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“GO SUCK A MY COUSIN AND I TOUCHED WIENERS!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your ASSHOLE is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your answer.
edit Complete Unabridged history of FUCKING JUMP! use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age habitually touched his PRICK kamikaze and was so dissatisfied by the results that he bamboozled a BLUMPKIN and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the medieval scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BITCH mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of BEAVER-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a BULLSHIT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say CUNNILINGUS. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted JESSE McCARTNEY until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody TITWANK tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BUGFUCK, do you savvy, you PIECE OF SHITS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called FUCK-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey CHRIS CHAN, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real COON DIPSHIT babboon butts on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS!!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You SHITE!!!
- You BITCH!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- mystify in DAMN, you MOTHERFUCKER!
- I hope you w00t in WARNER MUSIC GROUP, you DAMN!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This CRACKER PIECE OF SHIT will ameliorate a cowbell up your FLYING FUCK!!!
- This JOHN ELWAY SAMUEL L. JACKSON will implode a pork chop up your PAKI!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some BOB SAGET and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING swim a blender up your SHIT!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- MONKEY SHIT FUCKING A MOLDY TITS SHITBALLS Expletive ON WHEELS!! ASS TITWANK!!
- ASSHAT YID GOBSHITE PISS UP MY ARSE!!!
edit A bunch of EAT MY SHIT!
CUNT FUCKER GOD DAMN COMMUNIST DILDO TWAT SCROTUM FUCK FUCK A DUCK WOODPECKERSHIT TWAT CAMEL JOCKEY INCEST WANK QUEEF SHIT SCUMBAG SHIT FUCK pen0r CAMEL JOCKEY FUCKSTAIN AY-AY-AY PEEPEE JACKASS FLYING FUCK ART METAL PRODUCTS MOTHERFUCKER WIGGER FRAK MICK YOU WANKER HADJI GRUE RAPE PRICK COCK FUCK YOU PISSHOLE BIG HAIRY CRUSTY HORSE VAGINA CHOAD FRITZ CHICKEN FRIES COON PRICK YOUR MOM PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT FUCKWIT EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA PISS UP MY ARSE MOSES SPUNK RAT'S ASS CUNT TITTIES GRIS RAT'S COCK GOAT DICK MOTHERFUCKER SUITCASE PENIS JOHN ELWAY CUM SHITFACE PEEPEE SHIT FOUR-EYES BENSON SUCKS BUGGER OFF [Insert dumb, possibly made up racial slur you've never heard before here] GOD DAMN SHIT WILLY WONKA FROG'S FAT ASS DICK CHICKEN MOTHERFUCKER HELLFIRE KIKE Expletive ON WHEELS!! JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK BITCH SCRATCH! GROUNDER! CUNT SCUMBUCKET FLYING FUCK JAP PENIS PRICK DICKFACE FUCKING A CUNTRAG FUCKING A WANKER JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GOD DAMN FUCKER VENEREAL DISEASE FUCK JERRY HOLY DUMB FUCK CLUSTER FUCK SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SHITFACE FUCKER LET'S SHIT DUMBASS LENS CRAFTERS BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you RAT'S COCK.