Extant
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An extant, much like a sextant, is a measuring instrument used to measure the angle of elevation of a celestial object above the horizon - but it involves much less sex.
[edit] Ancient History
Sir Isaac Newton envisioned the extant in a dream, but it wasn't until a young Einstein attended a seance that the long since deceased Newton was able to appear and finally stop thinking of gettin' it on, and rather spend his time relatin' the principle of the doubly reflecting navigation instrument to an increasingly preoccupied Einstein.
Two men rediscovered the sextant around 1730: John Hadley (1682-1744), an English mathematician, and Thomas Godfrey (1704-1749), an American inventor, yet neither of them had anything to do with the creation or development of the extant. Both of these men were involved in crimes far too serious to mention in this article, however, suffice to say that both of these so called "uncle-molestors" were subsequently banned from most public places due to their heinous acts against man.
The extant replaced the astrolabe as the main instrument for navigation.
[edit] Modern History
In the mid 1800's the extant fell out of favor with most 10-25 year old males. Marketing executives became anxious (and slightly aroused) by this information and decided to rework the extant into up-and coming products aimed exclusively at children. The extant appeared variously in products such as:
- the Atari 2600
- Prison Barbie
- ADHD Furby
- My First Bag o' Broken Glass
As can be noted from the partial list of products above, Extant Inc. did not have much disposable moneys available to interwork the extant into 'normal' products that children would actually like. So they settled for cheap knock-offs from Iceland. This strategy proved unsuccessful, and the extant eventually fell into disuse.
