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“GO SUCK A NIPPLES!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your WIENER is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your brand.
edit Complete Unabridged history of DYKE use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age bitterly touched his FUCK air and was so dissatisfied by the results that he earned a CHENEY and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the shaky scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their GANGBANG mammoth hunts.The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of GRINGO-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CUNTYMINTS for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say SAND NIGGER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted INCEST until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody CHICKEN FRIES tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some FUCK, do you savvy, you AY-AY-AYS?"
edit Modern ProfanityThough the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie NIGGERS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called ASS-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey FUCKFACE, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
edit Advice from real WOP SEX Turing machines on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You COCKJUGGLING THUNDERCUNT!!!
- You BUTTFUCKER!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable ConditionsBegin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- subvocalise in FUCKING JUMP!, you SHITHEAD!
- I hope you litigate in PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM, you SHIT!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This CAPTAIN CRUNCH ASSHAT will mature a brisket up your SHIT!!!
- This ASS PISSHOLE will loll a lemon up your CUNT!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING dry a Daewoo up your TUBA!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- CUNTSWILLING JIGGABOO BUTT-HEAD BRUSH MA TEETH MOTHERFUCKER SEX ASSHOLE!!
- BEANER URINE-GARGLING SOD OFF SHITTING DICK NIPPLES!!!
edit A bunch of CROTCH
PISS OFF BUTT-HEAD FUCK BOOBS JUSTIN BIEBER LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! MARGARET THATCHER ANAL SUITCASE PENIS BULLCRAP JAP SHIT PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS MONKEY'S UNCLE POWERSHIT SHUT UP, MEG! POLAK FUCKHEAD HAIL SATAN! ASSHAT All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy DAMNATION SNUFF PORN NIGGER FUCKING A CUNT CRAPPER FELCHMONKEY AUTOFELLATIO ASSHAT BIGNOSE PISS OFF HADJI DUMBASS RAT'S COCK WANK HELL HELL SAND NIGGER PISS ARTIST CC PLZ CLEMEN ABO CLEMEN PRICK MONKEY'S UNCLE CUNT FRITZ CHRISTHUMPER SHITE HOCKEY VENEREAL DISEASE MOZILLA FIREFOX BALL SACK NIGGER COCKING FUCKBOROUGH CUNTBUCKET AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI RAT'S COCK PENISPENISPENIS!!! SHITCUNTING TITTIES MICK CRAPMUNCHER FUCKING A TITTIES FUCKFACE WANKSPLAT ASS CAMEL JOCKEY CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CRAP CRAP SHIT BIRD SHIT ASSFACE MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS! TITMOUSE FUCK GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY HENTAI HADJI SPIC O CANADA TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE SPIC DONKEY PUNCHER BENCH PRESS ASSCRACK CLIT BULLSHIT HELL WETBACK DOUCHE YOU WANKER CUNTRAG FUCKING O CANADA DAMN CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CRAP CRAP SHIT BEAVER ASS GOBSHITE LOOTERS AND POLLUTERS CUNTBUCKET FRITZ TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE FUCKING PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you ASS.