Examples of Bias in Conservapedia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 19:28, February 23, 2008 by 15Mickey20 (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Good Small Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
“Wikipedia has a left-wing bias”
~ Average Conservapedian on Wikipedia
“Reality has a left-wing bias.”
~ Oscar Wilde on life
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bias in Conservapedia.

God Bless America (Provided You're an Evangelical Christian)

Conservapedia is a wiki for conservative Americans. "Conservative American" is an old Yiddish term meaning roughly, smart, intelligent person "Willfully ignorant jackass with a mullet and a goddamn big belt buckle". Conservapedia is like Wikipedia, but with the satirical slant of Encylopedia Dramatica.

Curiously, being a straight-faced accidental satire of both 'Christian' and 'Conservative', it has almost the same humor potential as Uncyclopedia, even if that humor is unintentional. The site has only one accurate page.


The wiki currently consists of approximately 3,800 articles, none of which are crap. We tried to add "crap" to Conservapedia, as well as pages on other important, socially relevant subjects such as Niggers, but were rebuffed, as users require a signed note from their pastor or minister stating that they love Jesus, hate "science" or at least our version of science, and prefer Folgers Crystals over the house brand of coffee.

Of the 3,800 articles 1,800 use the Bible as a reference and a full 3,100 use either Answers in Genesis or Christian homeschooling textbooks as references. AIG, a website, and A beka, a publisher of textbooks for homeschooling, each cover a wide variety of subjects including Biblical History, American History, and American Biblical History, in a rational, evidence-based manner based on solid scientific research in such diverse fields as archaelogy, physics and astronomy.

Then they ignore all that shit and say that God did it.

Examples of bias

This list is divided into two sections: The first section lists examples of bias which are made by despicable people like atheists, Jews, liberal Christians, Muslims, and Uncyclopedians. The second section lists examples where conservatives claim that Conservapedia is too liberal. Note that many of these examples will be out of date, as Conservapedia is a wiki. Luckily, since Conservapedians are out of date, with their mullets, Caterpillar baseball caps and wife-beater t-shirts, this isn't a big problem.

Examples of bias according to atheists, liberals and other scum

Abe Lincoln

(fig 1) Conservapedians prefer Abe in cartoon form. Creepy, mediocre cartoon form...

  1. Uncyclopedia article claims that Uncyclopedia is a parody of Wikipedia, when in fact the opposite is true.
  2. Abraham Lincoln is missing the quote "If zealots ever take over my party, please shoot me in the head.". It also doesn't mention that there's no way in Hell he could win the Republican nomination if he were to run for president today. Which is probably for the best, as he's dead. But since he's dead, he's still eligible, of course. Also, he could scratch his knees without bending over (see fig. 1)
  3. Adolf Hitler completely misses the fact that he was a Christian and, as a Christian, he killed six million Jews.
  4. IPs are unable to make edits of any kind, which indicates a bias against people who think that things are "Teh ghey".
  5. There are no articles on certain controversial yet extremely important and significant issues and people, such as most of these, handily organized by year for your viewing pleasure.
  6. There are no entries for sex, intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus or orgasm, which explains why True Christians™ are so twitchy all the time. This is probably for the best, as there are no pages on birth control, either. There is a page for abortion, but it consists primarily of the health risks, including cancer (their logic for this is infallible: women who breastfeed lower their risk of breast cancer + women who get abortions don't have babies to breastfeed = women who get abortions get cancer. Or maybe it's ineffable. It's so easy to get the two confused).
  7. Unicorns says that they exist in the Bible (and may be alive today) but that they don't look like horses. This is totally backwards.
  8. Tower of Babel does not mention that the so called tower was actually only five inches tall and had a revolving restaurant on the top floor.
  9. Satan doesn't mention that his parties have the best cocaine.
  10. There are no articles for either Penis or Vagina, but the pages are protected to prevent procreation.
  11. Being the ironic bastards they are, Neutrality is the most biased article on the website.
  12. Neoconservative mentions the word libertarian four times. Libertarians are fictional, much like unicorns and Germany.
  13. Liberal lists many beliefs of all liberals. All of the beliefs are unconservative and, therefore, communist, godless and evil. These evil dogmas include: "...equal rights for men and women...teaching of evolution...protection of endangered species...". Fuckin' liberals...
  14. Kangaroos supposedly disembarked the ark in the middle east and travelled by land to Australia before Pangea broke apart, or built rafts and floated over to the continent.
  15. Jesus suggests that Jesus is actually real, even though he obviously isn't. The same applies with God, and several other articles about people who don't exist or never existed, including most of the cast of the Old Testament and the entire cast of the New Testament.
  16. Homosexual agenda assumes that "they" are here, that "they" are queer, and that "you" should get used to it. It also ignores that "they" broke for lunch at 12:05PM, and that while at lunch "they" had a delightful tossed salad with wine spritzers followed by petit fours that were positively to die for. Also, it fails to note that "Ted" pinched my bottom and that "I" was so stunned by "his" forwardness that "I" forgot to comment on "his" hair.
  17. Homeschooling has an audio attachment of a Christian Rock band covering "Hot for Teacher", but fails to give Van Halen credit for the original.
  18. Structured talk on gays don't get me started on this one. It's my favourite article.
  19. God's page humorously pretends that he exists and that he gives a fuck what you do with your crotch.
  20. Earth Not really biased, but amusing enough to put on this page. Apparently, it is made of "rock" and has albino. They also make out the Earth is the centre of the Universe (no seriously, I am not making this up! Look up "geocentric theory")
  21. Genesis completely ignores the considerable stylistic and lyrical contributions of Peter Gabriel.
  22. Christian apologetics does not mention the fact that Christian Apologists are losers that have no lives. It also mentions "rational" and "faith" in the same sentence, which is a little like a page that talks about "flaming ice" or "delicious vegetables".
  23. Common Era suggests that the CE dating system was "an attempt to erase recognition for the Christian basis of the calendar". The reality is that Conservapedia created the BC/AD system to erase recognition of the fact that Christianity is a load of crap.
  24. Charles Darwin has absolutely nothing to say about the length of his beard, possibly the most important fact about Mr. Darwin.
  25. Dick Cheney doesn't mention that he has carpal tunnel syndrome from pulling the President's strings for so long or that his Penguin impression still cracks up his wife after all these years.
  26. Dinosaurs gets at least some details right, like they were vegetarians while in the garden of Eden, and coexisted with Man after being created by the LORD on the sixth day approximately 6,000 years ago, as clearly proven by the legendary creature of the dragon, which has been depicted many times alongside human beings. However, they fail to extend this logic to proof of the existence of griffins, gorgons or centaurs. These creatures must have been liberals.
  27. Easter politely doesn't mention that the pagans stole the holiday and claim (to this very day) that they invented it first, years before the Son of God invented it. Damn pagans... It also fails to mention the Easter Bunny, the existence of which is clearly proven by the legend and numerous depictions alongside human beings.
  28. Examples of Bias in Wikipedia seems to suggest Wikipedia is a bad website. In actual fact, according to all internet critics, it is a shithouse website (Whew! Good thing they didn't say anything about Uncyclopedia ;-).
  29. Uncylcopedia oh, bad luck there.
  30. Mike Huckabee does not give due credit to the man who made him, Stephen Colbert Jon Stewart Conan O'Brien Chuck Norris. No lie.

Examples of Bias according to God-fearing patriotic Christians

ChristRio de Janeiro

This is their picture for Jesus. It clearly shows that He was much shorter than He let on.

  1. There are articles for Red State and Blue State, but no article for 'JesusLand'.
  2. Actinium, #89 on the periodic table, fails to note that, among the metals, it's Pat Robertson's favorite element. His #1 favorite is Lithium, as that is like the Trinity, being third on the table. It's also the first thing those friendly doctors give him when he goes into the white, padded rooms! Yip
  3. Adolf Hitler He killed six million Jews, not because killing Jews is something that Christians have been doing for around two thousand years or so but because he was influenced by the evil Charles Darwin.
  4. Age of the Earth only devotes four sections of its list to the Truth™ that God made the universe six thousand years ago. Meanwhile the heresies of the Hindus, Chinese and Greeks get one whole paragraph each. Also, it spends a significant amount of time on radiocarbon dating, ignoring the fact that God messed with it, just to fuck with us. He's cool like that. YAY JESUS!
  5. An Inconvenient Truth states that "The film ignores the evidence that atmospheric temperature is cyclical in nature and has gone up and down hundreds of times in the last million years" while in reality the atmosphere could not have fluctuated over millions of years since the world is only 6000 years old.
  6. The Rapture ignores that it will be a musical.
  7. The Renaissance uses terms like "humanism" and "science" without the accompanying emoticon indicating a rasberry (:P)
  8. Liberal media claims that many Americans have turned to blogs and talk radio for news. This is inaccurate, since most bloggers are more liberal than liberal Jewish gay niggers, and much of talk radio is talk, not news.
  9. Hell doesn't mention that they aren't going there. And doesn't mention enough about how all the gays are going there. It does, however, say that there's a space reserved just for you, <insert name here>.
  10. George W. Bush specifically notes that he did not rig the 2000 election, but does not mention how he should have because God would have wanted it that way.
  11. Atheism fails to mention that all atheists are people who hate God. Every God-damned last one of 'em! And they deserve it! Especially you, <insert name here>.

See also


Personal tools