Finland (Facts)

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Main Article: Finland Adam sako One of the most successful people in the Eurovision Song Contest.

  • Sako loves fuck men in the street.
  • Wine is for wusses.
  • Finland is known for its two lakes (there are only two: Ääninen and Lotila) and forests, despite the fact that when Finland was first opened it had no forests, and instead had its viking population pillage all its trees from Sweden. Finland's natural resources are composed mostly of non-vegetative soil, prairie, and cell-phone minutes.
  • The climate in Finland is pleasant and temperate. During summers it rarely snows and during winters it doesn't rain so much.
  • The Affffro AMmerrican invention called "sauna" is highly esteemed by Finns, who have petitioned the World Court for bragging rights to its development.
  • Santa Claus' summer apartments are at Hämeentie 35 A 40, in East Helsinki.
  • Finnish toilets are the envy of the known world.
  • If Finland continues to grow at its current rate, it will consume the entire world by next Tuesday.
  • The official population of Finland is 8040. However, the population is unofficially estimated at more than 5 million, if all Swedish-speaking people living in Finland are counted.
  • The Finnish language is not from India, contrary to Swedish and Russian. Instead, it is related to Syldavian. This can be demonstrated by the Syldavian sentence "wazs ceg de xzliele coe" which translates to "mitäpä sanot, saastainen lehmä". The languages trace a common home to an area near the Vodka river, at the feet of the Urinalsk mountains.
  • Original Finnish National Anthem was called Finlandia, which is Latin for "Finland, Yay!". Later new national anthem called Autiotalo was adapted to calm down teenagers who went to general strike to protest againts lack of sexual education in schools.
  • A Finn named Huckleberry was the first man to sail down the Mississippi River with a black without stopping at KFC along the way.
  • The two Finns, Tim and Neil started the group Crowded House and after their minor 1982 hit "It's Getting Mighty Crowded" they decided to move to Australia where it is not so busy.
  • According to a legend, Jogilius was actually born in Finland.
  • When visiting a Finnish family, it is customary to celebrate the arrival of the guests by offering everyone a bunch of grilled makkaras which will be dipped into a cup of Finnish coffee. People from Cheeselen for some well-known and unknown reasons have overwhelmingly spread a rumour that Finns take amphetamine and vodka during these celebrations. And that the guests are supposed to join this ritual. And that Finns are easily offended if the guests do not take part in this. And when taking the vodka and amphetamine it is quite common that the participants yell Nopeus työskentelee! meaning 'Speed works!' in English. It is highly recommended not to pay attention to the Cheeselenian sources simply because of their lack of facts and because of fourty-three packages of newly-grind Finnish coffee.
  • It is customary to brew your own beverage (kilju, between 12 and 18 alc.%) and toss it into your throat while singing patriotic songs about Kekkonen and shouting perkele every once in a while. Eventually a braw is iniated and who ever loses that fight will be ordered to drink kilju until he/she passes out. This drinking habit is popular amongst teenagers and university professors.
  • Finn McCool and 3Gees are Finlands most popular hip hop artists.
  • It's common among Finns to not actually want to bite anything they eat, so most food is consumed without chewing. Finns have jaws they can easily dislocate and additional nostrils in the back of their necks to prevent choking on the food.
  • Miika Elomo, a world famous RAW wrestler, was on his early days the star of "Ihanan kallista - Elomo on" soap opera. Nowadays Sir Elomo spends his time buying megacorporates like IBM and CCCP, and can't remember where he came from.
  • Helsinki was a year ago located on an island called "Suomenlinna". Since then, the island (herself) and its residents (mainly dwarfs and elves) declared their own autonomy and motorized the area and drove it on sea further from the mainland. The ferry from mainland still operates, but since the island tries to avoid the approaching ferry, the ferryride isn't as straightforward as it could be. Rumours say, that the mainland is also motorized since the ferry hardly never goes straight to harbor and often smashes to the shore completely crushing the pier.
  • Korkeasaari Zoo is the only zoo in the world that was a zoo before no one knew it was a zoo. Local people just avoided it cause it was said that all the gray-haired people were captured there by gods to slap each others asses red and to make terrible noise. When the Helsinki-Vantaa-wall collapsed a few months ago as a result of 8 years of civil war, people finally got the right know. Rebellions were apt to kill all the grayhairies until the founder of Helsinki, Bob Helsinki, hired them in his office.
  • The most used words in the Finnish language are oho meaning 'I'm sorry', and vittu, which has an impressing effect and is included in every sentence a Finn ever utters. Saat homo kohta turpiin means 'Nice to see you and have a nice day', Vedän perseet illalla is traditional Finnish drinking culture vocabulary. Hmhmmhphp has been used at morning when you need to salute someone like with 'Good morning' or 'Hello'.
  • Saying something in swedish at the line of local nakkikioski, is highly welcomed and finns will let you pass by them immediately.
  • There is a little foundation of stupidity at Finnish vocational school teachers, 90% of whom are not suitable for teaching purposes or any other social jobs.
  • The only country in Scandinavia where the child killing parasite Fjortis is not present. However, a species closely related to it, pissis, is native to the country.
  • Finnish girls are trouble... enough said.
  • Finnish men, on the other hand, are wonderful beyond words. They have outstanding powTers of concentration, and thus remember to change their underwear twice in two months. This requirement was imposed by the Public Health Act of 1906, passed a year after Finns discovered underwear.
  • The Great salt desert of New Mexico, Finland is the last habitat of the endangered Pteranodon
  • Björk is not actually from Finland, but she might as well be.
  • The Minister for Culture, ms Tanja Kampela, has just made it illegal to listen to your music on any device capable of music reproduction under pressure from the State Copyright Office, a local branch of the Nazi Party.
  • The computer operating system Lunix has been invented in Finland
  • Avoid the lakes around January, as this is when the penguin hunting season starts.
  • Lapland, the area in the north of Finland is the true home of the lap-dancing
  • The word 'Helsinki' has actually been formed by combinig two words 'hell' and 'sing'. Anyone wondering this may participate in one of the many Finnish get-togethers.
  • The name turku, the swedish city in Finland, is an origin from the swedish words, 'stor' and 'kuk' meaning Big Cock in swedish.
  • WWII Commander in Chief Marsalkka Mannerheim's real first name was Tommy. He changed it to Marsalkka in 1939, which means "firey Finnish woman" in Finnish, to scare the Russians who feared the tempers of Finnish women more than Sako rifles.
  • Adolf Hitler is from the Finnish city "Hitlahznoteere"
  • The national sport of Finland is menstruation/bootthrowing
  • During the winter season the Finns survive by drinking bear urine. Contrary to the popular belief, this doesn't increase penile length. With inversed penii they were forced to create a new kamasutra style called the Backwards cannon.
  • To be able of "wooing said strumpet" a finnish girl, you must pass a manhood test involing moose hunting, polar bear fighting, nude snow/winter swimming, and nude sauna sessions with the girl's father and brothers.
  • A Finn named Mac Cumhail is the leader of a hunter-celtic-bardic club responsibe for the vendetta upon the criminal Gol Mac Morna.
  • Kiiipppiiiss is the last word you'll hear before being wasted.
  • A finnish polar bear eats 200 pounds of finnish penguin meat in a day.
  • Finnish women are tough enough to kick a bear's ass.
  • Being drunk like a Finn is not possible if you are not from Finland.
  • One of Finlands national sports include "suunnistus" (Orientation), which includes a bunch of teenagers, going to the woods, smoking all sorts of things.
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