Feminism
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“I'm a great supporter of feminism; the sooner women can do our jobs for us the better.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Feminism
“I've never met a women who didn't truly know what she wanted, it's a pity that no one cares”
~ Oscar Wilde on Feminism
“Sir, this is a feminist booskstore. There is no humor section.”
~ The proprietor on This bookshop
“If a woman's work is never done how come she expects to get paid?”
~ Informed Expert
Feminism is the radical notion that women are people. This belief is surprisingly popular amongst women and strangely enough also amongst a select group of men who want to get into their panties.
Their hariy and diabolical leader, Femiqueen Lizzie Moore, who has been on the throne since september 1465, controls one of the biggest empires in world history, and is a firm supporter of female domination and executing men.
She accended to the throne of Nazi Germany in 1465 after her great uncle and German Emperor Hans von Guberhaus Bratwurst Khan was assassinated by Moore's henchmen after he gave his famous anti-women speech in Saudi Arabia. Femiqueen Moore has been a huge pro feminazi since her victory over the Greeks at Athens in 1435, thus destroying the Grrek Empire that had lasted since 435BC. After this she sent her armies to fight on the moon in the Great Outer Space War of 1676-1899.
He met her partner, a short, fat Polish woman named Peter von Hinderham at the war rallies in Nuremburg and the next summer they wed. Hinderham was executed after she found out she was King Peter of Corsica.
[edit] The Viewpoint
“It's cool to want respect, but you don't have to be such a bitch about it.”
~ God's View on Feminazis
“Yuh-huh...I was listening, will you take your pants off now?”
~ A Man's View on Feminazis
A movement whose sole purpose is to give women saggy breasts and to bankrupt brassiere manufacturers, the Male movement appears to be failing in its second aim at the moment, largely due to the massively increased demand for women's undergarments that burning them has produced.
It's widely stated by feminists that "There is no man in this womyn.", however it is widely acknowledged by the rest of the world that this is entirely the problem.
There is a common feminist saying that "A woman needs a fish like a man needs a bicycle," but no one really knows what it means. Because feminists talk shit.
Feminists will become angry when one talks of Atoms without Eves.
Feminists believe that there is no place for men in this world, however, they have overlooked one flaw- they would not be in this world if it weren't for men having such tasty relationships with women.
A feminist will go to any length denying that any woman has ever had sex with men. However they will have sex with men if they seek means to ruin him. When a penis, or "black snake", enters into the feminist's vagina, or fuck flaps, incredible pain is felt by men off all sizes.
Their own existence even to themselves is a mystery even though they continue to flock to Denny's restaurants and monster truck rallys.
Feminists claim that they fight for equality, that men and womyn are the same, even though we look different. This contradiction is but the first of many, in a fight for equality that apperantly also states that women are better than men.
[edit] Manual Labour
Feminists also react badly to this phrase, screaming that it is sexist to assume that labour can only be done by men. However it comes from the latin 'manus' meaning hand. Don't dare use the word, or your spellchecker will call you a woman-hating misogynist. So will your secretary.
[edit] Menstruation
Serious objections have been raised to this name, because of its male based first syllable. New suggestions are womenstruation, girlstruation, bleedingbitchstruation and wecontrolallmendoasyouaretoldstruation, "Frustration" also works and it has the best description already for it. When it was pointed out that the root of the word was not actually men but menstrus - which is Latin for "month," the feminists killed 17 men in retaliation for pointing out one of the many flaws in their logic. It has since become taboo to point out any flaws in a feminist's logic (All feminist logic is considered inherently correct to a woman on the blob BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKIN' IS!!!). The natural flowing of blood from a woman's body once monthly shows how in tune women are with nature, how they feel the lunar cycles intuitively, and as we all know from TV ads, how a woman can become a superb athlete at that 'time of the month' and can often be seen rollerblading, parachuting, swimming, hang-gliding, and running on the beach in white pants. In ancient Tibet, men used to believe that the best way to combat PMS was to put the offending woman into a little box, just big enough for her to breathe, until she calmed down; these men never had the God-given grace of having a penis afterward.
[edit] The Feminist Reply
- no time to reply, too busy in the kitchen*
[edit] Herstory
Feminists believe that men have dominated history, and women have been ignored, with few exceptions. Their response is to reclaim history as herstory and show the world the importance of women. Again - do not try to point out the flawed logic of this idea, as 'history' is in fact derived from the Greek/Latin historias meaning knowledge or learning - nothing whatsoever to do with men.
The first person on the moon is now Nellie Armstrong, and the most famous leader of Rome is now Julie Caesar. Gloria Steinem and Rosie O'Donnell are now to be thought of as male.
Mainstream herstorians widely regard "history" as "utter bullcrap," as women have yet to prove themselves capable of anything outside of their traditional roles of "baking and babymaking," and it is unlikely that any such event has ever occurred. It is worth pointing out due to female failure in their two traditional pursuits, they are about as "valuable to society as a bicycle to a fish."
If Rosie O is not only human but male, we'll have to give Mao his penis back.
[edit] Origin
Modern Feminism was originally put forward as a joke in ancient Greek times by Ironicles, a philosopher and close friend of Aristotle, and after whom we have the English word irony, a joke nobody understands. Ironicles presented the idea as a satirical view of a society out of control, stating "where the women feel beauty is wrong, where the horses ride women, and who the hell invited the reindeer?" (See: Soviet Russia). The confusion over the last point was recently cleared up when evidence was found of an audience member (most likely Popsicles) proclaiming "get the stupid sod off, she's been on the wine again....tosspot." Apparently, Greek culture had a great influence on Saxons as well.
Many people believe that the first mainstream popularity of feminism was the fight for female suffrage, in the late 19th century. However, recent scientific evidence points to an almost full adoption of the female empowerment in a small middle eastern area. After a short but bloody massacre, the area was overthrown by an all female government, to date the only such ever known. As their first law, they declared that sex was a criminal offense, punishable by castration. The result was the total extinction of the population in just a single generation. The evidence comes not just in early documents, but also in the fact that the halls of government unearthed were thought to be the only ones where the carpets and curtains matched, and the furniture was frequently moved around "to see how it would look."
Feminism really took off in the late 1800s and early 1900s, where women, bored of the excruciating, grueling work of dusting and cooking, felt they were somehow entitled to the cushy, relaxing work in the fields and the mines like men. In the campaign, the subject of the ability to vote was also fought for. Contrary to popular belief, early supporters of the movement didn't call themselves feminists, but instead Fighters Against Totally Controlling Housewives, Inhome Carers and Kinder Schuten, (a German phrase in common use at the time meaning child bearers). Many people know the story of Emily Wilding Davison, who threw herself under the king's horse in the 1913 epsom derby, yet in actuality she was trying to get to parliament so she could protest, and had simply gotten lost. She was pronounced blonde at the scene.
[edit] Some of the core beliefs of feminism are:
- All men want is sex and more sex.
- All men are evil.
- All men have raped at least seven women.
- Boys are stupid and deserve to have rocks thrown at them.[1].
- All men are sex-obsessed psychopaths who only think about sex and sex, sex, sex, sex sex sex. Sorry got distracted there for a moment.
- If a man comes within ten feet of a woman, he is obviously trying to sexually assault her.
- Oscar Wilde is a myth (Clearly False)
- All men are ignorant, self-obsessed narcissists who only think about themselves.
- No men have real feelings, they only fake them to have sex with women.(Fact)
- Men who don't want sex
with meor are not even slightly attracted tomeevery woman they meet are obviously gay, which also means they must die, for being Male in general!
| Feminine Articles |
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| Articles About Feminine Issues |
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- Bitching about useless things such as changing "women" to "womyn", when there are actual issues they should be paying attention to, such as sex trafficking, female genital mutilation, and preparing dinner. (Fact).
- All men think a woman's place is in the home and when not at home beating their wives for disobedience are most likely roaming the streets looking for women in silhouette to rape. This is especially true.
- Any time a man is out of the house, he is either getting drunk, cheating on his girlfriend, or raping some poor woman, or all three.
- All money that a man has worked for belongs to his girlfiend or wife by rights.
- All women have the freedom to do whatever they want, as long as this doesn't involve raising children or wearing a dress, or long hair, as this would make them slaves to men.
- All women must be able to play the same sports as men, no matter how much they suck at them or how truly little other people care about them.
- All women should watch crappy movies on Lifetime, probably starring Valerie Bert and Ernie, to realize how evil men are. (Fact)
- If a man understands a woman or not, he's a total moron.
- If a woman doesn't understand a man, he's not expressing himself clearly.
- Feminists believe that Women are equal to Men, and in thinking this class themselves as superior
- Any woman who is not a feminist is a stupid whore who likes to be a slave to men.
- ANY workplace, TV show or group that does not have an equal number of women as it does men is clearly a male conspiracy against all women. Especially things that women (especially them) do not like.
- In light of these beliefs, you deserve to castrate men with your teeth, and must do so to at least 20 men, or else your membership in feminism will be canceled. With equal rights, equal responsibility. All men, including husbands, brothers, fathers, sons, the president, the vice-president, pets, and dead men. You have just as much right to go to Heaven while still alive as Jesus did. Just because he's a man doesn't make him in any way special or superior. Get into Heaven and bite off the testicles of Saint Michael. Let him feel it. Show him who's boss. God is the reason men subjugate women. Bite God's testicles off, after which he will have much less power, and all the women of the world can unite and dethrone him and set up a new Goddess, who shall have no last name, as last names are a male-dominated enterprise.
- if a man moves at all, he is moving towards a vulnerable young woman to rape
- if a man is not moving, he is thinking about raping a vulnerable young woman
- therefore, all dead men are potential sex criminals
Feminism, as you can probably tell, is a extremely stereotyped movement that has stereotyped other people and yet is strongly critical of stereotypes.
The typical feminist is characterized by a short haircut, unshaven legs and / or armpits, over-weight by at least 20 pounds, a strong hatred of men, an even stronger hatred of thin, beautiful women and all things pertaining to males ... but all the while inwardly craving - more than anything - to be a man themself. They aim to eliminate the female stereotype, only to eventually replace it with the male one, not to mention that its total Hypocrisy. Most feminists are known to pose in front of a mirror while brandishing a soda bottle, hair brush or fire extinguisher as their psuedo-penis.
[edit] Rise of the Feminazi movement
Hitler's first act as Chancellor was to create the Nationalensozialistischenfrauenrechtengettenmehrengesellschaftsozietät, or 'Nationalensozialistischenfrauenrechtengettenmehrengesellschaftsozietä' for short, a political lobbying group aimed at advancement of women's rights, and a free society based on full equality of all citizens before the law, in accordance with fundamental Nazi beliefs. Key pillars of the Nationalensozialistischenfrauenrechtengettenmehrengesellschaftsozietät's agenda were:
- Full voting, political and property rights for women.
- Equal pay and access to promotion in the workplace with strict quotas enforceable by law.
- Universal Common law marriage.
- Simplifying common law marriage giving a woman the choice to pick any man she has had relations with, provide a simplified declaration of marriage procedure which does not need a mans consent or signature.
- Legalization of termination up to the ninth month of pregnancy, and a few extra months after birth just in case the baby is a boy.
- Lifting of restrictions on homosexual activity regardless of age of ethnicity.
- The restriction of rape to married couples.
- Punitive measures for workplace sexual harassment, including death by electrocution, a minimum of a 100,000 fine payable to the victim and a minimum five year severance payout to each victim equal to their current pay adjusted for inflation.
- Anytime anywhere sexual harassment laws, strengthening of the violence against women act.
- Anytime divorce, a woman has the right to marry anyone she chooses and divorce anytime she chooses, including times with no cause.
- Broad funding for the reeducation of male and female youth teaching socially responsible behavior from a feminist perspective.
- Criminal prosecution of school boys from age 0 on sexually harassing girls.
- Mandatory castration of most boys at birth.
After 1945, the Nationalensozialistischenfrauenrechtengettenmehrengesellschafssozietät, facing calls in Germany to disband, was relocated to America, where it began its work as the source of all known evil.
[edit] Feminists and WWII
Feminism and women’s rights is, without a doubt, directly connected to WWII. First we had WWI, where 16% of the male population of Europe was killed, along with a few brave hermaphrodites. While men were still suffering from gangrene and chlorine gas poisoning, women used such common feminist tactics such as boycotts, noisy rallies, and sleeping with the devil to gain the right to vote. Yes, back then people’s votes were actually taken into consideration. And what happened next? Stalin rose to power, Hitler imprisoned Jews in concentration camps and general war broke out in Western Europe, destroying it utterly. And what did the feminists do? They sat in their Transylvanian castles, stroking their hairy armpits and not cooking, laughing as they sent many brave men and some Frenchmen to their gruesome death. And that’s how women caused WWII.
[edit] Feminist Humor
Feminists have been on a humor strike ever since the 1970s. They refuse to find anything funny, many opting to remove the area of the brain associated with not taking things seriously as part of their periodic rituals. Some jokes about Feminism include:
- How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, and it's not funny.
- How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two: one to screw in the lightbulb, and one to bitch at any men who try to help.
- How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a trick question, Feminists can't change anything.
- How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? 3: one to change the lightbulb, one to make me a sandwich, and one to suck my dick.
- How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They use strap-ons instead.
- How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Sixteen, one to screw in the lightbulb, fifteen to form a support group.
- How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None; that bitch can cook in the dark.
- Whats the difference between a Feminist and a knife? A knife has a point.
- Whats the difference between a Feminist and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
- How come a woman hasn't landed on the moon yet? Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
- How do you know women didn't make the great wall of china? Because it's an amazing engineering miracle not a delicious homemade meal.
Some of the most unfunny comedians of all time are feminists, such as Margaret Cho, Rosie O'Donnell (Former comedian, now just a bitch), and Genine Garafalo.
[edit] Famous Feministic examples of maleism
- Loose Women and every other TV show
- Most magazines
- Barbara Bush
- Most films
- Salem Massachusetts 2007
[edit] First, Second, And Third-Wave Feminism
First-Wave Feminism was about getting rights to exchange cooking recipes freely. It lasted roughly fourteen hours, sometime around the late-early 1900's. The second wave of feminism, technically known as "the second wave of feminism", was for the right to make lesbian pornography. And finally, third-wave feminism, which is modern feminism, is about nothing at all. Since women now technically have all the same rights as a man does, the feminist movement of modern days does not aim for any goal. A famous writer once said, "Feminism is like a large bowl of tartar sauce, ja. The longer you leave it out, the more it begins to solidify."
[edit] Secret Feminist Societies (and where to find them)
Since women became all antsy and decided that being totally lez with each other was much more fun than knitting and cooking for their husbands, many underground clubs have been created to facilitate their unnatural activities. The existence of Feminist Societies has been illegal since Germaine Greer opened her big yap and told everyone that she was a feminist (this of course was a lie, as everyone knows Germaine Greer was such a grotsky bitch that no man would touch her with a ten foot mop). So if you think you may be a feminist (God help you), then you should probably join an SFS. To find one, just hop along to one of the following and say the magic words, “turkey baster, anyone?”:
- The Bitches Templar.
- Your local all girls hockey team.
- Whores in Black Clothing.
- The Lucky Cow (one of the most powerful societies in the fight to promote
lezzosfeminists. Uses the guise of vegetarian food van) - The NWA (the National Womens Association).
- The Mysterious Incestuous League of Fems ( or better known as "The M.I.L.F.'s").
- The Freelisas.
- The Sisterhood of Male Bashers.
- The YWCA (like the YMCA but for lesbians and not queer guys).
- Lesbos Island.
- Valerie Solanis (woman who wrote this shit) uses fake science to assert female supremacy, which, if true, means it's hilarious that men have dominated history throughout.)
- SCUM (Society for Cutting Up Men) The male is a biological accident: the Y (male) gene is an incomplete X (female) gene, that is, it has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples(a Feminist actually wrote this). This means you can park in handicap spaces and yell profanity. Adherents of this new Progressive Third Wave Feminism can be found in most human resources or personnel departments. Please, for the love of all good in this world, do not confuse the acronym with the seminal Sierra adventure games creation platform.
[edit] Feminist Logic
In PFL (propositional feminist logic), there are uncountably many truth-values to sentential operators, making PFL an incredibly difficult logic to navigate for law-abiding, rational males. Feminists typically have an innate ability to understand PFL, known as “female intuition”. Here we will look at the truth-tables for the conjunction and conditional operators, using the three most widely occurring truth-values, “True”, “False” and “Asking for it”. When a proposition is asking for it, for all practical uses it is true, but in a court of law is rendered false. Note how another nine truth-values are generated from our first three, resulting in an endless cycle of chaos and bullshit.
In QFL (quantificational feminist logic), Femininists do not use the universal quantifier, 
, because it was invented by Bertrand Russell, a notorious womanizer. Instead they use O because it resembles both the vagina and the Circle of Life that can only exist through the struggles of womankind.
Advocates of QFL usually assert the existence of the following tautology, known as the Feminist Axiom. (FA)
Ox 
For all x, if x is female then x is good.
By using the FA, Feminist logicians have managed to restart the project of Descartes, providing a solid foundation for knowledge. Critics of the FA assert that it is nothing more than a prejudiced assumption made by lesbians because without it there is no reasonable defence for women to have human rights.
[edit] What People Are Saying About Feminism
“I like feminists ... I think the hair under their armpits is cute.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Feminists
“ Anyone who thinks that men are systematically oppressing women by forcing them to cover up their breasts is clearly an idiot.”
~ Anyone that will look at our breasts on Feminism
“Women are amazing creatures; sweet, soft, gentle, and far more savage than we are.”
~ Robert Heinlein on Women
“I hate feminists; that's why I beat my wife.”
~ Jim Davidson on Feminism
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics. Oh wait, and feminism. I hate that crap.”
~ Mark Twain on Feminism.
“I encourage feminism! It means that women hate men and go off and have lesbian relationships which, quite frankly, arouse me.”
~ Michael Moore on Feminism
“I think feminists are great, and I've always been a long time supporter of women's freedom to live the way they want”
“I'm all for the female movement, I just wish they would move faster and fetch me a goddamn beer!”
~ Satan on Feminism
“I hate feminism! That is why I killed my wife.”
~ O.J. Simpson on Feminism
“Would you not be scared that she would start natterin or thinking about things then forget to fly the plane?”
~ Ali G on Feminism
“Do you think it is right when try feminism when they is drunk at a party or whatever?”
~ Ali G on Feminism
“Feminism is like DRM for society.”
~ Richard Stallman on Feminism
“Why should I give a fuck? I don't even like women as sexual objects, so why the fuck should I like them as people!”
~ Gays on Feminists
“Except for me and Sarah "actually a blonde in disguise" Palin, all women are useless bitches.”
“You smell bad!”
~ Common whore on trying to defend herself from a man
“If you kill the head feminazi do the rest of them turn back into normal bitches?”
“What a bunch of evil facists!”
~ Adolf Hitler on feminism
[edit] Conclusion
In conclusion, Feminism is basically a bad idea, taken up by dinosaurs headed for extinction. Often, they file sexual harassment lawsuits over the slightest little brush up, the most innocent of slaps, the harmless sort of hanging around their house at 4 in the morning, watching them sleep, stealing their panties, etc. The Feminist agenda is to put all flirty men behind bars.
What many Feminists fail to appreciate are 10 highly important concepts:
- Most men and most women (yes women you crazed militant bitch) hate feministic bull shit and wish Germaine Greer would drink a nice big cup of shut the fuck up.
- Women did appreciate the work feminists did in the past but these days feminists are seen by women to be raving uptight man-hating nuisances to modern society.
- You wouldn't be like this if you had a real job.
- Who gives a shit.
- The concept of eating shit and die.
- Look, the more you insist, you just make men more horny.
- Feminists may not have the balls, but can birth a baby... and got boobs (did it get your attention?)
- It all started when a housewife had ovenburn.
- So you're a feminist? That is SOooooo cute!
- The only reason you're cranky is becuase you're not getting any, and whose fault is that?
[edit] See also
- Femijism
- Oprah Winfrey
- Ugliness
- Masculism
- Chauvinist Wednesday
- Knitting
- Supergirl
- Wonder Woman
- Germaine Greer
- Cynthia Rothrock
- Contraceptives
- Patriarchal hegemony
- Germaine Greer
- Battle of the Sexes
- Antifeminism
- Masculism
- Misogyny
- Samus Aran
