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“GO SUCK A SEX!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your BULLSHIT is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your noun.
edit Complete Unabridged history of FUCKFACE use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age exuberantly touched his DAMMIT sarcophagus and was so dissatisfied by the results that he ablated a BOOBS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the unreliable scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of CHIGGER-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a AMERICA'S GREAT! for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say PISS OFF MY ASS. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody DIPSHIT tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some MOTHERFUCKER, do you savvy, you PISS ARTISTS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called BELLEND-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey DOUCHETITS, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real CHICKEN FRIES BEAVER bottles on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- SHUT UP, MEG!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You SCUMBUCKET!!!
- You CHENEY!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- wash in PIGFUCKER, you BUTTFUCKER!
- I hope you glug in SON OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, you FUCKING!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This LAKE TITICACA O KURWA! will detect a gyroscope up your TOWELHEAD!!!
- This CUNNILINGUS ABO will castigate a ballroom up your TAFFY!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some GANGBANG and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING jiggle a codpeice up your COCKSMOKER!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST DICKHEAD SAMUEL L. JACKSON BASTARD suck my mothers CRACKER ASSTARD THUNDERCUNT!!
- SHITHEAD NIGGER ASSWIPE SCUMBAG!!!
edit A bunch of SHITSKIN
ASSCRACK WHO'S A PEACH? DATCHA SWEETUMS! GOOD PUPPY! GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS PISSHOLE REDNECK FU SPANG EXTRA LONG PENIS JIZZ CUNT MY COUSIN AND I TOUCHED WIENERS TOWELHEAD TURD FUCKWIT MACACA FUCKING BIRD IN THE HOUSE GANGBANG I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! ORGASM CHENEY POLESMOKER BITCH GO COUNT YOUR DICK COCK NAZI BRUSH MA TEETH DELICIOUS CAKE CUNT DAMN FLYING FUCK PIGFUCKER PRICK REDNECK CUNNILINGUS SHITCOCK CHINK COCKJUGGLING THUNDERCUNT SPANK THE MONKEY PENIS ASSFACE DAMN BUGFUCK FUCKING CHROME-PLATED, T-REX-MOUNTED HITLER ACTION FIGURE WITH EXPLODING CHAINSAW CANNON ORGASM MONKEY SHIT COCKSUCKER GOD DAMMIT YOU WANKER TURD POMMIE KNOBJOCKEY ASS FUCKSTAIN BRUSH MA TEETH RAT'S COCK CUM JAP SUCK COCKS IN HELL! EPIDIDYMIS PAKI ASSCRACK FUCKSTAIN SLOPE SHIT COCKSUCKER CAMEL FUCKER TRANNY PISS OFF SON OF A BITCH CUNT GOOK PEDOPHILIA BOOBIES INBRED ARSEBADGERS TWO-INCH PENIS FUCKHEAD CHICKEN SHIT BUTTFUCKER RANDY TRAVIS BIG FOOT pen0r CLEMEN CUM JERK OFF PUSSY ASSCRACK DUMBASS DAMN PUSSY JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST CHICKEN SHIT ARSE SHITSLINGING DUNE COON BULLSHIT LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! CHRISTHUMPER CRAPMUNCHER TRAITOR TO THE POLISH CAUSE! DICK DAMNATION MOTHERFUCKER BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you CRACKER.