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To render a red fortisisisisimo simply hit F4 and then hilight it and select red

“Pffff that's not what the F4 key does!”
~ Oscar Wilde
F4 is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four fs.

edit Pronunciation

Linguistically, ffff is termed as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in ones throat.

To produce the purest ffff sound however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.

The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on type writers as type writers cannot carry out functions.

The F4 is often programmed by computer nerds to change the monitor to a business like looking screen when bosses enter the office. Such workers are usually doing quite unsavory things online such as doing personal programming instead of work related programming and selling train models on ebay. The F4 key was chosen for a good reason, however the explanation is lost in the quirky history computer programming dorkery.

edit Uses

Popular styles of the F4 key include a black key with F4 written in white, or white keys with F4 written in black and sometimes in other colors such as grey or light grey.

The F4 key can also be used in cases other than contracting four consecutive fs in one word such as with: Cliff F. Ford. One can easily see that any one with this name would be quite happy to have the use of the F4 key. In fact, it would be considered vital.

The double f is also quite common in Wales where many words in the oft spoken tounge Welsh may begin and then end with a double ff such as Cllauff ffwidigg (which means a red "right angle" triangle). Whenever a Welshmen decides to type: red "right angle" triangle, in any document which must be typed out in Welsh instead of English or instead of typing (a "right angle" triangle that is red) then the user will simply and conveniently use the F4 key to avoid the tedious typing of the letter f four times. The same applies in any case where the author comes across another sequence of words which end in a double f and the following word begins with a double ff. A Welshman will do this many times. All function keys on welsh keyboards are designed for similar purposes. The F3 key spits out three rs while the F11 key will print out eleven qs whenever necessary. Eleven consecutive qs are common in the northern Welsh dialect making the F11 key far more time saving than the F4 key.

edit Other uses of the F4 key

When composing music, an author may choose to make a passage fortisisisisimo which is considered rather loud. The F4 key does wonders in saving e-composers time and strain. Wagner would have been very happy to have had such a short cut. The Font company Friday Free Fresh Fonts also used the key dozens of times a day when rendering their logo until their company was bought out by Google.

edit New usages of the F4 key

This famous brand of fonts offered for free are considered both fresh and fantastic but only one of them made it on to the logo.

Before the alt key or the control key became vogue and computers became sophisticated enough to understand double key functions (such as using an F1 key with the control button at the same time) all programs only contained 12 functions that were common enough to require a function key (hence the twelve function keys we still see today). When printers were invented, Bill Gates was about to release a new version of Microsoft Word and considered allowing direct printing for those who could afford a printer. The programmers encountered a very difficult dilemma. As printing would become an important feature and as Microsoft didn't want to lose out to their competitors who might assign the print function to one of their function keys, they had to decide which function key to replace so that one could print something with the touch of a button. While some programmers suggested that the save function would become redundant in the future and others proposed doing away with the exit function key short cut, a particularly racist and Welsh-a-phobe suggested that the F4 key be replaced with the new print function. After a heated debate and an all night round of negotiations, Microsoft agreed to sell two versions of Microsoft Word, one to 99.99 percent of its customers and another version with the traditional F4 key to Cliff Fford, any Welshman who owned a computer and particularly negative people who type Pffff when they disagree with people.

edit The future of the F4 key

One can only speculate about the future of the F4 key, however there has been a new Renascence in the use of the F4 function for typing out four consecutive fs with the advent of Wikipedia's new easy to use code, where users are expected to quadruple every letter in a sentence if they expect it to be rendered in the color blue. One can only guess if the F4 key will take off as it did in the 80s. There just may be a come back waiting to happen. If the F4 key does come back, it will happen so subtly you'll hardly even notice. Once you realize it, you will forever be able to type four Fs with one simple key stroke.

edit See Also


Letters of the Sun Alphabet:
Help |   | F1 | F2 | F3 | F4 | F5 | F6 | F7 | F8 | F9 | F10 | F11 | F12 | Print Screen | Scroll Lock | Paul | Mute | Volume Down | Volume Up | Power
Stop | Again | esc | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 0 | - | = | \ | ~ | Insert | Home | Page Up | Num Lock | / | * | -
Props | Undo | tab | Q | W | E | R | T | Y | U | I | O | P | { | } | backspace | Del | End | Page Down | 7 | 8 | 9 | +
   Front | Copy | ctrl | A | S | D | F | G | H | J | K | L | ; | ' | return |                                                   4 | 5 | 6
Open | Paste | shift | Z | X | C | V | B | N | M | , | . | ? | shift | up arrow |                                         1 | 2 | 3 | enter
Find | Cut | caps lock | alt | Meta | s p a c e b a r | Meta | Compose | Cast Spell | Alt Graph | left arrow | down arrow | right arrow | 0 | .
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