Experiment: Would the sky fall on our heads if we ate dinner for breakfast?

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edit Preface

It is believed that some things are "just not done"; for instance, having oral sex with your secretary, walking backwards across the Irish Sea, and eating dinner for breakfast.

Further probing of the concept of this state of "just not done" reveals the assumption that if the said concept were done, the Gods, in their wrath, would cause the sky to fall on our heads.

Taking this as our hypothesis, we intend to either prove or disprove this common belief in an empirical manner.

For this experiment, eating dinner for breakfast shall be used as a model, as it is the most empirically testable of the aforementioned examples.[1]

edit Assumptions

For this experiment, we define "breakfast" as being "the first meal of the day" [from the Oxford English Dictionary, special Pikachu edition]. [2]

"Dinner" will be taken as "any meal that has three courses, and does not include toast, cornflakes, coffee, or hangover cures".

Severe concussion is believed to be symptomatic of the sky having fallen on our heads. A licenced medical doctor will accompany the volunteers throughout the experiment in order to give diagnoses.

edit Experiment 1

The 5 volunteers each woke up at 19:00 and got out of bed. Preliminary examinations showed no sign of concussion; all five reported suffering from "the worst fucking headache of their lives," but this was confirmed to have come from outside sources and assumed not to have a bearing on the experiment.

All 5 were then rounded up with the help of a cattle prod and herded into Pizza Express, where they were gently encouraged to order a starter, which was garlic bread to share around.

After the garlic bread, demands for aspirin turned to threats and curses, but the M.D. affirmed that this was only because of their slow regaining of coherence.

The main course consisted of 2 Pizzas, plain; 1 Pizza, cuattro formaggi with anchovies; 1 Pizza, pepperoni; and 1 Pizza, mushroom and elf-toe.

One volunteer fell asleep with his face resting in his pepperoni pizza and had to be revived with the help of the cattle prod. As he finished the pizza eventually in any case, this mild damage to said pizza is not assumed to have had a bearing on the outcome of the experiment.

Dessert consisted of tiramisu and tarta di pomelo. No adverse effects were noted, though one of the volunteers' hair was starting to stand on end. Repeated cattle-prodding did not resolve this problem; however, the M.D. confirmed that it was not a sign of concussion anyway.

Volunteers were observed for one hour after paying the bill, with no ill effects noted.

edit Conclusion

It is concluded that, to a probability factor of 92%, it may be assumed that the Gods do not consider eating dinner for breakfast enough of an insult to warrant dropping the sky on our heads.

edit Further work

Pizza Hut could be tried instead of Pizza Express. Also Nando's, Napoleon's, Nico's, the Ritz, etc. It has been suggested that the price of the bill may have a confirmative effect on the outcome of these experiments, with the implication that we should go have some really high quality meals on the laboratory budget and see what happens.

Another further experiment might consist of having breakfast[3] for dinner.

edit Footnotes

  1. Some of our colleagues suggested the oral sex example as the parameters for it are better defined, however, the secretaries refused. It is this writer's belief that our secretaries are being paid too much.
  2. Uncyclopedia defines breakfast thus: "a meal containing one or all of the following: vodka, gin, tequila, rum, beer, or Scotch." This writer maintains that we should have gone with this definition.
  3. I've always wanted to have breakfast at Tiffany's, you know, especially if I didn't have to pay for it...
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