Faith
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Faith is a group VI reverse transcribing DNA virus that is responsible for the human mental disorder called religion, which is the chronic form of the lesser affliction called gullibility. The virus’s primary hosts and transmission vectors are small blood-sucking parasites of the family Culicida, called evangelicals. Humans act as intermediate hosts.
When the virus of faith enters the human blood it infects the neurons of the cerebral cortex in the region of the frontal lobe and in the seminiferous tubules (in males) or the ovaries (in females). As a result the ovum and sperm of those people are also infected to allow the faith virus to be carried to the next generation.
Faith is also a concept invented by Stevie Perry and extended to the idea of "Faithfully," which is a trick he made up in order to get this girl to stick with him while he was on the road sleeping with other girls.
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[edit] Faith in History
As far back as molten lava oozing down the sides of newly formed mountains, did the caveman call upon the forces of volcanic powers to spare them a gruesome death in the fiery rivers that seemed to plague the face of the earth.
Realizing that their cries could be heard by the volcano, they began worshiping the volcano. Throwing random people in just on a whim because it seemed like a pretty good idea. Also shouting into the heavens seemed to make the people feel better about themselves. They devised a code of sorts, like throwing people into an active volcano with a ceremonial speech of some kind - who the fuck knows? After about 10,000 years the codes began to turn into chants, eventually leading into the prayer ritual. The best thing about faith was that the codes could be changed. Thus prayers could fit whatever need the faithful had in mind.
Praying for love, wealth, money and fame were the most popular of prayers. The humble daily bread and asking for forgiveness was the first ever recorded prayer that actually passed the censors; being those ancient religious guys, or monks as they're called. Oh the humanity! Oh the lameness! So the faithful everywhere wanted to be faithful for any ol' thing they could dream up to ask for in their prayers.
Anything from winning at checkers to having the assholes of the world just die! Prayers that assholes might die is an often uttered prayer but usually done in private. Assholes have died mysteriously and this only gave faith the upper hand it needed. But stupid do-gooders had to counteract and invent something better than prayer to lure the masses back into the true meaning of faith. They began making the Virgin Mary appear anywhere it could be visible to the naked eye. In scrambled eggs, toast, burritos, overpasses and bridges but it didn't stop there. The image of Mary was also appearing in the most unlikely of places, including up Mike's ass in a canoe. Or in piles of garbage at random. Thus faith has undergone so many changes that it cannot be cataloged.
[edit] Faith Today
Basically, nobody's buying it anymore. Every god from here to Mount Olympus has gone on strike and so have their scribes. The scribes of Gods have gone on strike just as the writers of Hollywood have done. Faith has proven to be a bit of a pisser and a poor substitute for just killing the assholes of the world and being done with it. There is very little faith today although millions of infected people still insist that nobody's out to get them killed. We all know it's bullshit because we ARE out to get them killed. We've already prayed for it! So they better fucking pray that our prayers aren't answered.
[edit] See Also
- Richard Dawkins: infected Pope
- Richard Dorkins: Famous fighter of this virus
[edit] External Links
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