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“GO SUCK A DAMN!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SHIT is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your stool sample.
edit Complete Unabridged history of SHITSLINGING use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age (in an unimpressed manner) touched his PAKI rubber duck and was so dissatisfied by the results that he broke a SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the flammable scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their TIMBER NIGGER mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of SHIT-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a FRIG for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say DAMN IT. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted DICKFACE until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BALLS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some LENS CRAFTERS, do you savvy, you WIENERS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie FUCKTARDS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called Expletive ON WHEELS!!-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey DUMBASS, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real RAT'S COCK CUNNILINGUS Chuck Norris impersonators on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You BUTTFUCKER!!!
- You JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- widen in DOUCHE NAZI, you ASSHOLE!
- I hope you frack in ASSFACE, you SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS HOSER will explicate a peach up your ARSE!!!
- This FUCKHEAD GOAT DICK will hack, slash, & burn a bevel up your LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some NAZI and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING evaporate a flatulence up your CLEMEN!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- HENTAI PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT CHAV CUNNILINGUS NECROPHILIA FRED PHELPS EXPLETIVE!!
- COCKGOBLIN WANK LIMEY PROTESTS!!!
edit A bunch of DAMN
SHIT MOZILLA FIREFOX HATE HATE HAT FUCK DAGO FUCKING RAPE KU KLUX KLAN SHITCOCK MACACA DONALD RUMSFELD BUTT-FOR-BRAINS TACO COCKING FUCKBOROUGH SHITFUCKER CLEMEN YUKKY DOODY WETBACK CRAP PIECE OF SHIT AUTOFELLATIO SPUNK PROTESTS FUCKSTAIN WALRUS SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE DAMNED TABERNACLE SHITFUCKER PISS OFF KU KLUX KLAN BASTARD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ASSFACE CRAP ON A STICK ASSHOLE SHITFUCKER BITCH BUTT-HEAD PEDOPHILIA BASTARD DOT HEAD FUCKSTAIN GYPSY DUMBASS FUCKING JUMP! PISS ARTIST SON OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH DOG SHIT DONALD RUMSFELD FUCKSTAIN DOG SHIT FUCK YOU CRAPPY TAKE OVER THE WORLD! OF COURSE! SHIT FUCKER PENIS AMERICA ONLINE HELL FUCK COCK TIT DIRT FAG FUCKTARD FLAMING ASS BADGER GANGBANG SAGGY TITS DOUCHING COLGATE LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD DAMMIT EPIDIDYMIS RAPE DONKEY DICK FASHION BUG SNUFF PORN COMMUNIST DILDO KU KLUX KLAN ASSWIPE SHITHEAD GOOK NEGRO CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CALENDAR JOHNNY POO POO BLOWJOB SEMEN ASS MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE FUCKFACE PISS HELL POOPY CRAPMUNCHER PENISFUCK PORCUPINE'S BALLS BOON TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE SHITFACE FUCKHEAD ASSWIPE WANK GRIS IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! BOOBS BUKKAKE BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you DICKFACE.