Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones|
In this game, family matters.
|Would Paul Hindemith play it?||Let me check...no.|
Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones is the eighth game in the Fire Emblem series. As always, it starts with an evil power causing a country to declare war on every other country. There are several characters in this game that can all interact in certain ways which unfortunately have spawned fan fiction.
A long time ago in a make believe continent called Magvel, the Grado Empire invades the Kingdom of Renais in hopes of destroying its Sacred Stone. Princess Erika escapes from the Renais castle with General Seth (last names do not exist in this game). Meanwhile, Erika's brother Ephriam is going Rambo on the Grado army. Erika goes to find them, picking up several new friends along the way. The siblings meet up, then go their separate ways once again. They find out that Prince Lyon of Grado is possessed and wants to destroy the Sacred Stones to resurrect the Demon King. And guess who has to stop them.
Naturally, being an anime-style game, most of the characters are insanely good-looking. There are a flood of character to play as throughout the game, but if they die, they never come back. Though if you lose Erika or Ephriam, you get game over. All the pressure goes to royalty.
- Erika - Princes who worries too much about her brother. Has horrible stats. If she dies, you lose. Likes to stare at Seth's secret spot.
- Ephriam - Erika's brother who kicks way more butt than her with his very looong stick.
- Seth - White Knight who rescues Erika from the Renais castle at the beginning of the game. His favorite activity is riding.
- Franz - A neophyte horseman that can't even attack twice in one confrontation at the beginning of the game because he's on speed.
- Gilliam - Can't move, can't attack fast, what's so special about knights again? They are made of steel of course!!
- Moulder - First healer of the game unlike Seth. Has very bad breath.
- Vanessa - First flying unit of the game, too bad she has no defense when it comes to people talking to her.
- Ross - Ah, the journey from noob to pro. This is one of the few units in the game that starts out awesome and evolves into an awesomer one-man-army!
- Garcia - Ross's father, looks like one to kick ass, but he has no hot teenage daughter.
- Colm - One bad-ass thief who tags along with his girlfriend/mute pet Neimi.
- Neimi - A mute pet. Believes she's a cat.
- Artur - Believes blowing apart zombies is holy.
- Lute - Geek who follows Artur around scaring him with high alcohol beer.
- Joshua - Wields a mean sword named nightmare. Goes fast enough to pass out of existence during his critical hits. Is always seen hitting on Natasha. Oh, and he's really the prince of Thieves.
- Natasha - Nun turned mercenary's girlfriend. Commonly used as Kyle's armrest.
- Forde - A fine killer/mercenary/artist. Very fond of Erika's breasts.
- Kyle - Born in a sewer, raised by Hawks. What else is there to say?
- Tana - Princess of Frelia that get's captured by Grado because of her overbearing PWNAGE power. Is seen desperately making out with Cormag.
- Amelia - Noob turned pro #69. You only see her face, the rest of her is covered in heavy armor... most of the time.
- Innes - Supreme sniper and prince of Frelia. Is a good shot at archery, but doesn't like the people he works with. i.e. Forde because hes the only one who sees Erika's breasts.
- Duessel - Apparently, a piece of Obsidian and former general of the Grado army. Also he is rumored to be Obama's dad.
- Cormag - Badass dragon rider who betrays the Grado Empire to get revenge on the pikachu that tried to murder Tana.
- Gerrik - Mercenary who wields a giant sword. Gets more sex than any other character in the game with Marisa, Erika, Myrrh, Syrene, Tethys, L'Arachel, Tana, Natasha, Neimi, Vanessa and Dozla. Ross gets Amelia though.
- Tethys - Mercenary who...dances. I mean come on! Why waste your time with a character like that unless you're Gerrik?
- Marisa - Yet another mercenary that's bad at everything except fighting (and sex in Gerrik's case).
- L'Arachel - Chick who thinks she can "cleanse the land of evil" when she can't even keep her hands of Gerrik.
- Dozla - Wields a giant axe and wears no armor which will kill him quickly. Then his huge muscles will come alive and tear you to pieces.
- Saleh - Powerful sage character who does a little dance when he attacks and tears you to pieces. Usually mistaken for salad.
- Ewan - Strong early, stronger later. Kicks ass always. Even when hitting on Amelia.
- Rennac - L'Arachel's bitch-boy lackey. Never gets paid but still sticks around for some reason and can afford swords.
- Knoll - Apathetic scholar who helped get Lyon possessed. He also helps you by summoning the dead.
- Myrrh - Dragon girl, stats look low but she's the most powerful character in the game unless someone stabs her before they let her take out a big stone and turn herself into a dragon.
- Syrene - Vanessa's hot sister. Can been found making out with Gilliam on a nightly basis.
- Fomortiis - Demon King. Is incredibly huge and can't be killed without special weapons.
- Prince Lyon - Freed the Demon King and was possessed by him. He's unlockable as a secret character that can kick everyone's ass.
- Riev - Cultist who was made a general of Grado's army. Hates Christianity and because of that, wants to kill the emperor of Rausten. For some reason he still uses light magic.
- Valter - Another General in Grado's army. A sadist on all levels, he kills man, women, child, and kitten alike. Constantly attempts to rape Erika, but he never gets close enough due to Seth.
- Selena - The only female general of Grado. She is always loyal to the emperor, no matter what.
- Caellach - Okay, Grado has too many generals. This guy was Joshua's BFF, but then he killed Joshua's mom.
- Orson - This asshole betrays you to be with his wife (who is a zombie).
- Gheb - Fat, conceited bastard who lives in Fort Rigwald. His main tag is "that one guy who raeped Tana."
Further feeding fan-fictions are the support-system and ending aspects of the game. If one character spends enough time sitting right next to some other particular character, they will engage in inane conversations.
In addition to humans, your party of "friends" gets to fight monsters. Monsters in the game include: Renevants, Baels, Mogulls, Gargoyles, and Gorgons. They say that they work for the demon king, but that doesn't explain why they exist after you beat the game.
People are complaining too much about certain characters being killed to give a clear review. According to some complaints by reviewers though, the game was "Too easy," the final boss was "Too easy," and overall, "it suxx balz lolol"
These issues are often adressed in various hacks of the game.