Fran Drescher

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3Fran-Dresher

What is most certainly the height of Fran Drescher's career.

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“Why do I know who this is? Seriously... Why?”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Whore of Baghdad

“What the hell is that horrible sound?”
~ Me on Fran Drescher's voice

Fran Drescher (Hebrew: Shhhznkrul Dggkok), also known as the Whore of Baghdad, is the anthropormorphic embodiment of the "death-rattle". She is the inventor of Super-AIDS, which she is gradually giving to every person within 5 degrees of separation of Kevin Bacon, so you should be ok. She was also the star of some terrible, terrible sitcom, which we can all tell how she got, because it's obvious why her voice is that way.

Early "Life"

Immediately after the creation of Death, Drescher came into existence, and to this day, exists in a small part of each and every living thing, waiting for her chance to be released. She was commanded to never interfere with our lives, however, in some small subtle way, Fran Drescher is trying to kill us all. After thousands of years in wait, Drescher convinced a poor, hideous leprosy-ridden girl on the streets of Baghdad to be her physical vessel. At first the girl refused, instinctively knowing that this would be worse than a deal with the devil, but after promises of fame, fortune and as much man-meat as her throat could handle, the girl relented. This union also brought about the eventual fall of Baghdad. The poor child was an innocent in all this, but biblically the blame has been cast upon her, and like so many things in the Bible, this proves God a huge chauvinist.

Career

Some consider what Fran Drescher does to be work, and as such, the horrible things she does are filed under Career.

  • 0 A.C.
    • Fran is created.
  • 2003 A.C.
    • Fran eats the soul of a young woman in Baghdad and takes the form we now know.
  • 2004 A.C.
    • After trying to fellate her way to the top Drescher realizes her skills in all things are rudimentary and falls back on black magic to make her way.
    • Drescher catches the eyes of several Hollywood producers after popping them out with an ice cream scoop.
  • 2005 A.C.
    • The Nanny is first aired.
  • 2007 A.C.
    • During filming of the "love" scene in The Beautician and the Beast, Timothy Darling receives the first known case of Super-AIDS from Drescher.
  • 2008 A.C.
    • Fran walks over the dead body of her agent and out of Hollywood, after having been called "un-hireable" only seconds before.
    • The Drescher Campaign of Super-AIDS begins and slowly all hope for a persistent human existence comes to an end.
  • 2009 A.C.
    • 2,000,000 People have been reported to have "Super-AIDS"
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