Everybody Hates Emo Raymond
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“How could this happen to me... I'm watching this show... there's nowhere to run... the night goes on and Raymond really is gay...”
“We're all dying a slow painful death, and when we die, our bodies will rot in the ground and become nothing. We are nothing. Holy crap.”
Everybody Hates Emo Raymond is an unpopular, self-pitying TV show that Ray Romano created to get some extra cash. He fell into a "deep" depression due to the failure of Everybody Tolerates Raymond, and thought that everyone in the world was against him. However, it was quite the opposite. Viewers wanted something reasonably funny to watch that lasted longer than six episodes, and with at least thirty out of sixty minutes of real content.
Due to the success of Reality TV Shows, one of his agents told him it might be a good idea for someone to follow him around with a camera to portray his emo lifestyle. The budget for the show was extremely low, to get Ray some extra cash. Production crew was paid minimum wage, and the entire crew consisted of Ray's ex-girlfriends and some hardcore kids. Due to the cast of Everybody Tolerates Raymond legitimately and passionately hating that pussy Raymond, underpaid illegal immigrant look-alikes were hired in replacement. Previous viewers of the series saw the low budget show as amusing, but not the same. Ray Romano's personality was dull, depressing, and cliché compared to his obviously energy filled and "tolerable" previous performances.
A standard show involved Raymond crying for at least a minute during the introductory scene so viewers would feel his pain before the episode even began. At the beginning of every show, Ray would go on his MySpace account and check to see if he had any new friend requests. He never did. After the formalities, he would use the rest of the show creating a video for youtube where he would rant about how his girlfriend hates him and how straining and difficult it is to be privileged and middle class.
Critics have deemed Everybody Hates Emo Raymond one of the worst shows ever, mainly because the lack of totally necessary ass-beatings upon Ray from worthwhile and awesome people. Emos would find themselves hypocritical, and many turned to kitten huffing afterwards. Non-emos would find the show too depressing to even make fun of, and many turned to kitten huffing. During the initial pilot show, three critics committed suicide within the first three minutes.
- Pilot Episode: Deemed unviewable even by the most prolifically emo, the pilot of the show okayed production only so the viewers could "make the horrible images go away." Needless to say the pilot contained 18 straight minutes of whining, in between 10 second wrist slashing in which Ray would mumble the words to some Hawthorne Heights song.
- Episode 1: Ray laments not going back to college to study drama, and proceeds to cut himself very many times. This is the first episode where Dedbra appears. She is Raymond's deceased looking, on again, off again girlfriend. Her first scene is her dumping Raymond, he subsequently turns on Simple Plan and, in a surprise twist, cries for about 30 minutes, lengthening the show by a 16 minute margin. The show was aired unedited in a ploy to promote the show. In the last 10 seconds of the episode Dedbra and Raymond are scene crying the Simple Plan and cutting each other, apparently together again.
- Episode 3: Raymond's Nazi, bastard, conformist parents come to have an intervention for Raymond. Raymond has a hissy bitch fit, claiming he doesn't need his happy pills, by now you're got the formula: crying and wrist cutting for about 10 minutes, or until your brain hemorrhages.
- Episode 10: Raymond's girlfriend finally commits suicide, proving she's not only as retarded as Raymond, but at least 1.5% more emo than he is. Unable to cope, and too much of a faggot to kill himself in spite, Raymond whines and bitches, at times throwing a tantrum for the next ten hours, though this is fast forwarded in the episode. After nearly 14.40 minutes of crying, Ray finally gets the composure to cut himself and turn on some Lost Prophets music. In this episode, Ray gets his signature eyebrow piercings for the first time.
- Series Finale (Episode ???): This episode happens to be the only (by some incredible act of God) funny episode in the entire series, unless, of course, you have enjoyed Raymond's melancholic crying, MySpace philandering, and the "oh so wonderful" soundtrack. In this episode, a motley crew of Goths, Wiggas, Weeaboos, and preps meet in front of Raymond's house, toting burning Simple Plan albums, and flaming Hawthorne Heights t-shirts, demanding that Ray: "Get his sorry, emo ass outside for a beat-down." The last episode, running at a massive 125 minutes total consisted of the systematic beating and torture of Raymond, including many cameos by celebrities. They included: Mahondas Ghandi (who assaulted Ray with a tire iron), Buddha (who said that he'd really bring Ray closer to enlightenment: on how not to be an emo fag), PETA (this part, like many others in this episode was real and filmed in real time, PETA came because the pilot of the show was originally tested on animals, and even platypuses shouldn't be subjected to Raymond's faggotry), the entire band lineup of Dragonforce, the NYPD (whom though called by Raymond had gotten sick of his whiny, not even near suicide attempts), Al Gore, and even other emos.