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“GO SUCK A SHITBALLS!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your CUNTSWILLING is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your furnace.
edit Complete Unabridged history of PUSSY use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age fervently touched his FUCK bingo and was so dissatisfied by the results that he earned a FELCHING and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the rhyming scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their TRANNY mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of OH SHI–-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a NEGRO for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say CROTCH. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted HENTAI until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody JACKASS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some PISS, do you savvy, you BUTT PIRATES?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie JESSE McCARTNEYS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called YOU WANKER-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey [Insert silly non-swear here], wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real SUCK MY DICK WALRUS SHIT fibs on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You JACKASS!!!
- You SPANK THE MONKEY!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- refill in CUNTRAG, you ROSIE O'DONNELL!
- I hope you oscitate in ASSHAT, you HELL!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This CHAV BELLEND will urinate a toboggan up your RONNIE CORBETT!!!
- This TESTICLE CHOKE ABO will masturbate a whip up your BITCH!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some SLOPE and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING adhere a hallway up your FUDDADDUCKUDUCKUS!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- PORCUPINE'S BALLS CLIT ASSHAT TITTIES TITTYWANK BEANER TITWANK!!
- PENIS COCKSHITTER PISS OFF WIENER!!!
edit A bunch of GOD DAMN
HELLFIRE MILF PRICK TITS & DICKS PRICK ASSHAT FUCKSTAIN PUSSY BUKKAKE GRAPE PENIS FUCK ANUSCAKE COCKGOBLIN SHIT FLYING FUCK PISSHOLE COON PIG FAGGOT RAT'S COCK CRAPPY MOTHERFUCKER WANK PUNANI SHIT DOG FUCKER ASSWIPE JACK OFF TAIWAN HELL FIRECROTCH FUCKING COCKJUGGLING THUNDERCUNT BEAVER ASS FASCIST WANK SPICY CUNT FUCK YOGHURT CANNON ASSCRACK TAMPONS MR WINKLER IS GAY WOP SONNY BILL WILLIAMS FUCK WANKSPLAT PAKI FUCKFACE FUCK PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT TWO-INCH PENIS VENEREAL DISEASE COCKSUCKER DAMN SAND NIGGER FUCK CUNTSWILLING RAT'S COCK [expletive deleted] HELL TUBA CHING CHONG CHINK SHIT FLYING FUCK SHITSKIN GANGBANG FUCK FELLATIO INBRED REBECCA BLACK ASS FASCIST ASSWIPE DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! NIGGER FUCKER SHITE ASS DIPSHIT DAGO FUCKSTAIN RAT'S COCK WANK ASSCRACK MONKEY SHIT SON OF A BITCH PRICK BOYCOTT VIACOM! FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK SHITFACE KRAUT SHITE JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST TAIWAN PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM SPANK THE MONKEY DICKFACE PISS POLAK FUCKER BASTARD POLESMOKER SAMUEL L. JACKSON JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS JIZZ HELL COCKSTUFFER BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you PISS OFF.