Fan fiction

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Fanfictionshit

A standard fanfiction writer

Fan Fiction is a type of "writing style" which immediately makes you look like a loser at life. Despite a tempting idea to make one of your own, let's avoid it and call it a day. You're not going to succeed, and creating one just lowers your self-importance and turns you into a mindless drone of Fandom. Just quit it already.


History

It is rumored that the first fan fiction is the Bible. It is about a man's fantasies about the ultimate dictator of all, which can be considered a Mary-Sue of its own. However, many people view it as the ultimate savior, which led to the fanbase known as Christianity.

Bible DVD

A modern critic's review of the Bible.

Despite many later people consider it as a sue-fic, it has still solidified a fanbase of a hundred billion. This can be proven by most Americans being Christians, or fantards defending the Bible fanbase.

Later fanfics appear in the post-World War II period as television franchises such as Star Trek and Sonic start to appear. These fanfics pursue the ideals of modern life, such as Forbidden Love Styles, and God-Like Mary-Sues in a fail manner. Most fanfics since that time are considered a prime way to show your fantardness and teenage girl spirit, considering most fan fiction is written by mindless teenage girl drones.

In modern periods, fan fiction is most likely corrupted. The sheer number of 12-year old girls basing their fics on fantasies of illegal sexual fetishes and forbidden man-child love, and the fanboys who give poorly-organized criticism against fandoms that they consider as "poison", have made the fan fiction world a terrible place to contribute to, as well as giving an excellent place to troll with for 1337 hax0rs.

Victims

Almost all franchises are victimized by the crap-fest known as fan fiction. However, this section introduces the most seen fanfic prey for fantards to prey on. Watch at your own risk.

Sonic

Sonic recolours

A standard sonic fanfic character

The Sonic franchise has been torn apart by one of the worst fanbases available before the horrid cancer of the internet that is My Little Pony, and its fanfics are no exception. Sonic fanfics mainly rely on "Original" characters with poorly made designs and god-like powers engaging in forbidden sexual practices with out of canon characters only thinkable by the most insane of gay furries. The worst thing is that most Sonic fanfics are created by the immature mind of a 12 year old pre-pubescent teenage girl, who still has no idea about true love practices. And most of them tend to be masturbating to rouge and amy rose Rule 34 while writing the sheer terror of their "Shadow's half-Brother" having a threesome with shadow himself and Sonic. I'm not going to say anything; see it for yourself.

Naruto

I CANT BELIEVE IT

Naruto after seeing the awesomeness of his fandom

This fandom is not as bad as Sonic's, but it's close to the silver lining. It is populated by all sorts of lowly internet scum, such as 16 year old Wapanese girls, Wapanese emos, 12 year old weeaboo boys, and Yaoi Fangirls which are as vicious as a swarm of killer bees. Naruto fanfics mainly rely on forbidden love practices and Impossible sexual positions, as well as dark fics of all things Gaara. When you read a Naruto fanfic, the feeling is like the mind of a World War II Japanese soldier possessing your brain in the form of a cancerous tumor with a huge spike protruding out of it. Not good. The original characters made by the "fans" are also godlike like anything else in the fanfic world, tragic backstories run rampant and they tend to have 1337 superpowers which are not even called "Ninja Skills", in truth it's just a huge pile of shit that proves the author, canon or fanon, had never seen a ninja before. You may want to wash your eyes with a properly written fanfic after watching one in order to cure your wapanese cancer; too awful- there is none.

Harry Potter

SatanPotter

Harry Potter is known to create satanic orgies.

Another prime target for suethors, the sheer number of Emos and Goths who disguise themselves as die-hard Harry Potter fans, as well as the franchise's power to create satanic orgies, had corroded the fandom since its first episode. According to the magnificent author and normal person J.K. Rowling: "I had never seen my creations mutilated and raped in such a horrifying way. I better pwn them with my 1337 fantards." most of these fanfics are, like previously said, consisted of darkfics written by emos and goths that are about their original character pwning Voldemort with his/her 1337 powers while he is about to cook Harry for breakfast. It's one source of the worst fanfics; My immortal isn't called the worst fanfic ever without reason.

Star Trek

Writing Star Trek fanfiction is a favourite pastime in early modern life, and the first few fanfics are quite good. But Star Trek is the source of all the wretched scum in the fanfiction world for one reason; it is the birthplace of the first Mary Sue which is called.... Mary Sue. She is a 15 year old lieutenant which is so 1337 that she eventually engaged in man-child love with Captain Kirk. Even the creators are suethors themselves; an example is Wesley Crusher, which is a kid who can save the whole ship by himself, and possesses 1337 powers next to no one. The later original characters are so crappy that they are nearly redeemless; an example is an Asian using a katana which can splice dimensions (the author has been pwnt). Overall the Star Trek fanbase has the worst sues; but it is definitely not the worst fanbase.


Pokemon

Pokemon fanfics are not the worst, but their fandomness is next to no one. Pokemon fanfics consist of several genres; DarkFics, Suefics and masturbatory stuff. Darkfics are the ones written by emos and goths, which feature hot sexing between trainers and their tortured-in-the-past gardevoir or eevee while they remember their painful past, as well as a trainer attempting to escape from a painful past where team galatic had sex with their mom. Suefics usually consist of ash-like shit, in which a trainer called ash/ashley/or any variant of "Ash" starts out their Pokemon adventure then proceeds to capture Arceus and defeat a Hitler-like evil overlord that wants to rule the world and kill all humans. Masturbatory stuff are the ones that people masturbate to, like Dawn/May/Gardevoir breast expansion that sickens non-fetishists, or simply the authors wet dreams, such as Brendan having sex with May, or the author getting swallowed by Reshiram. They can also be Furry.

These three types of fanfics can be stacked with each other, or simply all three types in one. Seriously, calling a dark/sue/mastubatory fic terrible is a sore understatement.

Reality

Realityfics are the ones whose background is set in reality, such as in World War II. This is usually an excuse for an emo/goth in order to make himself more attractive, smart and appealing to others, not knowing they are just too stupid to realize that they are naive that thinking Hitler will marry them instead of cooking them for Jew juice. There is a rare occasion that fanfic writers will not self insert, but instead they will write about reality warp or time travel; usually these are the only ones who do well but they are somehow cliched.

My Little Pony

Fluttershy

If you think this is manly, you are seriously declared Gay and thus must be huffed.

My little pony in my fanfics, seriously? Don't laugh, though, as My little pony is the new Trend and sign of 1337ness of the internet! It has the worst fanbase that has ever stormed the face of the internet, and if you think the fantards are 6-year old girls, think again! They are were full-grown men that have the mind of a six-year old girl, and their minds are now equal to 6-year old girls due to excessive bronification. It's just like six-year old girl writing fanfics; the result is a giant pony shaped tumor that is equal to the size of 2/3 of the Internet's. You WILL DEFINITELY NOT want to witness this horror yourself; any sane person who saw it has become a brony or is just outright dead, only to raise back from the dead as a six year old retard.

Twilight

Don't let me get started on this already.

People involved

The following are the roles of the fanficton world. Proceed to stare in horror as you get hooked by the fluttershy above until you can declare yourself a gay brony.

16 year old girls

16-year-old girls are some of the most putrid spewers of all low-quality fanfiction. The lowest tier of the Internet food chain, they are desperate of finding a method to increase their self ego, so they toss themselves into all sorts of fandoms and contaminating it by creating "one true copules" and creating self-insertion sues in the process. The Sonic and Naruto fandom are just several of the victims, and if you think the infestation is bad for these two, there are just several fandoms such as Twilight and Harry Potter which is entirely consisted by these internet maggots right next to you. The worst thing you can do is to give useful criticism; as you will activate the beehive of 16-year-old girls and you might die due to excessive flaming. Give them some trolling instead.

12 year old boys

Man playing Attack of the Japanese Monsters

A 12 year old kid writing a fetishfic

The male equivalent of the 16 year old girl, these non-human invaders are the source of all poorly-made fetishfics and original characters. They are similar to the 16 year old girl in contaminating fandoms, but they are more into poorly made fetish fanfics and masculine gary stus. It is heard that 12 year old boys compose the bulk of the Pokemon and Sonic fandoms, where they create crudely-made may and dawn breast expansion/pregnancy/rape fanfics and Amy Rose sexing with rouge the bat. Again, the prevention method is similar to the 16 year old girl, but they are much more fragile and come in fewer numbers. Due to their frailty, they are also prone to moralfagging.

Emos/Goths

One of the true terrors of the Internet, these cancerous tumors are the spewer of all darkfics. Any fandom they touch will spew a big black tumor which causes the fandom to become dark and emo with crudely made creepy pasta and darkfics which nobody fears like they expected. They usually speak in txt speak and spam emoticons as well. They had established true dominance over the Harry Potter and Twilight fandoms, and other fandoms had been infected by these tumors of darkness. An infected fandom will worship all things dark and satanic like a mass orgy out of control, while writing crapfics about Dumbledore having sex with harry while moaning their dark past thinking it is cute. Just like bronies you do not want to experience such a terror of the internet with your very eyes.

Bronies

Being a pure terror of the internets since 2010, these newly-spawned horrors are not 6-year old girls, but instead "Grown Men" who had developed a taste for a show for 6-year old girls. Most of their "fanfics" are the most faggoty stuff you would ever see; it basically boils up to pony having lesbian secks with other ponies, much to the bronie's erection and to a sane person's disgust. Not many pony fanfictions can be found on DeviantART or Fanfiction.net; They are most likely in the bat fuck insane shitpile known as fimfiction.net this is the site itself. Anyone entering this place will get their sanity wiped away and the sheer faggotry will turn them into a brony. Thou have been warned.

Critics

Critics are one of the worst thing you will encounter when writing a fanfic. Most of these losers are fandomentalist fanboys; their arrogance and sheer persistence is the bane of all fanfic writers. One day you found a good idea writing a fanfic, completed it, and the next day you find an email saying; "Hello, this is <critic>. Your fanfic is a pile of trash. If you really watched the Pokemon anime, Giovanni's Persian is very loyal to him, so it will not join anybody else. Also, your character is a godlike piece of dog turd, or Mary-Sue in short. How can someone in the Pokemon series use a katana which can shoot lasers? Now read it twice and rewrite this pile of dog turd completely. Have a nice day." And you will really want to go hang on a rope just to regret yourself from doing it. There are several critics who care, but they are usually pwnt by a beehive of fangirls and ragequit.

Everyone else

Everyone else hate your fanfics in a general. In fact, they hate it because it sucks, and it is true. They don't want to see Goku and Vegeta making out. They don't care about Yugi and Atem making out either. Needless to say, fanfiction about anime characters are popular. No one really cares about your sick "romance".

In fact, most people consider your fan fiction to be somewhere between a visit from a Jehovah's Witness and reading a blog written by an old woman with too many cats. They don't actually care. On the rare occasions they do think about you, they just want you to write properly and be a normal person. You may ignore them as you want but you will be considered a social pariah and a loser at life.

What you can do to help

First, write properly. Seriously. There are several methods to write properly;

Find a less stagnant topic. Shit in the above sections had been done to death and please don't let the shit rot all over and over just like spraying perfume on a rotting corpse just to make it less stagnant. It's not going to have any effect at all. Find something innovative to write.

Plot your characters carefully. There's no point in making a character god-like or emo and dark. It's just boring, and it's as previously said, stagnant. Just use your common sense, with some deep thinking, and you can write a good character. If you are writing a Pokemon fanfic, don't make your character use any dark-type, gardevoir and eevee (or any related stuff). Some stuff, like Sonic, just refrain from it. This also applies for anything else.

Your plot is also important. The dark past/classic saving the world/one true couple plot has been stagnant. Try saving the world in a new method, like a fanfic about the internet where the Pokemon forces beat out the ponies, or just make a blatantly nonsensical fanfic. They'll like it more than some cliched plot story.

Finally, don't give a fuck to the fangirls. By not giving a fuck I mean don't give constructive criticism. By not giving constructive criticism you can save yourself a flamewar to deal and not feeding the fangirls with yourself. Just outright troll them by making a parodyfic or simply spam them with a sockpuppet. Or you can just not give a fuck and run away.


Mary Sue Comprasion

Well. Stop writing shit like the girl on the right already. OK?

See also

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