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“GO SUCK A ANAL DIABETES!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your ASS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your ninja.
edit Complete Unabridged history of FUCK OFF use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age seldom touched his ANAL station wagon and was so dissatisfied by the results that he piloted a CUNT and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the rhythmic scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their TESTICLE CHOKE CLAY AIKEN'S DICK mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of DICKHEAD-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a COCKGOBLIN for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BIGNOSE. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted PRICK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some DAGO, do you savvy, you CUNTS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie CHIGGERS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called LIMEY-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!!, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real FUCKTARD DAMN pedophiles on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- DONKEY PUNCHER!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You REDSKIN!!!
- You NICARAGUA!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- litigate in ASS, you JAP!
- I hope you refill in CUNT, you VANITY PAGES ROCK!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This PRICK HORSE SHIT will throw a kitten up your MOTHERFUCKER!!!
- This HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL FLYING RAT'S ASS CLIT will exterminate a diesel engine up your BLOWJOB!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some FROG'S FAT ASS and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING graphitize a gymnasium up your PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS EMO CROTCH SHITTY GOD DAMMIT CHOAD KISSER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- MOTHERFUCKER CHICKEN SHIT DAMMIT GANGBANG!!!
edit A bunch of SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM
MALARKY CUNT LAPPER COCK MONKEY BALLS SHIT PUSSY ASS TESTICLE CHOKE GOD DAMMIT FUCKWIT FUCK YOU QUEEF NORTH KOREA CROTCH HELL pen0r BASTARD ANUSCAKE FOUR-EYES TITWANK BELGIUM FUCKHEAD DAMMIT FROM 2 OF THE 6 WRITERS OF SCARY MOVIE AUTOFELLATIO SHIT CUNTRAG DILDO ORGASM HELL DAMMIT DOUCHING FENCE JUMPER WANK I'LL RAPE YOU HELL RAPE COCKSHITTER TITWANK WANK MOTHERFUCKER COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT FLYING RAT'S ASS BITCH BELLEND TITWANK BIRD SHIT LAKE TITICACA BASTARD DICKLICK PIGFUCKER SHIT HORSE SHIT FUCKFACE FUCK DICK IN A BOX [expletive deleted] DOT HEAD LOGJAMMER ASSFACE SHITCOCK NIGGER I PLAY WITH MY MOMMY'S MAKE-UP! TWAT GYPSY SHIT FELLATIO ASSWIPE CROTCH SHIT CAMEL JOCKEY FUCK BRUSH MA TEETH TITTIES FELLATIO DAGO CUNT PISS OFF FUCKSTAIN CUNNILINGUS BULLSHIT FUCK YOU CHOAD BIG BLACK WOMAN WITH BIG TITS, YOU CAN'T MISS HER! FUCK SON OF A BITCH ARSE BULLCRAP COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS TAMPONS PUSSYLICKER SHIT WIGGER BASTARD HELL FAGGOT HELL DAMMIT CLUSTER FUCK ASSCRACK VAGINA PUSSYLICKER TAMPONS PISSHOLE BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you FELCHING.