Forum:Count to a million: A look back, pt. 1

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Forums: Index > BHOP > Count to a million: A look back, pt. 1 (talk)
Note: This topic has been unedited for 2311 days. It is considered archived - the discussion is over. Do not add to unless it really needs a response.
This is an essay. It is not an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia, so you should ignore it even more and disregard the mad ramblings of its writer. Or you could submit it as an Uncycloversity assignment in lieu of actually doing any work.


We are in the shadow of a cultural phenomenon.

Ask everyone you know. Odds are, they can tell you exactly where they were on February 19th, 2008 at 8:06 PM. This was the day the world started counting. Counting to a million.

We have only one person to thank for inspiring us with his dream of counting to a million: Spang. As a young boy, Spang was taunted by parents, teachers, fellow students, and federal employees to the point of nearly destroying his resolve. Shouts of "FU SPANG!" resonated through his troubled and broken household; growing up with two abusive daddies can be more than twice as traumatic as growing up with one. But still he dared to dream.

"One day," he told his english teacher, "I'm gonna stand for something that matters. I'm gonna start something huge. I'm gonna be somebody." He was then sodomized and later testified in court against his teacher in an unrelated case.

Then came the news of his fathers' deaths, something that came as no shock at all to anyone, seeing as how both contracted the AIDS virus shortly after they had started dating. But with it came the inheritance money that would jumpstart Spang's dream for tomorrow. He purchased a computer, went to Starbucks, and logged on to the internet with the hopes of finding some online community, establish trust to gauge the willingness of the community to participate in the project, and then create a forum topic called "Count to a million".

Many were skeptic of the project which had a very vague goal, a largely unskilled team of engineers, and no real target date for completion. Funding for the project was difficult to obtain; even Apple refused a sponsorship deal, and they've got product placement deals with pretty much all of Hollywood. But the dream lived on.

And now, after 69 days, the project has made much progress and has reached, as of this writing, 477. This is already farther than other projects, such as "Count to a hundred" and even the group known as "Count to 474" have so far managed to reach in such a short period of time. One participant said it best when he told us that the project could best be summed up into two words: Counting numbers.

The dream is very much alive, my friends. Now we look to the future and how "Count to a million" promises to take us there.


~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 00:58 Apr 29


A look back on SysRq's look back

Ask everyone you know. Odds are, they will have absolutely no recollection of where they on 29 April 2008 at 00:58. This was the day SysRq wrote an essay about another forum topic.

SysRq had always been a famed essayist, writing retrospectives on many forums. However it always seemed as if he was stuck writing essays about the forums nobody remembered, such as HALLBUGS II! EARLY!. It dawned on him that he should withdraw into hiding and lurk until a truly monumental forum was created.

Soon, the day came when he saw Forum:Count to a million. At first, he said, "Psh. There's no way. They'll reach three, at most." But he was thrilled to see them count higher and higher to the point that he creamed his pants when they reached 300. "This is my big journalistic break!" he said to himself. So he wrote Forum:Count to a million: A look back, pt. 1, and it was indeed a monumentally brilliant forum despite the bizarre use of the phrase "look back" instead of "retrospective." SysRq's essay was destined to be remembered for years to come. --THE 00:16, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

A look back on THE's look back on SysRq's look back: Let's Start an Annoying Meme

Ask everyone you know. Odds are they will remember where they were on September 11th, 2001. That's not the point. April 28th, 2008 @ 00:16, THE wrote a little essay. He called it, "A look back on SysRq's look back". Ever since then, THE's essay has captured the hearts of many innocent villagers, and sent them straight to the pits of Tygath, the defiler.

THE is a WotM and part-time dentist-slash-plumber. He is famous for many articles, including the award winning Rough Gay Wolf Sex.   Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [1:35]>

Too soon! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:46, Apr 30

A look back on my childhood

I was a rascally scamp, with hair the color of the dirt under my feet, unkempt and wild as the prairie that I called my home. I would scamper through the tall grasses that surrounded our old beat-down Nebraskan farmhouse, unable to imagine a happier lifestyle. That was why, when my father pulled into our unpaven driveway with a present for me, I viewed the event with the innocent eagerness of child being taken to the county fair. What he brought out of the back of that run-down Chevy changed my life. It was large, about the size of our TV, and had cables enough to wire my entire room. I followed my father inside, where he set the object down on our Oak kitchen table. When I asked, in my unsuspecting, quiet voice, what the device was, my father informed me that it was called a "computer". After sorting through the myriad of cords and plugs for a time, my father finally pressed a strangely-marked button on a smaller box, which proceeded to glow green. He then pressed a button on the larger box inscribed with the same symbol, causing the screen to flicker to life. I watched, entranced, as the screen wandered through a series of displays which my father called a "setup". When the screen finally settled on the most amazing display of all, showing a field greener than a ripe Granny Smith apple resting underneath the bluest sky I had ever seen, my father told me that the box, that wonderful machine, that computer, was mine. Smiling at my stunned expression, he turned toward his ancient reclining chair and left me to my own designs. After staring at the screen for a few more endless moments, mouth ajar, my eyes rested on a previously-unseen icon in the upper-left corner of the display. A blue "e", emblazoned with a yellow line that appeared to orbit the icon, called out to me, promising endless adventure and joy. As I moved the cursor toward the mysterious icon, ignorant of the horrible consequences it would reap upon my life, I remember a single, dominant thought running through my mind. "If I had designed this, I would have named it something much better than 'Internet Explorer'." Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 02:26, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

For some reason, when I think of an internet explorer, I think of some little furry animal that burrows into the internet. I don't know why.   Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [13:09]>
Really? It sounds more like a NASA thing, to me. Why are we whispering? Is it 'cause Boomer's Pa is on the 'puter, and he gets a mite ornery when he's a-losin' at Minesweeper? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 13:47, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
I keep imagining a badger wearing a helmet with a lightning bolt on it. Me and Modus are lost on the internet and we're asking it for directions. It keeps chittering at us and squeeking, no matter how loud we ask. Me and modus look at each other for a second, and kick the badger in unison.   Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [14:29]>
I see a stereotypical English Colonial type from days of yore, stridin' around with his khaki shorts on, don'tcherknow, and hittin' the natives, and speakin' slowly to them in a loud voice until they understand him. Then plantin' a flag, claimin' ownership and stridin' off to further glories. That has nothing to do with Internet Explorer, mind, I'm just not sleeping well lately, and have these odd daydreams. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:17, Apr 30
I see an Internet Explorer user using Internet Explorer because he's a stupid Internet Explorer user who uses Internet Explorer. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 18:09 Apr 30
I've always seen IE as some kind of robot-thing. Of course, I assume that everything that I don't know what it looks like is some kind of robot-thing. I also watch too much television. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:51, Apr 30
Are you by any chance watching the Robot-Thing marathon on the Robot Channel? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:13, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
Well, I suppose I could pencil it in somewhere between reruns of Captain Planet And The Planeteers and more episodes of Captain Planet and the Planeteers. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:33, Apr 30
Don't you mean Robot Planet and the Roboteers? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:59, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

A look back on Boomer's mum

Ask every latino construction worker you know. Odds are, they remember exactly where they were on June 14th, 1999 when Boomer's mum's fine ass walked by the site. Man, was that booty delicious. There were so many things I wanted to do to it. At the top of the list was 'fuck it,' but there were some other things too.

Boomer's mum grew up in a rough neighborhood. Her father, who had major boundary issues which still exist to this day, abused her regularly. Psychologists believe this may be why she has such promiscuous tendencies, but in reality, she is nothing more than a slut. We didn't care. We just wanted that bitch to back that ass UP.

Ultimately, I convinced her to come back to my place after she dropped that sniveling brat she was carrying around at his fuckin' grandpa's house or some shit. I didn't care. Neither did she. I took that milf for a fucking ride. And that wasn't the last time I saw her, either. I got her number and we started fucking every day while her kid was at school for the next week.

What a week.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 18:22 Apr 30

A look at the back of SysRq's mom

Was enough to get me off on most Wednesdays.


Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:01, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZING!   Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [23:02]>

A look FORWARD!

COMBO BREAKER! --THE 23:21, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

Optimists... Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 23:32, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

A look

Did you see the look that TKF's mom gave me? You can tell that she's just begging for it. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 02:05 May 1

That look of nausea? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 02:08, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
oh no he di'nt!   Le Cejak <May 01, 2008 [2:14]>
Thank you for that, Cajek. Can I get a "YO FACE?" ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 02:22 May 1
No, but I can get YO MAMA! Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 02:32, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

This topic is exceptionally offensive to the blind

Hey, who just bumped into me!? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:59, May 2

It's not a conga line if you won't move. Ev-ree-buhdy...Conga! Da-da da-da da...DAH! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:48, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
Blind people shouldn't be allowed to vote, marry white people, or edit Uncyclopedia. They're not even real people. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 13:30 May 2
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