Frank Sinatra
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“I adore the man. He told me how not to sing.”
~ Elvis Presley on Frank Sinatra
“No one was or will ever be able to beat this guy. Unless you count Ava Gardner.”
~ Sammy Davis Jr. on Frank Sinatra
“Fuck Sinatra!”
~ Kevin Costner (Fake Elvis) from 3000 Miles To Graceland on Frank Sinatra
“I did her my way!”
~ Frank Sinatra on Stranger in the Night
Frank "Bitches" Sinatra or Fuck Sinatra as Kevin Costner calls it (born Swing Era - died Rock and Roll Age) has been highly regarded not only as a rock singer, a drinker, a smoker, and a gambler, but he still (even years after his death) holds the title of "Most Booty Got Before Age 80" awarded to him by Jilly Rizzo, the anthropomorphic rat owner of one of Sinatra's favorite restaurants. Many critics say that his style of singing was "simply orgasmic" and "Kafkaesque". Sinatra is most famous for his cover of Sith Vicious' "My Way", which was not sung in Norse. Frank Sinatra was voted by the world and the people of Titan as the number one makeout music artist in history.
Sinatra was also noted for his career in the military, not only for his work on Von Ryans Express (on which he was awarded the "Fastest Railroad Disassembly Award"), but for his efforts to convert a majority of the United States Navy to a dance team.
Frank Sinatra's swagger and overall sense of unbridled boiling Italian mafioso rage made him an icon of popular music and drunks everywhere.
The truth is, its Frank's world, we just live in it (including Elvis).
Frank Sinatra is famous in part because he was the last man able to make a living out of being depressed without wearing eyeliner.
It is a well known fact that Sinatra is actually God. This was verified by Sinatra himself, just because he wanted to. One of the things bothered him was that he created the world with only three dimensions (in his own words "Regrets, I had a few/But then again, too few dimensions").
Frank was also famous for inventing pizza and the calzone, he even started his own food chain called Pizza Hut (which he served as Chairman of the Board for from 1973 to 1987, earning his famous nickname "the CEO"). Though the idea was his food was supposed to be as good as his music, they actually sucked.
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[edit] Life
[edit] Early Years
Frank 'Da Badda Bing In Da Head' Sinatra was born in Hoboken, New Jersey. Being born in New Jersey gave him the innate ability to withstand massive amounts of radiation and smog. (This would help him later in life when he was required to move to New York City, New York.) In the tradition of most large Italian families, his mother gave birth to him, and from birth, Sinatra was a brawler. In fact, at the moment of his delivery he got into a fight with the doctor due to the doctor's confusion whether he was cutting the umbilical cord, or Frank's stately penis. This fight earned him a punctured eardrum and a scar across the left side of his face. Frank Sinatra never lost another fight. Sinatra's mom wanted a girl, so he was dressed as a girl in his early years. Instead of turning gay or becoming a wimp. He soon started banging women while speeding across the Brooklyn bridge to show his masculine side(s).
[edit] Broads
At the Age of 19 he married the girl of his dreams, a chick who was deaf, dumb, oversexed and operated a liquor store. But she had three tits. They were married in some year, Sinatra was just too drunk to remember. They were divorced after he impregnated her. In 1951 he married Ava Gardner, founder of the modern temperance movement. Then Ava left him for Chiang Kai Shiek.
[edit] Career
Frank would womanize, he would drink. Then he went to work. Franky boy has also been a member of System of a Down. He attributes this career change to an excess of singing, drinking, smoking and womanizing. After leaving System of a Down, Frank decided to re-evaluate himself, and began singing, drinking, smoking and womanizing.
Frank Sinatra once foiled a plot to assassinate the president with a Manchurian candidate. Frank's uncontrolled blinking made the Manchurian candidate die of dizziness.
Frank Sinatra's schedule after returning to show biz usually involved singing for three days straight while having sex with a woman and beating up a newsreporter, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. He then puffed fifty cigarettes and drank a six pack. Finally, he would go home to help raise his children and whatever wife was with him.
The last great achievement of Sinatra was the destruction of Hitler, in a 4-day long cage match. He then beat up the reporter who covered the match.
[edit] Sinatra & The Mob
Frank 'Impale You On Meat Hooks' Sinatra, was never far away from controversy. In 1953 he was photographed with President Eisenhower and a number of prominent respected politicians. The photograph nearly destroyed Sinatra but the affair soon blew over when the photographer, 28 year old Robert 'Crash Bang Wallop Whatapicture' Parker, disappeared without trace. Further allegations of Sinatra's alleged ties to respectable, honest people was to plague him throughout his career, though they were allegations that Frank 'Anyone Who Fucks With Me Will Sleep With Da Fishes' Sinatra always denied till the day he died and beyond. To counter act these incriminating photographs Sinatra made it a point to be regularly seen Hanging out with celebrities such as Sam 'Break Your Legs for A Dollar' Ranarto, Carlo 'My Hatchet will Tear You A New One' Gallo and the otherwise unpopular Anello 'Dung Lung Skid Pants', Spastico. Sinatra was a master at manipulating the press and those he could not manipulate were soon found in oil drums floating up the river.
[edit] Death
He sang. He drank. He smoked. He womanized. Then he died of seasonal influenza. Then sang, drank, smoked, and womanized some more.
[edit] Afterlife
Sinatra's surviving relatives hate Kevin Costner because he is so disrespectful to him by calling him "Fuck." Kevin Costner is the Bastard son of Frank and Dean's double team of Kevin's mother.
"Come Fuck With Me, Let's Fuck, Let's Fuck Away! If You Can't Use Some Exciting Fool, There's A Bar In Far Bombay!"
[edit] Discography
"The Thong Song and Other Music to Love By"
"Music for the Old"
"Mafia Sing-Along"
"The Bitch is a Tramp" (Collaboration with Eminem)
"The Best of That Guy... You Know... the One That Sings That Song... the Old One... Yeah Him"
"The Best of That Guy... And Those Other Guys... Y'know, When They Were Like... Still Together... Yeah Them"
"1 LOVE"
"I Cut Your Finger Off, You Gimme the Dough, I Smoke a Cigar (No Biggy)"
"Elaborate Lovin' and Other Such 1337 Speak"
"Album of North Corean Anthems"
"The Rest of That Guy... You Know... Those Unaired Mafia Hits (Snuff Themes Vol. II)"
"If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Fuck Me With It?"
"I've got a crush on you (or I'll crush you)"
"Love and Marriage (nevermind, just one night stands)"
"One for my baby, one more for her lover to sleep with the fishes"
"New York, New York (and little Italy)"
"Fly me to the moon, or just fuck me"
"Without a song and without a dick"
"Bing Crosby Sucks"
"Night and Day (we fuck)"
"The way you look tonight and how much better you will look in bed"
"As Time Goes by during a handover"
"LOVE (whatever the fuck that stands for)"
"Come Fly With Me (And Unzip my fly)"
"My Way (Not on the Highway, fuckin' LIMP BIZKIT, I slept with your mother, bitch)"
"Without a Song (I smoke)"
"Mood Indigo"
"Yesterday (Better than the Beatles's version, though Elvis' version is the Best)"
"South of the Border"
"Young At Heart (And Docking)"
"Let's Fuck Like It's 1954"
[edit] See also
- Dean Martin
- Sammy Davis, Jr.
- The Rat Pack
- Jeff Gordon
- Gerard Way pretending to be Frank Sinatra.. or something.
- South Korea, the place where Frank's body now resides.
- God
