Expletive

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“GO SUCK A SCUMBAG!”

~ Oscar Wilde on expletives

“[expletive deleted]”

~ Richard Nixon on expletives
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Expletive.

The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your FAG is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your copyist. Purge

Contents

[edit] Complete Unabridged history of CUNTRAG use

[edit] First usage

Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.

A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age badly touched his BITCH copyist and was so dissatisfied by the results that he matured a SHITCUNTING and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the coruscating scream came the first swear word:

SHIT!!!!!!!

His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their DAMN mammoth hunts.

Oh my god it's a BITCH-toothed tiger!
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of TITTIES-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:

This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!

Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.

The caveman was referred to as a D'OH for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.

[edit] Use of expletives in the Middle Ages

The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BALLS. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.

In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted WETBACK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.

[edit] Swearing in Victorian times

Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BENSON SUCKS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"

That GOD DAMMIT PRICK shot a cannonball at my Black Pearl!
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM, do you savvy, you SHITFACES?"

[edit] Modern Profanity

Fisher Price, a literary masterpiece which fully utilizes OBSCENE FUCKING VULGARITY to great effect.
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie SEMENS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.

Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CRAP CRAP SHIT-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey WANKER, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?

[edit] Advice from real YOU WANKER MOCKIE copyists on proper use of expletives

If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.

[edit] The simple expletive

Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.

  • JOLLY PIRATE DONUTS!!!
  • PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!

[edit] The Direct Insult

Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.

  • You HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS!!!
  • You DOUCHING!!!!

[edit] Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions

"Luke, I am your father!" "You gotta be SHITTING me, you RONNIE CORBETT -head!"
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
  • accentuate in BLISTERING BARNACLES, you AUTOFELLATIO!
  • I hope you accentuate in DICKFACE, you INJUN!!
  • Image:Crazyfatkid.gif‎ Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS

[edit] The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat

  • This WANK BEAVER will accentuate a copyist up your DILDO!!!
  • This ARSE DOUCHE NAZI will accentuate a copyist up your GOBSHITE!!!

As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.

[edit] First Person Bodily Modification Threat

Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some CUNTSWILLING and threaten the receiver yourself.

  • I will FUCKING accentuate a copyist up your ASS!!!!

[edit] The Barrage of Vulgarity

Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.

  • CRACKER FUCKTARD TITS DAMN IT DICK LIKE FATHER LIKE SON JACKASS!!
  • AY-AY-AY MALL SANTA O CANADA PISS OFF MY ASS!!!


[edit] A bunch of SHIT

BULLCRAP COCK BOOBS RAT'S ASS FUCKHEAD TAFFY BITCH NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! WEHATEMARIO SHITFUCKER RANDY TRAVIS ALEX TREBEK BOOBS FRIG JACKASS BRITNEY DIPSHIT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CRAP CRAP SHIT CLUSTER FUCK ASSBANDIT BONER SHITHEAD STEVE BALLMER FUCK MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE WIKIPEDIA BUTTFUCKER PISS OFF FLYING RAT'S ASS HELL BOOBS DAMN IT SEMEN BUKKAKE SHITFUCKER BITCH ASSHAT BOB SAGET RAT'S COCK CLIT MARCH OF FLAMES JERK OFF I WILL KILL YOU! WANK URINE-GARGLING ASSFACE FUCK OFF DAMMIT NIGGER I'LL RAPE YOU JAP DILDO WANK PORCUPINE'S BALLS SAND NIGGER FAGGOT BLUE PENIS! CRAPPY WIENER TWAT PISS CUNT TOTAL FUCK JACKASS FLYING FUCK FUCK TITS DOUCHE NAZI BUTT-HOLE GOD DAMMIT FUCKWIT FUCK YOU DONKEY DICK BITCH GYPSY GO COUNT YOUR DICK BUTT PIRATE BASTARD COCK TOWELHEAD HELL BOOBS MOTHERFUCKER HORSE PENIS RAT'S COCK FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA JIZZ DICKHEAD SHIT FUCK OFF ASS FASCIST FUCK A DUCK WIENER DOUCHEBAG WALRUS SHIT YOU WANKER NAZI FUCK OFF FUCK OFF YUKKY DOODY CUNT POMMIE BEAVERS

[edit] In Conclusion

The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you SHIT.

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Expletive"
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