# Forum:Benson's back, Benson is better than you, etc. etc.

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Forums: Index > BHOP > Benson's back, Benson is better than you, etc. etc.
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Benson's back. But Benson's bored with Uncyc. As you may have noticed, Benson hasn't been on in seconds. Also, Benson forgot to mention that 1 Benson second is equal to 6 American months. Benson'll probably still come here every once in a while (also when did the forum get reclassified as BHOP instead of off topic? THAT'S AWESOME!), but since Benson now has better things to do than Uncyc (like homework, and also Benson got an Xbox), I'll answer any Benson related questions you have about the real Benson. That's right, Benson will answer your questions with real truthful solid gold answers, and won't just respond with the phrase "BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU", or some variation of said phrase. Benson thinks that since he won't be back as much, he might as well. We decided that you monkeys deserve to know the truth. Also, anyone who wants to join the League can just add themselves, Benson is too lazy to do it for you, so don't bother asking on my talk page. BENSON IS STARTER THAN U!!!!!!!!!!!1111whatsoneplusone!!! 02:42, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

How are babies made?  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 02:44 Oct 27, 2007
Benson can explain this. When a man and a woman love each other, they... birds and bees... storks... giant cross-species orgy... 9 months later... that's what she said... Benson thinks you get the point. Benson 02:49, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
I've always wanted to know... Benson, what do they do with the part of the mints they cut out to make the holes in Polos? Spang 02:45, 27 Oct 2007
Benson doesn't know what Polos are. But I assume they take them home and give them to their kids to make up for having to work at a Polos factory. Benson 02:49, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
What's your full name, social security number, address, home phone number, bank account number(s), and birth date in month/day/year format? Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 02:48, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
Benson has two full names, each one more tantalizing than the last. Benson 02:49, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
What's your name? Who's your daddy? / Is he rich like me? Also, welcome back, Benson! We all hope you feel welcome and worshiped, and all those other happy things you godlike deities hope to feel on a regular basis. So, should I grovel now, or later? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:11, Oct 27
Is Benson finally back on his meds? 03:21, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
Symptoms may include dementia, schizophrenia, and extreme narcissism. EXTREME! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:34, Oct 27
Benson doesn't have meds. Well, none that he knows of. Benson 22:41, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Not that you're back, may I have your autograph? -- Kip > Talk Works 03:42, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Me too? -- 08:08, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
Benson's too lazy to. Maybe if Benson is less lazy in the future. Sorry. Benson 22:41, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

BENSON, are you on any other sites? Like asskicking Ghandhi on Misterpoll? Mr. Briggs Inc. 16:30, 27 October 2007 (UTC) Eh?

I have other accounts on random sites, but nothing as important as Uncyc. Benson 22:41, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Benson's back, and I can't think of anything witty to say. Great. —Comrade Pongo (V2) GS Implementor (Talk | Contribs | Award) 16:32, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Don't worry, it'll come to you. Benson 22:41, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Look mummy! Look! a BENSON *points* wow...isn't it shiny...Can I touch it? Oct 27, 21:36

You ARE allowed to touch Benson, but it comes at a grave price: ten dollars. Ten Canadian dollars, at that! That's right, you have to pay to touch Benson. The difference between Benson and a hooker though is that Benson doesn't have a pimp yet. Benson 22:41, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
Wow...*Gives BENSON \$10* *Touches BENSON's arm* *Explodes* --Dead You can't message me...I'm dead 17:47, 29 October 2007 (UTC)

Who are you really? As in what do you do in life? Also, where'd you come up with the name Benson? Is that your real name? How'd you discover Uncyclopedia? That's all? --Narf, the Wonder Puppy/I support Global Warming and I'm 100% proud of it! 05:55, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

Aww... Benson's all grown up and ready to fly the nest. We wish you luck in your godding exams Benson, and hope all the practice you've had on Uncyc will help you be a good god wherever they send you to be god of. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 08:52, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

Yay! --AAA! (AAAA) 23:11, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

"got an Xbox" do you have an xbox live account?--Scott 03:00, 30 October 2007 (UTC)

Benson doesn't need an Xbox Live account. The question, Scott, is do you have a Benson Live account? Also, how many Benson achievement points do you have? 03:12, 30 October 2007 (UTC)
How many Bensons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:16, Oct 30
Zero, because Benson can see in the dark. -- 08:48, 30 October 2007 (UTC)
I could be wrong, but I'm getting the feeling that that's a modified Chuck Norris joke. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 10:48, Oct 30
I have exactally BENSON benson achievement in BENSON:CAPS LOCK EVOLVED.--Scott 00:20, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

## The New Guy

Speaking as somebody who has never heard of Benson, I have but this to say:

FU BENSON

That is all. You may go back to being useful uncyclopedophiles now.     EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank)   05:20, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

That's nice, Eugene. Would you like a cookie? —Hinoa talk.kun 15:56, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Eho is this BENSON? What has he donE? Why was I following him? I say we alll yell FU BENSON. --Lt. High Gen. Grue The Few The Proud, The Marines 16:05, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

## Buzz off, EugeneKay, us grown-ups have got work to do

 The Chronicles of BENSON, Ch. XV, Sec. III BENSON returned to the Hallowed Halls to see how things were going. Though the oil paintings and gilt statuary had gone to ruin, the puny monkeys did seem to be getting along just fine without supervision. He Who Is Better Than You conceded that He was weary of reminding us of his superiority, for yea, it SHOULD be self-evident. In any case, BENSON deigned to impart some of his great knowledge and wisdom upon those who asked for it, before returning to his Xbox, which is most likely Better Than Your Xbox, or whatever puny console thou might own. These Chronicles hath decided against recording this knowledge, for it is, quite frankly, of little interest to most people, and we must consider the greatest common denominator if we are to get paid. In the name of the Holy BENSON, why do we even bother?

-- 06:59, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

## Summary of the The Chronicles of BENSON

From left to right: OsirisX, Savethemooses, Nintendorulez, Benson, Crazyswordsman, Tompkins, Insineratehymn, and Cainad. Painting by Scott.

Note that most of these people are inactive.--Sir OCdt Jedravent CUN UmP VFH PLS ACS WH 12:34, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

A conspiracy! Oct 27, 21:31
With Savings! 13:55, 28 October 2007 (UTC)
Fuckers. --Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 19:55, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

## OH YEAH!

Hey, Benson! Good to see you again... I have to tell you something...

I be quitting the Leauge of Benson! MWAHAHAHAHAHA Simply because i don't care anymore. but hey, good to see you're back. --Lt. High Gen. Grue The Few The Proud, The Marines 16:03, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

Benson doesn't blame you, I would quit the League if I wasn't the leader. I just don't like the \$15 monthly fee. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys about the fee. But if I found out you scratched that Benson bumper sticker off of your bike, I just hope that you're ready to never see your bike again. Benson 22:41, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
Woa. Did Benson just speak in the third person? "I"? WHAT IS THIS SKULDUGGERY??? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:04, Oct 27
I don't use a bike man.... I use a car. That mysteriously broke down today. Hmmmm..... --Lt. High Gen. Grue The Few The Proud, The Marines 01:55, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

IRAQATTACK will not attack BENSON because I think BENSON is cool! But I still dont get how you got so famous. IRAQATTACK!!1!1!!11!!!111! 1RAQATTACK! 21:13, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

This picture is older and more powerful than Benson!

"(del) (cur) 21:22, 27 October 2007 . . Finnius (Talk | contribs) . . 180×186 (57,849 bytes)" Yeah, that's a really old picture. --Sir OCdt Jedravent CUN UmP VFH PLS ACS WH 21:58, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

BENSON wishes to be better than a number of individuals on this wiki. If we analyze this statement quickly, for what great actions has the great and almighty BENSON done? I do not see world hunger disappearing, nor has he ended this 'War on Terrorism'. :) - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 23:09, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
Benson has done plenty great things. Have you seen Benson's report card? Also, Benson is for world hunger and terrorism. Yeah, that's a good excuse. Benson 23:15, 27 October 2007 (UTC)
I'll bet he can't even ban me
Benson has a war on tourism. It's quite a simple war, as all of the targets are wearing sandal and loud shirts. 00:07, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

## Hey guys

Benson is here. Again. -- 02:45, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

By golly, STM is right! Benson is here! Thank you, STM! (Woa. Deja Vu.) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:59, Oct 28

### I don't believe you

So here's a poll.

Poll? What poll? I don't see any poll here. Do you?

3

0

1

5

2

3

The poll was created at 12:52 on November 1, 2007, and so far 22 people voted.

After at least ten votes, maybe I'll be convinced one way or the other.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 02:51 Oct 28, 2007

The thing about Benson is, he was the very first uncyclopedia in-joke I became savvy to. I remember those days... they were happy days, where CUN seemed so far away yet so closely within my grasp, where the site was wide open to me, and anything was possible... /me smokes a pipe reflectively. It was a simpler time. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:59, Oct 28
Hey! You stole my pipe! Not that it matters, since, as has been previously mentioned, I don't smoke. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 08:45, 28 October 2007 (UTC)
How will you make bubbles now? 13:03, 28 October 2007 (UTC)
Well the site is still wide open. I'll bet you can find a pipe anywhere. -- 13:37, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

Looks like the results are in... I'm hilarious!!!-- 19:06, 29 October 2007 (UTC)

Sorry, that spot on the ballot is being stricken do to lack of interest. Also, the entire poll is changing. It's a revolution! Please stay in your homes, so that the takeover will result in as few casualties as possible. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:11, Oct 29
Is he back... with SAVINGS!?!?!?!?!?!?11!!!!!!!!!!?????????? -- 21:42, 29 October 2007 (UTC)
Actually no. Not at all. In fact, you couldn't be more off-target. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:03, Oct 29
I AM TYPING IN CAPS BECUAUSE BENSON IS NOT BETTER THAN ME, I AM BETTER THAN HIM, MU HA HA HA!--Sir Manforman 23:20, 29 October 2007 (UTC)
Manforman types in all caps because manforman speaks in all caps? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:34, Oct 29
I AM ALL CAPS YET MODEST BUT I WILL STILL EAT YOU OM NOM NOM -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 23:35, 29 October 2007 (UTC)
/me gives eating-sound-effect-of-the-year award to TKF. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 00:25, 30 October 2007 (UTC)
Benson, my old philosophy lecturer (who was a drunken pseud to the core) once told me that, as all history is relative, there can be no such concept as being. I've been trying to get my head round it ever since - can you throw any light onto wtf he was droning on about? Kthnxbai. RabbiTechno 23:38, 29 October 2007 (UTC)

## This section is the property of BENSON. Nobody else can write in it.

That's right. Nobody. --SPY 19:51, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

Show me the legal documents and I'll comply. - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 21:22, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

## Benson's Black?

Who've thunk'd it? --

## The Pope's Catholic?

Who'dved think it? -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 00:36, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

## Benson is the Black Pope?

I think this calls for a Potatochop. -- 02:36, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

## im tired of BENSON

BENSON this, BENSON that, Im sick of it!!! X^(_( The.original.joe.shmoe blahKirby!! 17:46, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

## excuse me while I affront the above post

*ahem*

BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON BENSON!!!

<.talk.work.?pedia.$A^{waits}_{ward}$
excuse me while I affront the above post that affronts the post above the post I am affronting... *ahem* SO WHAT? The.original.joe.shmoe blahKirby!! 17:52, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
Excuse me while I vomit for no apparent reason, although slightly in spite of
1. that above post, and
2. existence in general.
<.talk.work.?pedia.$A^{waits}_{ward}$
Also, BENSON! <.talk.work.?pedia.$A^{waits}_{ward}$
Well, I dont want to turn this into a flame war, so I wash my hands of this forum. The.original.joe.shmoe blahKirby!! 18:03, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
Lol...? <.talk.work.?pedia.$A^{waits}_{ward}$
Is this fucking thread still going?! *sighs* Nov 1, 18:41
You're still here? *sighs* 18:50, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
Are we still sighing? *sighs, just to fit in* - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:04, Nov 1
Where the hell did you two come from? A Bensonite and an anti-Benson, warring in an off-topic forum. It's like I was somehow transported to 2006. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 23:26, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
Who is a what, now? 00:34, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
You mean "who is a what, in 2006". - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:40, Nov 2

## Delete

2006cruft.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 04:24 Nov 02, 2007

More like 1906cruft :) - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 14:52, 2 November 2007 (UTC)

## No BENSON allowed below this line

Let's talk about waffles. I hate waffles. I hate they way they're circular even though they're made up of squares. It doesn't make any sense. Discuss.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 02:11 Nov 05, 2007

I agree. The waffles must be punished. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:18, Nov 5
n03z! t3h w4ff13z 4r3 t3h pwnz! u d0n7 m4k3 n3 s3ns!!!1!1 Leggo my Eggo! 02:59, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
You need Birdseye Potato Waffles - they're waffley versatile. Also, they're square. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 11:29, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
How about some of those IHOP Belgian Waffles hmm? - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 15:15, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
Ssshhhhhh! Not in BHOP! -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 17:44, 5 November 2007 (UTC)

## Wow I was write

Here I said:

“Our lord BENSON well return some day, as soon we get rid of that annoying and pointless door mat
~ Scott on Benson

wow I was right--Scott 04:12, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

wow scott was right --Sir OCdt Jedravent CUN UmP VFH PLS ACS WH 20:09, 7 November 2007 (UTC)
Hey guys, Scott was right. -- 20:40, 7 November 2007 (UTC)
Wow, Jedravent and Savethemooses were right about scott being right. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:43, Nov 7

By the whey, that door mat wasn't always pointless. At the height of the Bensonist Wars, during which Bensonists were persecuted for their beliefs, BHOP was a sanctuary of safety. But people would still go in and be annoyed, so we needed a warning for people who were daring to enter, in order to give them a chance to go back without burning their retinas. Also, it was given the Off-Topic label to appease vehement anti-Bensonists who wanted no mention of He Who Is Greater Than Us in the main Forum space. Now that the fires have settled, the door mat no longer has a function. -- 22:11, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

It's now serving some time on that new Singapore Airlines Airbus A380. Getting us some half-decent dough as well. Which reminds me...COOKIES ARE READY, just because Scott was right. - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 22:13, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

## BENSON got an Xbox?

HURRAH! --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) 02:47, 10 November 2007 (UTC)

Wow, this topic sure has been active for some time now. Hey, guys, what's the current record? --SPY 05:29, 10 November 2007 (UTC)
The Ghostbusters soundtrack. Hold on, I have to flip to the B side. 05:42, 10 November 2007 (UTC)
Does it have song 12? That one's my favorite. --YeOldeLuke 00:21, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Ghostbusters [12" Single Remix][*] - Ray Parker, Jr.? Yup, it's right there at the end of Side B. 03:40, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Yay! --YeOldeLuke 22:23, 14 November 2007 (UTC)