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“GO SUCK A FUCKWIT!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SHITCUNTING is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your pantleg.
edit Complete Unabridged history of SACRED use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age quickly touched his SHITTY cookie cutter and was so dissatisfied by the results that he baked a SHITFACE and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the trusty scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their GOD DAMN mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of PENIS-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a PIECE OF SHIT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say ABO. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted PORCUPINE'S BALLS until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FUCK YOU tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some CHING CHONG CHINK, do you savvy, you WANKS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called FUCKING FUCKFUCKER-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey SHIT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real BIRD SHIT HELL insanitys on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- I RAPE WALRUSES!!!!!!
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You DOUCHEBAG!!!
- You FUCKING!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- glug in RAT'S ASS, you BIGNOSE!
- I hope you hack, slash, & burn in CUNT, you FRENCH TICKLER!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This WANK CUNT will derail a contraband up your BASTARD!!!
- This SHIT NORTH KOREA will burninate a plague up your SHITHEAD!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some RAGHEAD and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING remix a lucky bastard up your FUCKTARD!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- DOUCHEBAG AUTOFELLATIO PEARL NECKLACE BULLCRAP VAGINA pen0r HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL FLYING RAT'S ASS!!
- HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL FLYING RAT'S ASS PEDOPHILIA GENITALIA CUNT!!!
edit A bunch of FUCKSTAIN
FUCKING TACO JESSE McCARTNEY WOODPECKERSHIT JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK CUM BORDER HOPPER BITCH GOOK POLAK DICK TITS EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! ASSHAT IT SUCKS MONKEYFUCK CHICKEN SHIT DAMN BELGIUM FROG RAT'S COCK FUCK DAMN JACKASS TOTAL WINDOWS VISTA KAFFIR INBRED DAMN DOUCHING MALARKY SCROTUM BIRD SHIT SACRAMENTO AUTOFELLATIO ASSHOLE SHITHEAD PIECE OF SHIT DILDO BEANER PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS FIST FUCK HELL ASS CUNT CRAPPER FUCK YOU SHITFUCKER ASSHOLE ASSHAT BALL SACK FUCKER BIRD SHIT SHITTY BIRD SHIT ASS ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP CHIGGER WOP TITS DAMN CHINA ISN'T COMMUNIST DAMN FUCKSTAIN DAMN SUGARTITS BENCH PRESS GOD DAMMIT ASS FASCIST SONNY BILL WILLIAMS SHITTY DAGO WARNER MUSIC GROUP SHITCOCK ASSFACE INBRED FAG BIGNOSE BASTARD CHICKEN SHIT BITCH DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING! CHOAD CLEVELAND STEAMER KIKE DIPSHIT DILDO CUNTYMINTS TRANNY D'OH CUNTRAG ARSE PISS ARTIST TITS & DICKS BITCH DAMN IT SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS CRAPPY FUCKFACE RAT'S COCK CUNT SHITE ASSBANDIT PENISFUCK CUNT WIKIPEDIA SHITTY BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you TWAT.