“GO SUCK A NIGGER!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your TITTYWANK is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your Mazda.
Complete Unabridged history of CUNT useEdit
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age habitually touched his SEX engraving and was so dissatisfied by the results that he threw a JACKASS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the minuscule scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their SHIT mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of GIVING HEAD-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a PISS ARTIST for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle AgesEdit
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say COCKGOBLIN. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted DOUCHING until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian timesEdit
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FUCKING A tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BASTARD, do you savvy, you SPANK THE MONKEYS?"
Modern ProfanityEditThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie BIRD IN THE HOUSES, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called TAMPON IN MY ASS-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey HOLY DUMB FUCK, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real SCUMBAG WILLY WONKA dystopias on proper use of expletivesEdit
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletiveEdit
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
The Direct InsultEdit
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You PISS!!!
- You BITCH!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsEditBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- freeze in I WILL END YOU!, you SEMPRINI!
- I hope you hurt in GANGBANG, you NIGNOG!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party ThreatEdit
- This POLAK BITCH will taste a operating theater up your JACKASS!!!
- This BLUE PENIS! DOT HEAD will suffocate a forest up your FUCK YOU!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification ThreatEdit
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some SON OF A BITCH and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING employ a Chuck Norris impersonator up your FELCHING!!!!
The Barrage of VulgarityEdit
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BOON FUCK FUCKSTAIN DICKFACE WIGGER PORCH MONKEY BULLCRAP!!
- MARGARET THATCHER POWERSHIT BLOWJOB PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT!!!
A bunch of BITCH Edit
SPICY CUNT FUCK BITCH FUCK PISS OFF BONER ASSRAMMER FUCK FUCKING YOU WANKER ARSE HELL AMERICA ONLINE TOWELHEAD CUNT CHING CHONG CHINK BITCH TOTAL HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS FROG'S FAT ASS TAMPON IN MY ASS TWAT NICARAGUA HELL POMMIE FUCK YOU BULLSHIT ASSHAT POLAK BITCH FUCKER CUNTING ASSCRACK SHITSLIDE HAIL SATAN! MY COMMUNION WAFER OF SHITHEAD POLAK CLUSTER FUCK HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS MOTHERFUCKER DAMN ASSFACE ASSHAT CHINK WIKIPEDIA TITS DOUCHE NAZI PISS FUCKING A PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! BITCH CUM PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM SHITHEAD LOGJAMMER DICK CHICKEN FIRECROTCH SOD OFF I'LL RAPE YOU NAZI WANK BITCH TAFFY FUCK OFF BEAVER ASS HORSE SHIT SHIT O KURWA! TIMBER NIGGER ANAL DIABETES CUNNILINGUS QUEEF SHITTY NOT PROTECTING EDITS THAT ONLY TWO ADMINS FIND FUNNY, AND PUTTING THE ORIGINAL, POPULAR ARTICLE BACK MILF CUNTRAG POLACK PUSSY LENS CRAFTERS COCKSTUFFER JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST BITCH MARCH OF FLAMES FLAMING ASS BADGER SON OF A BITCH DILDO DELICIOUS CAKE HAIL SATAN! FUCK SHITE SHITSKIN BIRD SHIT BUGGER OFF HONKY MARGARET THATCHER MR WINKLER IS GAY DOODIE HEAD POMMIE JERRY INBRED TITS KNOBJOCKEY I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL EXTRA LONG PENIS BEAVERS
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you AMERICA ONLINE.