Fish
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Fish are very interesting. A long time ago, they lived on the earth and not in the sea. Sadly, when they fell off a cliff in northern Mexico they grew gills and lost their 6 legs. Lucky for them they kept their fins so they wouldn't drown. This means they are now found all over the world in bodies of water. Sometimes, they are also seen glass tanks in stupid evolved apes' dining rooms. We love the fish, because although a lot of people eat them, Kanye West gorges on them. He eats and eats and eats. Salmon, tuna you name it. Fish were also once wolfs, but under gods REAL scary wrath, they evolved. WEIRD!!!!
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[edit] Fish Definition Jason
Once upon a time there lived a fish named Jason. He live in the unruly ghettos of the sea. One day during fishing season he saw a net in the water. He thought it looked cool so he swam torward it. Once he reached the net he was swept up by the net and put on a boot. Next he was taken was taken to the fish market and adopted by a nice loving family. Then one day while he was on a walk with his new family a dog came along and thought he was a chew toy. The dog then kidnapped him and brought him back to his master. Unfortunatly for Jason the dogs owner was an evil scientist. The evil scientist had an evil plan to turn Jason the fish into a human. The plan to turn Jason into a human work but had sever problems for Jason. First his head didnt come out right and he still has a fish head. Now that Jason was a human he was aloud to go to school. At school he was horrible made fun of for his fish head. The End.
[edit] Mythology
There is an ancient legend about a water dwelling creature, called Fish. It is not clear why and who created this myth, but in modern times it is heavily exploited by a world-wide global conspiracy group, let us call them THEY. There are two kinds of fishermen: those who never catch and admit it, and those who never catch, but, ashamed probably, lie. The later constantly boast and brag about their experiences, they are the majority. I never caught anything, no matter how hard I tried. Until I realized the reason: There is no such thing. All is a grand illusion. Fairytales, legends, hear-say, gossips, rumors, myths, smoke and mirror. To sustain the illusion good advertisement is essential. A whole industry was created, consisting of magazines, radio and TV-programs, books, know-how workshops, competitions etc. The advancement of technologies made finally possible to support the legend by the means of electro-mechanical devices, able to float and propel in water, and shaped like the above-mentioned mythological creatures.
The natural question of the reader by now should be, what do we get, when we order fish in the store, or in the restaurant? THEY have thought of everything: What is served as “fish”, is simply flavored chicken meat. And priced accordingly. A cheaper, low quality product was introduced on the market, called “Chicken of the sea”. And if you think, that this is the top of their blatant arrogance, read further and decide for yourselves.
In Japan THEY introduced the myth of a delicious food, fudu. The chicken meat is spiced with exotic Japanese flavors. Allegedly, fudu is a “fish” with ball-shaped body, armored with spikes and slime that covers the entire body. The slime causes severe pain experience, if one’s finger is pierced by a spike. The mythical fudu is laced with deadly tetrodoxin poison, causing sometimes painful death to the person(s) who ate fudu. Fudu should only be prepared by skillful chefs, creating a convenient way to eliminate political enemies, while and loading the cook with the responsibility.
The invention of electricity and the advancement of technology allowed for the development of plastic electromechanical devices. They were shaped moved as the mythological fish is supposed to. They were exhibited in zoos, sold as pets, pictured in textbooks, used in movie industry, like “Jaws”, “Old Man And The Sea”, and “m8ju76ki7” to name a few. But ultimately, fish served as a proof of the very existence of this creature.
The early models, code named “electric eel” and “electric sting ray”, were so coarse, they were not meant to be touched or examined at a close range. For this purpose, the devices were covered with electro-conducting gel and supplied with high voltage coils, delivering up to 600 V shock to the unlucky and the curious. However, an alternative opinion exists, that the electric properties of the above devices was not a feature, but was due to improper insulation. We shall probably never know for sure. Gradually the fish-devices became more beautiful, smaller and agile. Most recent models, like Viperfish and Anglerfish feature light emitting diodes (LED), that flash periodically. LEDs turned the Viperfish and Angelfish into nice additions for every fish tank. Other electric models are sold in Wal-Mart under the name “Singing Bass”. Singing Bass is not supposed to be submerged and not expected to propel under water either, making it as simple and as cheap as a Teddy bear.
Also, Contrary to popular belief, fish exist not on air, but on the combined hope of small African children that one day they will get a decent job and a BMI of more than 65%.
[edit] Electrolux addisoni
One of these models was introduced on the market in 2007. The new species of electric stingray was included in the top ten most amazing living things discovered in 2007.
This thing was called Electrolux addisoni. The connection between the powerful electric company and the fishy conspiracy is revealed once again.
The development of the chemical technology allowed to create fish, that can be baked and eaten. The skeleton is made of biodegradable polymers and is not to be consumed. The meat is very tender, and looks like chicken meat, cut into small peaces, and pressed together. The reason is that fish is exactly this: flavored peaces of poultry, pressed together. The real flavor does not really matter, as long as it is strong enough to disguise the chicken. After all, no one knows how the “real tuna” should smell and taste...
The electromechanical devices meant for sport fishing are quite expensive. The secrecy about fish must be protected strictly. For this purpose, the number of “fish” that can be caught and carried home is limited. This is why limits on the size and on daily catch were introduced. If the “fish” is smaller than the limit, it is supposed to be returned in the water immediately. If anyone tries to take it to the shore, he is expected by an employee of the agency, who controls the particular lake or river, dressed as park ranger, or Fishing and Gaming officer, ready to confiscate the “fish” and issue a fine. Everyone who claims to have caught “fish” has either won a promotional lottery, or is simply an officer of the above mentioned agency.
In older times, people were much more concerned and less naive. They did not like the idea of “fish”. When they did not believe something, they would say, “It smells fishy”. Unfortunately, we are turning more and more gullible. This is why, the people who run the global fish conspiracy have become so arrogant, careless and self-confident recently, they allow for leaks of information frequently. Examples include the “Chicken of the sea” and the “Singing BASS” sold in Wal-Mart, the “clown fish”, which sings and floats, sold in Toys Are Us, and the Euro-pro’s vacuum cleaner “Shark”. The computer part manufacturers are most careless. Examples include Cobian computer modems, Seagate’s “Barracuda” hard drive, Western Digital’s “Caviar”.
The latest disclosure of the "fish" myth came from the Russian news agency TASS. Kremlin has revealed that the Russian engineers have invented a radio-controlled "fish", designed to lead the fish population to breeding and feeding grounds in the Black See. C'mon, people! We already know the truth. It is more then obvious, that the "feeding and breeding grounds" are merely battery recharging stations.
The IBM laptop computer, called "Lenovo" is honoring Lenovo (also spelled Леново), a small town in the southern part of Bulgaria. You may be wondering, as why a leading computer company would pay tribute to a small unknown village. The reason can be traced to the nearby lake with the same name. Lake Lenovo is a center for annual fishing competition. This confirms, once again, the connection between the computer industry and the computerized toys called "fish".
[edit] ABBA and Fish
Jason is a fish. There have been several confliicts between ABBA and fish, but notably that one in Stolckholm in 1989 BC. This is the origin of the term Stockholm Syndrome. It is known that the blonde one that sings all the time, was walking down the street to meet that guy from ABBA that plays the piano all the time, and a giant fish just appeared on Stockholm High Street. Not knowing what to do, the woman proceeded to sing 'Lay All Your Fish on Me', and the giant fish, believed to be a herring, or possibly a swordfish, ran away in horror. It is later believed that this fish represented Lituania at the Eurovision Song Contest of 2005, almost beating that really rubbish British band that were a bit crap.
When the hit film Mamma Mia came out in 2008, fish all over the world rebelled because not once throughout was there a mention of any sort of fish. In fact, in the scene where Meryl Streep and others jump into the water, the fish all ejaculated in it as a protest. It was unknown to them at the time, but they later learned about it in a wikipedia entry on fish ejaculation.
There is also the Chinese squirrel-shaped fish, which is actually unusually plentiful in the peninsula of That place.
Sven Goran Ericsson, the former Manchester United coach, said in defence of his favourite band Abba 'The fish have it all wrong when they try to say that Abba has no talent. The guys and girls from Abba have an awful lot of talent, at least the ones who are alive do, and the others did. What the fish don't seem to realise is that when Abba record a song, they create a rift in time and space which is repairable only by the combined hope of little African children who wish that they could live to see their kids go to school.'
[edit] Fish Fingers/Fish Sticks
Fish Fingers are small long pieces of fish covered in bread crumbs which are usually bought in frozen form. Known as "Fish Sticks" by Americans. These are not to be confused with "Fish Dicks" as Kanye West will tell you, although it maybe difficult to reach him as he now lives in the Mediterrean Sea with his homosexual partner Don Pedro the Angelfish.
Another definition for "Fish Fingers" is of a rather less innocent nature and not something you would feed your five-year-old son for tea. It is the process of inserting one's fingers into a female's vagina and the term is derived from the smell of the said finger(s) after they have been removed. Yum.
The term "Fish Fingers" has also been used to describe females of homosexual orientation for example:
To an obviously Lesbian woman in your way: "Hoi! Outta the road, Fish Fingers!"
"Look at that pair of Fish Fingers!"
"Hey, Dean, isn't Jenny hot?" "Not worth it, Sam; Fish Fingers."
Other names for women of such orientation are: Lesbians, Dykes, Lettuce Munchers, Lesbos, Carpet Lickers, Rug Munchers, Rosie O'Donellers, Donnas, Cockle-Doodle-Don'ters, Female Baseball Players, Front-Crack-Cravers.
