FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives.

Also known as America's Top Ten Most Wanted it is a list generated by the United States of the most dangerous or most hated criminals on the Planet.

The Group behind the List

Original known as the Federal Bureau of Inhalation (Or FBI). The FBI was created by Abraham Lincoln to hunt down southern Traitors but was later used by Andrew Johnson to spread white supremacy. The Group was soon after disbanded. The Group saw new life when it was reformed under J. Edger Hoover and renamed The Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Creation

The List was first introduced by Hoover as a way to help his men recognize the more dangerous criminals. Officers, agents and law men were suggested to avoid these men. However members of the FBI created a sport where whoever caught one of these criminals would receive a large payment from other agents. Soon criminals who were put on the list would be found in under 24 hours. Hoover chose to start issuing rewards for such criminals. This action gave Agents even more incentive and the list was kept in operation.

Over 4000 people have been on the list, however in 2001 few stayed on the list for more then a few hours because the American television audience watching America's Most Wanted would spot them and think the reward was Dead or alive. The show was soon canceled and the list continued under normal use.

Fate

In 2007 News Journalist Steven Colbert asked President George W. Bush the fate of list members who were captured. The President at first stated that most list members are killed upon capture, but after 2001 feeling they need to perform more torture and learn to take prisoners the United States Senate voted to send List Members to an undisclosed location to be imprisoned pending on the savagery of their crime. Mr. Colbert was unable to learn of the location as President Bush was taken away by Barack Obama's administration shortly after he entered office

In January of 2010 current President Barack Obama revealed the location to be a secret Prison Complex located right underneath the Guantanamo Bay‎ resort in Cuba.

Current List

Photo Name Date Sequence Number
Binbush Osama Bin Laden Septmber 11, 2001 #911
Osama bin Laden is wanted "in connection with the September 11 Attacks and a bunch of other stuff that is totally legit but we don't have time to list here" by orders of George W. Bush. A reward for his capture is currently placed at $200 Million for his capture dead. Anyone who captures him alive will also be executed.
Ronaldnazi Ronald McDonald June 28, 2009 #666
Ronald McDonald is wanted by the government of China and the United States due to his involvement in the Earthquake attacks on China in 2008. He is also wanted for questioning about the spread of two major diseases involving the 2009 H1N1 epidemic caused by switching his beef burgers with pork burgers and the worldwide epidemic of the disease commonly referred to as "redheadedness". Current reward stands a $150 million. April 26 UPDATE: new evidance points to McDonald being a member of the Nazi Party and having committed War Crimes, Status to be adjusted at a later date.
Depp-johnny-pirates Jack Sparrow 1700's #700
Captain Jack Sparrow is wanted by the United States Government for seducing millions of fan girls and starring in three very VERY bad movies. He is also wanted by England for impersonating a officer of the Royal Navy and a clergyman of the Church of England. Reward currently stands at $100 Million.
Elmo pissed Elmo November 18, 1985 #123
Elmo (the one in red) is wanted by the United States government for corrupting America's youth by having them watch TV and bug their parents to buy them lead toys instead of being chore slaves like they shouldProxy-Connection: keep-alive

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e. Reward stands at $120 Million

Keanu-reeves Keanu Reeves March 15, 2010 #9344
Actor Keanu Reeves is wanted for his part in the death of fellow actor Jeff Bridges who was killed with an Oscar award. Also wanted for questioning and possible role in the deaths of 32 other actors and actresses at the Academy Awards. Also wanted for questioning about the Murder of all 17 members of the The Council of Academy Awards. Reward stands at $120 Million.
Mainboba2 Boba Fett Augest 31, 2009 #1138
Former Hip Hop rapper Robert 'Bubba' Fett otherwise known as Boba Fett is wanted mainly for connections to the death of several Marvel Super Heroes, a group of Ewoks, and is wanted for questioning in the Murder of fellow artist Michael Jackson. Recently released book Freaknik: I didn't do it! stating he is somewhere in Cambodia. Reward currently stands at $100 Million.
Gordonfreeman Gordon Freeman February 19, 2010 #776
Doctor Gordon Freeman is wanted for the death of 300 employees of the Black Mesa Research Facility, and is also wanted for 10 years of countless murders across the mid-western United States. Gordon is suffering from a mental breakdown believing most humans are 'Alien Invaders". He is also wanted for questioning in the attack on John "Master Chief" Spartan. Reward currently stands at $50 Million.
Cthulhu Cthulhu April 5, 2010 #975
The Entity named Cthulhu is wanted by the governments of the World for his part in the End times and rising an army of aquatic creatures who wish to take over the World and Kill thousands. Reward currently stands at $25 Million.
Batman in his prime Adam West December 8, 2007 #489
Adam West is Wanted for impersonating Batman, running naked through the streets of Gotham City, Quahog, and South Park, AND a report of attacking Captain Picard for stealing his spotlight on Fox primetime. Reward stands at $7 Million
Jack Bauer Red Sky Jack Bauer April 5, 2010 #024
Ex-Agent Jack Bauer is wanted by the citizens of the united states for prematurely canceling the series 24. Also wanted for committing illegal acts of torture in Los Angeles. Later committed acts of Terrorism in Washington D.C. and was lats Seen in New York City. Reward stands at $5 Million.

Previous List Members

Photo Name Date Added Date Removed Current Holding Place Sequence Number
21965 w Tom Cruise June 2, 2007 October 6, 2009 Toronto, Canada #487
Tom Cruise was wanted for kidnapping Katie Holmes, cloning a George Bush baby and spreading sinister Scientology as well as a long list of horrible films from 2002 to 2007. Reward stands at $15 Million. He was finally captured in October 2009 trying to cross into Canada. Upon Capture he continued to repeat the words "Katie's dead, Katie's dead!". It unknown what he meant by this as his kidnapped wife "Katie Holmes" is confirmed alive and resting at the Cruise Mansion in Hollywood. She has however developed a disliking for anyone who eats peas and constantly gives out a strange scream whenever someone shows emotion. Despite his recent escaped from Guantanamo Bay along with fellow Prisoners Harold and Kumar he has not been returned to the list.
Mcg Mcg May 22, 2009 January 20, 2009 Unknown #115
McG was wanted for crimes against film, bagel theft and giving false details in regards of a name. He was placed on the FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives list by previous acting president George Bush who was outraged by Mcg's use of his favourite films such as War of the Worlds and Transformers. McG is currently removed from the list as Barack Obama feels Tim Burton poses a greater threat to film. Mcg's current location is unknown.
Rocky 9 Rocky December 20, 2006 February 19, 2010 St. Jews Hospital in Vermont (On life Support) #525
Ralph "Rocky" Balboa was wanted for making ANOTHER pointless movie and waisting more Movie-goer's time. Removed from list after suffering a near fatal heart attack. Currently on Life Support.
Plankton Plankton October 6, 2009 March 15, 2010 Still at large #.0001
Plankton is wanted for trying to bring down 7 major fast food chains including Burger King, Wendy's, KFC, and others. He is also wanted for spreading illness among civillians via infected food and fake flu shots. Reward stands at $5 Million. Removed from the main list due to the new appointment of Actor Keanu Reeves.
Sacred Heart Jesus Date unknown April 5, 2010 believed Dead #000
Jesus was wanted for allowing this pathetic planet to live for so long, and leaving us just as the Ultimate evil reared it's ugly head. A Reward was never posted. Removed from the list due to new evidence Proving he is deceased.
Timburton Tim Burton December 21, 2007 April 05, 2009 Still At Large #958
Tim Burton was wanted by the United States for allowing Warner Brothers to destroy the original Batman film series, and for working with Jack Sparrow in almost every movie he has done. Removed from the list after the edition of Cthulhu.
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