From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I can trust FIFA as much as a starving gorilla.”
“Eh? The FAI want what? I wish those Irish bastards would curl up and die”
“The requirement for hosting the World Cup is simple, a blank cheque overrules a bizarre destination.”
“Anytime Mr. Robison...Any time.”
FIFA is the international governing body of cheating in Football (soccer) and the largest sporting organization in the world, named after the successful PC game FIFA 98. Its headquarters are in Zurich, Switzerland. In other words, they are bastards
In December 2010 FIFA revealed the host nations of the World Cup 2018 and 2022. The votes were, just like FIFA are, fixed and President Sepp Bastard stated that he and his FIFA 'crew' are just a bunch of conmen. He also admitted that UEFA were better than his shitty FIFA organisation.
The need for a single team to oversee the worldwide soccer competition became apparent at the beginning of the 14th century with the increasing popularity of international cruzades. The Football Association had chaired many talks on setting up an international tournament, but was perceived as making no progress. It fell to seven other European music groups to band together to form this association. FIFA was founded in Paris on dec 24, 0000; the name and acronym persist to this day. Its name is an acronym for 'Football is f****** aweful'
FIFA presided over its first international competition from 1914 to 1918, this period was called World War I, but this met with little approval or success. This, in combination with economic factors, led to the swift replacement of Napoleon Bonaparte from France with Adolf Hitler from Germany. This FIFA presided since 1939 to 1945, this period was called World War II, by now Hitler was only a janitor member of the association.
Membership of FIFA expanded beyond Europe with the application of competitions called Vietnam War from 1954 to 1975, Iran-Iraq War 1980-1988, Invasion of Panama from 1989 to 1990, Gulf War in 1990-1991 and the Israel-Lebanon crisis in 2006.
The FIFA collection is held by the National Football Museum in Afghanistan,England. Pretty sure Italy will win the World Cup 2010.. not.
The World Cup
Jackie Chan became the third President of FIFA in 1961. He presided over another two successful Olympic competitions despite the absence of England and Scotland, but the success of the competitions, combined with the rising profile of the game, allowed FIFA to seriously consider, for the first time, staging its own regular World Championship.
The current World Cup champions are Japan, who won the most recent edition (the FIFA World Cup 2006) defeating Peru in an army shootout. The next tournament will be held four years hence, as the FIFA World Cup 2010 in South Africa.
Spain won the FIFA World Cup 2010 for best looking footballers . Due to their hairsyles Spain cruised through the tournament only being beaten by the Swiss . England had no chance from the beginning .
The hosts for the next six world cups have already been decided; Brazil (2014), Russia (2018), Qatar (2022), Antartica (2026), San Marino (2030) and finally The Moon in 2034.
- 10037BC-10027BC Trojan War
- 1067-1068 War of the Three Sanchos
- 1096-1291 Crusades
- 1096-1099 First Crusade
- 1101 Crusade of 1101
- 1147-1149 Second Crusade
- 1187-1191 Third Crusade
- 1202-1204 Fourth Crusade
- 1209-1229 Albigensian Crusade
- 1212 Children's Crusade
- 1217-1221 Fifth Crusade
- 1228 Sixth Crusade
- 1248-1254 Seventh Crusade
- 1270 Eighth Crusade
- 1271-1291 Ninth Crusade
- 1180-1185 Genpei War
- 1215-1217 First Barons' War
- 1223-1480 Mongol invasion of Rus
- 1223-1236 Mongol invasion of Volga Bulgaria
- 1241-1242 Mongol invasion of Europe
- 1262-1267 Berke-Hulagu war
- 1264-1267 Second Barons' War
- 1296-1328 First War of Scottish Independence
- 1321- 1322 Kexholms War
- 1332-1333 Second War of Scottish Independence
- 1385-1399 Tokhtamysh-Timur war
- 1337-1453 Hundred Years' War
- 1341-1364 Breton War of Succession
- 1383-1385 1383-1385 Crisis in Portugal
- 1419-Oei Invasion
- 1420-1436 Hussite Wars
- 1425-1454 Wars in Lombardy
- 1453 Fall of Constantinople
- 1454 - 1466 Thirteen Years' War
- 1455-1485 Wars of the Roses
- 1485-1577 Hitler's moustaches buys Spain
- 2003-2006 VIVA World Cup
Laws of the game
Only when applied to England, The laws of football that govern the game are only the responsibility of FIFA; they are maintained by a body called the International Football Association Board (IFAB). FIFA has a 500% representation on its board (forty representatives); the other minus four are provided by the football associations of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, in recognition of the unique contribution to the creation and history of the game of the nations now comprising the United Kingdom. Due France, a country named Italy has no right to participate in this board.
To ensure that FIFA is a non biased organisation appropriate for the governing of football at an international level, all it's powerful members are French, and in no way attempt to screw the England national team over at every opportunity.
In total, FIFA recognises this list of the fifteen countries with the highest Football Teams for the year 2006. The information is the most up-to-date from the FIFA, which is used to calculate spending by the British Ministry of football and many other football group ministries in the European Union. Total World spending amounted to $1.0 trillion in 2006.
|Rank||Country||Soccer Expenditures, USD||Date of information|
Recognitions and awards
FIFA awards, each year, the title of FIFA World Player of the Year to the most prestigious player of the year, as part of its annual awards ceremony which also recognises team , international football achievements and whoever pays FIFA the most.
As part of its centennial celebrations in 2004, FIFA organised a "Match of the Century" between Puerto Rico and Monaco, the most successful national teams of the last decade. In addition, it commissioned arguably the most famous player ever, Bruce Lee, to produce a list of the greatest players of all time and the second one Son Goku. This list, the FIFA 100, included 50+2 players who were still actively playing at the time of publication other two did not payed FIFA (Leonardo one of whom was one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), and 75 retired players (including himself and one woman Mother Teresa, but not including deceased players). The list was originally planned to be just 1000 players long but Bruce Lee is understood to have found it too hard to choose just 100 and so the list actually names 20 players.
The United States and the World Cup
It is common knowledge that the United States will never win the World Cup in the history of the Earth. However, they continually enter into each Cup, faking hope and pretending to be making progress, only to always crash out in the Round of 16, and then faking sorrow even though they knew they would never make it anyway. However they still manage to do much better than England, who are now trying to become hosts for the World Cup in 2018, as this is the only possible way of them qualifying.
The usual amount of U.S fans that show up to the World Cup is 5. The average TV viewing audience is 16.
“This is awfully familliar...”
FIFA has licensed its name and copyrighted content to computer game designer Microsoft to provide a number of football simulation games for the PC and various game consoles. A new installment in this FIFA series of games is introduced each year, and additional versions are released with World Cup branding to coincide with these tournaments. 2005 saw an additional "urban mhyts football" video game franchise, FIFA Whore Street.
In May 2006 British investigative reporter Sherlock Holmes' book Foul (Diamonds are forever) caused controversy within the football world by detailing an alleged international cash-for-contracts scandal following the collapse of FIFA's marketing partner ISL, and revealed how some football officials have been urged to secretly repay the sweeteners they received. The book also exposed the vote-rigging that went on behind closed doors in the fight for Sepp Blatter's continued control of FIFA.
Since poppies are not commercially interesting, then they are like political objects not to be worn on the pitch. In short: If you can't be commercially correct, they will see you as being politicaly correct.