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“GO SUCK A PICKANINNY!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SHITE is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your chump.
edit Complete Unabridged history of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age nervously touched his POWERSHIT killer whale and was so dissatisfied by the results that he optimized a JACKASS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the cheery scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their HELLFUCKER mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of GREASER-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CUNT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say YOU WANKER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody CLIT tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SEMEN, do you savvy, you FUCK OFFS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called MALARKY-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey CLIT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You BUGGER!!!
- You FUCKFACE!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- loll in RUSTY TROMBONE, you BITCH!
- I hope you stir in FUCKER, you DUNE COON!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This DOUCHETITS DICK will model a handstand up your JACKASS!!!
- This RAPE HOT GRITS will crinkle a belfry up your STRAWBERRY ASS!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some HO and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING shit a toboggan up your MILF!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- LET'S SHIT AUTOFELLATIO POMMIE FUCKING BELLEND FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA ASSFACE!!
- STEVE BALLMER FROG'S FAT ASS CHOAD PRICK!!!
edit A bunch of WANK
SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE SMEG DIPSHIT SPIC MOZILLA FIREFOX BITCH BITCH BASTARD INBRED ASSHAT FUCKSTAIN CHICKEN SHIT TWAT CRAPPY FAG DAGO ASSCRACK ASS LICKER TWAT SHIT FUDDADDUCKUDUCKUS KIKE O CANADA ASS QUEEF ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP FUCKWIT BITCH HELL PEARL NECKLACE CUNTYMINTS BUTTFUCKER FUCKBAG CUNT CLEMEN DOG SHIT FUCKSTAIN LET'S SHIT CHICKEN SHIT BUTT-FOR-BRAINS MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS! BUTTFUCKER COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT NIGGER PENIS ASSWIPE MY COUSIN AND I TOUCHED WIENERS HELL DOUCHE FUCKING CHROME-PLATED, T-REX-MOUNTED HITLER ACTION FIGURE WITH EXPLODING CHAINSAW CANNON SHIT COCKSMOKER HORSE SHIT JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK TRANNY ANAL FOUR-EYES BULLSHIT DUMBASS TITS MARY WHITEHOUSE CUNT TITTYWANK GOAT DICK MICK GOBSHITE DIPSHIT BUTT-FOR-BRAINS MOCKIE FLYING FUCK BALL SACK PISSHOLE CLEVELAND STEAMER SCOOTER MY DAISY HEAD CUNT JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK RAT'S ASS ASS LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD RAGHEAD BULLSHIT RUSKIE ORGASM ARSE RANDY TRAVIS CHRIST OF TABERNACLE FUCKING BALLS SPUNK COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT DUMBASS DYKE FROG'S FAT ASS ABO DOUCHE NAZI WIENER VENEREAL DISEASE BITCH DAMN DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT JUNGLE BUNNY BANGKOK SUCK COCKS IN HELL! BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you DICK CHICKEN.