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“GO SUCK A DAGO!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your TAMPONS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your option.
edit Complete Unabridged history of SHIT use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age (in an unimpressed manner) touched his WHORE cinderblock and was so dissatisfied by the results that he optimized a ASS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the malevolent scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their HORSE SHIT mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a SOD for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say JACK ABRAMOFF. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted [Insert swear here] until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BANGKOK tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some GO HOME AND DIE, do you savvy, you ASSS?"
edit Modern ProfanitySNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORES, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called FUCK-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey DAMN IT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real HOT GRITS CRAP sceptres on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- KEN GRIFFEY JR. PRESENTS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL IS THE BEST FUCKING BASEBALL VIDEO GAME OF 1994!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You FROG'S FAT ASS!!!
- You FLYING FUCK!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- advocate in GOD DAMMIT, you SHITTY!
- I hope you jiggle in CHIGGER, you CUNT!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This SHITSKIN JIGGABOO will extrude a queer up your JACKASS SHIT!!!
- This NEOPETS HOMO will acidify a read-only memory up your ASS!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some CUNNILINGUS and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING putrefy a antibacterial up your FUCKWIT!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- POLAK FUCK SON OF A BITCH SHIT CLUSTER FUCK CUNNILINGUS BALLS!!
- JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST MILF WIGGER!!!
edit A bunch of PEEPEE
FUCK NUGGET HELL DUMBASS WANK PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT JUNGLE BUNNY BOYCOTT VIACOM! TITTYWANK CUNTSWILLING SHITE JENKEM PUNANI ASSCRACK SHITFACE MILF BOYCOTT VIACOM! SHITFUCKER FUCK FELLATIO GOD DAMN TOSSER CUNT FUCK WANK GOD DAMMIT JERK OFF DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! SHITFUCKER MONKEY'S UNCLE BALL SACK ASS PEDOPHILIA YOU WANKER LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD PISS ARTIST JOHNNY WHERE? IS? MY? MOTHER? WHORE HENTAI INBRED FUCKBAG SHITTY GOD DAMMIT FUCKBAG HOT GRITS BUTT PIRATE HEIL HITLER! CHICKEN SHIT MOCKIE FUCKSTAIN CHRISTHUMPER SEX FUCK YOU O CANADA RAT'S COCK BRITNEY FAG [EXPLETIVE] PRICK LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! FUCKING GENITALIA BONER IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! GOD DAMMIT WILLY WONKA TITTIES ERECTILE DISFUNCTION IN THE BALLS CUNTRAG RAT'S COCK YUKKY DOODY FIRECROTCH ASS BIG FOOT FUCK FUCK YOU WOODPECKERSHIT ASS DAMNATION BUTTFUCKER FRAK FUCKFACE GIVING HEAD FELLATIO RAT'S ASS BUTT PIRATE TITS CLIT BOLLOCKS MALARKY SON OF A BITCH ASSCRACK SLOPE POMMIE COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT PISS OFF NIGGER SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS BUKKAKE TAMPON IN MY ASS ASSFACE GOBSHITE WIGGER AAAAAAAAA! COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS.