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“GO SUCK A FUCK OFF!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your ASS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your bollocks.
edit Complete Unabridged history of CUNTING ASSCRACK use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age (in an unruly manner) touched his INBRED lawnmower and was so dissatisfied by the results that he swallowed a FUCKER and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the coruscating scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BITCH mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of RAT'S ASS-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a SAND NIGGER for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say FUCKFACE. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FUCK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody CUNTING ASSCRACK tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BRITNEY, do you savvy, you PISSS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie SEXS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called SCUMBAG-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey SHIT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real FUCKTARD DOUCHE NAZI crushers on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- JACK OFF!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You ARSE!!!
- You FUCKING A!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- oscitate in CUM, you JOHNNY!
- I hope you detect in MILF, you SCROTUM!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This SHITE FUCK will graphitize a mongoose up your TITWANK!!!
- This BUTT PIRATE FELCHING will activate a Utility Muffin Research Kitchen up your ASSHOLE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PASTURE and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING discalceate a bowling ball up your BONG!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- MARGARET THATCHER SHIT FUCK OFF ASS ASSWIPE SAGGY TITS MOTHERFUCKER!!
- BASTARD ASSCRACK NIGGER FUCKWIT!!!
edit A bunch of ORGASM
CUNTSWILLING RONNIE CORBETT FUCKING FUCKFUCKER FUCK PECKERHEAD COCKSHITTER TITTYWANK POLESMOKER FUCKSTAIN DUNE COON MASTURBATION EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA TWAT BITCH DAMN CHROME-PLATED, T-REX-MOUNTED HITLER ACTION FIGURE WITH EXPLODING CHAINSAW CANNON BOOBIES SON OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH SIGMUND FREUD FROG'S FAT ASS VAGINA SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM BASTARD JACKASS SHIT HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS [Insert swear here] PICKANINNY FUCKER SHITFACE NI JACKASS I'LL RAPE YOU PISS OFF CAMEL FUCKER I AM CORNHOLIO! FUCK YOU SHITFACE RAT'S ASS ASSHOLE SHIT DICKHEAD suck my mothers SHITSLINGING GOD DAMMIT DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! WIGGER FUCK HOSER TRANNY ASSWIPE DICKWAD PISSHOLE DOUCHING DUMBASS GOD DAMN PISS ARTIST PISS ARTIST FUCKSTAIN DICK CAMEL JOCKEY CUNNILINGUS CRAPMUNCHER ANAL DIABETES DOT HEAD BIG HAIRY CRUSTY HORSE VAGINA TITS FRENCH TICKLER SHITFACE SOD TRANNY PENIS ON A BUN AMERICA ONLINE MOTHERFUCKER HEIL HITLER! WINDOWS VISTA SCROTUM BOYCOTT VIACOM! JESSE McCARTNEY DICKFACE FUCK RUSKIE PISS PENISBIRD JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST CAMEL FUCKER ASSBANDIT GOBSHITE BITCH DAMMIT DAMN FRAK DYKE TOSSER KIKE COCKLOVING SEATTLE MONGERS NIGNOG WANK SHITE CHING CHONG CHINK ASSHOLE SON OF A BITCH PISS ARTIST SHIT CONAN O'BRIAN SCRATCH! GROUNDER! BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you BASTARD.