Forum:I hate noobs

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Forums: Index > Village Dump > I hate noobs
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So I propose a new sort of "help" page. One in which we dissuade people from bringing up issues which have been discoursed to death. For example, how often do we have lengthy discussions about being "friendly" which never resolve in anything useful, just more welcome brigades? (Answer: too often) How often do people pull a I'M NOT EUROPEAN, I'M AMERICAN AND CAN THUS ABIDE NO FOUL LANGUAGE, MY EARS HAVE EVOLVED FUNNY? (Answer: YOUR MOM YOUR MOM YOUR MOM)

So I suggest we nip this nonsense in the bud and let everybody know ahead of time that the only answer they'll get is from noobier regulars who haven't discussed it yet and a few peanut gallery regulars. Or maybe something more "friendly". And links to previous discussions.

--K "getting soft in her old age" T 20:42, 3 June 2007 (UTC)

Burn them all I say. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
I've suggested "Welcome Bans" before on IRC (go look for it on QDB if you care). We could probably get Olipro to rig us up a bot, or a script, or something. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 20:53, 3 June 2007 (UTC)
But that would lead to fewer forum topics, giving me less chances to talk about the joys of taxidermy. I'd have to get a hobby, or something. Maybe taxidermy. I hear that's fun. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:57, 3 June 2007 (UTC)
I'm with Modus. (Hey, wait, where did he go?) Although this approach does mean we end up mocking n00bs more than is strictly nice. But you never know when one of the little blighters is going to have a genius epiphany that will change the course of human Uncyclopedian history. --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 22:20, 3 June 2007 (UTC)

I have nothing against Noobs, except when they start flamewars over our articles and attack the people who wrote the articles, because they happen to disagree with the words in the article. I am sorry but disagreeing with the message, even if it is a political one, is not justification for a flamewar. Most of these people came from Wikipedia and seem to think they can edit articles to Wikipedia standards which are not the same as Uncyclopedia standards. Then they think they know better than us, and attack us some more. It is enough to make me want to quit Uncyclopedia, and I am sick of it. Plus the stuff they accuse us of doing, they are doing themselves in the articles. I mean you give them a link to the rules on HTBFANJS, and they ignore it and attack you anyway. They even get guidelines for UnNews articles in their talk page and they ignore those as well, and attack people who write UnNews articles. I don't mind being told that an article I wrote is unfunny, but to have someone attack me over it and start a flamewar over it goes way too far. They don't really tell me what is unfunny about it, they just start doing personal attacks. I am glad I got a vacation coming up giving me a month away from all this to cool off. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 22:11, 3 June 2007 (UTC)

Hmm the noob problem is one which concerns me greatly, and as a result I've tried of late to do everything in my power (which admittedly isn't much) to help welcome them and train them up right, even if it means going out on a limb to save an article which is rubbish, I'll do it if it helps them learn. But you can't help people who don't want to be helped. We have a myriad of useful pages here to help new users find their feet, and with custom welcome messages (no offense but the template could be a bit more helpful and a bit less generic), the Adopt-a-noob program (which i dont see getting used all that much, I'm still waiting to adopt one :( ) and the help forums we actually DO try our best.
The problem is, there is a distinction between new users who genuinely want to join the community and fit in but just ask silly/noobish questions and the flamers who start all these ridiculous forum wars. Those people never want to actually become a part of our community, and thus will refuse any help proffered. So, I say ban the latter and let us not lose heart so we can continue to help the former. Too many pointless flamewars make people jaded about new users when they shouldn't be. ~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 11:54, 03 June 2007

Just to clear things up... the "I hate noobs" title is supposed to be comedic in its contrast to what I was saying. I mean a Village Dump FAQs

I am still shaking off the remnants of noobiness myself, and I know what it feels like to have a million stupid questions and nowhere to ask them. I remember searching forever to find answers to the simplest questions. Really, I think the best thing Uncyc does is the AAN campaign. I don't bother my adopter too much anymore, but it's good to know that if I have a question about something, he can help me out. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:32, 4 June 2007 (UTC)
I agree, I think one-on-one help from someone who is committed to patiently answering all those little questions is vital. I was never officially adopted but I did find a patient soul to encourage me (unlike most noobs I was terrified of editing anything without permission slips signed in triplicate) and answer all those silly question as I "grew up" around here. Thats why I'm still waiting to become a mummy for myself so I can return the favour. Metaphorically speaking :) ~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 02:43, 04 June 2007
Did we ever get around to advertising Adopt-a-n00b in the welcome template? Because we should... --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 10:52, 4 June 2007 (UTC)
I'm not certain, I use my own version now, which does plug the AAN strongly :) Check it out. Sure its a bit long, but it covers what I want to say in a friendly manner and I've had a couple of noobs get back in touch with me since which is nice :) ~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 01:56, 10 June 2007
I like it lots. I have mixed feelings about the longness (r.e. people not being bothered to read it all), but that's far outweighed by the amount of useful info it gives. I'd be rather in support of this or something quite like it (I always quite liked the door comment on the standard one - it's very us) becoming the standard welcome template. --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 09:22, 10 June 2007 (UTC)
Thanks, I like it too, and I agree about the length but can't seem to shorten it anymore. But I figure how many ppl read it anyways? So far I think I've had 3 new users get in contact with me or thank me for the welcome so I guess it comes across as more personal. I think some of the standard template is a bit obsolete now and perhaps doesn't focus on the right things anymore. But I'm just gonna stick with mine. I like the personalised templates, several ppl have them (I got the Tom Mayfair special when I signed up ^_~ ) and I think people appreciate it. ~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 10:11, 10 June 2007
You certainly should. I did not find it there, and I was about to make an (even greater) ass of myself by suggesting such a programme, when I discovered it, like 30 seconds before committing myself. --Pieface 11:25, 4 June 2007 (UTC)

Q. I don't like the swearing/images/whatever

A. Too bad.

Q. We are too mean to noobs!

A. We are cynical, hard, embittered people and nothing will change that. Not even the various things we tried: see {{welcome}}, {{ICU}} vs {{NRV}}, and related discussions.

Etc. Except "nicer." --KATIE!! 23:59, 3 June 2007 (UTC)

For - oh go on then; we already have one for help, and this would be a natural extension in a way. And even the non-n00bs could sometimes use an index of precedents before they inevitably bring up an old subject for the fifty-millionth time (although be aware that it won't stop them!). I refer you to the case of Uncyclopedia versus Pondermatic, 2007. --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 00:11, 4 June 2007 (UTC)

Righto, yeah i guess i didnt make me point well either, what i was meaning was that i think we actually try hard enough for them already, and should just ban em when they make those stupid forum posts because they arent the people who actually will try and fit in here anyway, leaving our energy stores full to help those new users who actually do try :) (making dis pink to distinguish it from above comments :) )~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 12:05, 04 June 2007

Maybe #uncyc could start a foreign exchange student program and send some noobs over to the Netherlands for educational purposes, whilst accepting some Dutch noobs in return. It would be a win-win situation: the foreign exchange noobs would get a character-building experience unparrallelled in the Known Universe, and the Dutch exchange noobs would learn how to spell correctly, and how to apply correct (English or Merkin) grammar. I myself - as a Dutchy - are willing to sponsor one foreign exchange student, provided she is not older that 25 years of age, of slender build, unattached, liberal in outlook, and of course blonde (blue eyes are considered a bonus). -- di Mario 14:10, 9 June 2007 (UTC)

How about 60, paunchy, married, conservative, and bald with rheumy eyes? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:36, 9 June 2007 (UTC)
Would that include a denture and an Alzheimer brain prothesis ? -- di Mario 14:56, 9 June 2007 (UTC)
Dentures? Sort of (he's got a bridge). Alzheimer's, not so much. <"Sorry Dad. It doesn't look like you're going to Europe after all."> Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 15:02, 9 June 2007 (UTC)
As people can see we Dutchies are very progressive in allowing and even promoting women to hold and express political points of view even if blond, albeit that would not be very likely to happen. I would like to point out that most dutch people do not, in fact, really care a whole lot if the slender 23 year old blond in question is unattached or not. --Vosnul 15:07, 9 June 2007 (UTC)
Well, I would require the limbs to be attached, of course, and preferably in a manner following the traditional constellation. Plus various other bits of the anatomy appearing at the expected places. Or is that asking too much? -- di Mario 17:39, 10 June 2007 (UTC)
Might I suggest that, if you are really at times actively anticipating and are consciously expecting some certain persons bits of anatomy to be the right type and in the right place when such a situation arises, you might need to find a new social establishment to frequent during the weekends ? --Vosnul 22:13, 10 June 2007 (UTC)
Of course you are totally free to suggest such a thing, ludicrous though it may be. Please be advised that on the Seventh Day, I Chose to Rest and Regard Benevolently Upon My Creation. Until that little snake-loving bitch came along, that is. Stars in her eyes. Ruined an otherwise perfect and never-ending day. I am sure your ancestry can be traced back to her. -- di Mario 20:38, 11 June 2007 (UTC)
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