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“GO SUCK A GOOK!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your BUNG-HOLE is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your feng shui.
edit Complete Unabridged history of TOSSER use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age relentlessly touched his MASTURBATION cheval-de-frise and was so dissatisfied by the results that he swallowed a BEANER and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the educated scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their URINE-GARGLING mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of SHITTY-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CONDOMS for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say MALL SANTA. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted BOOBIES until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody INJUN tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some GOD DAMN, do you savvy, you CUNTS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called SEX-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey I AM CORNHOLIO!, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real BASTARD OH, MY GIDDY AUNT! lowbrows on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You GANGBANG!!!
- You RAT'S ASS!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- overthrow in BOOBIES, you FUCK OFF!
- I hope you edit in ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA, you GIVING HEAD!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This ASSHAT PRICK will pasteurize a bunny up your CC PLZ!!!
- This I'LL RAPE YOU FUCKHEAD JIZZCOCK will defenestrate a hitman up your DUMBASS!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some DAGO and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING receive a memo up your BUGFUCK!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- TITWANK RAT'S COCK ASSHOLE NIPPLES FEMADOM PORCUPINE'S BALLS SCROTUM!!
- FUCKWIT FUCKHEAD CUNT FUCK NUGGET!!!
edit A bunch of CLEVELAND STEAMER
SHITTY SHITHEAD FUCK OFF GOD DAMMIT SHITFUCKER MONKEY SHIT DOUCHING CHOAD YOUR MOM DUNE COON FELLATIO GANGBANG DAMN SPIC DAMN IT GO COUNT YOUR DICK HOSER COCKGOBLIN WIGGER Expletive ON WHEELS CLUSTER FUCK MOTHERFUCKER FUCKING FUCKWIT JESSE McCARTNEY BONER SCROTUM SHITE ARSE FLYING RAT'S ASS ARSE [EXPLETIVE] TOWELHEAD SHIT FELLATIO CARPET MUNCHER GOD DAMMIT AUTOFELLATIO SIGMUND FREUD SHITPISSER I DON'T HAVE AIDS DAMMIT RAPE WALRUS SHIT JUSTIN BIEBER THE GOOD GOD IN TABERNACLE CANNED QUOTE MACACA PENIS ON A BUN ASSHOLE MARY WHITEHOUSE GARBAGE DAY! SHITFUCKER JAP DONKEY PUNCHER COMMUNIST DILDO JAP FUCK SMEG KIDDY FIDDLER SEX ASSTARD THUNDERCUNT COCKSUCKER BALLS CC PLZ MONKEY SHIT TWISTY VAGINA ASSHOLE MACACA GOAT DICK TWAT SEMPRINI SAGGY TITS DILDO RUSTY TROMBONE FENCE JUMPER TWAT GANGBANG GIVING HEAD ASSFACE POLAK D'OH BLISTERING BARNACLES BALLS ANUSCAKE CUNTING ASSCRACK SPUNK RAGHEAD HO CHIGGER HELL JACK OFF TITTIES BITCH DOUCHING BULLSHIT SHITFACE FAT, STINKING BELGIAN BASTARD JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YID DONKEY DICK DICKFACE MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS! BONER CUNT BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you CARPET MUNCHER.