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Forums: Index > Village Dump > Guarantee
Note: This topic has been unedited for 3512 days. It is considered archived - the discussion is over. Do not add to unless it really needs a response.

so lately, i'm feeling like i owe uncyclopedia something. my edits have gone down, the rate at which i write articles is slipping, and my NotM award is simply mocking me, since other n00bs winning the award in recent months (who shall remain nameless) have racked up 17 features compared to my paltry 2, both of which barely passed VFH. (and i know it's not all about the features, but still.) also, all this talk about uncyclopedia sucking and stuff is getting me down.


i guarantee that i will write 31 articles this december.

one for each day, that seems about right. full mainspace articles, from scratch, no cop-outs. i'm not saying i'm going to get 31 features (or even one), i'm simply going to contribute 31 solid articles. that seems like a lofty enough goal to keep me cheery through the holiday season.

--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 23:05, 29 November 2007 (UTC)
It's not all about the features? Who told you that? -- Tinymooose.gif » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 02:33, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
oh, sorry, didn't i write "wink, wink" after i said that? i'm pretty sure i did...--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:26, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
Cool, a New Years count down. You don't owe the site anything, except your undying loyalty. And I mean undying. You need to pledge allegiance to Sophia at least once a day. As long as we have that, you can edit as much as you want. We know you'll come back... they always do... Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 23:33, 29 November 2007 (UTC)
Zombiebaron took his oath of undying loyalty so seriously that he came back from beyond the grave specially. --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 01:15, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
Is it possible we have a situation here? ~Jewriken.GIF 23:50, 29 November 2007 (UTC)
On the first day of Christmas, GerryCheevers gave to me, an UnNews about Iraq detainees. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:48, Nov 30
*hint hint nudge nudge* Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 01:13, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
what, you think i'm going to jump at your commands, Led? cough*hack--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 03:56, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
This is pretty cool. Perhaps you should consider doing some rewrites also, there are plenty of articles in need to choose from. --THE 01:17, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
That's nothing. I promise to write fifty articles before November ends. "Fifty articles." Done. —rc (t) 01:53, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
And you didn't even win NotM. That's dedication for you, folks. Spang talk 01:59, 30 Nov 2007
Zombiebaron And he never will. ЖGBDsig.PNG WHEEEEE! 04:50, 30 November 2007 (UTC)
Uh. A set number and a set deadline sounds like a pretty good way to achieve a high level of mediocrity. Instead, try writing one article before the end of whenever. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:34, 30 November 2007 (UTC)

Huh. That's nothing. I promise to write an infinite number of articles within the next minute. I shall spend half a minute on the first. Then, as I get up to speed, I shall write the second in one quarter of a minute. Next, I shall write one in one eight of a minute. Then one sixteenth... -- erect Ape (neuter) (Riot Porn) 20:19, 30 November 2007 (UTC)

Before you know it, you hit the quantum speed barrier and start traveling back in time, or maybe you already hit that quantum barrier and became an ape who only exists on Thursdays, and wink in and out of time only to exist on Thursdays? I think that you need a Doctor to help you with that problem. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 00:50, 1 December 2007 (UTC)
Yes... we'll need a special kind of doctor... one who doesn't play by the rules. It'll have to be either House or Dr. Skullthumper. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:49, Dec 1
Yeah but most likely we'll just end up with Dr. Emmett Brown again. Great Scott! He keeps saying that a lot. Then he'll ask about a flux capacitor and 1.21 gigawatts of power or some stuff like that, which nobody really knows and nobody cares about either. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 01:03, 2 December 2007 (UTC)

I'll see your gambit

I guarantee that I will delete 31 articles (or more) this evening. --Sir gwax (talk) Signuke 08:56, 1 December 2007 (UTC)

Other guarantees?

Still going, I think! Yay! -- Tinymooose.gif » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 05:33, 6 December 2007 (UTC)
Actually, you missed December 5th. So HA! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:19, Dec 6
Nuh-uh. Not according to my timezone. -- Tinymooose.gif » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 01:06, 7 December 2007 (UTC)
Your timezone is imperfect. We are perfection. You will be assimilated. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:10, Dec 7
STILL GOING!!!! I should get a UotM nom for this. -- Tinymooose.gif » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 00:00, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

I guarantee to go one one blanking spree per day for the rest of december. -- erect Ape (neuter) (Riot Porn) 22:04, 4 December 2007 (UTC)

To Quote "Tommy Boy":
Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why do they put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting.
Ted: I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's how I see it. A guy puts a guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Ted: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Ya think if you leave that box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter.
Ted: What's your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy, but we're not buying it. Next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.
Ted: But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is. Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for right now, for your sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality item from me.
Ted: Hmm. Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well I... What?
I don't give guarantees, guarantees are for pieces of shit like iPhones, Windows Vista, and crap like that. I strive for quality over quantity. I could just stick my head up a steer's ass to get a good look at a T-Bone Steak, but I'd rather just take the butcher's word for it. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 03:35, 6 December 2007 (UTC)

I think you may be taking this a little too seriously. Hell, if you're taking this seriously at all you're probably taking this too seriously. Lighten up, damnit! Be happy! If you don't smile I'm gonna kick your ass! Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:50, 6 December 2007 (UTC)
Well, I guarantee everyone that I will not suffer from erectile dysfunction ever in my life, ever, ever, ever. Kitty!Heck no techno | chitchat | stuff.. Argh
Well since when did I ever take anything seriously? I mean I am Orion Blastar space pirate ninja from 4096AD, remember? Does that even sound serious to you? By the way if I ever smile, it will upset the natural order of things and all the super strings in the universe will unravel and we don't want that, m'kay? --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 15:21, 8 December 2007 (UTC)
So the universe is like a big ball of yarn? Also, how long is a piece of string? -- erect Ape (neuter) (Riot Porn) 20:52, 8 December 2007 (UTC)
Actually the universe is made up of super strings which can unravel under certain conditions. Super strings are very small, smaller than quarks, about a Planck unit (about 10-35 m). That is how long a piece of string can be. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 12:14, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
...Unless you're talking cosmic strings, which stretch across an appreciable percentage of the universe, if indeed they exist, which is rather unknown at the moment, although if they do, we might at some point observe some kind of gravitational lensing from them or pick up traces in the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation or via one of the current gravitational wave experiments currently being carried out across the world.
Oh, sorry, were we just making a joke about string? Well in that case, three pieces of string walk into a bar... --Strange (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 19:44, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
sorry to correct you, orion, but i think by 'super strings' you must mean 'spaghetti strings'. --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:35, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
  • I guarentee I will write THIRTY-TWO articles, and heck, my chances of winning NotM are higher than Rcmurphy's--Æ 19:02, 8 December 2007 (UTC)
I have written over 17,922 articles, and have posted them all throughout the world, see if you can find them all. Hint: None are posted at my ex-girlfriends' houses Finnius.png

Oh, Yeah...?

I guarantee that I will write 422 articles next year, one for each day of it. Beat that! --Narf, the Wonder Puppy/I support Global Warming and I'm 100% proud of it! 07:29, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

This should be an Uncyclopedia In-Joke

I mean come on, A guarrentee. I guarrentee that I will finish Zork 4 by the end of the month. --NXWave 11:15, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

Yeah, this should make this into one. I guarantee I will! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! *Shoots self in head* --Narf, the Wonder Puppy/I support Global Warming and I'm 100% proud of it! 13:08, 10 December 2007 (UTC)


well here it is, the halfway point. i'm nearly done with my fifth article. i have a bunch of ideas lined up. i've been held up by schoolwork, actual work, girls (HA! right), guitar heroes 2 through 3, the fact that the bruins play an average of 6 games a week in december, christmas, etc. but those aren't excuses, they're just....well, i guess they are excuses. nevertheless, i still intend to make good on my guarantee, via an all-out writing marathon after finals are over. neglecting such petty details as work, family, and personal hygiene, i re-guarantee, i will make eight hundred feet. i mean, thirty one articles. --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 04:32, 15 December 2007 (UTC)

Damn Bruins, keeping Uncyclopedians away from their guarantees! My parents went to see them play the Devils the night we got that big snowstorm, and they lost! :( <<(sad face) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:20, Dec 15
now that was a rough game. whenever i write while watching a game, the mood of the article always ends up reflecting whether they were winning or losing at the time. --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:47, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
I'm the same way with curling. This explains why most of my pages have "Sweep! Hurry hard! HARD! HARD!" in them. It hurts the flow of the page, I feel, but...HARD! Sweep-SWEEP! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:54, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
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