Fat Americans

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This article or section may be Overly British. Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this.

“The big majority of Americans, who are comparatively well off, have developed an ability to have enclaves of people living in the greatest misery almost without noticing them behind the counter of McD and Kfc unless service is slow”

~ Karl Gunnar Myrdal, Nobel Prize winner in Economics 1974

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”

~ Abraham Lincoln on fast-food franchises

“The American lives even more for his goals, for the future, than the European. Life for him is always becoming fat, never being fat.”

~ Albert Einstein

“America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. Wohoo!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“You fat and greasy scum.”

~ William Shakespeare on Americans

“Holy shit, I'm surrounded! Get me the fuck outta here!”

~ The rare and elusive "skinny Houstonian" on the rest of Houston

Hello and thank you for attending my non-biased seminar about those Fat Americans; people who are known for eating a lot. We are not here to cause offense but to cover both sides of the debate and to answer some commonly asked questions. In addition, and for the first time ever, we'll give you very real answers to the questions posed by the waddling westerners.

Contents 1 Why are Fat Americans the target? Don't they exist in other countries? 2 What are Fat Americans? 3 Who is responsible for Fat Americans? 4 The Solution to the Problem

[edit] Why are Fat Americans the target? Don't they exist in other countries?

I see most of you guys scratching your heads in puzzlement, wondering why the article is aimed at Americans? Don't fat people exist in all countries? I respond to those people: you're wrong, fat people don't exist in other countries, just in America. When you see fat people in foreign countries, they're Americans on holiday! Think about it - have you ever seen a chunky Chinaman? A roly-poly Russian? Nope - those pesky Yankers get everywhere.

[edit] What are Fat Americans?

Fat Americans are a subspecies of Americans. There are two primary differences between Fat Americans and regular Americans:

The first difference is the natural habitat of the FA. Their setting up camp in the fast food restaurant. While regular Americans will have meals at home( by use of such things as saucepans and vegetables), Fat Americans will sweat chips if they're not surrounded by French-Fries and souless chicken. The energy garnered from chunk sucking is partly spunked by doing something called 'walking 10 feet back to their SUV in the car park'. Fat Americans are descendants of space boobs, who in turn are descendents of a cheesecake named Barry.

The second difference is the fact that it is hugely difficult to distinguish the male of the species from the female. This is largely due to genitals being obscured by layer upon layer of sexless blubber. Also, males cultivate impressive man-boobs, like a retired teacher growing tomatoes.

Please edelete this page.

[edit] Who is responsible for Fat Americans?

The rapid increase in the number of Fat Americans can most certainly be blamed on the United States government, and the country's health care system (where it is very common for fast food restaurants to make deliveries of burgers to heart attack patients even when they are on their death beds, or undergoing surgery). The government has the power to send them all to an island with a huge fast food restaurant on it, but they haven't as of yet (although they did try in 1999, but the boat sank after eight seconds of being under the combined weight of a thousand Fat Americans).

Since the situation was so bad, I felt the need to write this letter to the United States Government stating:

Dear United States Government: It has been brought to my attention that you need to take action with regards to the number of fat people of your country. Either consider a law prohibiting the existence of fatties or consider raising taxes on corn syrup so the population of fatties in your country will go down.

Sincerely:

A non-fat American

We can only hope the government will actually do something about those Fat Americans.

[edit] The Solution to the Problem

Scientists predict by the year 2055, Fat Americans will have invaded every single country and their fat bodies will have formed a shadow across the entire world! This can be prevented, and it can only be prevented by one person: You!

How can you prevent this? You can prevent this in several ways. For your convenience, I wrote a venn-diagram comparing how (you) Brits and Americans can prevent this issue.

I learned a lot from this venn diagram, like the fact that as an American, it's not too late to LOOSE weight. I need to LOOSE some weight. I feel so LOOST sometimes. That will all go away once I LOOSE weight.

An American Nazi has also suggested a final solution to the obesity problems in America.