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“GO SUCK A FRIG!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your FUCK is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your bum.
edit Complete Unabridged history of MOTHERFUCKER use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age bitterly touched his AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI watermelon and was so dissatisfied by the results that he broke a FUCKWIT and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the puzzling scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their THONG TASTER mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of HAIL SATAN!-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a FUCKFUCKFUCK for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say HEIL HITLER!. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted CUM until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody HELLFUCKER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some WHORE, do you savvy, you WHORES?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie PISSHOLES, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called NIGGER-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey PISS, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real GOD DAMMIT TIT SPRINKLES noseblowers on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- HE'S NOT PLAYIN' WITH HIS OWN DICK!!!!
- DICK IN A BOX!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You BUTTFUCKER!!!
- You BELLEND!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- convert in FRENCH TICKLER, you SUCK MY DICK, CHENNY!
- I hope you litigate in DAMN, you KIDDY FIDDLER!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This BUTTFUCKER SCROTUM will ejaculate a queen up your FUCKSTAIN!!!
- This COCKLOVING SEATTLE MONGERS SPANK THE MONKEY will smash a Game Boy up your YOU WANKER!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some FUCKHEAD and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING anglicanise a anvil up your NIGGER!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- SIGMUND FREUD CUNTBUCKET BLISTERING BARNACLES ASSHAT MOTHERFUCKER JESSE McCARTNEY CUNT!!
- PEEPEE DONKEY DICK DICKHEAD HELL!!!
edit A bunch of BONER
BORDER HOPPER JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST ASSHAT SHITFUCKER FUCKHEAD ART METAL PRODUCTS CUNTYMINTS FUCKING CUNT COCK DAMNATION DOODIE HEAD CLUSTER FUCK CROTCH AUTOFELLATIO BOOBS BEANER POMMIE DONGSHOVER CUNT FUCKSTAIN VENEREAL DISEASE COON PAKI FUCKWIT SPUNK CUNT CUNT NAZI ARSE POMMIE SONNY BILL WILLIAMS BULLCRAP SOD SHITCOCK DICK CRACKER FROM 2 OF THE 6 WRITERS OF SCARY MOVIE LARRY MOTHERFUCKING MOFFETT MARGARET THATCHER JUNGLE BUNNY SCUMBAG NIGGER GOD DAMN RAPE CAMEL JOCKEY PRICK SHIT SHITSLIDE WEHATEMARIO DICK IN A BOX HELL NEGRO FUCK CRAP GANGBANG SAMUEL L. JACKSON HOMO BLOWJOB SHITFACE BLUMPKIN DUMBASS ASSWIPE VAGINA NEOPETS DONGSHOVER FELLATIO STEVE BALLMER WANK WEHATEMARIO ASSHAT WETBACK BIGNOSE RAT'S ASS DOUCHETITS YUKKY DOODY COCKSHITTER SECOND BALLS FUCKHEAD PENIS WANKER FUCKING BONG MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE D'OH MASTURBATION FUCKING A TWAT ASSHAT FUCKHEAD I LIKE TO BE STUPID AND NOT FUNNY AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI DICK FUCKHEAD VAGINA FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK CARPET MUNCHER SHITE YOU WANKER ABO DONKEY PUNCHER YOU WANKER NIGGER HELL SCUMBAG BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you O KURWA!.