on to laugh about it, as only he can. Then the unknown asset explained that she knew about science or something like that and said that she could maybe save him. So she made a drug that would stop him from dying. Though he would still die from it ultimately, if left untreated. It is unknown of how he exactly escaped, or even if he did. Even though he's seen a few years later very much alive. So if he made it out is still a mystery.

Three years after the outbreak in Willamette, Frank had been to Fortune City for a short time for reasons unknown, but since he says it was "about to be blown to hell any second", he got the hell outta there along with Chuck to a Phenotrans (maker of Zombrex and all affiliated titles) research and production facility. Events of this visit were inconclusive, and the whereabouts of the two are at this time, unknown. Frank had gotten famous off his findings and journalistic inquiries of the time. Following his fame and fortune, his popularity began to settle after another outbreak occurred; one of which someone else was involved and he of which got famous from it. So Frank's achievements and life story had paled in comparison. For these reasons, Frank had wished to be in his place. He was jealous of these facts.

See Also

Personal tools
In other languages
projects