From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Evilution or Evolution is a heathen belief system that will have you sent straight to hell claim religious fundamentalist fanatics. Anyone who believes this is an intelligent and sensible person but will be labeled as a heathen, homosexual, satan-worshipping, God-hating, terrorist loving, Anti-American. It has been spewed from the mouth of Satanists such as Charles Darwin and Richard Dawkins for almost 150 years and has infected the minds of most of society's youth. Evolution is the reason for abortion, teen pregnancy, homosexuality, and gun violence. These problems will continue even if evolution ceases to be taught and may even get worse because people will be more ignorent but conservatives claim that these problems will be solved if evolution stops being taught.
What it is
Evilution is a false religion that was proven completely wrong by bibical science. It claims that the world is over 4.6 billion years old and that life was created through a series of random accidents. It's blasphamous beliefs also states that man evolved from monkeys. The theory of evilution is the reason that today's society has gone to hell in a handbasket. Evilution has convinced people that life came about as a result of blind natural selection and random mutation without a God. Because people finally know the truth and believe that God is not real, they ignore the church's attempts to control everything they do and say they warn them for their own good. Evilution leads to evil things such as homosexuality, pansexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, masturbation, cunnilingus, fellatio, alcoholism and fun. All of these things are strictly outlawed in the Bible. In most countries of the world, even in the United States, the teaching of this blasphemous and highly offensive material is being forced on our school children. Many brave parents have stood up to the atheist schoolboards and demanded that students be lied to and told evolution is only a theory and that they didn't really evolve from monkeys.
Unfortunately most of the judges in the United States are not as progressive as these parents since they probably understand the simple fact that a theory is a fundamental process or a relationship that is universally accepted as valid everywhere in the known universe. An extreme left wing judge who was appointed by the normally politically moderate Republican party has struck down the law requiring God's Truth to be taught alongside evolution. Judge Jones is a reasonable, intelligent man despite being a Republican but the religious wing nuts claim that he is a dangerous atheist fanatic who believes in teaching children that God doesn't exist and that they can do whatever they want. The president of the United States, George W. Bush who resembles a chimpanzee and is actually used by scientists as proof of common ancestry with apes disagrees with Judge Jones' highly controversial but correct decision to keep God's truth out of the classroom. The atheist, God-Hating Democrats have since seized the House and the Sentate so president Bush will be able to do little to stop them from taking religion masked as science out of the classroom.
History of Evilution
Evilution has been repressed and combated by religious officials for thousands of years. Anyone who believed in evolution would be brutally repressed and unjustly punished. Starting in 1859 though, society began to go to hell in a handbasket. Charles Darwin published his satanic verses; on the origin of species and persuaded millions of people around the world to become atheists. Beastiality is also a belief of many evolutionists. Darwinism also has an offshoot religion, Pantheism, which encourages people to worship and possibly mate with chimpanzees (see pansexuality). Brave Christians such as William Jennings Bryant, Matthew Harrison Brady, and George W. Bush attempted to stop the teaching of this Satanic religion but it was too late. By 2006, over 75% of the world's population and almost 3% of Americans believed in evolution. It was too late. Darwinism has taken over, and unless people begin to believe in bibical literalism again, an angry, vengeful God will destroy the planet.