Fenriz

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Fenriz

...Prepare to fucking die!!!

“This article DOES NOT meet with my aproval... hurrumph!”
~ Fenriz
Fenrizhiguys

Oh hai...

Gyrle Fenriz Nagellhammer (born October 31, 1980), better known as Fenriz, is the Norse God of Anger, drummer, publicist and lyricist of two-piece Norwegian Black Metal pop punk grind crust-core death metal band Darkthrone. He has performed solo and been involved with a number of bands spanning a variety of musical genres (Black Metal). As you can tell from his picture he is a good (Anti)Christian and cannot wait to kill Jews. Fenriz is the 144th son of Loki and a Norwegian princess.

He is prophesied to break his ethereal chains in the battle of Ragnarok and kill Odin. He is also the most beautiful man in Scandinavia.

edit Early Days

Fenriz

Fenriz as a child

Fenrizangry

The infamous Rock n' Roll Gas Station incident

In his formative years he was mocked for having a girls name, this lead to an isolationist attitude that has served him well in the nihilistic, misanthropic Black Metal circles where friendship and camaraderie are shunned. Whilst in school he was passed over for the role of Jesus Christ in the schools Nativity. With his presence missing it was felt the whole play lacked something; that it was basically a bad production. Fenriz never forgot this.

edit Gyrle's Hammer

Fenrizlol

The evolution of Darkthrone

edit Darkened Thrones Throne of Darkness Dark Throne

He formed his first band in 1985, Gyrle’s Hammer, but this lasted only a week and a half and disbanded due to bad production and apathy. In early 1986 he met up with pin-cushion-wannabe and elitist shop owner Horseface Arseface, better known as Euronymous, later of Black Metal band Mayhem. They formed Gyrle’s Throne. This lasted only two months before disbanding due to bad production and murder.

After abandoning the music scene, Fenriz moved to a cabin in the Norwegian forest region of Skogselskapet. Living off the land, Fenriz began to form an idea for a musical revolution based on petty rivalry and bad production. He left for the bright lights of Oslo to further this musical vision, and also because his cabin had collapsed due to bad production.

Fenrizapproves

While in Oslo attending a night class in grim woodland poses, Fenriz met his hetero life mate Tedsk Jellum, better known as Nocturno Culto, who would become the Wonder Woman to Fenriz's Captain America. Nocturno was already a school teacher by this point, teaching Black Metal philosophies and pony care. They formed a duo entitled Darkened Thrones, this was changed quickly to Throne of Darkness, Throne of Dark, Throne of Dark Thrones, Darkness Thrones, Fenriz and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and then finally Dark Throne.

With a bag full of grimness and a desire to badly produce music, the pair set off on their quest to find musicians to use and then fire. As kindling musicians came and went they decided to stay as a duo.

edit Attitude to Metal

Fenriz has often spoken at length concerning his love of metal and will speak at length about it unless asked not to, at length. In later Dark Throne releases he has included a long list of albums he owns and recommends you listen to, knowing full well you can’t because they are all out of print. The superiority complex caused by this has grown increasingly annoying in direct correllation to how little is thought of recent Dark Throne releases.

His love of metal, which he speaks about at length, is often interpreted as being overly tr00 and kvlt and has lead to a large amount of internet flaming. Most of which centers around the fact that when Dark Throne release a new album (after 1995), half the world thinks it’s shit and the other half don’t care. This causes Fenriz to rant at length about how they are ‘keeping the metal flame alight’ and this causes the half of the world who think the new albums (released after 1995) are shit to think Fenriz is a bit of a dick.

edit Musical Projects

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fenriz.
  • Gyrle’s Hammer – Lute, Chair Leg Percussion (1985)
  • Gyrle’s Throne – Lovely Lady Humps, Accessory to Murder (1986)
  • Dark Throne – Drums, lyrics, promotion, keeping metal flames alight (1986-forever)
  • Valhalla – Drums (1987-1988, 1988-1989, 1989-1990, 1990-1991, 2010-forever)
  • Izengardz – Drums (1985-1989, and then one week in 2007)
  • Neptune Towels – Drums, marimba, recorder (one week in 2007)
  • Deadhelmetguard – Upright bass, upright piano, upright metal flames (1987)
  • Fenriz's Red Planet - Drums, guitar, bass, ships that always sailed without him (1993)
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