France

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[[Image:NightMime.png|thumb|right|280px|caption|A typical [[French|French street]] in Marseille. [[Mime|Mimes]] and other [[Necrophiliacs|freaks]] are seen here parading about unmolested. Sometimes the [[Nazi|Nazis]] make themselves missed.]]
[[Image:NightMime.png|thumb|right|300px|caption|A typical [[French|French street]] in Marseille. [[Mime|Mimes]] and other [[Necrophiliacs|freaks]] are seen here parading about unmolested. Sometimes the [[Nazi|Nazis]] make themselves missed.]]
 
 
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'''France''' or ''République française'' as it is officially known is the [[Penis|largest]] [[European Union|European]] [[Social Commentary|scumhole]], surpassing [[Germany]] for [[Stereotype|cultural stereotypes]] and [[Social Commentary|social unrest]]. Her chief claim to [[fame]] is being the first stop for any [[Charlemagne|artist]] [[William the Conqueror|reject]] or [[Napoleon Bonaparte|wannabe]] [[Charles de Gaulle|dictator]]. Geographically, France is located at the [[tit|teat]] of [[Europe]] hence the town of [[Brest, France|''Breast'']] at the foremost edge of the coast.
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'''France''' or ''République française'' as it is officially known, is the [[Penis|largest]] [[Europe|European]] [[Social Commentary|scumhole]], surpassing [[Germany]] for [[Stereotype|cultural stereotypes]] and [[Social Commentary|social unrest]]. Her chief claim to [[fame]] is being the first stop for any [[Charlemagne|artist]] [[William the Conqueror|reject]] or [[Napoleon Bonaparte|wannabe]] [[Charles de Gaulle|dictator]]. Geographically, France is located at the [[tit|teat]] of [[Europe]] hence the town of ''Brest'' at the foremost edge of the coast.
   
The [[French]] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consists of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to [[Shag|stay up]] late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".<ref> Promiscuity amongst the [[French]] middle class rivals [[bonobos]], especially the [[females]] in heat.</ref>
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The [[French]] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consist of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to stay up late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".<ref> Promiscuity amongst the [[French]] middle class rivals bonobos, especially the [[females]] in heat.</ref>
   
The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Economics|perpetual recession]] and ruled by [[Krypton|crypto]][[fascist|-fascist]] [[Goverment|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]].
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The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Money|perpetual recession]] and ruled by fascist [[Government|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]].
   
 
==History==
 
==History==
  +
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:''Main article: [[French history]]''
   
 
The [[history]] of France began a long time ago with the brutal tribe called the [[Asterix the Gaul|Gauls]], a people exclusively dedicated to the [[Pimp|art of pimping]]. During this time, the rest of [[Europe]] was nearly bankrupted by the brutal [[Pimp|pimping tactics]] employed by the [[Hell|new land]] that would eventually be called France. With the advent of [[Catholicism|Christendom]], France adopted extreme pretentiousness to disguise a [[heathen|heathen attitude]] toward everything, notably [[Sodomy|buggery]] and [[Vanity|perfume]].
 
The [[history]] of France began a long time ago with the brutal tribe called the [[Asterix the Gaul|Gauls]], a people exclusively dedicated to the [[Pimp|art of pimping]]. During this time, the rest of [[Europe]] was nearly bankrupted by the brutal [[Pimp|pimping tactics]] employed by the [[Hell|new land]] that would eventually be called France. With the advent of [[Catholicism|Christendom]], France adopted extreme pretentiousness to disguise a [[heathen|heathen attitude]] toward everything, notably [[Sodomy|buggery]] and [[Vanity|perfume]].
   
The Gauls were eventually subdued by the [[Christians]] and the [[Roman Empire|Romans]], and a [[nation]] was born. However it was an [[Conspiracy|evil reptile race]], the Merovingian’s, that made the France we know today. They surpassed the Franks to make a modern and cohesive [[Hell|hellhole]], with a great people imbibed with an anaemic smug self importance. This [[America|distinctive]] [[French]] attitude of self importance has continued till this very day. Under the new [[Royalty|Monarchy]], the [[French]] became a powerful force in [[Europe|Medieval Europe]].
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The Gauls were eventually subdued by the [[Christians]] and the [[Roman Empire|Romans]], and a [[nation]] was born. However it was an [[UnBooks:The Bilderberg Group|evil reptile race]], the Merovingians, that made the France we know today. They surpassed the Franks to make a modern and cohesive [[Hell|hellhole]], with a great people imbibed with an anaemic smug self importance. This [[America|distinctive]] [[French]] attitude of self importance has continued till this very day. Under the new [[Royalty|Monarchy]], the [[French]] became a powerful force in [[Europe|Medieval Europe]].
   
This continued until the [[French Revolution]] in which the royalty of France were [[Decapitation Disease|"''deposed''"]] for the [[Bollocks|"''Rights of Man''"]]. These events made France a ripe target and first port of call for [[Corsica|Corsican]] upstart [[Napoleon Bonaparte]]. His awesome height of four feet and four inches inspired his hate fuelled [[French Revolution|vengeance]] for the rest of [[Europe]] and spawned the [[Napoleonic Wars]].
+
This continued until the [[French Revolution]] in which the royalty of France were [[Decapitation Disease|"''deposed''"]] for the [[Bollocks|"''Rights of Man''"]]. These events made France a ripe target and first port of call for Corsican upstart [[Napoleon Bonaparte]]. His awesome height of four feet and four inches inspired his hate fuelled [[French Revolution|vengeance]] for the rest of [[Europe]] and spawned the [[Napoleonic Wars]].
   
The [[French Revolution]] proved to be France’s enduring legacy to [[Europe|European]] [[History|history]]. During these [[Napoleonic Wars]] the [[French]] [[Law|Legal system]] influenced the rest of the globe with an ethos of [[Formation surrendering|giving up]] at first sign of trouble. The demise of the messy and decadent [[royalty]], swapped in turn for support of any upstarts and [[Tyrant|tyrants]], has generally come to symbolize the success of the [[French Revolution|revolution]]; hence the [[French|French motto]] in the Rights of Man [[Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, or Death|"''Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, or Death''"]].
+
The [[French Revolution]] proved to be France’s enduring legacy to [[Europe|European]] [[History|history]]. During these [[Napoleonic Wars]] the [[French]] [[Law|Legal system]] influenced the rest of the globe with an ethos of [[Formation surrendering|giving up]] at first sign of trouble. The demise of the messy and decadent [[royalty]], swapped in turn for support of any upstarts and [[Tyrant|tyrants]], has generally come to symbolize the success of the [[French Revolution|revolution]]; hence the [[French|French motto]] in the Rights of Man, "''Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, or Death''".
   
 
==Politics==
 
==Politics==
[[Image:Art-Nouveau-Metro-Chateau-dEau-Sign-Paris-France-Photographic-Print-C12897178.jpg|thumb|right|300px|caption|The [[Paris|Parisian Underground]], yet another hangout for [[Whore|prostitutes]], the main [[Quantum Economics|GNP]] of France.]]
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[[Image:Art-Nouveau-Metro-Chateau-dEau-Sign-Paris-France-Photographic-Print-C12897178.jpg|thumb|right|280px|caption|The [[Paris|Parisian Underground]], yet another hangout for [[Whore|prostitutes]], the main [[Quantum Economics|GNP]] of France.]]
   
Frances [[politics]] are vague and corrupt; however most agree that France is run by an [[Conspiracy|evil Illuminati]] and pointless [[European Union|European bureaucracy]]. Most policies are usually in place to keep flagging [[car|car industries]] going. For domestic matters France concerns itself with avoiding outside intervention of the wide scale [[Evil|corruption]] within its [[7 Spheres of Hell|political spheres]] and stave off complete implosion of law and order with its over <!-- This is enough here --> unionized workforce.<ref>France is a country whose [[government]] can do little without the "''common man’s''" say, unless it involves overseas embezzlement or [[Nuclear|nuclear testing]] on [[pacific|pacific island colonies]] infested with [[The Color Problem|"''coloured types''".]]</ref>
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France's [[politics]] are vague and corrupt; however most agree that France is run by an Illuminati and pointless [[Europe|European bureaucracy]]. Most policies are usually in place to keep flagging [[car|car industries]] going. For domestic matters France concerns itself with avoiding outside intervention of the wide scale [[Evil|corruption]] within its' [[Politics|political spheres]] and staving off complete implosion of law and order with its over <!-- This is enough here --> unionized workforce.<ref>France is a country whose [[government]] can do little without the "''common man’s''" say, unless it involves overseas embezzlement or [[Nuclear|nuclear testing]] on [[pacific|pacific island colonies]] infested with [[The Color Problem|"''coloured types''".]]</ref>
   
 
Today we see France as "''key player''" on the [[World|world stage]] due to [[Colonialism|ex-colonial habits]], just like the hated rivals, the [[British]]. Their past exploits have landed them the ability to "''veto''" [[United Nations|UN Security Council]] decisions; this has been chiefly used to annoy arch nemesis the [[Captain America|Americans]].
 
Today we see France as "''key player''" on the [[World|world stage]] due to [[Colonialism|ex-colonial habits]], just like the hated rivals, the [[British]]. Their past exploits have landed them the ability to "''veto''" [[United Nations|UN Security Council]] decisions; this has been chiefly used to annoy arch nemesis the [[Captain America|Americans]].
   
The key distinction of [[Politics|French foreign policy]] is the pompous candour and general snootiness towards other [[G8|G8 members]]. There is also a heavy emphasis on the [[French language]], famously reported by many as like "''wiping your arse with silk''" - and French [[Wine]], which the French have boldly claimed is almost as good as the [[Australia|bogan variety]].
+
The key distinction of [[Politics|French foreign policy]] is the pompous candour and general snootiness towards other [[G8|G8 members]]. There is also a heavy emphasis on the [[French language]], famously reported by many as like "''wiping your arse with silk''" - and French Wine, which the French have boldly claimed is almost as good as the [[Australia|bogan variety]].
   
 
The French foreign policy formally consisted of enslaving [[Africa|North Africans]] to become [[HowTo:Hide a Dead Hooker|prostitutes]] for withered [[A bunch of aristocrats fucking. Awesome vid|aristocrats]]. Throughout its long history, France has known many masters and has become adjusted to thinking of itself as the world’s foil, not only in politics but in [[fashion]], [[Beaux-Arts architecture|architecture]] and other [[Attention Whore|cultural matters]].
 
The French foreign policy formally consisted of enslaving [[Africa|North Africans]] to become [[HowTo:Hide a Dead Hooker|prostitutes]] for withered [[A bunch of aristocrats fucking. Awesome vid|aristocrats]]. Throughout its long history, France has known many masters and has become adjusted to thinking of itself as the world’s foil, not only in politics but in [[fashion]], [[Beaux-Arts architecture|architecture]] and other [[Attention Whore|cultural matters]].
   
 
==Culture==
 
==Culture==
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French culture is [[Nobody Cares|world famous]], with many other [[Nation|countries]] following France’s lead on snooty pretentions and imitation Italian artwork. Exportable French [[French XVII Disciples Oval Table|culture]] includes an inbuilt sense of cultural superiority and an overly priggish sense of one’s cultural refinement] France is also famed for its rich and varied [[Mime|"''Mime posse''"]], which has the world’s [[Art|art community]] turned its way in admiration and respect. Many report France's [[Freaks|mimes and performers]] as excelling all competition, not only in [[Creep|creepiness]] but also in the [[Porn|erotic subplots]] of performances.
French [[culture]] is [[Nobody Cares|world famous]], with many other [[Nation|countries]] following France’s lead on snooty pretentions and imitation Italian artwork. Exportable French [[French XVII Disciples Oval Table|culture]] includes an inbuilt sense of cultural superiority and an overly priggish sense of one’s [[Culture|cultural refinement]]. France is also famed for its rich and varied [[Mime|"''Mime posse''"]], which has the world’s [[Art|art community]] turned its way in admiration and respect. Many report France's [[Freaks|mimes and performers]] as excelling all competition, not only in [[Creep|creepiness]] but also in the [[Porn|erotic subplots]] of performances.
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{{Cquote|Yes France is indeed a hotbed of decadent bourgeois malaise and pretentious foppery, like most Frenchmen I detest it so... Could you pass my coffee and cigarettes, as well as my sticky paged copy of Les Misérables; I'm far too lazy to move at the moment.}}
{{Cquote|Yes France is indeed a hotbed of [[It’s a Bourgeois World, After All|decadent bourgeois malaise]] and [[UnTunes:Foppery|pretentious foppery]], like most Frenchmen I detest it so... Could you pass my [[coffee]] and [[cigarettes]], as well as my sticky paged copy of [[Les Misérables]]; I'm far too lazy to move at the moment.}}
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These were [[Jean-Paul Sartre|Jean-Paul Sartre’s]] comments on his homeland’s culture and have been seen as a strong force on opposition to the social and cultural ills of France, if only the [[French]] could be bothered to read his [[Being and Nothingness|angst-ridden juvenile]] [[literature]]. The chief cultural ''and personal'' concern of the [[French]] is [[existentialism]] - the fashionable Philosophical movement of [[HowTo:Be French|staring at one’s own navel]] so as to decipher higher reality and purpose.
These were [[Jean-Paul Sartre|Jean-Paul Sartre’s]] comments on his homeland’s culture and have been seen as a strong force on opposition to the social and cultural ills of France, if only the [[French]] could be bothered to read his [[Being and Nothingness|angst-ridden juvenile]] [[literature]]. The chief [[Culture|cultural]] (and personal) concern of the [[French]] is [[existentialism]]; the fashionable Philosophical movement of [[HowTo:Be French|staring at one’s own navel]] so as to decipher higher reality and purpose.
 
   
 
France is also the birthplace of [[absinthe]] [[alcoholism|drinking]] [[Russell Brand|sex addicts]] and most outsiders perceive a country obsessed with [[snail]] [[Kanab Ambersnail|eating]] and debauchery. Indeed the country brought us the exploits of the great [[Marquis de Sade]] and [[Molière]], their expose of rampant bestiality and libertine behaviour brought worldwide infamy. Internationally issues have arisen with [[Toilet|toilet facilities]] which have been described as "''unsanitary''" by many. This is due to the fact that the French have the custom of smearing their own [[Shit|excrement]] across the walls whilst "''working the bidet''".
 
France is also the birthplace of [[absinthe]] [[alcoholism|drinking]] [[Russell Brand|sex addicts]] and most outsiders perceive a country obsessed with [[snail]] [[Kanab Ambersnail|eating]] and debauchery. Indeed the country brought us the exploits of the great [[Marquis de Sade]] and [[Molière]], their expose of rampant bestiality and libertine behaviour brought worldwide infamy. Internationally issues have arisen with [[Toilet|toilet facilities]] which have been described as "''unsanitary''" by many. This is due to the fact that the French have the custom of smearing their own [[Shit|excrement]] across the walls whilst "''working the bidet''".
   
 
=== The Geopolitical Crap Bin ===
 
=== The Geopolitical Crap Bin ===
[[Image:Absinthe-Robette-73KB.jpg|thumb|right|300px|caption|A poster depicting a rare shaved [[Woman|Frenchwoman]], surprisingly clean, posing for a popular [[Absinthe|French absinthe]] advertisement.]]
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[[Image:Absinthe-Robette-73KB.jpg|thumb|right|280px|caption|A poster depicting a rare shaved [[Woman|Frenchwoman]], surprisingly clean, posing for a popular [[Absinthe|French absinthe]] advertisement.]]
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Culture wars engulfed France early on, with heavy losses for the [[French]]. Today France consists of small, insignificant provinces where the [[Marrage|wives]] of rich men can spend their husbands' huge bonuses on overpriced products throughout the country, notably "''Provence,''" an overrated stretch of [[Agriculture|arable land]] where the [[Rich|super-rich]] often take their [[Vacation|vacations]].<ref>Source: The French official press agency, Demi-TASS.</ref>
   
[[Culture|Culture wars]] engulfed France early on, with heavy losses for the [[French]]. Today France consists of small insignificant provinces where the [[Marrage|wives]] of rich men can spend their husband’s huge bonuses on over priced products throughout the country, notably "''Provence''" an overrated stretch of [[Agriculture|arable land]] where the [[Rich|super rich]] often take their [[Vacation|vacations]].
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France is a centre for any [[Cinema|filmmakers]], [[Fashion|style gurus]] and [[Wanker|Artisan Chefs]]. A common practice in French culture are pointless fashion shows for vain, effeminate men and emaciated supermodels (usually [[UnTunes:White trash girl|American girls]] who are dolled up to be of the French "''species''"). Other major exploits are [[films]] that have no [[Jean-Luc Godard|discernable plot or meaning]] and attract those who are [[French]] at [[David Lynch|heart]] but were expelled from their own country.
   
France is a centre for any [[Film Criticism|filmmakers]], [[Fashion|style gurus]] and [[Blowjob|taste]]. A common practice in [[French]] [[culture]] are pointless fashion shows for vain effeminate men to along with emaciated supermodels (usually [[UnTunes:White trash girl|American girls]] who are dolled up to be of the French "''species''"). Other major exploits are [[films]] that have no [[Jean-Luc Godard|discernable plot or meaning]] and attract those who are [[French]] at [[David Lynch|heart]] but were expelled from their own country.
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Along with this, France has become synonymous with [[Europe|European]] [[Nobody Cares|foreign policy]] and as such, is often shown to be the blame for a ''[[UKIP|federal Europe]]''. France is also held accountable for the excessive bureaucracy within the European parliament, particularly the extortionate spending on Wine.
   
Along with this, France has become synonymous with [[Europe|European]] [[Nobody Cares|foreign policy]] and as such, is often shown to be the blame for a [[European Union|federal Europe]]. France is also held accountable for the excessive bureaucracy within the European parliament, particularly the extortionate spending on [[Wine]].
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[[Jacques Lacan]] of the [[Continental Philosophy|continental tradition]] famously commented, "''Don't come to France, nothing works.''" This indictment has been blown off with low prices for land, along with a willingness to blow up [[Lost|Pacific Islands]], [[The Poor|animals]] and the boundaries of good taste. As a result [[British]] [[expats]] have flooded over in droves, along with [[America|American]] [[Students|students]].
 
[[Jacques Lacan]] of the [[Continental Philosophy|continental tradition]] famously commented "''Don't come to France, nothing works''". This indictment has been blown off with low prices for land, along with a willingness to blow up [[Lost|Pacific Islands]], [[The Poor|animals]] and the boundaries of good taste. As a result [[British]] [[expats]] have flooded over in droves, along with [[America|American]] [[Students|students]].
 
   
 
== Tourism ==
 
== Tourism ==
{{Cquote|I've been here a year, I'm a [[HowTo:Write the Great American Novel|writer]]. The [[French|French people]] have been possessed by sex predators from the fourth dimension. There is no [[food]] except for [[baguette|baguettes]], somebody please help me.}}
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{{Cquote|I've been here a year, I'm a [[HowTo:Write the Great American Novel|writer]]. The French people have been possessed by sex predators from the fourth dimension. There is no food except baguettes. Dear God, somebody please help me...}}
[[Henry Miller]] [[I maed a yuky doody|wrote]] this during his stay in France, and it has been taken as [[UnBooks:Tropic of Cancer|key text]] for foreigners visiting the country. As a result of Miller's indictment, there has subsequently been a review, and both the [[UnBooks:Travel Guide For All Countries|Lonely Planet guides]] and [[National Geographic]] have updated their profiles on France with a warning to visitors about being raped and/or robbed by the locals.<ref>The issue of making the rape of non [[French|French citizens]] a crime was an emphatic "''Non!''" at the [[French]] [[Politics|Parliament]]. The debate has since been diverted to [[Brussels]] and the matter is still unresolved.</ref>
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[[Henry Miller]] wrote this during his stay in France, and it has been taken as [[UnBooks:Tropic of Cancer|key text]] for foreigners visiting the country. As a result of Miller's literature, there has subsequently been a review, and both the [[UnBooks:Travel Guide For All Countries|Lonely Planet guides]] and [[National Geographic]] have updated their profiles on France with a warning to visitors about being raped and/or robbed by the locals.<ref>The issue of making the rape of non [[French|French citizens]] a crime was an emphatic "''Non!''" at the [[French]] [[Politics|Parliament]]. The debate has since been diverted to [[Brussels]] and the matter is still unresolved.</ref>
   
The [[Fuck All|sights]] that can be seen in France are numerous, such as the [[HowTo:Be pretentious|pretentious people]]. Many [[Idiot|tourists]] choose France as a destination to absorb the great [[Art That Looks Like Nothing|art]] and [[culture]]. Typically this will descend into a [[Croissant|croissant eating contest]] and a [[coffee|coffee overdose]]. Notable [[French]] landmarks include the [[Eiffel Tower]], [[The Louvre]] and the Alps along with the wonderful [[Highway|"''autoroute stops''"]]; where a man may retire in their sheer wonderfulness.
+
The [[Fuck All|sights]] that can be seen in France are numerous, such as the [[HowTo:Be pretentious|pretentious people]]. Many [[Idiot|tourists]] choose France as a destination to absorb the great [[Art That Looks Like Nothing|art]] and culture. Typically this will descend into a croissant eating contest and a [[coffee|coffee overdose]]. Notable [[French]] landmarks include the [[Eiffel Tower]], The Louvre and the Alps along with the wonderful [[Highway|"''autoroute stops''"]]; where a man may retire in their sheer wonderfulness.
   
 
One of the most major factors to take into account is [[time]], which works differently in France. A traveler may find that going to buy a [[banana]] takes half the day whilst [[geography]] changes by the minute, you may find yourself a [[Mountains|mountain vista]] only for it to change abruptly by a hideous [[Africa|North African]] blotting your view; or that view subsequently replaced altogether with a [[beach]] and [[Hot chick|lovely topless women]]. Don't forget that hideous [[Africa|North African]] in your view.
 
One of the most major factors to take into account is [[time]], which works differently in France. A traveler may find that going to buy a [[banana]] takes half the day whilst [[geography]] changes by the minute, you may find yourself a [[Mountains|mountain vista]] only for it to change abruptly by a hideous [[Africa|North African]] blotting your view; or that view subsequently replaced altogether with a [[beach]] and [[Hot chick|lovely topless women]]. Don't forget that hideous [[Africa|North African]] in your view.
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==See also==
 
==See also==
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*The [[French]]
* [[Europe]]
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*[[Europe]]
* [[Garlic]]
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*[[HowTo:Be French]]
   
 
{{France}}
 
{{France}}
   
[[Category:Countries]]
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{{FA|date=8 October 2008|revision=3358934}}
[[Category:Europe]]
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[[Category:France| ]]
[[Category:French]]
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[[Category:European countries]]
 
[[Category:Places stuck in the past]]
 
[[Category:Places stuck in the past]]
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[[Category:Vital articles]]
   
 
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[[ar:فرنسا]]

Latest revision as of 08:34, February 27, 2014

NightMime
A typical French street in Marseille. Mimes and other freaks are seen here parading about unmolested. Sometimes the Nazis make themselves missed.
Bouncywikilogo10
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about France.

France or République française as it is officially known, is the largest European scumhole, surpassing Germany for cultural stereotypes and social unrest. Her chief claim to fame is being the first stop for any artist reject or wannabe dictator. Geographically, France is located at the teat of Europe hence the town of Brest at the foremost edge of the coast.

The French are famed for their culinary skills which consist of "baking bread" and "producing hot buns and tarts". There is also the widely adopted pastime of drinking excess coffee so as to be able to stay up late into the night; indeed France is a nation of "midnight alley cats".[1]

The French have also have a great claim to fame by having overpowering unions, which have led to slow industry and the country being in perpetual recession and ruled by fascist governments since France's defeat in the Second World War.

edit History

Main article: French history

The history of France began a long time ago with the brutal tribe called the Gauls, a people exclusively dedicated to the art of pimping. During this time, the rest of Europe was nearly bankrupted by the brutal pimping tactics employed by the new land that would eventually be called France. With the advent of Christendom, France adopted extreme pretentiousness to disguise a heathen attitude toward everything, notably buggery and perfume.

The Gauls were eventually subdued by the Christians and the Romans, and a nation was born. However it was an evil reptile race, the Merovingians, that made the France we know today. They surpassed the Franks to make a modern and cohesive hellhole, with a great people imbibed with an anaemic smug self importance. This distinctive French attitude of self importance has continued till this very day. Under the new Monarchy, the French became a powerful force in Medieval Europe.

This continued until the French Revolution in which the royalty of France were "deposed" for the "Rights of Man". These events made France a ripe target and first port of call for Corsican upstart Napoleon Bonaparte. His awesome height of four feet and four inches inspired his hate fuelled vengeance for the rest of Europe and spawned the Napoleonic Wars.

The French Revolution proved to be France’s enduring legacy to European history. During these Napoleonic Wars the French Legal system influenced the rest of the globe with an ethos of giving up at first sign of trouble. The demise of the messy and decadent royalty, swapped in turn for support of any upstarts and tyrants, has generally come to symbolize the success of the revolution; hence the French motto in the Rights of Man, "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, or Death".

edit Politics

Art-Nouveau-Metro-Chateau-dEau-Sign-Paris-France-Photographic-Print-C12897178
The Parisian Underground, yet another hangout for prostitutes, the main GNP of France.

France's politics are vague and corrupt; however most agree that France is run by an Illuminati and pointless European bureaucracy. Most policies are usually in place to keep flagging car industries going. For domestic matters France concerns itself with avoiding outside intervention of the wide scale corruption within its' political spheres and staving off complete implosion of law and order with its over unionized workforce.[2]

Today we see France as "key player" on the world stage due to ex-colonial habits, just like the hated rivals, the British. Their past exploits have landed them the ability to "veto" UN Security Council decisions; this has been chiefly used to annoy arch nemesis the Americans.

The key distinction of French foreign policy is the pompous candour and general snootiness towards other G8 members. There is also a heavy emphasis on the French language, famously reported by many as like "wiping your arse with silk" - and French Wine, which the French have boldly claimed is almost as good as the bogan variety.

The French foreign policy formally consisted of enslaving North Africans to become prostitutes for withered aristocrats. Throughout its long history, France has known many masters and has become adjusted to thinking of itself as the world’s foil, not only in politics but in fashion, architecture and other cultural matters.

edit Culture

French culture is world famous, with many other countries following France’s lead on snooty pretentions and imitation Italian artwork. Exportable French culture includes an inbuilt sense of cultural superiority and an overly priggish sense of one’s cultural refinement] France is also famed for its rich and varied "Mime posse", which has the world’s art community turned its way in admiration and respect. Many report France's mimes and performers as excelling all competition, not only in creepiness but also in the erotic subplots of performances.

Cquote1 Yes France is indeed a hotbed of decadent bourgeois malaise and pretentious foppery, like most Frenchmen I detest it so... Could you pass my coffee and cigarettes, as well as my sticky paged copy of Les Misérables; I'm far too lazy to move at the moment. Cquote2

These were Jean-Paul Sartre’s comments on his homeland’s culture and have been seen as a strong force on opposition to the social and cultural ills of France, if only the French could be bothered to read his angst-ridden juvenile literature. The chief cultural and personal concern of the French is existentialism - the fashionable Philosophical movement of staring at one’s own navel so as to decipher higher reality and purpose.

France is also the birthplace of absinthe drinking sex addicts and most outsiders perceive a country obsessed with snail eating and debauchery. Indeed the country brought us the exploits of the great Marquis de Sade and Molière, their expose of rampant bestiality and libertine behaviour brought worldwide infamy. Internationally issues have arisen with toilet facilities which have been described as "unsanitary" by many. This is due to the fact that the French have the custom of smearing their own excrement across the walls whilst "working the bidet".

edit The Geopolitical Crap Bin

Absinthe-Robette-73KB
A poster depicting a rare shaved Frenchwoman, surprisingly clean, posing for a popular French absinthe advertisement.

Culture wars engulfed France early on, with heavy losses for the French. Today France consists of small, insignificant provinces where the wives of rich men can spend their husbands' huge bonuses on overpriced products throughout the country, notably "Provence," an overrated stretch of arable land where the super-rich often take their vacations.[3]

France is a centre for any filmmakers, style gurus and Artisan Chefs. A common practice in French culture are pointless fashion shows for vain, effeminate men and emaciated supermodels (usually American girls who are dolled up to be of the French "species"). Other major exploits are films that have no discernable plot or meaning and attract those who are French at heart but were expelled from their own country.

Along with this, France has become synonymous with European foreign policy and as such, is often shown to be the blame for a federal Europe. France is also held accountable for the excessive bureaucracy within the European parliament, particularly the extortionate spending on Wine.

Jacques Lacan of the continental tradition famously commented, "Don't come to France, nothing works." This indictment has been blown off with low prices for land, along with a willingness to blow up Pacific Islands, animals and the boundaries of good taste. As a result British expats have flooded over in droves, along with American students.

edit Tourism

Cquote1 I've been here a year, I'm a writer. The French people have been possessed by sex predators from the fourth dimension. There is no food except baguettes. Dear God, somebody please help me... Cquote2

Henry Miller wrote this during his stay in France, and it has been taken as key text for foreigners visiting the country. As a result of Miller's literature, there has subsequently been a review, and both the Lonely Planet guides and National Geographic have updated their profiles on France with a warning to visitors about being raped and/or robbed by the locals.[4]

The sights that can be seen in France are numerous, such as the pretentious people. Many tourists choose France as a destination to absorb the great art and culture. Typically this will descend into a croissant eating contest and a coffee overdose. Notable French landmarks include the Eiffel Tower, The Louvre and the Alps along with the wonderful "autoroute stops"; where a man may retire in their sheer wonderfulness.

One of the most major factors to take into account is time, which works differently in France. A traveler may find that going to buy a banana takes half the day whilst geography changes by the minute, you may find yourself a mountain vista only for it to change abruptly by a hideous North African blotting your view; or that view subsequently replaced altogether with a beach and lovely topless women. Don't forget that hideous North African in your view.

edit Footnotes

  1. Promiscuity amongst the French middle class rivals bonobos, especially the females in heat.
  2. France is a country whose government can do little without the "common man’s" say, unless it involves overseas embezzlement or nuclear testing on pacific island colonies infested with "coloured types".
  3. Source: The French official press agency, Demi-TASS.
  4. The issue of making the rape of non French citizens a crime was an emphatic "Non!" at the French Parliament. The debate has since been diverted to Brussels and the matter is still unresolved.

edit See also

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