Fox Bros. Network

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The Fox Bros. Network, also known as the Fucking Bollocks Network is a television network and mind-control unit in America, perhaps better known for constantly producing films so bad that Scary Movie looks like a winner by comparison.

edit Origins

In 1905, the films were still a new thing to ancient man, and so the Fox Brothers, Freddy Fox and Fickle Fox, two Disneyland rejects, established a film studio under the title of Fox Bros. Features, taking on ex-vaudeville actors, producers, radiators and punters to produce shoddy, second-hand silent films with no budget. As there was no budget, even a film that bombed would still bring in money anyway, so it's still a profit, right? WRONG!

edit Enter Tex Avery

While other studios rapidly turned to Television, a handful remained to produce films. The Fox Bros, who had gone through hell whilst under the jurisdiction of Disneyland, decided to continue making films, but this time with actual plots, and plots that were based around the harshness of the Disney regime to cash in on the current hype of Disneysploitation.

At this point, filmmaker Tex Avery, world renowned for his over-the-top violence in the horror genre, came to the studio and began producing some of the most successful horror films that were so violent they would scare a blind man shitless. Despite the large profits raked in for the studio, many of the cast died while shooting the Avery films, and so the money had to be spent hiring more staff.

edit The Brothers Die

When the Fox Brothers died in 1928, Steven Spielberg took a chance at running it through the Manic Depression. The studio suffered during the Car Crash of 1929, especially when they couldn't afford to replace the actors killed in Avery's bloodfests. It was still possible to hire cheap stagehands and crewmembers, but few were willing to act in fear of their lives.

As America began to recover from the Manic Depression, more actors and actresses returned, just in time to see Tex Avery and his partners Eli Roth and Rob Zombie take on a contract with Disney. He and Spielberg never saw eye to eye, and so the Fox Bros. studio had to continue alone, with income and pants dropping sharply.

edit Moving to TV

With movies becoming a thing of the past, Spielberg then left Fox Bros. to work elsewhere, and the studio came under the control of Oscar Wilde, who saw potential in producing television series rather than films. Hey, I just write this article, bud, I ain't making this stuff up...Well, okay, I am, but that's besides the frigging point, ain't it?!

By this time, Amalgam Comics was on the scene and ready to roll. The studio, with a contract to the company, produced several, really low-budget cartoons based on Amalgam Comics characters. Most of these failed because they were just bits of comic-books cut out and stuck on wooden skewers with sticky-tape, and so the shows were soon abandoned after bombing financially and then bombing Iraq.

edit Fox Bros. Today

Following the failure of these cartoons, Fox Bros. is today only a cardboard replica, as the original was repossessed by the IRS in lieu of tax payments. The company itself is run by the current president, Princess Angelina Cantessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca III, although everyone calls her Dot.

edit DVD Releases

This is a definitive list of all DVD releases made by Fox Bros. of their movies and TV series that they thought would be worth releasing even if they were a load of crap.

edit The Amalgam Comics Collection

edit The Mel Brooks Collection

edit DVD Releases with PBS

These movies were made by PBS, but distributed via the Fox Bros. Network because nobody else was stupid enough to do it.

edit The Action Movies

edit The Date Movies

edit Spy Movie: Special Edition

edit Other Movies

edit Leadership

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Fox Bros. Network is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.


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