Forum:Why I'm Leaving Uncyc

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Temptation itself

When I started editing Uncyclopedia, I was under the impression that, through making serious articles for mass consumption, I would be contributing to the overall wealth of human knowledge. When I first laid eyes on Uncyclopedia, I thought we were a legitimate offshoot of Wikipedia: an online wiki full of serious shiznit. After about 400 days and, like, a million featured articles, I'm starting to see that Uncyclopedia is not in any way "contributing to the overall wealth of human knowledge." In fact, I would say that Uncyclopedia is making me stupider by the day. It's too bad it took me this long to figure out, but I must admit it wasn't my fault: I am only 4, after all. With this in mind, I am not leaving Uncyclopedia. Instead, I demand that either all of you change your ways or leave. In other words, I would rather have the whole wiki to myself than all this crazy bullshit that's been goin' on lately, i.e., writing hilarious articles and being nice to noobs and each other. This type of ultimatum has not been attempted ever before in the history of dramatically announcing that one is leaving Uncyc.

That's right: If all of you bastards stop clownin' around and get down to bidness, I will be forced to take drastic measures. First of all, I refuse to leave, no matter how much you ban me DR. SKULLTHUMPER, RAHB, AND THAT FROG GUY and no matter how much real life calls to me. Second of all, although I don't have any way to back up my threats, I can find ways.

In conclusion, if you don't clean up your act, I will be forced to give you your papers and ask you to leave. You, specifically. Also, I'm kind of bored: if anyone has any suggestions for a cure, hit me up.   Le Cejak <21:24, 29 Aug 2008>

Have you taken your Ritalin today? — Sir Sycamore (talk) 21:27, 29 August 2008 (UTC)
No, but that's neither here nor there. Also, taking ritalin would calm me down even more than I presently am. Just pointing it out.   Le Cejak <21:29, 29 Aug 2008>

Dude, trust me, if you've read ANY of my edits, you would know that I am the LEAST LIKELY person to write hilarious articles and being nice to noobs. I AM a noob. Why would I be nice to myself? Seriously, I ask myself that question every time I cut myself. -MafiaHatBrown Velosi-T Icons-flag-us {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 22:32, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Bah I think I'll write some random reasons why people choose to leave Uncyclopedia:

  1. Too many Mr. Winkler jokes, I happen to think all such jokes are "gay gay gay" and nothing that gay should legally be funny. In fact even Gay Hitler is not that funny, and I never even found "The Producers" funny either.
  2. I got tired of "Fill in the blank" abusing his/her admin powers and deleting my articles for no reason other than saying they are "stupid" and no reason given for why they found them stupid and not putting it up for a vote on VFD or at least sticking a fix or rewrite tag on it.
  3. Not only do you guys make fun of Batman, but also The Joker, as a comic book fan boy/girl I am seriously offended. Heath Ledger is not funny he is supposed to play a darker version of The Joker but you guys made him into a joke and the guy died and will never be able to see an Oscar. Imaging that joking about some dead guy who played The Joker, on a Wiki that is all about jokes? This is serious, stop laughing!
  4. Why is there an article named Your mom that is all about my mother? Stop it, my mother is not a whore, she is an exotic dancer but draws the line on sex and does leech off welfare but stop judging her, and yes my father really is a homeless bum who needs karate lessons to save his family from ninjas. Why must you make fun of my family that way!
  5. Too many damn Chuck Norris jokes, stop it already, first you did it to Oscar Wilde and then George W. Bush and then R. Lee Ermey but now Chuck Norris? He trained with Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee is dead and you still make fun of him, stop it! Those men are my heroes!
  6. I am a closet Conservapedia fan and find most articles here are viciously liberal. Bill O'Reilly is right, you guys are the leftist version of KKK and Nazi groups. I'm going back to the fair and balanced Conservapedia where they don't put a liberal spin on the articles.
  7. My wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other finds your site is very stupid and won't have sex with me until I leave it and stop writing articles. I haven't gotten laid since 2005/2006/2007 and I am getting a serious case of sex withdrawal. Humor Wiki or Sex, guess which one I decided to pursue?
  8. I'm actually that vandal/troll and every time I tried to sabotage your articles, you protected it from editing and voted it as a featured article. Then you nominated me for Useless Gobshite of the Month and created a fake user page on me. I created this fake account to fool you, but then I learned I was the real fool and you had been making fun of me all of the time, and I was so stupid I thought I was winning and getting a lot of attention. But now it has become creepy at how much you actually like me, so I have to leave.
  9. You made fun of my religion, is nothing sacred? You forced me to become a Scientologist because you made so much fun of my religion that I felt so ashamed that I took one of their free personality tests to see how messed up I became and now I am staring in movies with Tom Cruise! A pity that I have to give all of my money to the Church of Scientology but at least now I am free of thetans.

Can we make those into some random RandomReasonstoLeaveUncyclopedia template that just picks one random reason and people can write an "I'm leaving Uncyclopedia because {{RandomReasontoLeave Uncyclopedia}} because I think we can all be funnier in the ways we leave Uncyclopedia and write a forum topic trying to be funny but not actually doing anything but annoy people? Thanks --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 02:26, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

8 is IRAQATTACK, 2 is Flumpa and definitely some other guys, 4 is... Capercorn? I don't know the rest D: --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 18:32, 2 September 2008 (UTC)
You guessed good so far, keep it up and you'll figure out the other random reasons why people left Uncyclopedia. :) --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 01:35, 4 September 2008 (UTC)

I'm too self obsessed to use that header

Yeah, I'm announcing that I to am pulling out of visible talking and junk on site until I have more good articles under my belt. Goodbye. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 04:36, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Adios, muchacho! ...wait, that declaration doesn't make any sense, DJ!   Le Cejak <5:05, 30 Aug 2008>
Did I ever make any sense? (Screw you for making me breach my ultimatum that you made me make you me) --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 05:41, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
Hey, DJ, I've got a secret you might want to know... Spang talk 05:59, 30 Aug 2008
Am I gay? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 06:00, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
Dunno, are you? That wasn't what this secret is... Spang talk 06:02, 30 Aug 2008
So, is he supposed to guess or are you gonna tell us?   Le Cejak <6:02, 30 Aug 2008>
Icecream? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 06:03, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
I don't know if I should say now... Spang talk 06:03, 30 Aug 2008
GOOD! We didn't wanna know anyway!   Le Cejak <6:04, 30 Aug 2008>
Maybe if you come a little closer I'll whisper it... Spang talk 06:05, 30 Aug 2008
(If his secret involves pulling his finger: 1) Don't 2) That's not a finger. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 09:19, 30 August 2008 (UTC))
I wonder will there be puzzles? -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 20:07, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
Pssh, you noobs. I already know. The secret is 42. Duh. -MafiaHatBrown Velosi-T Icons-flag-us {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 21:00, 9 September 2008 (UTC)

You didn't even MENTION me.

FU Cajek! --MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 02:30, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Personally, I'm rather fond of cheese. FYI. --Sir gwax (talk) Signuke 00:05, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Don't expect me to read any of the above before I leave my comments here. Wjhonson 02:28, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Spoken like a true Uncyclopedian. Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 02:43, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
I had sex with all the women in your family. --Sir gwax (talk) Signuke 06:50, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
Well, since you're on the internets, I would venture that you haven't had sex with any girls whatsoever, with the possible exception of that girl at fat camp that summer who may or may not have bumped in to you just right in the chow line because she was hungry and was willing to do anything to budge in line. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 11:28, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
That was a very special moment for me. --Sir gwax (talk) Signuke 16:36, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
Good for you. Thanks to your "moment", I had to wait thirty more seconds for lunch. I could have died! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:03, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
Did you learn nothing from fat camp? That's why you store extra food in your pockets. --Sir gwax (talk) Signuke 23:47, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
I was so fat that my pockets were useless. Too much pressure from the inside, you see. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:02, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
Ah, I had that problem until I started wearing a fanny pack. Man they had some good ideas in the '80s. --Sir gwax (talk) Signuke 21:53, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
Fanny packs totally rock. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:49, Sep 4
I had a fanny pack. I put it on, then it was gone. I don't really want it back. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:30, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
They kind of scream lardy American tourist I suppose/ "I'm not going there unless it's air condtioned" (add nasel voice) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 19:55, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
I wore a fanny pack once. My friends said I was gay. It happened to be true, but that is besides the point. -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 22:12, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
I was a lardy American tourist once. Packed my girlfriend and her fanny from Edingdonbroggoughgh to D'over. "Howjer keep tha chippie in line?" "I just give her a slap on the fanny," I said. "Awr! Yer filfy, filfy!" Took me a long time to figure that out. ----OEJ 11:58, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
You foreigners have the classiest accents. Except people from Cuba. The Cubish accent sucks. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 12:19, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
Good healthcare, though, apparently.-- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 19:35, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that the country that has quite possibly the best healthcare in the world also has the best cigars? Also, am considering moving there when older (I hate Republicans, and I like healthcare and cigars). Chocolate Rain 15:56, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
If you find democracy a chore then Cuba is the place for you. -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 19:02, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
Well yeah, Democracy is right up there with taking out the garbage and washing the dishes (albeit I have a dishwasher...but they don't make Democracy washers, do they?). Chocolate Rain 19:05, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
They have them in Japan. -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 19:20, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
Too much money spent on shipping and importing... Chocolate Rain 19:24, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
Plus the instruction manuals are always poorly translated. Listen up, Japan: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY 'L' DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T WRITE IT OUT IN THE MANUAL. Stupid people not learning my language so they can sell me quality products at low low prices while supplies last for a limited time only... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:47, Sep 9
Kamikaze bastards, next thing you know, they'll start crashing Prius's into our warships... Chocolate Rain 00:51, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Hang on.....

don't they call this the "content-free" encyclopedia? i would have thought that was a clue.....

-Lord iEvil

A clue to what? Murder most foul? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:43, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
It was Olipro witht he dildo in the bedroom! -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 19:41, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
I reckon it was Mordillo with the Yad — Sir Sycamore (talk) 19:45, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
This is Cluedo! You have to give the room too. Gah! -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 20:09, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
I dinniae play "Bored" games like Cludo, they break family's apart — Sir Sycamore (talk) 20:11, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
That's true. Monopoly is the reason I killed my brother, An Ape that Only Exists on Wednesdays. I'm not sure how the times synched up. -- lazy Ape (cogitate) (Riot Porn) 19:11, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
Irregardless, it is nowhere near Thursday right now, who is this typing, really?--Witt, Union leader of Union member UNion Entertain me* 05:07, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
More to the point, is that relevant? Do we actually CARE who's typing? -MafiaHatBrown Velosi-T Icons-flag-us {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 21:36, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
Look Who's Typing was a great movie. I, for one, remember it so fondly that it almost exists. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:28, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
Very good point, but Amazon gave it a bad overall rating. -MafiaHatBrown Velosi-T Icons-flag-us {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 23:03, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
And yet Look Who's Typing Too is seen as a classic. Along with Empire Strikes Back, Godfather II and Weekend at Bernies - the Return, its an example of a second movie that far outclasses the first. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

WHAT?,deh meh neh ceh veh

deh
 
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The poll was created at 19:10 on September 18, 2008, and so far 8 people voted.

No one can leave Uncyclopedia, only to never come.

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