Fashion

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[[Image:Unnews janjaweed.jpg|right|thumb|240px|A [[BBC]] reporter models new, fashionable garb for fighting and covering the wars in [[Iraq]] and [[Afghanistan]].]]
 
{{Q|And, after all, what is a fashion? From the artistic point of view, it is usually a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months|Oscar Wilde|Fashion}}
 
{{Q|And, after all, what is a fashion? From the artistic point of view, it is usually a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months|Oscar Wilde|Fashion}}
[[Image:Micpat.JPG|thumb|Two GEMMA IS THE FASHION QUEEN'', demonstrated here at a recent Uncyclopedia photoshoot by [[Pat and Mick]]]]
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'''Fashion''' is the continuing quest for the next great [[style]]. It is a puzzling force that can alter minds to find clothing, accessories, and perfumes that would seem completely ridiculous at any other time.
'''Fashion''' is the continuing quest for the next great [[style]]. However, there are only four truly great styles, and they simply supersede one another every 6.4 months. A puzzling force, capable of altering minds to find things (such as clothes designs) completely normal at one point in time, where they would be considered completely ridiculous [http://www.galactic-guide.com/articles/6S12.html at any other point in time], also, completely ignored by engineers.
 
   
The four great styles are [[Couture]], [[Glamour]], [[Chic]], [[Stylish]] and occasionally [[kittens]], in that order.
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There are only four great modern styles. These are Couture, Glamour, Chic, Stylish and occasionally [[kittens]], in that order. They supersede one another every "season" (a time period slightly longer than six months), at which time you need to replace your entire wardrobe, to remain [[fashionable]].
   
==BBC Desert Fashion==
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[[Engineers]] are permitted to totally ignore fashion, as the world so needs their creative output. Attention to appearance (and to unpleasant odors) would simply be a distraction.
[[Image:Unnews janjaweed.jpg|right|thumb|120px|John Simpson - BBC News]]
 
   
[[BBC]] reporters recently have developed unique fashions for wear in [[Iraq]] and [[Afghanistan]].
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==Origins of the term==
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'''Fashion''' comes from the word [[fascism]]. Fashion is similar and almost as popular but less glamorous. The concept of fascism was originated by famous [[Italian]] statesman [[Benito Mussolini]]. His notorious first fashion statement was that it would be [[cool]] to dress like the [[NAZI|Nazis]] and perhaps take over all the factories. Mussolini did not extend this stance to growing an awkward toothbrush mustache.
   
==Fashion's Everlasting Extra-marital Affair with Fascism==
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Several years and one war later, Mussolini resigned from fashion. Europeans still remember his final statement, delivered from the catwalk:
Fashion is an offshoot of fascism, which is similar and almost as popular but less glamorous. The offshoot was started by the famous Italian leader, Benito Mussolini. A quote from his resignation to fashion on the catwalk:"Don't get me wrong I totally love being in brutal and singular control of a powerful country, but over the years it has lost it's jazz. I am just here to keep it fabulous."
 
   
Fashion has not gone without criticism through the years. It has been compared to the dumbing down of boxing to Tae-Bo, also known as boxing without the violence or beer. Like fascism, fashion is based on brutal control and with both your life is taken over and you are forced into line with everyone else.
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{{Cquote|Don't get me wrong; I totally love being in brutal and singular control of a powerful country, but over the years it has lost its [[jazz]]. I am just here to keep it fabulous.}}
   
==The Muppets finally take a stand and introduce Sesame Street==
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Fashion has not escaped criticism through the years. It has been compared to the dumbing down of boxing to Tae-Bo, which is boxing without the violence or beer. Like fascism, fashion is based on brutal control and with both your life is taken over and you are forced into line with everyone else.
Local svengali, Jim Henson and his rowdy gang of sex slaves the Muppets decided to take a stand against fashion. Stating that with "hands up their asses it was hard to change into the next faded jeans or disco ball cordoroys." The Muppets created Sesame Street, a nudist colony exclusive to muppets (a few perverted humans sneak in and chat with the residents occasionally, THAT MEANS YOU MAURICE!!), the colony attracted many now legendary folk heroes including Big Bird, Elmo and the cookie monster."
 
   
Jim Henson was quoted while washing one hand with a hairbrush, "without fashion its no longer a chore to stick my hand of their asses."
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==France takes over==
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After the war, [[France]] retook control not only of France but of fashion. Much of our modern, ''outré'' fashion statements come from France, such as:
   
==The Great Decline of Sexiness==
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*''Epaulettes,'' little mortarboards on each shoulder that make the wearer look more like a Nazi.
[[Image:Cape.jpg|thumb|175px|Thanks to conservative morality, we may never get to see our grandmothers attired in traditional dresses like this one, from Transylvania.]]
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*''Culottes'' (literally: "Up your ass!"), which are little skirts that you can't look up.
From the beginning the importance of being sexy was a cherished ideal of fashion, when attractive cavewomen were more likely to get film roles, such as Racquel Welsh in One Million Years B.C.. What was considered sexy was, like fashion itself, constantly changing throughout history but in the 1960s the high seat of fashion, which was being re-upholstered to match that month's stripes trend, was seized by militant gorillas who, being hairy, decreed that it was unfashionable to be sexy. Almost overnight, unsexy shows and unattractive characters, such as Godzilla and Mr Potatohead, enjoyed massive sucess. The Evening News fired it's naked lesbian cheerleader anchorwomen and replaced them with boring men, many of whom had moustaches. This drew large protests from both sexy people and razor blade manufacturers, who claimed moustaches were the province of communists. Unrest reached a tipping point when The Network changed it's programme "Desperate Naked Lesbian Cheerleaders" to "Desperate Housewives" which featured many old women pretending to be young. Singer [[Justin Timberlake]] declared in his new single that he was going to "bring sexy back" and lead armed stylists in a rebellion against the gorillas. The gorillas struck back by editing Justin Timberlake's war song so that it sounded like it was made by a singing computer dueting with a white noise generator. Justin, upset that such an awful awful song was on his CD, abandoned the rising and turned to contemporary poetry. It really was an awful song. Officially it is still considered fashionable to be unsexy.
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*''[[Haute couture]]'' (literally: high cutting), a fashion that turned the maxi-skirt into the midi-skirt, then the mini-skirt, then higher and higher until it reached the level of the G-string.
   
==Stan Lee presents: The Rise and Fall of Fashionista==
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==Fashion ''au Go-Go''==
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[[Image:HighFashion.jpg|thumb|right|The Lords of the Turtlenecks ruled America during the ''au Go-Go'' period.]]
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After France took back France, [[America]] took back France and assumed the lead in dictating world fashions. This was the ''au Go-Go'' period, which is French. Turtlenecks and leisure suits were in fashion. Thanks to advances in pharmacology, however, condoms were never worn outside the house.
   
[[Image:HighFashion.jpg|thumb|right|Lords of the Turtlenecks]]
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==The Muppets==
The Fashionista was a fighting robot forged from the ideas and creativity of Jack Kirby and [[Steve Ditko]]. Fashionista was created by Stan Lee, though. The Fashionista later joined Scooby Doo's gang of crime solvers. When interviewed about joining Fashionista said he has three strengths,"only doing Scooby once, only one affair with the gay leader and forcing everyone else into being up with the latest fashions. After catching the local child pornographer Mr. O'Toole uttered his final and only words. "If it wer'nt for that meddling fashion and it's man slave Fashionista I would have gotten away with those pics of Macauly Culkan, because fashionista was around I had to conform to the fashion of the moment and my hoop skirt got caught in the secret bookcase doorway! CUR-" He was promptly cut short by Scooby and the other firing squad members.
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Fashion later passed from America to [[Sesame Street]], as gang leader [[Jim Henson]], criticized by American [[television]] networks for the fact that all the said street's residents were not only naked but had someone's hand up their backside, sought to distract from this criticism using small articles of clothing and "educational messages."
   
Fashionista's fall began around 1970-1979. No longer needed, Fashionista fell into an endless pool of cocaine, alcohol, crime, prostitution, gambling, midgets and the collection of LEGOs. These sins combined with Fashionista's obesity finally caused his death. At the time of death his body was too large to move or bury. This was quickly solved when the Crisis of Infinite Crisis's's took place and Fashionista was totally written out of the continuity of existence.
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To this day, pet owners will wash and dye their pet's hair and clothe them in everything from scarves to vests. Especially the poodles (referring here to the animals). The animals themselves consider fashion a necessary chore, on the order of rolling over on command, on the way to the next free meal. It is much less clear what the humans are thinking.
   
[[woman|Women]] and [[British GQ|homosexuals]] are more interested in fashion than other humans, so if you would like to know more, you should ask them. Although, if you would like to know more about fashion, you probably are a woman or a homosexual, so you should have no trouble finding someone to ask.
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==Femininity versus Feminism==
  +
[[Image:Cape.jpg|thumb|left|175px|Thanks to conservative morality, we may never get to see our grandmothers attired in traditional dresses, like this one from Transylvania.]]
  +
Making one's self [[Sexy women|sexy]] was always a cherished fashion ideal. Sexy cave-women were always more likely to get film roles, such as Raquel Welsh in ''One Million Years B.C.''
   
==See Also==
+
In the 1960s, however, both human history and the circular march of fashion came to an abrupt halt (right around the time of the stripes craze), when militant, hairy women decreed that it was unfashionable to be sexy.
  +
  +
Almost overnight, unsexy shows such as ''Godzilla'' and unattractive characters such as Mr. Potato Head enjoyed massive sucess. The ''Evening News'' fired its entire anchor desk of naked lesbian cheerleader anchorwomen and replaced them with boring men, many of whom had [[Mustaches of Legend|mustaches]].
  +
  +
The move drew large protests from both sexy people and razor blade manufacturers, who claimed mustaches were the province of communists. Unrest reached a tipping point when the network changed its program "Desperate Naked Lesbian Cheerleaders" to "Desperate Housewives" and replaced young women with old women pretending to be young.
  +
  +
Generations later, singer [[Justin Timberlake]] declared in song that he was going to "bring sexy back" and lead armed stylists in a rebellion against the gorillas. The gorillas struck back with an audio editor, so that the song resembled a duet of a singing computer and a white noise generator. Justin's voice had changed, but the world would never know it. As we all know, Justin then quit the music business and turned to writing [[haiku]] poetry.
  +
  +
==The Fashionista==
  +
The Fashionista was a fighting robot conceived by Stan Lee. The Fashionista fought in the [[Fashion Police|Fashion wars]] alongside Scooby Doo's gang of crime solvers.
  +
  +
==For more information==
  +
[[woman|Women]] and [[gay]]s are more interested in fashion than other people are. So are men from [[Quebec|French Canada]] even if they are neither of the above. So, if you would like to know more, you should ask them. Although, if you are really interested in the subject, you probably are a woman or a homosexual and will have no trouble finding someone to ask.
  +
  +
==See also==
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* [[Fashion Police]]
  +
* [[Fashion design]]
 
* [[Style]]
 
* [[Style]]
* [[Wristbands]]
 
* [[Fascism]], one of the origins of the fashion (which explains similarity of the words)
 
* [[Griffon]]
 
 
* [[Sideboob]]
 
* [[Sideboob]]
* [[Black Tights]]
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  +
{{Body covering}}
   
 
[[Category:Homosexuality]]
 
[[Category:Homosexuality]]

Latest revision as of 13:59, June 2, 2012

Unnews janjaweed
A BBC reporter models new, fashionable garb for fighting and covering the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
“And, after all, what is a fashion? From the artistic point of view, it is usually a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fashion

Fashion is the continuing quest for the next great style. It is a puzzling force that can alter minds to find clothing, accessories, and perfumes that would seem completely ridiculous at any other time.

There are only four great modern styles. These are Couture, Glamour, Chic, Stylish and occasionally kittens, in that order. They supersede one another every "season" (a time period slightly longer than six months), at which time you need to replace your entire wardrobe, to remain fashionable.

Engineers are permitted to totally ignore fashion, as the world so needs their creative output. Attention to appearance (and to unpleasant odors) would simply be a distraction.

edit Origins of the term

Fashion comes from the word fascism. Fashion is similar and almost as popular but less glamorous. The concept of fascism was originated by famous Italian statesman Benito Mussolini. His notorious first fashion statement was that it would be cool to dress like the Nazis and perhaps take over all the factories. Mussolini did not extend this stance to growing an awkward toothbrush mustache.

Several years and one war later, Mussolini resigned from fashion. Europeans still remember his final statement, delivered from the catwalk:

Cquote1 Don't get me wrong; I totally love being in brutal and singular control of a powerful country, but over the years it has lost its jazz. I am just here to keep it fabulous. Cquote2

Fashion has not escaped criticism through the years. It has been compared to the dumbing down of boxing to Tae-Bo, which is boxing without the violence or beer. Like fascism, fashion is based on brutal control and with both your life is taken over and you are forced into line with everyone else.

edit France takes over

After the war, France retook control not only of France but of fashion. Much of our modern, outré fashion statements come from France, such as:

  • Epaulettes, little mortarboards on each shoulder that make the wearer look more like a Nazi.
  • Culottes (literally: "Up your ass!"), which are little skirts that you can't look up.
  • Haute couture (literally: high cutting), a fashion that turned the maxi-skirt into the midi-skirt, then the mini-skirt, then higher and higher until it reached the level of the G-string.

edit Fashion au Go-Go

HighFashion
The Lords of the Turtlenecks ruled America during the au Go-Go period.

After France took back France, America took back France and assumed the lead in dictating world fashions. This was the au Go-Go period, which is French. Turtlenecks and leisure suits were in fashion. Thanks to advances in pharmacology, however, condoms were never worn outside the house.

edit The Muppets

Fashion later passed from America to Sesame Street, as gang leader Jim Henson, criticized by American television networks for the fact that all the said street's residents were not only naked but had someone's hand up their backside, sought to distract from this criticism using small articles of clothing and "educational messages."

To this day, pet owners will wash and dye their pet's hair and clothe them in everything from scarves to vests. Especially the poodles (referring here to the animals). The animals themselves consider fashion a necessary chore, on the order of rolling over on command, on the way to the next free meal. It is much less clear what the humans are thinking.

edit Femininity versus Feminism

Cape
Thanks to conservative morality, we may never get to see our grandmothers attired in traditional dresses, like this one from Transylvania.

Making one's self sexy was always a cherished fashion ideal. Sexy cave-women were always more likely to get film roles, such as Raquel Welsh in One Million Years B.C.

In the 1960s, however, both human history and the circular march of fashion came to an abrupt halt (right around the time of the stripes craze), when militant, hairy women decreed that it was unfashionable to be sexy.

Almost overnight, unsexy shows such as Godzilla and unattractive characters such as Mr. Potato Head enjoyed massive sucess. The Evening News fired its entire anchor desk of naked lesbian cheerleader anchorwomen and replaced them with boring men, many of whom had mustaches.

The move drew large protests from both sexy people and razor blade manufacturers, who claimed mustaches were the province of communists. Unrest reached a tipping point when the network changed its program "Desperate Naked Lesbian Cheerleaders" to "Desperate Housewives" and replaced young women with old women pretending to be young.

Generations later, singer Justin Timberlake declared in song that he was going to "bring sexy back" and lead armed stylists in a rebellion against the gorillas. The gorillas struck back with an audio editor, so that the song resembled a duet of a singing computer and a white noise generator. Justin's voice had changed, but the world would never know it. As we all know, Justin then quit the music business and turned to writing haiku poetry.

edit The Fashionista

The Fashionista was a fighting robot conceived by Stan Lee. The Fashionista fought in the Fashion wars alongside Scooby Doo's gang of crime solvers.

edit For more information

Women and gays are more interested in fashion than other people are. So are men from French Canada even if they are neither of the above. So, if you would like to know more, you should ask them. Although, if you are really interested in the subject, you probably are a woman or a homosexual and will have no trouble finding someone to ask.

edit See also


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