From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality.|
A Flo is a bipedal primate of the order Florinidae known for a gentle demeanor, typically light coloration, and frequently absurd tendencies. Flos are quite rare, and although they have been spotted on several continents, they are most commonly found in North America. Flos are sometimes known by common names Christie, Pumpkin, and Bunny.
Flos are omnivorous, though they eat a mostly vegetarian diet. Despite this, their all-time favourite food will often be steak or another form of red meat. In a natural setting, the diet of a Flo consists mainly of salad greens, crackers, and sweets. Indoors, however, Flos have been known to eat pasta, rice, croissants and other bread products, when these products are especially available. Flos will drink water if nothing else is available, but prefer tea, coffee, and sweetened fruit drinks. Successful feeding of a Flo typically requires that all drinks be sweetened, or they will generally be refused. One common myth is that the sweetened drinks are necessary for a Flo to maintain its sweet demeanor. Flos are very fond of alcoholic beverages, but their consumption should be restricted, or damage to a Flo's delicate stomach may ensue.
edit Population and distribution
The exact number of Flos is unknown, and estimates vary widely. Certainly, a Flo spotting is a rare event. One Flo was spotted in the Caribbean circa 1996, and there was a claimed but uncertain spotting in Morocco several years later, but other recent Flo spottings have been in North America. Flos are semi-migratory, preferring to move to warmer climates during the Northern winter, but migrating only on an unpredictable and poorly understood schedule. Flos trapped in cold climates will enter into a state of mild metabolic depression, similar to hibernation, becoming somewhat groggy and staying closer to their homes.
Flos create elaborate shelters around themselves using whatever materials are available. Flos show a preference for building materials that are colorful and soft and will often travel long distances to retrieve a desired item. Flos sometimes decorate their sleeping areas with paintings and original or copied artwork, and enjoy colored lights, especially Christmas tree lights. Flos often fill their living areas to the bursting with various artifacts and treasures. Flos clean their own bodies religiously, bathing every day, often for hours at a time. Flos have been known to spend a substantial fraction of their lifetimes in the bath, preferring it as a place for reading and smoking.
edit Physical characteristics
Flos are typically short, usually just over 5 feet in height. Their coloration is pale, with blond hair and blue eyes most common. Flos are typically curvy, with adult Flos possessing a shapely figure. Flos possess small noses, hands, and extremely small ears in proportion to their bodies. Flos are considering highly attractive and are prized for their round faces, pleasing facial characteristics, and slender figures.
edit Personality and psychology
Flos are well-known for possessing an extremely gentle and loving demeanor; many Flo fans claim that they are the gentlest of creatures, though this is difficult to prove. Flos are typically friendly, though they can be quite shy when confronting strangers or large groups of people. Flos are unusually sensitive creatures, requiring attentive and tender care. Flos are easily made frightened or upset, and effort must be made to ensure that a Flo is kept calm and not unsettled. When in high spirits, Flos are excellent company, often taking the bouncy manner of a human child and becoming highly affectionate. Flos have been known to emit high pitched chirps and giggles when excited.
edit Social behavior
The social behavior of Flos is complex and often misunderstood. Flos tend to shun large groups, whose presence can make them uncomfortable and noticeably stressed. This has led to the impression that Flos are solitary creatures, which is an unfortunate misunderstanding. Flos do spend much of their time alone, often reading, smoking, and bathing, but they also form strong bonds with a few friends and family members. Flos deprived of these crucial relationships will become lonesome and depressed.
edit Interests and activities
Flos are voracious readers, often consuming several books a week and re-reading favorite novels dozens of times. Preferred areas of literature include Russian Literature, Jewish Literature, and Philosophy. Flos are great aficionados of cinema, sometimes watching a movie per day. Flos have more flexible taste in film than in reading, enjoying films running the gamut from sophisticated indy and foreign cinema to zombie horror films.
Flos are typically skillful at a variety of pursuits. They are naturally talented at philosophy, literature, and many areas of science, notably geology. Flos have won awards for their accomplishments in geography, law and biology. They have received great accolades for their penetrating insights into obtuse areas of philosophy and for their ability to apparently enjoy reading dense and confusing manuscripts. However, Flos are also typically challenged by some areas of learning, especially spelling, which they seem to find universally baffling.
Flos are natural homemakers and as such are quite proficient in cooking, cleaning, knitting and other necessary household activities. The knitting ability of a Flo is especially prized, with Flos known to knit entire blankets in the course of a few days. Flos are also quite good at cooking, though they may be reluctant to cook complex meals. Nearly every Flo has a carefully constructed recipe book which they use as an occasional reference for their culinary endeavours.