Evilness

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Skeleton praying
Evilness at its finest?

Evilness is one of the three universal elements, (Fluffiness, Evilness and Holiness) and a universal attribute that can be applied to anything. Evilness is the common throughout the universe, as most things, both those in existence and those not in existence, are at least somewhat evil. There are two forms of evil; one which is awesome, and one which is nasty. (note: not to be confused with the exceptionally evil person Evil)

edit The Nature of Evilness

There are two different kinds of evil: positive evil and negative evil. Positive (pure) evil is holy, while negative (impure) evil lacks in holiness. Pure evilness is simply awesome, and is prevalent in all things maniacal. Impure evilness, on the other hand, is nasty, and should be either converted to pure evil, or extinguished through whatever (preferably purely evil) means necessary. Truck nuggets are evil!

edit Terms And Usage

The terms "evil" and "evilness" by themselves can refer to either positive or negative evil, depending on how they are used. For example, the phrase "You terribly terrible, evilly evil bastard!" indicates that the bastard in question possess impure evil, while the phrase "Oh, you are so wonderfully evilly evil; let me worship you!" indicates that the evil person in question possess a remarkable amount of pure evilness.

Cow-nose
The Evil Cow

edit Evilness And You

People who possess a significant amount of pure evilness tend to have an unexplainable desire for laughing maniacally, a most wholesome activity. In addition, exceptionally evil (in both senses) people tend to strive for world domination. If either of these characteristics apply to you, there is a good chance that you possess a significant amount of evilness.

As pure evil is divine, to possess a high amount of pure evil means possessing a high amount of holiness as well, something often referred to as maniacalness. Being maniacal automatically brings with it a desire to gather evil minions to be worshipped by; if this is the case for you, then it is recommended that you begin gathering followers to turn into your obedient, maniacally giggling slaves as soon as possible. (see Holiness And You for more details) As well as the opposite, of course; if it isn't the case, then you should find someone maniacal to follow as soon as possible... Or else!

edit Recommended Evil Doings

If you wish to possess a higher amount of evilness, here is a short list of well-tested evil things to do, all of which have been found to be exceptionally rewarding. (note that in order to keep your evilness pure, you should make sure to possess a level of holiness corresponding to the level of evilness you strive to reach)

  1. Laugh or giggle in an exceptionally evil and maniacal manner. (if you are truly maniacal, this should come to you naturally whenever you are worshiped by those of lesser maniacalness)
  2. Plot for world domination. (for extra effect, while doing so, rub your hands with a maniacal grin on your face)
  3. Indulge in a bit of torture. (just make sure to be in the position of torturer rather than torturee)
  4. Follow in the footsteps of Evil, one of the single most evil people ever to live.
  5. Huff some kittens.
  6. If you have the power to do so, enter a crowded area and throw fireballs and lightning bolts all around you, while laughing as insanely as you possibly can. (alternatively, huff your local orange kittens until you believe you do so)
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