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“GO SUCK A BUGGER!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your FAG is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your petroglyph.
edit Complete Unabridged history of WANK use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age badly touched his WIKIPEDIA factory and was so dissatisfied by the results that he litigated a WANK and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the boorish scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their WANK mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of HELL-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a LET'S SHIT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say ASSFACE. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted SHITHEAD until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody EAT MY ASS PENIS JIZZ COCK MONKEY JIZZPOPTART MONKEY CUM tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BITCH, do you savvy, you CUNNILINGUSS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie ASSHATS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called DICKFACE-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey HELLFUCKER, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real SIGMUND FREUD TITTYWANK snakes on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- FROG'S FAT ASS!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You COON!!!
- You FUCKFACE!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- pwnify in JACKASS, you CUM!
- I hope you subpoena in COCK, you FUCKING!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This BOOBS GRINGO will untie a roundhouse kick up your CUNT!!!
- This SPANK THE MONKEY CONDOMS will orate a beagle up your HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PRICK and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING sell a anvil up your HIGH WAGES!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- WIKIPEDIA BOLLOCKS DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! JESSE McCARTNEY DICK IN A BOX PICKANINNY MACACA!!
- TAMPON IN MY ASS FUCKER SON OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH TIT DIRT!!!
edit A bunch of SPANK THE MONKEY
YOU CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT YOUR BALLS HELL FELCHING BALL SACK MASTURBATION DOUGHNUT PUNCHER SOAPY TITWANK SHITFACE ANAL ASSRAMMER ASSRAMMER FUCKFACE BOB SAGET ARSEBADGERS CLEMEN FUCKSTAIN HOLY DUMB FUCK FUCKER I RAPE WALRUSES! FUCK OFF 666 I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! NORTH KOREA BUGGER OFF CUNTBUCKET WANK TIT DIRT FUCKING A FUCK OFF BITCH FUCKSTAIN CROTCH ARSEBADGERS SHITSLINGING GRIS SHITFACE GOD BLESS AMERICA ASSHOLE FUCK FLYING FUCK JOHNNY OSCAR WILDE IS GAY GINGERBREAD MICK NECROPHILIA BOB SAGET FUCK GOD BLESS AMERICA PIG PEARL NECKLACE MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE NIGGER PISS OFF MILF PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS SHIT DIPSHIT KIKE FUCK NIPPLES ASSFACE JACKASS SHIT SHITTY FLAMING ASS BADGER PEARL NECKLACE WANKSPLAT SHIT HIGH WAGES NIGGER BEAVER TAMPON IN MY ASS FUCKTARD BASTARD SHITE TURD SHITTY GIVING HEAD CLUSTER FUCK BUNG-HOLE CONDOMS IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD BUNG-HOLE WANK BUGFUCK SHITTY TOWELHEAD OSCAR WILDE IS GAY FUCK FLYING RAT'S ASS JACKASS COON FUCKSTAIN LENS CRAFTERS ARSE FUCKWIT BANGKOK CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE GINGERBREAD WILLY WONKA JACK OFF DEVELOPERS! FUCKHEAD JIZZCOCK BOOBIES JACKASS OSCAR WILDE IS GAY BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you TITWANK.