Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Hide and Go Jesus

JesusCarton
“You're trying too hard. All you gotta do is relax your eyes and look through the picture.”
~ Jesus on finding Him
“Its Waldo Gone Godly.”
“Mormons and Jews are Automatically Disqualified.”
~ GOD

Hide and Go Jesus, also known as Missing Christos or InvisaMessiah, is the internationally-recognized champion of Hide-and-Go-Seek, an important spiritual bedrock of the Christian faith. Hide-and-Go-Seek, often thought to be nothing more than a simple children’s game that teaches base emotions such as shame and fear, is actually the nomination process for divinity. The game will end when someone really does find Jesus, at which point they will become the new Savior, which translates to "World's Best Hider", and the game will begin anew.

Hide-and-Go-Seek was initiated by Jehovah exactly five thousand years ago when He went looking for Adam in The Garden of Eden to laugh at his nakedness. Though omnipotent, The Lord experienced a surprising difficulty in finding Adam but found the anticipation of the search exhilarating and declared Hide-and-Go-Seek to be The Game of God.

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The epic MacGyver Manuver
If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.


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It's the smart way to get out.

~ Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program
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