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“GO SUCK A BOOBIES!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your VAGINA is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your contradiction.
edit Complete Unabridged history of IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age mysteriously touched his EXTRA LONG PENIS kitten piccata and was so dissatisfied by the results that he piloted a BEANER and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the explosive scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their CUNNILINGUS mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of FUCKING-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a DIPSHIT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BASTARD. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted BOOBIES until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BEAVER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some PISSHOLE, do you savvy, you FUCKBAGS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie ASSFACES, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called I RAPE WALRUSES!-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey AY-AY-AY, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real DIPSHIT PORCUPINE'S BALLS orcs on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- LAKE TITICACA!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE!!!
- You AUTOFELLATIO!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- fumble in DILDO, you SHITE!
- I hope you employ in BOOBS, you DIPSHIT!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This MILF SEMEN will derail a lighting up your WIKIPEDIA!!!
- This POMMIE WANK will model a dollhouse up your GREASER!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
- I will FUCKING smash a book up your SHITE!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- INCEST MARGARET THATCHER DOUCHEBAG SPIC NAZI PIECE OF SHIT CHAV!!
- SHITHEAD SHITCUNTING FUCKHEAD POLAK!!!
edit A bunch of EAT MY ASS PENIS JIZZ COCK MONKEY JIZZPOPTART MONKEY CUM
YOU WANKER CLUSTER FUCK CHROME-PLATED, T-REX-MOUNTED HITLER ACTION FIGURE WITH EXPLODING CHAINSAW CANNON BITCH I CAN AFFORD FOOD CAMEL JOCKEY CUNT SEX INBRED CUNNILINGUS RAPE SCUMBAG SHIT REDSKIN FUCK YOU FUCKHEAD JIZZCOCK ASSFACE POMMIE FUCKSTAIN BITCH CUNTSWILLING ASSRAPING HOMO DICKHEAD I'D LIKE TO TENTACLE-RAPE ROUGE THE BAT VAGINA FUCKSTAIN MONKEY SHIT MARCH OF FLAMES POMMIE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK BANGKOK SHIT I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! DICK IN A BOX REDNECK CUNT DAMN ASSCRACK EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA BUTTFUCKER CUM MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE DUMBASS SUCK A BIG DICK BOLLOCKS DONKEY DICK PORCH MONKEY TITS TITMOUSE WIENER FUCKTARD ASSTARD THUNDERCUNT MOLDY TITS BITCH FUCKHEAD JIZZCOCK PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS DICK CLUSTER FUCK DIPSHIT SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS VENEREAL DISEASE SPANK THE MONKEY WETBACK MOTHERFUCKER CHUFF BUTT-HEAD HAIL SATAN! DUMBASS FROG'S FAT ASS SCRATCH! GROUNDER! I CAN AFFORD FOOD [EXPLETIVE] ASS O CANADA BENCH PRESS PISS ARTIST CROTCH NAZI WOP TWAT COCKJUGGLING THUNDERCUNT CUNNILINGUS SHITE ASSHOLE FUCKHEAD TWISTY VAGINA SHITCOCK ASSCRACK DUNE COON SUCK MY COCK FUCKHEAD WANK SHIT BASTARD I CAN AFFORD FOOD SHIT LIKE A HORSE ASSRAPING RAT'S ASS DICKHEAD JESSE McCARTNEY RAPE ASSRAMMER NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! [Insert silly non-swear here] BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you WOODPECKERSHIT.