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“GO SUCK A SEMEN!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your TITS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your glue.
edit Complete Unabridged history of BOOBIES use
edit First usage
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age (in a good way) touched his DAMN gork and was so dissatisfied by the results that he piloted a DAMN and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the despicable scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their RAT'S COCK mammoth hunts.fire when a pack of suck my mothers-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
edit Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say MARGARET THATCHER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted RAT'S ASS until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
edit Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody DAMMIT tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some PISS OFF, do you savvy, you SON OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCHS?"
edit Modern ProfanityFisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called CAPTAIN CRUNCH-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey FLYING RAT'S ASS, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
edit The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
edit The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA!!!
- You BLUMPKIN!!!!
edit Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
- sniff in GIVING HEAD, you BITCH!
- I hope you sanctify in ASSHOLE, you SHITFUCKER!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
edit The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This BORDER HOPPER BLOWJOB will excruciate a Oldsmobile up your PRICK!!!
- This MONKEY'S UNCLE YOU WANKER will revolt a barn up your CUNTING ASSCRACK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
edit First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some TACO and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING delete a possibility up your POLESMOKER!!!!
edit The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- HELL GREASER DICKHEAD SUCK MY DICK PISS OFF MY ASS JIZZ DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!!!!
- SHIT RAT'S COCK SHIT YOU WANKER!!!
edit A bunch of HELL
HELL NAZI FUCKFACE SAGGY TITS SHIT PISS ARTIST YOU WANKER IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! MOZILLA FIREFOX POLESMOKER BELLEND pen0r PUNANI FRENCH TICKLER SEX FUCK SHIT SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS SCUMBUCKET GOBSHITE ASS LICKER CHOAD SHITSKIN POMMIE ASSRAPING FUCK OFF CUNT ASS FUCKBAG ASSHOLE CHIGGER SHITTY ASSHAT PISS ARTIST BASTARD GOOK MOTHERFUCKER TWAT WIENER DAMN MALARKY FUCKER COCK MACACA RAT'S COCK MILF DOUGHNUT PUNCHER DIPSHIT SMEG COLGATE BIRD SHIT CLUSTER FUCK WANK QUEEF GOD DAMMIT FUCKWIT FUCKHEAD Expletive ON WHEELS!! BEANER IF I KNEW YOU IRL, I WOULD SMACK YOU MOCKIE FUCKSTAIN PEEPEE BIRD IN THE HOUSE BALLS ABO GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS PIKACHU MILF BONER PORCH MONKEY WHERE? IS? MY? MOTHER? EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA POLESMOKER COCKSUCKER WANK ASS FRED PHELPS PAKI DONKEY PUNCHER DAMN NAZI DAGO DYKE SON OF A BITCH SONNY BILL WILLIAMS PENIS PISS OFF I WILL KILL YOU! BUTT-HOLE SHIT ORGASM IN SOVIET RUSSIA, EXPLETIVE SAYS YOU!! FUCKFACE BOOBS MILF BUNG-HOLE LET'S SHIT SPICY CUNT FUCK ASS FASCIST DICKHEAD FEWMETS SEX SOD OFF SPANK THE MONKEY BEAVERS
edit In Conclusion
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you FLYING FUCK.