FA Premiership
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The Premier league is the highest league of English Football.
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[edit] Formation
It was set up in 1992 and took over from the formely known " Division 1"
- Greggs Championship
- Division One
- Division Two
- Division Four*
- Division ∞
- Bermuda Triangle Premier**
- Merryweather Wheelie Bins Local League
*Division Four was lost down the back of the sofa during a divisional renaming meeting at FA headquarters. Also lost at this ill-fated meeting were the values of not diving and not waving a pretendy yellow card at the referee, although no-one seems to care about any of these things. *There is no Division Three because any integer divided by three would give a reoccuring number, assuming the integer is not a multiple of three. **The Bermuda Triangle is where proper clubs go to chill out for a couple of years in the mistaken belief that they're better than part-time shite like Histon and Ebbsfleet. Clubs to have disappeared without a trace include Yorkshire City, AFC Halifax HBOS, Oxford & Cambridge Albion, Wrex Ham United, the Mansfield Stags, Rubbish & Dustbins and Polluton Town.
[edit] The Rise to Power
The FA Premiership quickly rose to extreme popularity as previously men in Britishland had been starved of violent entertainment and had had to make do with beating servants, children and other expendables. That and a nice, rich Australian man decided he wanted to become slightly richer by commercialising the whole thing. Chiefs of the time were reported to be delighted by the extra twenty pence a month in televised revenues (of course, this equates to a much larger total in 2007, round about half a million pounds in sterling and a Mini Cooper)
[edit] Popularity
How well the club you support in the Premier League has become a popular way of measuring penis size amongst men in Britishland. It is crucial as a fan of a Premier League team to make sure that every knows of your allegiance by loud shouting, singing and wearing of official garments. A zero tolerance rule is applied to people not agreeing with you on your choice of team and such disputes can only be settled in a violent confrontation.
However, fans of rival teams have been known to see eye-to-eye on some occasions, though this is mostly to simply hate all Manchester United fans collectively in a grand gesture.
[edit] Transfers
East Spam United are the only team permitted to sign Argentinian players outside the transfer window. Other teams must gain permission from the Farming Association in order to sign players at any time.
[edit] Names
The Premier League has had many names during its history.
- ∞BC - 1901: Olympics
- 1901 - 1990: Premiershit
- 1990 - 2000: Premier shit
- 2000 - 2008: Fuck All Premiership
- 2008 - ∞: Farming Asssociation Premier League
[edit] The Downfall
Has started and is quite evident. The constant diving of nearly every player above Championship is just one of the many annoying things with this league.
The League should no longer be considered as the English League as there are about 4 english players between the entirty of the leagues.
[edit] Current Table
| P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Sheep shaggers county FC (C) | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 10 | -10 | 265* |
| 2 | Arse-on-Wenger's Arse-Anal | 38 | 36 | 0 | 2 | 180 | 2 | +178 | 108 |
| 3 | [[Manchester United]36 | 19 | 10 | 7 | 67 | 28 | +39 | 67 | |
| 4 | Mickey Mousers Football Franchise Ltd. | 36 | 18 | 5 | 13 | 40 | 48 | -8 | 59 |
| 5 | Chel$hit Abramograd | 36 | 14 | 13 | 9 | 64 | 53 | +11 | 55 |
| 6 | Hell | 36 | 10 | 14 | 12 | 48 | 55 | -7 | 44 |
| 7 | Manchester | 36 | 10 | 13 | 13 | 60 | 56 | +4 | 43 |
| 8 | Neverton | 36 | 10 | 12 | 14 | 57 | 59 | -2 | 42 |
| 9 | Pompeii | 36 | 10 | 12 | 14 | 50 | 55 | -5 | 42 |
| 10 | Barcodes | 36 | 10 | 10 | 16 | 43 | 47 | -4 | 40 |
| 11 | Biggleswade | 36 | 10 | 10 | 16 | 47 | 62 | -15 | 40 |
| 12 | Atom Vanilla | 36 | 9 | 12 | 15 | 45 | 45 | 0 | 39 |
| 13 | SundIREland | 36 | 10 | 9 | 17 | 50 | 56 | -6 | 39 |
| 14 | Tottinghamsters | 36 | 6 | 16 | 14 | 52 | 76 | -24 | 34 |
| 15 | Wigan Pathetic | 36 | 6 | 12 | 18 | 34 | 61 | -27 | 30 |
| 16 | Emptypig | 36 | 6 | 11 | 19 | 42 | 62 | -20 | 29 |
| 17 | Ball-torn Wanderers | 36 | 5 | 13 | 18 | 45 | 66 | -21 | 28 |
| 18 | Sandwell Town | 36 | 5 | 12 | 19 | 44 | 71 | -27 | 27 |
| 19 | East Spam Divided | 36 | 6 | 8 | 22 | 37 | 72 | -35 | -4* |
| 20 | Luton Airport | 36 | 14 | 10 | 12 | 44 | 68 | -24 | -468* |
- Grays Athletic gain points each time opposition teams fail to turn up.
- East Spam Divided deducted 30 points for attempting to loan the entire Argentinian national team with money borrowed from the Icelandic mafia.
- Top 4 teams enter UEFA SHAMpions League, which isn't a League at all, but a place for those Mickey Mousers to not feel depressed because they haven't won the league since the guy who parted the Red Sea died of frustration after failing to part his hair.
- Everyone dies in Hell and lets in 5 goals, except the Red Devils, who rule over Hell.
- Luton Airport deducted every point they earn due to bias of football authorities toward 'big clubs'
| The FA Premier League | ||||
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Glory Hunters |
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