From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Did you ever find yourself needing an eye transplant and they didn't have any eyes on the shelf? Sure we all have but thats about to be a worry of the past thanks to P-Pod-Gen-Tech-Wow! P-Pod-Gen-Tech-Wow Inc.s new Eye Pod (version 3) will ensure a steady supply of Eyes for years to come. Through our patented genetic engineering ordinary pea plants now grow fully functional optical orbes (eyes to the lay-man). Being plant based it is important to expose the replacement eyes to at least two hours of full sunlight a day (or use full spectrum or plant lights indoors) to allow photosynthsis. This should be the only drawback to our revolutionary plant based eyes. Testing is ongoing and FDA approval should be received in the next few months, then we at P-Pod-Gen-Tech-Wow will swing into planting. Current color selections are Brown, Blue, Carrot Orange, Lima Bean Green, Brussel Sprout Green, Watermelon Green and very dark Green.
edit Future Eye Pods
P-Pod-Gen-Tech-Wow is currently working on even better colors and features to the current Eye Pods! Within five years we believe we will be able to customize plants to grow eyes the specific color you want (custom colors will cost more than standard eye colors of course). Fashion surgery magazine predicts that eye transplants will become the most requested cosmetic surgery! We are also working on eyes that will have special features. Some of the features we are currently researching include :
- Scented Eyes-these eyes will give off certain scents when you want them to.
- X-Ray Eyes-these eyes will be able to switch to X-Ray mode when wanted (sure to be a hit with high-school boys).
- Night Vision Eyes-these eyes have light amplifying abilities which will prevent stubbed toes when walking about the house with the lights off (should be required with night security guards, the military, 3rd shift police officers and others).
- Camera Eyes-these eyes will capture images with a thought and will be bownloaded with bluetooth.
- We have other projects in the works that we will announce when it looks like they'll bear fruit.
edit Rumor Rebuttal
I'm sure you've all heard a few rumors about our early trials (versions 1 and 2) but just let me say this about that :
- Version 1a : Yes these would go to seed every fall but you need to take a vacation sometime right?
- Version 1b : Ok so these would smell like skunk cabbage when the owner got upset is that really a problem? Chill [:n)
- Version 1c : Our bad this one did start to root in our test subjects brains but we got the roots out (mostly, we think).
- Version 2a : So our test subjects fell asleep as soon as it got dark. Most found it to be very restful. We have relocated these test subjects to locations near the equator (long days here year round) on our dime.
- Version 2b : Due to ongoing litigation I can't talk about Ver. 2b.
- Version 2c : These eyes did tend to put the test subjects in a state similar to a hypnotic trance when exposed to blinking lights. But this actually could be a plus as test subjects were able to learn new skills faster while in the trance.
edit Our sub-divisions
P-Pod-Gen-Tech-Wow has several sub-divisions here are a few :
- Melon-Gen-Tech-Wow : currently working on plant based breast implants.
- Bark-Gen-Tech-Wow : currently working on plant based regenerating body armor for the military.
- Chia-Gen-Tech-Wow : currently working on plant based hair replacements (including shamrocks for our Irish customers).
edit Business Opportunities
- We are always looking for investors, currently we are offering non-voteing shares of stock for pennies (contact us for current rates) there is a nominal transaction fee (it's so small don't even bother concerning yourself about it or ask about it or think about it, really it's nothing).
- We are currently looking for additional test subjects for Beta testing of Ver. 3. The pay is good and you can take home all the rejected pods you like (for cooking they still taste mostly like peas).
- We are also looking for skilled pea farmers that would like working in our sterile/high security green houses.