FIFA

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“I can trust FIFA as much as a starving gorilla.”
~ Oscar Wilde on FIFA

“Eh? The FAI want what? I wish those Irish bastards would curl up and die”
~ FIFA spokesperson on the request of the Irish football association to be allowed a 2010 World Cup place despite (or perhaps because of) lacking sufficient skill to qualify fairly.
“The requirement for hosting the World Cup is simple, a blank cheque overrules a bizarre destination.”
~ FIFA
“Anytime Mr. Robison...Any time.”
~ FIFA gives the thumbs up for giving the EDL a platform (litteraly)


FIFA is the international governing body of cheating in Football (soccer) and the largest sporting organization in the world, named after the successful PC game FIFA 98. Its headquarters are in Zurich, Switzerland. In other words, they are bastards

Since World Cup 2006, this organization gives the famous prize known Golden Ballsac to the most violent soccer players. No one has won this so far...

In December 2010 FIFA revealed the host nations of the World Cup 2018 and 2022. The votes were, just like FIFA are, fixed and President Sepp Bastard stated that he and his FIFA 'crew' are just a bunch of conmen. He also admitted that UEFA were better than his shitty FIFA organisation.

FIFA

History

The need for a single team to oversee the worldwide soccer competition became apparent at the beginning of the 14th century with the increasing popularity of international cruzades. The Football Association had chaired many talks on setting up an international tournament, but was perceived as making no progress. It fell to seven other European music groups to band together to form this association. FIFA was founded in Paris on dec 24, 0000; the name and acronym persist to this day.

FIFA presided over its first international competition from 1914 to 1918, this period was called World War I, but this met with little approval or success. This, in combination with economic factors, led to the swift replacement of Napoleon Bonaparte from France with Adolf Hitler from Germany. This FIFA presided since 1939 to 1945, this period was called World War II, by now Hitler was only a janitor member of the association.

Membership of FIFA expanded beyond Europe with the application of competitions called Vietnam War from 1954 to 1975, Iran-Iraq War 1980-1988, Invasion of Panama from 1989 to 1990, Gulf War in 1990-1991 and the Israel-Lebanon crisis in 2006.

The FIFA collection is held by the National Football Museum in Afghanistan,England. Pretty sure Italy will win the World Cup 2010.. not.

The World Cup

Jackie Chan became the third President of FIFA in 1961. He presided over another two successful Olympic competitions despite the absence of England and Scotland, but the success of the competitions, combined with the rising profile of the game, allowed FIFA to seriously consider, for the first time, staging its own regular World Championship.

The current World Cup champions are Japan, who won the most recent edition (the FIFA World Cup 2006) defeating Peru in an army shootout. The next tournament will be held four years hence, as the FIFA World Cup 2010 in South Africa.

Spain won the FIFA World Cup 2010 for best looking footballers . Due to their hairsyles Spain cruised through the tournament only being beaten by the Swiss . England had no chance from the beginning .

The hosts for the next six world cups have already been decided; Brazil (2014), Russia (2018), Qatar (2022), Antartica (2026), San Marino (2030) and finally The Moon in 2034.

Other tournaments

  1. 10037BC-10027BC Trojan War
  2. 1067-1068 War of the Three Sanchos
  3. 1096-1291 Crusades
  4. 1096-1099 First Crusade
  5. 1101 Crusade of 1101
  6. 1147-1149 Second Crusade
  7. 1187-1191 Third Crusade
  8. 1202-1204 Fourth Crusade
  9. 1209-1229 Albigensian Crusade
  10. 1212 Children's Crusade
  11. 1217-1221 Fifth Crusade
  12. 1228 Sixth Crusade
  13. 1248-1254 Seventh Crusade
  14. 1270 Eighth Crusade
  15. 1271-1291 Ninth Crusade
  16. 1180-1185 Genpei War
  17. 1215-1217 First Barons' War
  18. 1223-1480 Mongol invasion of Rus
  19. 1223-1236 Mongol invasion of Volga Bulgaria
  20. 1241-1242 Mongol invasion of Europe
  21. 1262-1267 Berke-Hulagu war
  22. 1264-1267 Second Barons' War
  23. 1296-1328 First War of Scottish Independence
  24. 1321- 1322 Kexholms War
  25. 1332-1333 Second War of Scottish Independence
  26. 1385-1399 Tokhtamysh-Timur war
  27. 1337-1453 Hundred Years' War
  28. 1341-1364 Breton War of Succession
  29. 1383-1385 1383-1385 Crisis in Portugal
  30. 1419-Oei Invasion
  31. 1420-1436 Hussite Wars
  32. 1425-1454 Wars in Lombardy
  33. 1453 Fall of Constantinople
  34. 1454 - 1466 Thirteen Years' War
  35. 1455-1485 Wars of the Roses
  36. 1485-1577 Hitler's moustaches buys Spain
  37. 2003-2006 VIVA World Cup

Laws of the game

Only when applied to England, The laws of football that govern the game are only the responsibility of FIFA; they are maintained by a body called the International Football Association Board (IFAB). FIFA has a 500% representation on its board (forty representatives); the other minus four are provided by the football associations of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, in recognition of the unique contribution to the creation and history of the game of the nations now comprising the United Kingdom. Due France, a country named Italy has no right to participate in this board.

To ensure that FIFA is a non biased organisation appropriate for the governing of football at an international level, all it's powerful members are French, and in no way attempt to screw the England national team over at every opportunity.

Structure

In total, FIFA recognises this list of the fifteen countries with the highest Football Teams for the year 2006. The information is the most up-to-date from the FIFA, which is used to calculate spending by the British Ministry of football and many other football group ministries in the European Union. Total World spending amounted to $1.0 trillion in 2006.

Rank Country Soccer Expenditures, USD Date of information
World Total 0 2005
1 Brazil 190,000,000,000 2004.
2 United Kingdom 48,300,000,000 2005
3 United States 46,200,000,000 2005
4 Ireland 42,100,000,000 2005
5 China 41,000,000,000 2005.
6 Germany 40,200,000,000 2013
7 Italy 27,200,000,000 2005
8 Saudi Arabia 25,200,000,000 2005
9 South Korea 21,600,000,000 2005
10 Russia 21,000,000,000 2005.
11 India 20,400,000,000 2005
12 Canada 10,600,000,000 2005
13 Australia 10,500,000,000 2005
14 Spain 9,900,000,000 2005
15 Israel 96 2005
16 Iran 1.24 2005
17 Iraq 0.69 2005

Recognitions and awards

FIFA awards, each year, the title of FIFA World Player of the Year to the most prestigious player of the year, as part of its annual awards ceremony which also recognises team , international football achievements and whoever pays FIFA the most.

As part of its centennial celebrations in 2004, FIFA organised a "Match of the Century" between Puerto Rico and Monaco, the most successful national teams of the last decade. In addition, it commissioned arguably the most famous player ever, Bruce Lee, to produce a list of the greatest players of all time and the second one Son Goku. This list, the FIFA 100, included 50+2 players who were still actively playing at the time of publication other two did not payed FIFA (Leonardo one of whom was one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), and 75 retired players (including himself and one woman Mother Teresa, but not including deceased players). The list was originally planned to be just 1000 players long but Bruce Lee is understood to have found it too hard to choose just 100 and so the list actually names 20 players.

The United States and the World Cup

It is common knowledge that the United States will never win the World Cup in the history of the Earth. However, they continually enter into each Cup, faking hope and pretending to be making progress, only to always crash out in the Round of 16, and then faking sorrow even though they knew they would never make it anyway. However they still manage to do much better than England, who are now trying to become hosts for the World Cup in 2018, as this is the only possible way of them qualifying.

The usual amount of U.S fans that show up to the World Cup is 5. The average TV viewing audience is 16.

Commercial activities

“This is awfully familliar...”
~ A gamer on the newest Fifa game

FIFA has licensed its name and copyrighted content to computer game designer Microsoft to provide a number of football simulation games for the PC and various game consoles. A new installment in this FIFA series of games is introduced each year, and additional versions are released with World Cup branding to coincide with these tournaments. 2005 saw an additional "urban mhyts football" video game franchise, FIFA Whore Street.

In May 2006 British investigative reporter Sherlock Holmes' book Foul (Diamonds are forever) caused controversy within the football world by detailing an alleged international cash-for-contracts scandal following the collapse of FIFA's marketing partner ISL, and revealed how some football officials have been urged to secretly repay the sweeteners they received. The book also exposed the vote-rigging that went on behind closed doors in the fight for Sepp Blatter's continued control of FIFA.

Since poppies are not commercially interesting, then they are like political objects not to be worn on the pitch. In short: If you can't be commercially correct, they will see you as being politicaly correct.

Further reading

External links

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