Forum:I AM THE EMPEROR

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I AM THE EMPEROR AND AM HERE TO BEGIN MY REIGN ON UNCYCLOPEDIA. I TRIED BEING EMPEROR OF COLORADO BUT THEY DIDN'T AGREE WITH ME THAT I WAS EMPEROR SO I DECIDED TO TRY IT OVER HERE AND SEE IF IT WORKS THIS TIME.

VERY TRULY YOURS,

THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA

Nobody cares. --General Insineratehymn 18:34, 18 July 2007 (UTC)
Actually, You are not the Emperor of Uncyclopedia. The Cool, Sexy and Helpful Admins are. --Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 19:31, 18 July 2007 (UTC)
Are you perhaps related to Joshua A. Norton? Spang talk 07:33, 18 Jul 2007

NONWITHSTANDING THESE THINGS GOD HAS INFORMED ME THAT TODAY MY REIGN WILL BEGIN. HERE IS MY PRIOR EXPLOIT : THE NEWS REPORT IS WRONG I SURVIVED THE INCIDENT AND STILL AM EMPEROR OF COLORADO BUT AM TEMPORARILY EXILED BY THOSE WHO FAIL TO UNDERSTAND MY GREATNESS. IN THE MEANTIME I WILL BE EMPEROR HERE SINCE THIS WEBSITE IS ALSO WITHIN MY HOLY JURISDICTION.

ALSO OSWALD ACTED ALONE. VINCENT BUGLIOSI SAID SO.

THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA (AND ICE CREAM)

216.139.155.227, your Capslock is on. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:25, 18 July 2007 (UTC)

MY HOLY GREATNESS CAN ONLY BE EXPRESSED IN BIG LETTERS. GOD HAS COMMANDED SO IN HIS E-MAIL TO ME ABOUT MY HOLY REIGN OVER COLORADO AND UNCYCLOPEDIA. DO NOT BE ALARMED AT MY GLORY. THIS IS THE DAWN OF A WONDERFUL NEW ERA.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA

And now my young Jedi......you will die. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Hmmm... This isn't Tortilla's IP address. Sorry, before you can be our emperor, you must defeat BENSON. --Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 20:08, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

Questions for the Emperor

Pray tell, what exactly would this Imperial Reign be like? Will it be constitutional, or tyrannical? How do you propose to gain BENSON's support (since defeating him would be impossible)? Are subjects of the Emperor allowed to make eye contact with His Majesty? How about health coverage, and social security? And what will you do about the lint problem? How much bullshit will your answers to these questions contain? --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 23:17, 18 July 2007 (UTC)

BEING EMPEROR OF A WEBSITE WILL BE RELATIVELY SIMPLE AND WILL CONSIST OF ME SAYING I'M THE EMPEROR A LOT. ASIDE FROM THAT THINGS WILL PROBABLY RUN RELATIVELY SIMILAR TO THE WAY THEY DID BEFORE. I'LL JUST BE THE EMPEROR OF IT. AS FOR BENSON, THERE IS NO CONFLICT IN OUR AUTHORITIES SINCE HE IS THE BENSON, AND I AM THE EMPEROR. NO PROBLEM. NOBODY CAN MAKE EYE CONTACT ON THE INTERNET AND UNCYCLOPEDIA DOES NOT PROVIDE HEALTH COVERAGE OR SOCIAL SECURITY, OR LINT. AS FOR BULLSHIT, I'D SAY THAT THERE IS NONE HERE.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA
Wow. That's both irritating and stupid. You certainly have a lot of time on your hands, Mr or Mrs IP. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:45, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
Yet there is obviously not enough time in Mr or Mrs IP its busy life to get an account.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 19:55 Sep 17, 2014 03:47, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
Doesn't he/she/it know that anonymity breeds contempt? I may not be remembering that correctly. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:50, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
Anonymity breeds contempt only from those who have a subconscious desire to attack the other person's ego. Technically, getting an account still leaves one fairly anonymous, except now they can be identified by a dumb name instead of a dumb series of numbers. As for subconscious desires, you need therapy. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 04:50, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

What is the ground state energy of a hydrogen atom? (What? It's a question, and it's under the questions for the emperor section! Stop looking at me like that.) --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 17:49, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

Will You Marry Me?

-- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 04:58, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

Sorry. I don't date overweight mammals. --AAA! (AAAA) 05:04, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
SORRY, BUT THE POSITION OF EMPRESS HAS ALREADY BEEN FILLED.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA

Thou darest challenge the might of Lord Fluffy? Thou art foolish, O ye who lacks Colorado. Thy arrogance wearies me and thy lack of originality engenders in me contempt. I shall crush thee like the insignificant, irritating, insectoid IP thou art.

Nukebombthing Lord Fluffy has declared a JIHAD on this user, and will not rest until he/she/it has been crushed.
Utterly.



By the by, thou canst not be an Emperor without an empress, and thy mother counteth not.

--Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 15:28, 19 July 2007 (UTC)

WOAH! Fluffy, You go! Tell it to Him! --Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 20:11, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE ME, BUT THE FACT REMAINS I AM THE FIRST PERSON TO DO THIS SO AM THE EMPEROR HERE, LIKE IT OR NOT.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA
You can't just choose to be the official emperor of Uncyclopedia, jackass, any more than you "choose" that this page is funny. Uncyc is clearly a mix of Adminocracy and Mob Rule.
Yes, I said it: this page isn't funny. Did I say it because I'm a curmudgeonly old fart? Yes. Did I say it because you are doing something that's essentially been beaten to death by person or persons who are, in at least one case, better than you? Yes.
Go write a page and stop wasting your valuable comedy fuel with this nonsense. I speak for all of me, even that squishy part in the middle that sometimes makes a "gurgle, galoomp" sound when I say, "Harumph". Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:09, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
Wowza! --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 21:34, 19 July 2007 (UTC)
I DIDN'T CHOOSE IT GOD DID. YOU CAN RAIL AGAINST MY HOLY RULE BUT IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE HOLY FACT THAT I AM EMPEROR. AND IF YOU STOPPED TRYING TO GET THE LAST WORD IN THIS ARGUMENT WOULD PROBABLY HAVE ENDED YESTERDAY ANYWAY. YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH GOD.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA
Aw poo, and I was so certain that God is dead. DAMN YOU NIETZSCHE!! -- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 00:34, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

I AM a god, and I take issue with thy pronouncement. Silence thyself, as Modusoperandi hath suggested. Or get an account. Thy prententiousness wouldst be less irritating were thee a user. Now SILENCE! --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 12:51, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

NO.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA
Ok, Shut up now. I have a new idea to deal with unfunny, annoying IPs. Lets just push them all against the wall. --Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 13:47, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
You read that right. We'll sick the Firing Squad on you if you don't shut up. You are not the Emperor. these guys are the Emperors and Emperesses. --Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 13:50, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
OH DEAR, IT SEEMS THIS IS GOING AS BADLY AS COLORADO DID. BY THE WAY THIS WAS ALL A JOKE. AS IF SOME JOKER SAYING THEY WERE EMPEROR IN THE OFF-TOPIC FORUM WAS SOMEHOW A THREAT TO UNCYCLOPEDIA. I THOUGHT YOU PEOPLE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR. APPARENTLY YOU'VE PROVEN THAT YOU DON'T BY DRAGGING BANNING INTO THIS. BY THE WAY, IF YOU WANT THIS TO STOP, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STOP RESPONDING. THIS WOULD HAVE ENDED DAYS AGO IF YOU'D JUST QUIT THE MACHO POSTURING OVER THIS NONSENSE.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IN EXILE
You can be my emperor if you like. I'm easily lead astray if that helps? Spang talk 03:11, 20 Jul 2007
I'M EXILED NOW LIKE I WAS IN COLORADO SO PROBABLY NOT BUT THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT. ALL I REALLY NEEDED WAS TO SAY I WAS EMPEROR, NOT ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING. ALL THAT POLICY AND ADMINISTRATION AND STUFF IS SORT OF NOT WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IN EXILE
Please understand, the "Bow down to the [Emperor/BENSON/Lord Fluffy/Premiere/King/Fig Newton]" is rather old on Uncyclopedia, and our backs are sore from all that bowing. Our UnDoctor says that we must be upright, self-respecting, and skeptical of authority, or else our backs will never heal properly. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 15:24, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
I DON'T RECALL ASKING ANYONE TO BOW DOWN.
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IN EXILE

Come to think of it Cainad, I don't think I ever asked anybody to bow to me either. But really, IP, this is very old, and isn't funny anymore. I was the last user to be accepted as a god, and we're just not prepared for more. Even one forum topic is enough to thoroughly piss off just about everybody. By the way, I was just joking about the jihad. I don't care enough to actually do anything. Just please shut up, or we WILL Ban Patrol you. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 15:34, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

" "
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IN EXILE
Aw, I still believe in you! Personally I think it's a breath of fresh air to have someone proclaim themselves to be emperor and not actually demand anything.
Sometimes I feel that a fair number of uncyclopedians are quite lacking in humour at times. Spang talk 09:38, 22 Jul 2007
I agree with Spang; let's deify this anonymous IP and make him an admin. -- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 03:03, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

VOTE!

So...

Where do I find these cool, sexy Emperors that I've heard so much about on this website? --198.38.10.200 15:00, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

Right here at the Krusty Krab! Mr. Briggs Inc. 16:11, 23 July 2007 (UTC) Eh?
Speak of people who do the same joke over and over, and they shall appear... --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* , 23 July 2007 (UTC)
" "
THE EMPEROR OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IN EXILE
What? FU Spang? Sorry, SBU's comment threw me. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 02:23, 24 July 2007 (UTC)


Never!

Your claim, Gue’la, is as pointless as your situation here is forlorn. We offer you four further Ro’taa to lay down your weapons and surrender before our armed forces.

Nimbosa is, by right of settlement, a planet of the Tau Empire. The Imperial attack was unprovoked and unjust, and has cost the life of many of our and your warriors. Any single one of you is welcome in our Empire if he is willing to submit to the Tau’va, but anyone bearing arms against us will be considered an enemy and will be eliminated.

We wish you no ill, but do not attempt to hinder our cause. It will not be tolerated. Yeah, I read your user-name policy and it's GayJorgen 07:00, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Nu'vna cares. --MAN-at-Work INCOGNITO! 15:09, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

I am the eggman

I am the Walrus. -- Hindleyite Converse 15:11, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

Koo-koo ka-choo! --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 16:44, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
They are the eggman? -- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 00:45, 26 July 2007 (UTC)
I think I see yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye. Someone should clean that mess up. -- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 01:47, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Yawn

I liked this move better when it was called BENSON IS HERE. -- Tinymooose.gif » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 01:50, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Yea, verily, 'twas funnier when the bitchings of knee-jerk anti-authority types were fresh and new and tender and easier to chew up with ye jaws of humour. Forsooth. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 13:38, 26 July 2007 (UTC)

Threads

Hey, look, the emperor is wearing a new set of threads! Awesome looking good, dude! /me snickers --di Mario 16:43, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

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