Fat disabled women

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

How they might look naked. uuugghh

Fat disabled women are women whose sizes range from an 18 slightly bloated, to an xxxl 52 obese. They are commonly graded with the three F's. Fat, Female and Forty.

What started as an excuse for depression in the states, this cult has spread like wild-fire and is no longer limited by borders or boundaries. The advent of using computers for desktop publishing, accounts, management, and general pc use especially email has seen an exponential rise in numbers. Generally transformation starts in a woman's early twenties after they first hook a young sapper or other naive sod to do the business. Once the council home is provided and fully funded by the taxpayer, the real work begins. First, with the first two or three off-spring are off the ventilator, they will start claiming disability benefits, then usually stop dragging the 'other half' back from the pub and establish independence for their kids. By eight or nine the kids will have matured to fend for themselves and 'nights in' or girlie pub crawls begin to take hold and become too common. (Well they've gotta hav' a life n that)

However Britain in recent years has has seen a dramatic rise of impatient youngsters bloating at an earlier age, 'trying to be like mum' that has even attracted the attention of Jamie Oliver and the British Government. Approximately 6% of GDP is spent annually by them on related products supporting the condition. These range from the 'bloated feeling' food supplements to 'over dunnit' ant-acids, and equally huge range of take away ready meals designed to replace any cooking.

edit Habitats

As a permissive maturing teen they might be seen pulling any squaddie or willing pikey that will shag them, and often out 'with the lads' refining social skills at places of repute. Once qualified as a 'slapper' they will often hone their skills on any of the willing Johnie Ghurka's who are always willing to pay for a shag with a fat tart.

They tend to stem from the now many major failing towns and city's and spread (in both meanings). An example and host town being Aldershot* Home of the British Slapper.

In their later years (about mid to late twenties) they can be seen in every office, behind every monitor of every school, Government Dept. civil service, administrative center, hospital information desk, lottery stand and even supermarket. Without them Britain would simply grind to a halt for five minutes. If you want to know where your taxes go, your extra 'service' charges, fines and other fees it simply funds the wages of these useless fat fuckers who would otherwise be rolling round the sofa all day on their lardy fat arses, claiming disability benefits.

edit Careers

Quite common is to find them in later years in prominent positions of 'importance' where they need not do any real work but are still able to screw up, with a great personal sense of achievement. This is often at a place where your sensitive personal data is at hand to provide them detailed information and ammunition to wreak havoc on your sad personal life. After all, why shouldn't they have some fun and know the messed up life you have is as bad as theirs. Some of their appointed positions now stretch as far as the highest of elite politics and morning TV and even Banking. From voluntary social positions such as information providers at hospital help desk's, Doctor and dental surgeries, Citizens advice centers etc. Although non wage paying voluntary positions are still popular as they have to be there with a cup of tea and biscuit to hand where they can still do most damage. Having a good old natter about who they could have shagged if they wanted the night before, and usually at peak hours for greater effect and maximum delay. Other more senior positions are very often local authority and local / regional groups and committees, DVLA and politics where experience and skills are not needed. Their favorites such as road marking layout design coordinators, Social Services and planning, traffic and town center management / controllers.

With more recent changes to national and social attitudes towards real work, production and manufacturing facilities have all but gone. This was in part realized generally by people not wanting to get their hands dirty in low paid employment, but also a great influence were the suffragette movement forcing decent hard working women out of proper employment in factories and kitchens, to useless non-jobs where they do bugger all but manipulate their own environment including ours, believing they are improving society. An example is their recent drive for 24hr boozing that is now actually hastening mans demise as useful contributors of general society.

The established natural career progression is exemplary. Going to work after dragging up several kids as a single mother prepares them for not only better understanding of complex forms and administrative skills necessary to make claims for benefits, but also develops the twisted bitterness required for the several years progression as managers, teachers, child care services, business manager or minister of any department they are employed to work in. And usually only for sexist politically correct reasoning and EU quotas. The next logical steps for them can often be the most financially rewarding. Although as selective breeding has nurtured the mind control and influencing skills of each individual the abilities to claim for damages on insurance and industrial tribunals for bogus claims is subjective. Generally however like-minded fat luvvies support one another and claims of many hundreds of thousands of pounds are often achieved.

Some notable cases have made headlines with very many ex-school teachers, or control room operators now retired through illness or stress awarded substantial sums. Often the claims arise for things no worse than sexual harassment, exertion from racing to the canteen, and obviously the most popular being RSI or repetitive strain injuries (usually around the jaw).

edit Looks

Of course not all of them are ugly from birth, many depend on breast augmentation or have lipo suction on the foreheads. This creates the depression, so fashionable nowadays that leaves the unaffected top lip looking larger than normal and commonly termed a 'trout pout'.

A series of genetic abnormalities creates a concoction of excuses for the condition. discoveries have been made, apparently, that explains these natural phenomenon in women. Of course some have genuine disabilities, but the majority only believe they do, and are actually refused acceptance from the British Olympic para Olympic team.

edit Medical intervention

Fat sit ups

Let's face it, exercise just doesn't work.

With the marvels of modern medical science, extra large sweat glands, big bones, hormones, allergies to housework, in grown toenails, and even the ridicules "my clothes shrank in the wash" (As if these darlings washed anything? ) are fables blamed for the condition. Of course the real reason for the excess, is a condition known as laziness, with secondary symptoms of obsessive eating anything disorder.

Generally the three F's like to gorge on ready meals and products that are high in fats and simple sugars promising all sorts of diets next week. This creates the carbohydrate cravings that give rise to, first obsession with cakes and doughnuts and other fat inducing foods. Followed by the intoxicating effect of hyperglycemia which gives rise to the Sloth like condition. The more complex sugars are those found in food that contain three or more linked sugars. That's why eating just one packet of biscuits cannot be completed without eating the other two, or one family bag of crisps per sitting is never enough. Like one bottle of cola or tray of pies and pasties per binge.

edit Aspirations


A real Hippo's arse

Often the species is in total denial, hence the phrase 'Does my bum look big in this' which can cause confusion to innocent bystanders. They are often seen outside of local schools, place of work or Tesco's and when not shopping or eating in, and will always be behind the wheel driving a car. None of them are capable of physical effort like walking, apparently.

Sadly and unbeknown to insurance underwriters or statistical surveys, who mostly employ three f's, nearly 98% of all accidents can be attributed to them. Generally, this is down to poor visibility through limited head movement, and also that they don't give a shit while shoveling on layers of make-up at the wheel or screaming at their kids on their mobile phones.

Of course the pinnacle of ambition for many of them and their off-spring, is to appear on at least one episode of Ricky Lake, or the Jeremy Kyle show 'wiv there problums, init'.

Ironically, due to their equally bloated salaries, 2nd income, or compensation windfall they will be surprisingly and often seen posing and on the pull in very respectable vehicles. Usually parked outside schools drop offs, McDonald's & cake shops, charity shops or designer clothes shops with their equally fat kids. Examples being TK-max, Primark and Asda.

This is to reinforce their belief and self denial they are normal, and they really are hot babes trapped in the wrong body.

Except they have an arse the size of a hippo.

Personal tools