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“GO SUCK A CONDOMS!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your WANK is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your suicide bomber.
edit Complete Unabridged history of CLEVELAND STEAMER use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age starkly touched his SAGGY TITS nostalgia and was so dissatisfied by the results that he rewarded a DONGSHOVER and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the trusty scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their CUNT mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of VAGINA-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a SEMEN for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say TURD. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted TWAT until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FAGGOT tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some ASSHOLE, do you savvy, you PISSS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called FUCKING A-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey PISS, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real BALL SACK FUCK melanomas on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You BRITNEY!!!
- You INJUN!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- taste in DICK CHICKEN, you DAMN!
- I hope you veto in DUNE COON, you CLIT!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This SHITFACE PRICK will google a racket up your ASSFACE!!!
- This FUCKSTAIN EXTRA LONG PENIS will subtract a Geiger counter up your CHAV!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some FRENCH TICKLER and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING oscillate a snake up your PUSSY!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- WETBACK CUNTBUCKET VENEREAL DISEASE CHOAD KISSER SHITHEAD BOOBIES PAKI!!
- COCKJUGGLING THUNDERCUNT TOSSER ASSFACE BITCH!!!
edit A bunch of TAMPONS
TIMBER NIGGER DAMN PUNANI ASS SHITTY WHORE FROG'S FAT ASS POLAK GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS GREASER NIPPLES SHIT FEATURED PORCH MONKEY D'OH CUNT INBRED MOCKIE SHITE FELLATIO CLIT VAGINA MAMA MIA DOUCHE FUCKING POLESMOKER FUCK FUCK OFF BOB SAGET WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!? HELL TWAT REDSKIN SHITFACE ASS LICKER PISSHOLE SHIT CUNTRAG PUSSY NIGGER DAMN FUCKSTAIN CLUSTER FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK MOTHERFUCKER PISS ARTIST SHIT FELLATIO GARBAGE DAY! PISS I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! GYPSY MASTURBATION DICK CONDOMS WOMEN'S RIGHTS RAGHEAD MAMA MIA BUTT PIRATE TITWANK DAMN IT DAMN SHIT NEGRO NICARAGUA WIENER ARSE FUCKWIT BONER PISS ARTIST RUSTY TROMBONE FUCKTARD MALL SANTA BALLS QUEEF SUCK MY DICK DOG SHIT JOLLY PIRATE DONUTS MAMA MIA DONKEY DICK BEAVER GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS SHIT PISS ARTIST BIRD IN THE HOUSE FUCK SHITCOCK [Insert swear here] ANUSCAKE SHIT BLISTERING BARNACLES CHRISTMAS TREES CUNTING ASSCRACK INJUN FLYING FUCK I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! CUNNILINGUS PISS OFF PENIS CLUSTER FUCK SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT DILDO FENCE JUMPER SHITBALLS BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you PUNANI.