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Fortaleza is the Brazilian capital of nearest from Europe (only it will go away in physical distance!). It is in there where´s is Osama Bin Laden hides of the Americans, disguised of old whore (or, like the local citizens like to say, gato véio (in english Old Cat)).
|Motto: "In Our Fags We Believe"|
|Civic anthem: "boys who like boys to be girls"|
|Official nickname||The Land of the Sun (A.K.A Hell)|
|Official language(s)||Somewhat similar to Portuguese but nobody understands it anyways...|
|Mayor||The Dumb Blondie|
|Opening hours||As long as Cachaça and Drag Queens are available|
The population of Fortaleza is of approximately six billion termites, flys, that eat anything available in town including tourist ass, willing or not... by means of you prick hard painful bites.
Besides, the rest, 2 millions and half inhabitants,99,9 % belongs to assholes, whores and idiots who loves to drive the Toyota hilux.
His inhabitants descend from the interbreeding that appeared between integrants of the people fuckland what was living in the west of the Iberian peninsula with members of the etnias savage Indians bacanalê and orgialê, from this mix resulted the most ugly people of the country.
The climate of Fortaleza varies in agreement with the persons who leave the
city, causing they sensations and quite dissimilar expressions very bizarre like:
- – Eita calor duma porra!
- English Translation:WHAT A FUCKING HEAT!! (natives of Fortaleza who return from Piauí).
- – Puta que pariu, que fri do caralho!
- English Translation:SON OF A BITCH, what fucking frezzing dammit!(natives of Fortaleza say this when they go the South of the Country).
The stations are extremely quite definite in:
- Very hot
- HOT THAN HELL!!!
The climate of the city is favorable to the usual appearance of plague of any sort. The nuisance of the poles, for example, began in the time of the lighting the gas and, a each day that passes, their tens are born, in the corners or in the middle of the blocks, and even in the entries of the garages. There is any poison to kill them all, chiefly the poles of photo sensors what even had disappeared, attacked them again all the population.
And 10 joined plague of Egypt were piece of cake compared with the nuisance of the councilors of the city (with some rare and honorable exceptions). Think about a bunch of son of a bitch: during years to thread they approved of the collection of the tax of garbage, but the population managed to escape miraculously from their rage. One of the most "honest" councilors of the city is Deborah Soft elected in 2004, who before that had since profession was a " dancer " of the Studio Tropical, a house of shows of explicit sex (it were not strip tease what the noble councilor was doing, it was real sex in the stage!)
Another quite common plague is the Forrozeiro playboy of Ceará and the superinvoiced traffic lights of the avenue João Pessoa. In a space of 100 meters, you can find 3 traffic lights: two in the crossroads with streets of where they go out 1 automobile for minute and more one for the walk line. Speaking in automobiles, the dirigidores (they are never fitted in the category of drivers) are another disgrace to afflict the city. In the history of the Detran a native of Fortaleza never managed to pass in the psychotechnic examination. Imagine then to direct an automobile. There are a regular means in the city, after three attempts frustrated in the psychotechnic one, the wallet it is dispatched anyway (for a minority that insists in not buying it soon in the beginning of the history). Or that or any world would walk on foot. In Fortaleza the walk line is affectionately called of " Killer-Turist ". for the Tinsmiths or " The guys of the golden hammer" are never left without work,when you the car you swear that car was beaten, they let the car brand new.
Once the city hall have the ideia to bring orang-utans of the Congo to work like drivers when his capacity was given superior skills (better than the natives of Fortaleza). Instead of handing over his car to a resident of Fortaleza, it is recommendable the car calls, to set the steering wheel free and to leave a brick pressing the accelerator. It is more safe.
edit Local Language
In the hotels and restaurants of Fortaleza it is the foreign language to what more he sees himself. The people of the city speak singing and screeching with less frequency than the native of Rio de Janeiro: the native of Ceará only screeches in those (s) followed from the letter t. To identify perfectly the local accent, see the next examples of the dialog of, of Rio de Janeiro and of Ceará customers of Sao Paulo (except the Indians of the Cariri and of the Aracati) looking for cashew nut without bark in the local market of the Mr. Coast:
– Tem caStanhaS sem caSca, seu CoSta?
– Tem não, seuS boStaS.
Cariocas e Paraenses:
– Tem caXtanhaX sem caXca, seu CoXta?
– Tem não, seuX boXtaX.
– Tem caXtanhaS sem caSca, seu CoXta?
– Tem não, seuS boXtaS.
In other words, it is a quite complex accent for beginners. Only the one who was born and learnt to speak in this "CRAP" of city is that it has the tantrum of the accent. Besides the accent, there is the "dialectic" question of the dialect cearês, what contain terms and incomprehensible expressions for outsiders.
Another outstanding characteristic of the native of Fortaleza is to use the word "macho" (mách) to each two or three words while talking with someone (woman will go away, they say "ma", almost calling of "macho",changing your mind in the middle of the way - believe them, there is a reason for that most times). See in the dialog simulated down as that takes place in practice:
- -hey mách, you go to the Castelão?, mách,did you saw Ceará versus Fortaleza?
- -I was not, mách.
- -Was a great fucking game mách, it was a THE FUCKING GAME mách. You it lost, mách. Clodoaldo gave a half bike kick, mách
- -I was going, mách, but my girlfriend,call me mách and she did let me go to the match mách.
Modern psychiatric theories on homosexuality affirm that the wild use of the word "mách" is an unconscious effort trying self-assertion and negation to be a gayalready formed.
edit Work Opportunities
Think about a place with no laws it´s the best to install several different business, without permit of functioning of the town hall,for example:
- 1-a factory of underpants: who create model and a special a place to hides his dollars. (execlent for drug delares and politicians who whats go without problems with Federal Police)
- 2-an enterprise to excavate tunnels of access to safes of banks
- 3-a factory of poles of electric energy, telephone, of signalling traffic or of streets, for traffic light, etc. and other things
- 4-Bar,Nightclubs and other places:bar, restaurant, nightclub, house of show, birosca, or even a sophisticated tent of beach to sell pitomba, macaúba, tapioca, crab, shrimp, green côconut, brown côconut, coconut sweet, cooked corn and roast corn, which they are the base of the GNP of the city. That completely to the sound volume beyond the 120,in the ears of the greatest and idiotic fucking people of the world on the subject of resonant pollution and hearing loss.
- 5-workshop:every corner have a workshop to repair the suspension of the cars every week.
- 6-universities:there are several universities in the city with different courses como:Cantor of dance, To be One great fucking Bastard in the Politics, Graduation in Boxes of subwoofer, Gradution in the Need For Speed drive a Beetle , Tune oled cars form the decade of 80.
- 7-a factory to fix horns:(There are many husbands with this problem after the wifes fuck with the foreigners from Europe)
- 8-The private schools:They all say that they have one student in 1 ° general place in some college entrance exam at national level
- 9-university for comedians:for boring comedians who count the same jokes for years to thread and whom it has that fools to dress up like Drag Queens act to pull out laughters of tourists so drunk who would laugh at any fucking thing.
10-be a tramp
edit Urban characteristics
Comes and goes out mayor and the road mesh have a bunch of holes in the streets and avenues not of to increase. According to foresight of the local town planners, in some years, the streets will be one meter higher than you sweat respective sidewalks, of so much passing new layers of asphalt in the attempt of covering the holes. They were grouped in several isolated craters, the holes of the road surfaces of the urbane roads of Fortaleza would let to form another surface of the Moon. For their countless quantity, the engineers and technicians responsible for the modern methods of asphaltic paving have many fucking holes, are being contemplated by the international organisms to receive the Prize Nobel for his works in Physics Holequantics.
Another urbane characteristic of the city they are, besides the countless existent poles in the sidewalks, the houses two-story type, which access is done by staircases built on the sidewalks themselves. Besides, to almost totality of the garages of the buildings of the city it has no retreat to avoid the traffic jam of vehicles while the gate opens to allow the entry of a vehicle. Soon, the city will be known like the metropolis of without sidewalks.
Up to the pedestrian precinct of the avenue Beira Mar was invaded by million tent owners and street workers what sell any luck of piece of junk: of walk to the Tower Eiffel to screw time-table for foreigner who lost the time zone.
edit Beaches and rivers
Fortaleza is also the capital of without beaches, because the Atlantic Ocean passes the day having a bath in the enormous stones put along the border of the beaches of Iracema and of the Meireles and does not leave any space for another bather. Meanwhile, the Beach of the Futuro became a beach without future, since it was totally allotted by the owners of the tents of the place who, as a matter of fact, arm the biggest shack if some authority tries to take away them of the piece. And speaking of future, the Park of the Coco, which is the biggest urbane park of the South America, soon will suffer a small alteration in the name: it will be the Park of the CRAP,so great is the quantity of things when Crap was launched in the river. The smell erases already if it is spreading for the world and is going to stink up to the day of apocalypse.
edit Celebrities of Fortaleza
- Goat Yoyo-Bohemian goat and reincarnation of one of the poets of the Spiritual Bakery; politician, drunkard, sociologist and when it was smitten with people. He is the author of the celebrated sentence that all the national politicians adore and adopt: " It is collecting what is received ", therefore he only leaning in creating taxes and increasing the already existent ones, even if the cow coughs and spits.
at the same year in which Cleópatra bought his first donkey, to take his famous baths of milk, he established, together with other correladrionários, the PTDB - Party of the Crazy Con merchants for Lump sum. With the objective to get monthly and eternal financing for the political campaigns of his party, he sold, at price of lollipop, to a few bosom friends, the rich and mighty state company from the ore from Fortaleza Company Cost of Laugh of This Suckers, and also, at the cost of a bulky one monthly financier goes over again to the PTDB,it sent secretly a companion to convince his friend Donkey Morales to nationalize the installations abroad of the oil producing enterprise from Fortaleza Bodebrás. The his only preoccupation is to pay the mensalão rigorously in day, even that Swiss penknife of 15 functions rains, for not losing I vote for his projects of increase of taxes. To purpose, his name is a Yoyo because when you think that he went away, he returns, been reincarnated in a goat or in another goat of the plague.
- Marshal Castelo Branco:-
ex-dictatorex-president of Brazil.
- Nasri:-> Most attractive girl in Brazil.
- José de Alencar:-writer,and name of a square in the Centre and a college in Messejana.
- Graveto:-Famous writer, journalist, musician, psychologist, desciclopedista and the frist emo of Fortaleza.
- Quintino Cunha:-poetry, lawyer, oldest member of the comedians of Ceará.(and he give the name for the most fucked quarter all town)
- Tom Cavalcanti:-comedian
- Natália Nara:-ex-BBB, Iracema: Fortify, city Shines (not since citizens have the light and wisdon of knowledge), it makes proud deeply of his respected daughter, who was living in the proximities of the beach of the Western-eastern one, when was known also as Copacacrap, where the little girl Natália while it was swimming, came across fingers, feet, hands and heads, which were floating calmly in that sunny day.
- Ely Aguiar:-the police reporter famous to known by his great "seriousness" in the interviews for tv police show for Tv Diário
- Coxinha:-one of the biggest celebrities of Fortaleza, known by his great sincerity, shown daily by the program Nas Garras da Patrulha, of TV Diário.
Fortaleza disposes of two stadiums of football, small Presidente Vargas (PV) and the Estádio do Castelão (Plácido Castelo), this one with capacity of 70.000 quiet regular visitors who sympathize with one of three principal local teams, which stand out in the Brazilian football like a few respectable filth of bigger mark, to know:
- Fortaleza:unreconciled team of the series B. When it is in the series B always want to rise for the series A, e when it is in the series A it always falls for the series B. His wick is composed of many sympathizers.
- Ceará:He was 157 years in the series B on brazil, but different of rival never played the third division.
- Ferroviário:did not manage to rise for the series B and not even Series C they play anyone.
edit Tourist attractions
It os a good idea to walk around in Fortaleza, of jeep, bugre or troller, and to see well of near, the biggest tourist attractions of the city, principally:
- 1. since it shakes the brain, the patience and the patience of the turist who leaves from automobile and bus in the badly asphalted road surfaces of the fucking city
- 2.Famous the onset of vehicles that takes place daily well in front of Unifor - University of Fortaleza
- 3.The tens deliverers of pamphlets and windshield wipers in the hundreds of traffic lights of the city
- 4.the old cats,bitches and The Drag Queens of Ave. Beira Mar and dunes of the Mucuripe
- 5.the way as the respectable poles occupy totally the narrow sidewalks of the city
- 6.The metal bridge, done principally from concrete, wood and whore;
- 7.The Cambeba, which is near of the hollow ass of the world, where the governor of the State
hidesof the people
- 8.The beach of Copacrap (when was also known as a beach of the shit),quoted by the intellectual of Ceará Natália Nara in the BBB, soon below the mortuary and the station of treatment of drains: fountains of the stench ground to a halt in the Ave. Leste-Oes and in the adjacent districts
- 9.The giant traffic jam of the Ave. Washington Soares caused by a clever thought up traffic jam of this road by the Shopping center Iguatemi. In day of rain the visit to the place is still more fascinating, because of the megaflood of this avenue for the river crap, which also was magnificently well strangled by the Iguatemi. As a matter of fact, it is the Iguatemi that a rô of free and smooth people appears to chat up smooth others that also try to pass for a rich man, that finish going out of there more smooth that before.
- 10.The square portugal (known by the nickname of Mordor), bigger redoubt of Emos, Indies, when were put alternative, Otakus, Child thieves and RPGistas of all the northeast. At present there is empty due to the fact of the mayor to have passed Raid there. That only they made to itself changing for the Shopping center Aldeota, there are a few meters from there. Besides this enclosure I infect, also it is located in the " alternative block " (a.k.a corner between the nightclubs noise3d and hey ho) the great demonstration of pseudo-cults, pseudo - alternative, pseudo meddled to be-drogged,rich kids-drugged, pseudo-Gothic and pseudo-undergrounds.
- 11.The public sidewalk,in the centre of the town, the biggest brothel in the open air of the city, where at a friendly price, you can acquire the venereal disease of your choice.
- 12.Square of the Gentilândia: bigger point of concentration of fags (Unbelieveble how many fags have here in this town) of Brazil. The movement is intense to every Friday. It is the point of meeting between active and passive. The orgy rolls set free in full square.