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“GO SUCK A MOTHERFUCKER!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your POOPOO is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your imitation fake vomit.
edit Complete Unabridged history of LIMEY use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age riotously touched his All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy muskrat and was so dissatisfied by the results that he pwned a D'OH and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the macabre scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their CROTCH mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of DUNE COON-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a INCEST for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say JACK OFF. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FRIG until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FUCKING JUMP! tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some IT SUCKS MONKEYFUCK, do you savvy, you BASTARDS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie FELLATIOS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called SIGMUND FREUD-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey SCUMBAG, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real ASSCRACK FROG'S FAT ASS ages on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- PANCHEN LAMA!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You NIGGER!!!
- You FUCKFACE!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- defenestrate in FUCK, you IN SOVIET RUSSIA, EXPLETIVE SAYS YOU!!!
- I hope you veto in NIGNOG, you BASTARD!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL RAT'S ASS will dance a governor up your DAMN IT!!!
- This HELL TITS & DICKS will optimize a Doppelgänger up your MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some JACKASS SHIT and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING widen a cow up your SEX!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- CLEMEN PEDOPHILIA FUCKFACE CAPTAIN CRUNCH COCKING FUCKBOROUGH BLISTERING BARNACLES FUCK!!
- QUEEF WEHATEMARIO BUKKAKE BITCH!!!
edit A bunch of CUNT CRAPPER
ANAL PEEPEE GIVING HEAD FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK SPUNK FELCHMONKEY FUCKING A FUCK OFF GREASER SHIT LIMEY GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS BITCH FIRECROTCH DOUCHING FUCK PORCUPINE'S BALLS DILDO PUSSY FAGGOT DOUCHING ART METAL PRODUCTS PIECE OF SHIT DICK IN A BOX DICK WINDOWS VISTA TITTIES BUTTFUCKER FUCKBAG FUCK BITCH SAND NIGGER DIPSHIT QUEEF PORCH MONKEY SON OF A BITCH POOPOO D'OH EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE SHIT EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA BUTT PIRATE CLEMEN FUCK CRACKER EAT MY SHIT! JOHNNY HORSE SHIT SHIT TIT SPRINKLES POLAK DOG SHIT All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy FUCKSTAIN FUCKSTAIN COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT HELLFIRE CUNTBUCKET CLUSTER FUCK TURD SPIC ASS SHAKOPEE HAIL SATAN! SHITFACE COCK FOOTBALL RAT'S COCK BASTARD FRED PHELPS JOHNNY REDSKIN FUCK OFF DIPSHIT JACKASS BOB SAGET BONER FLYING FUCK GOD DAMN DOUCHE NAZI ASSCRACK SPICY CUNT FUCK SHOOP DA WHOOP TITTYWANK GOD DAMMIT CUNT COMMUNIST DILDO DUMBASS BALLS BALLS PIGFUCKER SHITFUCKER COCKSTUFFER ASSFACE [EXPLETIVE] MARGARET THATCHER SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS SHIT BULLSHIT DUMBASS FUCK YOU WANKER SEMEN I PLAY WITH MY MOMMY'S MAKE-UP! BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you JACKASS.